Ciao, Bella. Sorry to keep you waiting. In case anyone cares, I had a lovely time in Italy. Some of the scenery will most certainly be described in better potential for my story. Quite a wonderful coincidence, eh? I was sad to leave, but content to keep updating for you all. I was itching to check my fanfiction throughout these few weeks, but internet was hard to find. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update and hopefully your summer or winter is going swell.

I also changed the format for this "part" of the fiction. Each time there is a different type of. . . allusion, I will change the setup of the chapters for that part. Keep that in mind.

Thank you PhantomKino for betaing me!

I do not own this anime, nor characters except my own OCs.

Italian translation: Fearing You, Loving You (Haunted by Evanescence)

Chapter 5: Temendo che, Amarti

He sat with his back leaned over uncomfortably in the chair, turning the stiff pages of an old text. His hands burned slightly; he had cut his fingertips several times while leafing through with such a vigor. He slipped a few of his fingers in his mouth, hesitant to move from his position to go to the bathroom. He closed the book aggressively, sighing in frustration. He slipped both of his hands through his hair, feeling the sweat residing there from stress. He leaned back in his chair and glared at the mess he'd created on his desk. He itched to straighten it up but knew he had to keep searching. Searching for anything. Any clues that could move him a little bit closer to understanding this whole phenomenon.

He sighed once more and wiped the sweat from his brow before sliding in his chair which conveniently sat on a pair of wheels. He slid to the opposite side of the large room where his bookshelf sat, covering the entire wall. He traced his fingers over several book titles, looking for something pertinent to his research. Faust, The Medici Affect, Pioneers of Psychology, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, Dream Psychology, Interpretation of Dreams.

Bingo.

He gently maneuvered the two books from their tight space and quietly contemplated whether he should throw the books onto his desk from his distance or simply roll back to his desk. He decided upon the most logical solution. He bit his lip while he lifted the books above his head. He aimed for his desk carefully, and then he tossed the book, following through with his arms. One of the books landed point blank on his desk, knocking a few of the others off while the other proceeded to crash into the picture frame hanging above his desk. The frame fell to the floor loudly, and the book plopped next to it. He groaned, pinching his nose.

"Shit." He whispered, slumping in his chair.

"Profanity's not usually your style, but then again, I haven't seen you have this much fun since. . . ever." An all too familiar annoying, little voice said from behind him. He sat up in his chair, the comment frightening him a bit. He lost his composure for a millisecond, before deftly spinning in his chair to face his intruder. His hands crossed at his lap, and his nonchalant glare piercing through his spectacles.

"Tamaki, please. I am trying to conduct some very, important research. Please leave." He said, eating Tamaki's name as he said it. Tamaki instantly slumped in his stature and his face scrunched in a wad of sadness. He took to the floor, inching closer to Kyoya's feet.

"Kyoya. . ." he spluttered sadly, kneeling at his feet and grappling onto Kyoya's ankles. "I just wanna know what's wrong. You've been up here all day. . ."

Kyoya sighed, hating when Tamaki got like this. Half of him felt horrible putting him in that state, and the other half wanted him to just go away. He surely did not want him to go into any retched corner of his study and mope like a sorry child with his dark expressions. . . and mushrooms.

Kyoya let out a loud breathe of wind, making his irritation known. He removed his glasses, wanting a break from the rims framing his vision. He looked downwards casting his gaze upon Tamaki. He gave a small smile, a gift to anyone lucky enough to receive. He shook Tamaki off his ankle and picked him up with one hand lifting his chin and the other wrapping around his waste.

"If you're going to stay, you might as well be of some use." Kyoya chuckled then, reminding himself that he was talking to Tamaki. He could dazzle a crowd of women, but ask him to find something in plain sight, and he'll be looking for days.

"Sit with me. Help me sort through these books"

Tamaki instantly had a smile upon his face, his teeth shining. He sat in the second rolling chair, enjoying how the seat adjusted to his weight. He grappled to the handles and spun around, laughter illuminating off his vocal chords. Kyoya rolled his eyes, moving over to his desk to examine the books he had just thrown.

"You act like you've never been in a chair with wheels before, please, Tamaki. I need your help; this is all I ask of you this afternoon." Kyoya breathed, his tired tone catching Tamaki's attention. Tamaki rolled over next to him, picking up the books that had fallen. He quickly looked to Kyoya trying to find his eyes. It was obvious he hadn't been sleeping well. Tamaki knew him better than he knew himself.

"Kyoya, how are you?"

Kyoya's breath hitched at the question; he hadn't been asked in so long. He wasn't even sure how to answer.

"Fine, thank you." He answered, burying his head in his books.

"No, Kyoya. How are you really?" Tamaki asked again, placing a gently hand on Kyoya's back.

"Tamaki, I'm f-" he stopped, realizing that there was no use in lying. "I'm tired, honestly. I just want to go to sleep. Rest my eyes. Kaoru has been. . . having emotional complications, and I seem to be the only one he could turn too. I told him, I'd help; although, I can't find anything. There's absolutely nothing that can help me explain what's happening to him. I'm a little worried honestly. I believe I might fail him."

