Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, added, alerted my last chapter and story.
I'm happy to see that you enjoyed it!
And to those of you who just read it, I hope you enjoyed it as well.
But, we will never know...
Ok so here's the next chapter.
Thank baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
I still don't know how many chapters/parts/segments this will end up being.
Sorry!
Let's just go with the flow and the flow will be flowing real soon.
Err...
On with the show!
Oh and I kind of spaced last week.
So when I posted the first chapter I didn't put a DISCLAIMER.
Go figure.
Here we go.
I don't own it, Stephenie Meyers does.
She made Bella, Edward and the rest.
I just wanted to play with them.
Day One
This sucks.
I don't know what was going through my mind when I agreed to come camping. I fucking hate camping.
Who in their right mind comes out into the wilderness, leaving their safe home, soft bed and bathroom behind to camp?
Esme you really let me down.
You want to know something funny?
Ok, it's really not that funny, but it's just the four of us.
Four.
Not six.
Four. Emmett, Edward, Alice and I.
Esme and Carlisle suddenly had "grown up" things that needed to be attended to and couldn't make it. I call bull shit! Bull shit! I know for a fact that they're probably lounging around in their house happy as a clam. They get to sleep in their comfortable bed and not have to worry about annoying bugs that want to suck you dry.
"Do you smell the fresh air, Bella? It feels so good out here don't you think?"
"No, Alice. I told you that before we even left Forks." I say as I swat away some mosquitoes that are flying dangerously close to me. "Seriously, fuck these bugs. Fuck them hard with a baseball bat, better yet with one of those gigantic electrical tennis rackets!"
"Calm down, Bella. There's no need to get all flustered with nature. We are in the bugs' home after all." Emmett says all Gandhi like and I swear, if I had a bottle of honey I would pour it on him while he slept. I'd like to see how calm he'd be once they started munching on him.
Alice begins to laugh and grabs her clipboard before heading off into the unknown. "I have to find the perfect spot. I'll be back in a second." She says.
"Hey, Gandhi," I yell out to Emmett, "how about you stop talking about how great nature is and start moving those bags of ours. We didn't bring you along for your good looks you know."
"Oh you brought me along as your slave?" He asks, while flexing his biceps.
"Well, yeah." I deadpan, but I can't hold my face still for so long before I crack a smile. "Come on, if we don't chop, chop it, Alice is going to get angry." Emmett soon comes over to me and helps me by picking up the other end of the fold-able table Alice insisted us on bringing.
"And you don't want to make her angry." We say in unison, and while we a laugh it up for a few minutes I soon decide that not laughing and having my eyes open is a whole lot better than laughing with my eyes closed and having a broken neck.
"Keep an eye out for where you're going, B." Emmett jokes; I stick my tongue out at him and continue to walk.
"Sorry, it's not my fault that I can't walk properly while I'm laughing, like some people I know."
After we wander around calling out to Alice, we find her and our campsite and set the table up, making sure not to move anything else in the process. Once we're done we can hear an avalanche of things falling so Emmett and I take off to see what happened. When we reach Emmett's truck we see Edward standing at the back end with all our camping gear scattered around the ground.
"Are you ok, Edward?" I ask, while walking up to him and checking him to see if he's bleeding or anything.
Nope, perfect.
"Yeah, I was just trying to grab the sleeping bags but one of them must have gotten caught on something," he points to the gear on the ground, "and it sort of all tumbled out."
"It's ok." I say, while trying to get some of the things back in order.
"Yeah, don't trip baby bro. As long as you're not hurt and we don't have to cut this trip short," Emmett says, while looking directly at me, "then everything is aaaalllll good."
Damn it, why didn't I think of that? I mean I don't have to break anything, but maybe a really bad splinter could have me out of here in a few hours. I mean can't those get infected, and if it happens out here in the wilderness, God only knows what could start growing under my skin.
"Hello, Bella. Come back to us, Bella." I hear Emmett say, while he waves his hand in front of my face. "Do you mind taking these to Alice while we get everything put back into place?" He asks me.
