Now...

.

.

.

I can't find my way out of the darkness.

I'm lost.

I walk and I walk.

Never tired, never sleeping, never hungry, and never thirsty.

But I'm not afraid. This darkness is a safe place. It is like a blanket, wrapped around me, keeping the cold and the loneliness away. I do not know how long I'm gone, when I finally see something. A lonely little light. I start to walk towards it. I aim for it, but it goes away. I realize that it is a star. I can see the sky. The star-filled, night sky. I realize that I'm not running anymore, and I sit. I turn my head. Someone is sitting next to me. I recognize him. Bran. In a deep sleep. Leaning his chin against his palm.

I look at my hands. Bartimeus' magic is strong, and very strange. It changes me slowly. It changes me into something, but I cannot quite comprehend what. Or why Bartimeus chose to do so. But one thing I'm sure of. I arise. I look around. This was once the king's room. The view from the window is the best over the city. I smile.

I look in the mirror. I flinch. I realize that my time is running out. But I want to do this. I notice that someone is lying in the bed. I walk next to it. My mother. She, too, is here.

"I'm so sorry mother that you have to worry about me again. It's hard to remember when you haven't been here for me. I have always depended on you, I always need you. Your arms always reached out to hold me. If I could, I would give up everything for you, to give you what you need most. I love you mother."

I place a kiss on her forehead and I leave the room behind me.

I walk through the quiet and empty corridors. It is cold. It is wintertime. I think of where to go first and my feet lead me to Gwaine's lodge. I hope that he is not on one of his downtown night expeditions. When I open the door I find my wish has been granted. I find Gwaine sleeping on his bed. I grin. I sit beside him. It is odd when he is silent.

"Gwaine, my friend, I have so much to tell you. Next time, when we meet again, I'll say this, my friend, I promise, if you put it down full, I'll drink it all. If you leave it half full, I'll want more. I promise. And that mead is for broken hearts and souls, for those who yearn. That mead is for those who bear the heavy load of life and silently suffer in the shadows. And you'll ask why? Why do we toast for them? And I'll say, because this mead will wipe away all our troubles and will carry us to tomorrow. So put this stein on the table, full. Take a sip. Enjoy your life. And for a moment, we can't feel the pain. That mead is waiting for us. Oh, I wish that Lancelot could be here. "

And I left him there, hoping that his sleep was deep and peaceful. And I walked forward, up toward Gaius' chambers. When I found him, he, once again, had fallen asleep at his desk. I blew out the candle next to his elbow. I walk around the room, peeking into my own room. I look at him.

"Gaius, you are like a father to me. You have taught and guided me over these trying years. You have kept my secrets. You are so generous, gracious and good. I don't know how to repay to you. Although I know that you are never going to ask for anything. Because you have believed me all this time and will always stand by me."

At the door I hesitate. I look at him one more time and sigh.

This is my home, these rooms.

If I can return, will they still be mine?

Now I have to hurry.

Again I hesitate before another door, but then I gather my courage and I step inside. Gwen, the beautiful Guinevere. Her sleep is restless. I crouch down beside her and whisper.

"Gwen, you don't ever realize that you are our strength, you will keep us afloat. You have a knight's courage and pride. Your choices will subscribe more than anyone else's. Your word is last and has the most weight. Your love for all of us is something we do not yet appreciate. You are our hope for the future I hope for the best to you Guinevere, my Queen."

And I press a kiss to her forehead. I leave with tears in my eyes.

Only one is left. The one I respect and fear the most. He is my dearest friend. We are wrapped together in a way that transcends all. My other half... We will stand together in the dawn of a era.

Arthur, sleeping in his chair before the fireplace. I touch his hand. I want to say so much. But I do not have time. I back off. I watch the fire dancing in the fireplace.

"Do you already know that we are family? It's hard to believe, I know. And I'm a king too! Can you believe it? But I don't want to be. I have too much work to do, to rule over a kingdom. I think that we'll have to work something out. I have one idea. Arthur, when I come back, I'm going to entrust my life to you. Literally. And you have to believe that someday, I'll come back home."

I consider him one more time. Reluctantly I turn and go. I head again toward Uther's old rooms. Morning is coming. I hear weak voices as the guards and the servants wake.

I close the door behind me carefully. I watch Bran.

"Bran, you are going to be great someday. When I saw you and Kilgharrah, I just knew. I hope that I can see that day come."

And finally I turn to look at my own body. Is that really me? I lower my hands to my own hands, which hold the compass. The compass is showing me the way. It is showing me how to achieve one of my fondest desires. I understand now how devious Bartimeus is. He did not want to punish the life which he holds in his hands. If Bran would have failed, Bartimeus didn't want to take own my life. He wants to show the way, give a second chance. How valuable that information is and how much I appreciate it.

Now, I know.

It is time to fly.