Tamaki listened with curiosity, not necessarily understanding the situation. He and the Hitachiin twins were never close, but the entire High School Host club knew about the horrid separation between the two. He figured it had something to do with that. He looked at Kyoya now; he was finally letting himself show. He had to admit, he was a bit jealous of Kaoru; he'd always wanted to be the one that Kyoya opened up too. But that was no matter now. His friends were hurting; he had to do whatever he could.

"Kyoya, why are you so keen on giving up hope? This is not you. You never fail, and I will not stand for you to sit here bathing in your own self- pity. You have failed no one, and you never will. Now, let's look through these books." Tamaki smiled brightly, leaving the pep talk to a minimum. He grabbed the book entitled Dream Psychology and opened it. He wondered for a few moments how this book could possibly help Kaoru; it was old and odd-looking.

When his interest peeked at the sight of the books, he noticed Kyoya stared at him with newfound hope. He glanced in Kyoya's direction, and Kyoya was staring at him happily. Tamaki smiled in returning, restraining himself from reaching over and giving Kyoya a hug. He returned his interest to the book, looking at the table of contents.

"Kyoya, I'm not necessarily sure what I'm looking for. Here, you look at the Table of Contents." Tamaki whispered, pushing the book to Kyoya. Kyoya took it happily, examining the chapter titles. He traced his hands over the ink and read the tittles aloud in his mind. The Function of a Dream, The Primary Process, The Secondary Process, Regression, The Unconscious and Consciousness. Kyoya stopped, looking at the page number of the last chapter. He turned to it, letting his eyes bounce off the pages.

"Tamaki. . ." Kyoya whispered, giving him an anxious glare. Tamaki leaned over, looking at where Kyoya's index finger was pointing. He read the words aloud. "'But from the moment that the suppressed thoughts are powerfully occupied by the unconscious wish-feeling and abandoned by the foreconscious occupation. . ." Tamaki stopped, not sure whether to go on. He wasn't even sure what he was reading. He looked at Kyoya, who gave him a reassuring look. "'They succumb to the primary psychic process and strive only for motor discharge; or, if the path be free, for hallucinatory revival of the desired perception identity." He finished reading, leaving the room in uncomfortable silence.

"This is a relief." Kyoya finally said after moments of silence. "I thought perhaps there were other elements involved. I must call Kaoru!" Kyoya almost shouted reaching for his mobile device.

Tamaki let out a sigh of happiness, reaching for the book. He read on, hoping he could possibly understand why this was so important. He continued reading as Kyoya had a heated discussion with Kaoru over the phone. Kyoya was smiling brightly; he'd smiled so much in one evening, Tamaki could not begin to comprehend why. He kept reading, but the sentances were beginning to meld together with the complexity of their subject.

Tamaki's eyes widened when he finished the last sentence of the paragraph.

"Kyoya. . ." he said, reaching a hand out to him. "You might want to see this." He walked over to Kyoya who was now standing at the opposite side of the room still speaking with Kaoru. He grabbed Kyoya's wrist, pointing his attention toward him. "Kyoya!" he continued to say, understanding that the information Kyoya was telling Kaoru was flawed. Kyoya pushed him away, putting his index finger up to his lips several times. Tamaki sighed, pushing himself into one of the rolling chairs. He slumped over, wishing that he could be of more use.

He stared at Kyoya, his happy state returning to his face. He looked so content, so relieved. Tamaki crossed his arms, despising that he had to break Kyoya's spirit. More so, he had to break Kaoru's as well. He let out another sigh and crossed his legs. He sweared under his breath, the first imprecation he'd said that day.

Kyoya said a farewell to Kaoru and hung up the phone. He grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and turned to Tamaki.

"Um, erm, heh. . . thanks Tamaki. You're a good friend." Tamaki smiled sadly, his best friend stumbling over his words. He'd never said thank you and meant it like he did now. Tamaki longed to hug him, but he kept his ground. He stared sadly at Kyoya, the smile wiped clean off his lips.

"Let's not get our hopes up, Kyoya. There are several. . ." he began, watching as Kyoya slowly melted to pieces before him.

He closed his cell phone, returning it to its rightful place in his coat pocket. He shifted in his seat, his eyes resting somewhere at the wall behind her.

He wasn't sure how he was supposed to be feeling. He'd just heard good news, correct? Although, he didn't believe it. It gnawed at his brain that a sentence. . . a sentence could possibly explain what was happening. Was Kyoya that desperate? No, he wouldn't think that way of Kyoya; however, in the past weeks, he could tell that his dilemma was causing Kyoya both stress and fatigue. He had no intention of causing his friend harm in his. . . situation. But he still didn't believe it. He hadn't slept in days, the dark frightening him. He stayed away from his reflection, every piece of glass, mirror, silverware. His shadows burned into him, in a way that only his sibling could.

