A Boy and a Girl Chapter 6: Gold, a ncis fanfic

Here's another chapter! Thanks for all the great reviews. Thanks again to my beta AliyahNCIS, for a job well done.

Gold

Gold/Tarnished and weary, /Awaken! /Melt from weapon to wing! Let us soar again, / High above this wall; /Angels reborn and rejoicing with wings made/Of dawn, /Of gold, /Of dream./Gold,/Singing of wings, /Singing of shadows.

The window seat was her favorite place to think. Ziva sat there now; watching the light bounce off the gold ring on her left hand as she moved it back and forth. She should have told him no. He should have taken no for an answer the first three times he had asked and she had refused him. She should not have given in to the exhaustion and the tension and said yes.

The truth of the matter was not that she did not love him or not want to marry him or that she could not allow herself to be tied down, reasons people normally gave when they said no. None of those were true. None of the reasons she gave him were true either. The truth was that Ziva David, former Mossad officer and NCIS special agent, was afraid. All the men she had ever loved had been taken painfully away from her, ripped from her life to leave gaping holes that bled and ached.

She was terrified that by making their relationship more than the others had been, he too would be taken from her. It was irrational, she knew. Tony had more lives than a cat. But what if his luck finally ran out? What if she was left alone again in a haze of pain with a broken heart? If she married him, if she said those words half of her longed to say and he died, the pity would kill her faster than the grief. For the pity would mean she had failed to protect him. She was his partner; his life was in her hands. Ziva didn't know if she could shoulder the burden.

After the third time she refused his proposal, the atmosphere in the apartment had been tense. He had not gotten angry. He had not sulked. He had just gotten quiet. It unnerved her. He had gone on long runs, returning covered in sweat. He would shower and then disappear into the living room to watch TV. She would watch with him, usually sports, but he wouldn't speak. It wasn't an angry silence, it was just uncomfortable.

That had lasted for a week. Until the day she had come home and he had made dinner, that familiar grin reaching his eyes again. Then she had put it out of her mind and enjoyed having the man she loved back, without being required to face her fear.

Then had been the car chase. It had not been the most dangerous she had ever been in, but it was close. Not only was she in the car, but McGee was with her, and Ziva couldn't risk injuring him even though she wouldn't hesitate to injure herself if it was necessary to lose the tail. Later, sitting in the emergency room, she was told the suspect had been armed with an automatic weapon and that they were lucky he had not hit either of them, the bullets had only broken glass and shot up the body of the car.

After the doctors were done poking and prodding her, they had left her alone for a few moments, but it had not been enough time to absorb the events of the day. The doctor had brought Tony in since he had been incessantly pestering the staff for information, and he'd leaned against the door, worry and relief clear in those bright green eyes. After checking her over with a look only, the relief strengthened when he saw no serious injuries. She was glad he could not see the knot on the back of her head from when she slammed on the accelerator and her head had crashed into the head rest.

Then Tony surprised her again, proposing without seeming to think about it first. There was something in the fact that he had not planned it, and the frustration and earnestness in those eyes had, for a moment, erased her fear and she said yes. And the ring he had produced was beautiful and fit perfectly, she could not deny it. They spent time talking and dreaming together, and when the doctor had come to ask him to leave, Tony had been very clear that he was not leaving and asked for a cot so he could stay the night.

The doctor returned with a cot and Tony stretched out his long frame with an impish grin and a comment about the quality of the sleeping accommodations. She had smiled back at him, enjoying the lack of tension. The lights in the room had been turned down and Tony was asleep within moments. Ziva on the other hand, had laid awake remembering and questioning her sanity in saying yes, the fear already returning.

That had been two days ago. Yesterday she had come home with strict orders not to show up to work for three days or Gibbs would get doctor's orders that could keep her on desk duty for longer. She relented and Tony had gone into work with her promise to call if she needed anything at all. Today she was bored and had too much time to think. Her thoughts had circled and danced across the spectrum of emotions and finally settled on nervous apprehension.

Ziva was startled out of her reverie by the sound of a phone ringing. She rose from the window seat to answer the call. Abby was on the line and from the sound of it, had consumed at least two cups of Caf-Pow!

"Ziva, Ziva! Are you busy?" came the excited voice across the phone line.

"No. I am sitting at home bored out of my brain," she replied, voice dry.

"Then I am coming to pick you up for lunch. I figured you would be lonely with the Boss-man making you stay home."

"Thank you Abby. Where do you want to go?" Maybe she would be able to ask Abby for advice.

"How about that new Japanese place near your apartment? I heard they have good sushi."

"Fine with me," Ziva replied, glancing at her clothes and deciding she needed to change.

"Great! I will be there in a half an hour." The line went dead, and Ziva replaced the receiver shaking her head at her energetic friend.

The two women sat across from each other at the restaurant Abby had chosen. Each had a plate of sushi in front of her, and Ziva found she had chosen well, the food was delicious. They were talking about everything; office gossip, movies, books they had read - it was just what Ziva had needed, a chance to relax and talk with a friend.

There was a lull in the conversation, and then Abby's expression turned serious. "Ziva, can I have some advice?" the Goth asked.

"What is it Abby?" Ziva replied, wondering what was bothering the other woman.