"Emmett, what have I said about personal bubble space?" I yell at him. He looks at me like I've stolen his favorite action figure and he simply replies, "I need to be two steps back at all times. No touching unless you give the green light."
I keep my face as composed as I can but come on ladies and gentlemen, we've made progress! I can see Edward silently laughing; his body can barely contain it. I resist the urge to laugh and pat Emmett on the head like an obedient puppy and instead grab the box that is in his hand and try to find Alice once again.
"Good boy." I say before I turn around and leave, a giant smile is on my face when I know Emmett can no long see me.
"Good boy? Oh, man, Emmett, you're such a wimp." I hear Edward say, followed by his laugh which echoes around me.
"Dude you don't even know the half of it. I have a fucking list…" When I know I'm far enough away that they can't hear me, I can no longer hold in my own laughter.
Boys.
B&E
When I first pictured us camping I was certain we would be sleeping on the ground with a roll up mat and a sleeping bag inside a itty bitty baby tent that you could see me feet come out of. Never in a million years did I think I'd be sleeping on a blow up mattress and be inside a tent that was slightly smaller than my own bedroom.
Alice has really out done herself this time.
I thought we would have to scavenge for our own food, having to live off nuts, berries and bugs. Almost like in the Lion King. I could be Nala, Edward could be Simba and we could run off into the wilderness and leave Timon and Pumbaa behind. Yes that would be Alice and Emmett; you can decide who's who.
But the Cullen's never do anything half-assed so we don't have to hunt or gather our own food; with everything that they brought we could survive out here for a few weeks.
Who am I kidding? The Cullen's know if they want a happy Bella than there has to be food within reaching distance at all times because I could give Shrek or Hannibal Lector a run for their money when I'm hungry.
Did I just compare myself to Hannibal Lector?
Yes I did.
I think I might need a peanut butter sandwich.
B&E
"BEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAAA!" I hear Alice yell out as loud as she possibly can. I think I might have lost hearing in both my ears. It takes me a moment to notice that she's right next to me and she's signaling me to follow her. It's obvious that I'm not moving fast enough for her because she knocks the sandwich I just took time to prepare out of my hands and begins to yank me somewhere I really don't want to go. As she hauls me away I can only stare at the discarded sandwich that is laying on the ground in sadness. I knew it would have been delicious, I hope whatever finds it enjoys it.
"Alice, GD! What is so important that you slapped the sandwich out of my…"
No.
No.
No.
No.
It can't possibly be.
Why?
Why, God, why must you hate me so?
I want to run. I want to run away to my house and hide inside my bed covers for the remainder of this weekend.
Why, you ask.
The Denali's.
The Denali's are by far some of the most beautiful girls that I have ever seen. If they were cars they'd be a Rolls Royce, Porsche, and Ferrari while I'd be a beat up Chevy truck. To make matters worse I know at least one of those slut-tastic blondes is going be all over my man. I can feel the crazy starting to bubble inside of me.
"Alice, these bitches need to be gone, like now." I say through gritted teeth, my dentist won't be too happy.
"I know, Bella. Once I saw Emmett starting to act weird I knew there was a disturbance in the force… hoochies." She says with equal or more disdain.
I watch as Kate, the Rolls Royce, wraps her tiny delicate hand around Edwards arm and pulls him towards their campsite. I can see the goofy grin Edward has plastered on his beautiful face and I want to run up to them and slap them both, but I have to keep Shrek at bay.
"Bella, I think we need to get a plan going here. I do not plan on hanging out with them for one second this entire weekend. Not one. I had this trip planned to the T and they will screw everything up." She says while stomping her foot and crossing her arms over her chest.
I want to ask, what in the hell kind of plans could they have screwed up? But Alice is scary remember so I decide against it.
"Don't worry Pix; we will have these girlies out of here before the end of the night." I say, a plan quickly formulating in my mind. "But we are going to have to hang out with them," I can see Alice is about to protest but I cut her off, "don't worry, it won't be for long, if the plan I'm thinking of goes according to plan." I turn around quickly and almost fall but I catch myself before I do. "Why don't you text your brothers and tell them to invite the three bimbo's to dinner tonight."