How could a book written hundreds of years before him possibly know what was happening to him? His mind was being ravaged by images of a sibling he so longed to be with. Every corner he turned, he saw him. Every face he encountered, he saw him. His eyes cracking through the walls he had put up for so long, and those lips whispering his demise. He heard his voice echoing in the crevices of his mind, teasing him and taunting him. It was haunting, and nothing could explain this. Nothing could explain the feeling of utter dread that crept through his bones when he was on the edge of sleep. Nothing.

He slapped his hand on the table, regretting it the moment he did. It put him out of the crowd and now he was noticed.

"Kaoru, you've been acting strangely. . .stranger than usual." she whispered, her eyes dropping from his the moment he focused on hers. There was an intensity there that she couldn't quite comprehend.

Kaoru shifted his eyes to hers again, lifting her chin with his fingers. He let his index finger draw circles on her chin gently. She closed her eyes, melting into the touch.

"Mai, I have no intention to forget you. My apologies. My mind is somewhere else, and it's not something I want to lay on your back today. I am yours." Kaoru whispered, sliding his lips across the edge of hers.

He shivered with her, not quite realizing how attracted he'd been to her. His foggy thoughts had covered his intimate feelings. He was at a lost; he'd never be with her. There was only one world he belonged in. This didn't happen to be the one.

Kaoru moved away, dropping his hand from her chin. "I apologize for my absence, Mai. Go on." He said, letting his eyes rest somewhere near her collarbone.

"I wasn't saying anything, Kaoru. The last hour has been. . . quiet to say the least." She whispered, still a bit surprised. Kaoru stayed silent and waiting. He was beginning to question his purpose for being there; he wasn't interested in speaking at the moment.

"Kaoru, speak to me. Your stress and discontent is obvious in every manner. Your actions make no sense, which tells me your mind must be scattered. Kaoru, talk to me." Mai placed a gentle hand on his chin, mimicking the gesture he'd done beforehand. She made his eyes meet hers, as to reassure him of her determination.

Kaoru softened, underestimating the effect of Mai's actions. He'd come to realize how utterly important the people in his life had become. He needed them. Without them, he was nothing.

No.

This was all wrong. All of it. The dreams. The hallucinations. Mai. . . Kyoya. . . All wrong.

Kaoru gripped the edge of his seat, a rather passionate emotion overtaking him. A strong aching in the pit of his stomach struck him aggressively, throwing him into the cushions of his chair. His breathing became heavy, and a mixture of anger, anxiety, and rage covered him. He was completely engulfed in it's arms.

Mai reacted rather calmly, knowing this must be the effect of one of his hallucinations. She sucked in a deep breath and moved closer to Kaoru than she already was. His random outrage had knocked her to the floor, but she carefully removed herself from the hardwood and inched closer to Kaoru. He had a somewhat confusing look on his face, almost like his body wasn't doing what his mind wanted him too. She reached the edge of his seat, his legs hoisted above the floor. She placed a careful hand on the edge of the seat, locking glares with Kaoru. She felt. . . odd. Like Kaoru's confusing emotions were seeping into her. She placed her other hand on Kaoru's shivering knees.

"Kao-"

A soft, yet powerful object whipped across Mai's face, pushing her to the floor. She hit the hardwood on her side, panting for air. She put a hand to her face, feeling the bruise forming. All the while, Kaoru had leapt from his chair and was standing over her. It was the first time in their meetings that she was truly terrified of him. He was taking deep breaths, quick and vigorous. His eyes were seething with the emotions that had overcome him.

"You are all wrong!" he screamed, pointing a shaky finger at her. "All wrong."

And just as quickly as it had come, the defensive emotions left. It left Kaoru with a mess he didn't know he had made. He looked around the room, noting the upturn chairs and lighting equipment. And then his eyes ran across Mai. A large, red mark was plastered onto her right cheek. A hand. He turned his palms over, taking in a powerful whip of air when he realized his left palm was red. He then realized what he had done; tears rolled freely down his cheeks. He looked down at Mai, who had yet to realize his outburst was over. She looked completely terrified. Of him.

He looked around the room once more and then back to Mai. "Mai, I. . ." he tried, but stopped himself. He gave her a regretful look as he fled the room. It left her to continuously slide her hand across her face, while she replayed the afternoon once more.

A/N: All the books I used are actual books, most of which I own. I find psychology to be a very interesting field of profession and study.

Faust- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The Medici Effect- Frans Johansson

Pioneers of Psychology- Raymond E. Fancher

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat- Oliver Sacks

Dream Psychology, Interpretation of Dreams- Sigmund Freud

"But from the moment that the suppressed thoughts are powerfully occupied by the unconscious wish-feeling and abandoned by the foreconscious occupation, they succumb to the primary psychic process and strive only for motor discharge; or, if the path be free, for hallucinatory revival of the desired perception identity."- Sigmund Freud, Dream Psychology.

Also, The Table of Contents is actually the Table of Contents in the book.