"Tim…I have been sort of dating him for a while. He wants to make it more serious. I kind of do to, but last time…"

"Last time?" She had not known there had been a last time. She knew there was a history there, but what ever it had been had taken place before she had arrived.

"We ended it because I wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. But I never stopped caring about him."

"Everyone knew that you were jealous over him and he was jealous over you."

Abby smiled. "It was that obvious? This time though, I want to make it last. But I'm still scared."

"What are you scared of?" Ziva's voice was gentle, her heart knowing just how Abby felt.

"That I'll lose him. How can someone like McGee want someone like me?"

Ziva felt like she was talking to herself. "He wants you because you complete him. If he did not want to be with you, why would he be so jealous and protective of you or why would he be dating you again?"

"Good point. I decided a few days ago in the hospital that I would give our relationship my best shot because he means so much to me, but I guess I still needed to hear that. Speaking of which, I saw Tony in the waiting room. He was pacing like a caged tiger and I swear if the doctor hadn't taken him back to see you Tony might have throttled him. There have only been a few times I have seen him so worked up, come to think of it you have usually been involved. Is there something you haven't been telling me?" Abby's face light up and she peered at her friend.

Ziva couldn't help it. She blushed; thinking of all she had not told Abby. It was several years' worth of secrets. "Perhaps…" she said, stalling.

"Spill. I did, now it's your turn," Abby prodded.

So the story came flowing out in a rush of giggles and stories stretching back to Paris. Abby aww'd and sighed in all the right places, giggling as well at all the funny parts. When they reached her acceptance of Tony's proposal, Abby reached out and grabbed her left hand and fawned over the ring where it glimmered against her olive skin.

"You don't seem too happy for a woman who just got engaged to her long time boyfriend," Abby observed.

Ziva smiled wryly, of course Abby would notice. "I feel like you, I suppose. Scared of where this will go."

"Why are you scared?" the forensic scientist echoed Ziva's earlier question.

"I have lost all the others I cared about. Why should Tony be any different?"

"Because Tony loves you and he won't try to get himself killed except maybe to protect you. Why do you think he went to Somalia? You know, he didn't expect to come home. The day after they left I got a letter in the mail with instructions to open it if he didn't come back. Why would he have written it if he planned on coming home? He died inside when Gibbs told us you were dead. It was written all over his face. I don't think he heard much of what any of us said for a long time after. He was just barely functioning. Until the day he stood up to Gibbs he was a zombie. Then we sort of got Tony back, but he was so focused on revenge all the good stuff like his jokes and movie references and pranks were still gone. He only went back to himself when we brought you home. He still gets himself into trouble; he's just like a cat that way. But, like a cat he also has multiple lives. He doesn't do it on purpose anymore."

Ziva sighed. She knew what her friend said was true, but that didn't settle her fears. Abby seemed to sense this and reached out and put her hand on Ziva's shoulder. "Hey," she said, her voice gentle, "Talk to Tony about it. He can't know if you don't tell him."

"Maybe I will," Ziva whispered back.

Ziva was back on her window seat. Her mind was running in circles. Part of her was so tired of being afraid, but the larger part gripped tightly to that fear. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that it took her a moment to realize Tony had arrived home. She could hear him now in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets. She stayed in place and kept looking out the window. A few moments later Tony entered the front room. Still, her gaze never left the world outside. He set something down on the coffee table and then stood behind her.

"Scoot," he said, and she obliged. He sat down behind her and she leaned back against him. His long arms looped themselves around her waist. His chin rested on her head, and Ziva relaxed into his embrace. She could hear his heartbeat strong and steady beneath her ear. It was comforting to be held by him.

"How was your day?" Tony asked. She could feel his chest vibrate as he spoke.

"Boring," she replied. "Abby picked me up for lunch, and told me that she and Tim were getting serious." She could feel Tony smile at that.

"I suspected as much. So did you, as I recall. Remember the day we went sledding?"

Ziva smiled too. "Yes, and you threw snow down my jacket."

"You retaliated."

"True." Then they were quiet again, both wrapped up in their own thoughts. It was Tony who broke the silence, asking Ziva what she was thinking about. Ziva remembered Abby's advice to tell Tony about her worries. So she did, and he was kind enough not to interrupt, instead just holding her close. When she had exhausted herself, he was quiet for a few heartbeats more.

Finally he spoke. "Thanks for telling me. I knew you weren't telling me the truth when you said no the first few times." He paused, and then went on. "I understand your point, though. I am not sure what I'd do if I lost you again. But I chose not to let that stop me. You matter more than the fear of what may be. I promise you I will try to stop taking stupid risks."

She twisted in his grip to look into his eyes. She saw sincerity, love and understanding reflected in their green depths. "I am tired of fear," she said quietly.

"Good," Tony said. "I am tired of you fighting me." H gently kissed her, and she knew as he did that he would be there for her. In that moment she decided that he was right, that they mattered more than her fear. So she let it go. It would come back, and she would just keep letting it go. And as he deepened the kiss, she felt resistance melting into love again, and the sun shone into the window, catching her ring and causing it to shine gold, as she felt her spirit begin to soar.

This piece was one of the most frustrating to write. But now it is done!

Thoughts, comments and constructive criticism is always welcome.

-The Lady Grace