"Oh, God, Bella what do you have planned?" Alice asks.
"All in good time pet. All in good time," I hear myself say and I kind of scare myself because the images that flash through my mind are way too graphic to describe.
"Are you ok, Bella? You kind of went a little freaky on me there." I can see Alice is a little wary. I mean I did scare myself just then.
"Yeah, Alice, I'm just hungry. You know this crazy little pixie almost blew out my ear drums earlier for some reason and she happened to knock my sandwich out of my hands in her attempt to get my attention."
"I'm sorry I did that. Is that why you're going all H. Lector on me? Is someone hungry?"
"Why yes, Clarice, what will you feed me now?" I ask as creepily as I can while walking up to her as if I was a predator and she was my prey.
"Bella, don't you dare. Just stop right now."
"Stop what, Clarice? Why are you calling me Bella? There are no Bella's here now, just you and me, Clarice."
"Oh my God, if you don't stop it I will cooter punch the shit out of you." She threatens me.
"Wow, straight for the cooter. You can't even get me a little worked up before you go right for it huh? Am I no longer worthy of your sexy word, Alice? Are you cheating on me?" I say as I knock her down and sit on top of her.
We get into fighting mode and roll around in the dirt, twisting, turning, bumping, and kicking. I think there might be some biting on someone's part.
"Dude if you guys weren't my sister and like my sister than this would totally be hot right now." Both Alice and I look up to see not only Emmett and Edward but the slut-tastic sisters as well, all three of them with looks of disgust on their faces. Guess they never liked playing in the dirt like these two wildebeests.
"Oh hey there, we were about to see if you'd like to join us for dinner."
"No." Edward says quickly.
"Sure, that sounds great." I hear Kate say at the same time.
They each give each other a confused look and then they look at Alice and me, still on the ground.
"We'd love to." Tanya, the Ferrari says.
"Yeah I think it'd be fun." Emmett pipes up. I could kiss the man right now.
"Great! We shall see you all at," I look at my non-existent watch, "let's say 7. What do you all say?" I ask.
"Sounds like a plan." Edward says, he no longer looks happy and instead looks like he's a little constipated. Great, I think, while I do an internal happy dance slash fist pump.
"Ok, you all better skedaddle, wouldn't want to you guys to ruin those couture clothes you have on, now would we." I say.
"You're right, we should change into something else, girls." Irina, the Porsche, says before she trails a hand over Emmett's chest and gives him what I suppose is something resembling a sexy smile, but it just makes me puke a little in my mouth.
"We'll walk you back to your campsite." Emmett says before trailing behind Irina like a lost puppy; oh man Emmett you are such a wuss.
"I'll catch up with you in a second guys, I gotta ask Bella something." Edward says before he grabs my arm and pulls me away from Alice. I think my shoulder might be sore by the end of this camping trip.
"I don't know what it is that's going on in that pretty little head of yours Swan but you better cut it out." He thinks my head is pretty? I think all of him is pretty. Snap out of it Bella he is talking to you!
"Nothing is going on; I just thought that you guys might like having them join us for dinner, that's all. Don't be such a freak." I tell him. He lets out a loud laugh but no real emotion is behind it.
"Bella, it may seem like an invitation to dinner for them but you and Alice don't have me fooled. I know you guys are up to something, and I'm just trying to let you know that you do not want to start a war with these girls. They might look like they only care about their looks, but trust me they are anything but bimbos."
I just nod my head and start heading back to camp, "Don't worry Edward, I won't hurt your precious bimbo. She shall remain intact."
"I don't really care what happens to them, I just don't want to see you or Alice get hurt in this one sided war that's going to start." He says, a glimmer of, well I don't really know what, just a glimmer of something I probably only imagine, shines in his eyes.
"Don't worry, I never get hurt." Is all I say, before I leave him alone in the forest.
So...
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