El Mañana
Stan's POV
Wow, that was one hell of a cool day. It's funny how everytime you watch those programmes on TV where they show you what LA is really like, and then when you actually go there, it's like nothing you've seen on television. Yeh, it's been so cool today – going down every walk of fame, having a fly around the Hollywood hill in a helicopter, seeing where most of the rich and famous live – funny enough, five or six blocks away from where Kyle lives at max. Kyle seemed to really like the fact that I enjoyed myself today – but then again, he's such a great friend to have. And if I'm being more specific here, he seemed to be acting a hell of a lot moe friendlier and nicer to me than I've ever seen him be. But I better not forget – we haven't seen one another for ten years so he's going to be THAT friendly after such a hell of a long time.
But his mood's changed now...strange, but I can sense a seriousness on that face of his. When we came in at about eleven o clock this evening, which was probably only five minutes ago, he asked if he could talk to him about...something serious...up here in his bedroom. Yeh, but I don't think it's strange or sumin' – I have to admit, this room is nice and peacefully quiet so I guess I agree with him that this is robably the best place to talk about this 'serious' issue.
And as I sit on the middle area of his kingsize bed's edge, I can see him now only a metre away sipping down the last few inches of his drink. With the glass empty, he places it on a nearby table and walks over to me – sitting down on the bed right next to me.
"So...what's up?" I ask – now that Kyle's looking as if he's worried about something, I'm starting to get the feeling that what I'm about to hear...isn't good.
Kyle's POV
God, I needed that glass of vodka – that's steadied my nerves a bit. Alright, here goes nothing.
"Stan...there's something...that I have to tell you...and I don't know how you're gunna respond to it, but it's something I really want yout to know...and it's something I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time."
"Sure dude, what?" Stan, with his hands leaning down on his legs looks straight at me. I look down and take a deep breath. Let's fucking hope I don't screw this up.
"Stan...you know we've been friends for all our lives right?"
"Heh, yeh of course we have – ever since we were babies I would have imagined."
"Yeh, well yer' know taking the other two out of the equation...me...and you...we've really been best friends for a long time haven't we."
"Sure, I always said that you're the best friend a guy could ever hope for."
I smile back. "Thanks. Well, I've always believed our friendship was made to be y'know...I don't think we'd ever survive without one another."
Summer don't know me no more
Even my tired song.
Summer don't know me
He just lay me low in myself.
"Yeh, I know what you mean." What the...I wasn't expecting that from him.
"Y-you do?"
"Yeh, I mean, I've forgot how many times I'd spend the whole of the night in the army barracks on my cold hard matress just looking up at the darkness...and thinking of you."
Woah "Really?"
"Every night...the only person I'd be thinking about...is you. You'd been there for me for so long in the past and then, the fact that we were just torn apart from one another like that – I never liked it, it was awful for me. There were times when the army and the whole war thing really got to me emotionally – and all I'd do is beg that you would be with me...even if it were for just a few seconds...to wipe away the tears from my face, to comfort me when depression kicked in, when I was on the edge of killing myself and telling me that it's going to be alright...Kyle, the way that our friendship was, especially from when we were 10, it had become my last life-line of hope. I guess that's what kept me sane and living throughout that decade of war...the fact that you would be there by my side as my friend."
WOW, I never knew Stan felt this way. He continues to tell me about all the times he spent not getting any sleep and slowly crying away in the darkness – wishing it would all just end so that he could just go back home...and see me. "Stan, I undertand how you feel – I always have. And I guess that's the reason why our friendship has such a brilliant bond – whenever you or I felt down, the other would always be there for comfort and cheering up."
"Kyle, you have no idea how much I'm thankful for having a dear friend like yourself."
And here was me thinking that this was going to be difficult to talk about.
Cause I do know love from you that's
Just dying...
I guess it's that time. If I'm reading Stan's emotions correctly, then SURELY, he feels the same way as I do…and as I always have done. But can it be true that he too has felt this way for so long? I wonder why I never picked up on it then. I better try and explain this a little bit further. Maybe the truth will finally come out for both of us. It's better to take this slowly than to just get it over and done with, without putting some thought into it. But still, I've had the same emotional feelings about US for well over 16 years now. And even after all that time, my feelings will never change……
I saw that day,
I Lost my mind!
Lord, I'm fine.
Maybe in time, you'll want to be mine.
Stan's POV
We've been sat here now for well over fifteen minutes. I don't know why Kyle said this was a serious thing that he wanted to talk about, though it has been really good looking back on just how big a friendship me and Kyle share. I'd love to know what he's thinking though – he's got that warm sparkling tone in his eyes as if he's about to do something……something that he's been preparing for quite a while. Kyle then asks me why I think HE thinks our friendly bond works so well. Hmmmmmm, that's a hard question. But, this is how I'm going to put it, here goes:
"Well…I guess you and me have a……y'know…
"What?" I think he knows what it is – I'm guessing he just wants me to say it.
"Y'know……a loving bond I guess. I can't explain it…but every time I'm with you……something inside me…just…blossoms…and…well………I love it. Everytime we spend time with one another and we're doing something…close together……it just feels…right. It's strange too, I've never experienced such a great happiness before and it's something I love, I enjoy…and I want more of. Heh, it's almost as if I……"
But as I'm about to finish my sentence…something……happens – something I never would have expected or even predicted to happen…happens.
As I finish what I was saying, I look up to him after looking at the ground for a far few minutes and……OH GOD……Kyle……he's…………he's up close and…well……he's kissing me……he's kissing ME…on the lips. But it doesn't last long. Guessing right that I'm not showing the same kind of emotion, Kyle backs his face away – the smile that was present on his face only a few seconds ago isn't there anymore – all there is, is confusion and shock.
"What are you doing?" I ask – my emotions turning slightly dark and negative right about now.
"I…I…I thought that…"
"What?!" Why am I getting angry all of a sudden?
"I thought you felt the same way Stan."
"What……that I loved you IN THIS WAY?! I said I loved you as a friend dude, I didn't say I loved you as a……as a……AS A GODDAM PARTNER."
"But you said...I thought you meant..."
"You thought I meant that I loved you in the same way...I'm presuming...you love me." Oh God, I need to stand up. Sighing deeply and turning back around, I can see fully that Kyle does looks very unhappy. "Jesus Christ dude...is this how you've felt since we were 10 like you said?"
Kyle says nothing but looks down at the floor as if in guilt – I guess that's his way of saying 'yes'. I sigh again and take a huge deep breath. Placing my hnads on the back of my head, I start to TRY and take this all in – my best friend, the very friend who's been by my side for so long...and said that he knew we had a great 'bond' and 'friendship'...is gay – gay for me...for me in that HE loves ME. OH CHRIST IN HEAVEN! All those memories of us two together as kids – they were all big red flashing lights, why didn't I see any of them. God, I feel so fucking stupid! "Kyle..." My voice is calmer now but my thoughts aren't. "Can I have a moment to myslef for a few minutes?"
"Y-yeh, sure." Kyle stands up and makes his way towards the bedroom door. As he walks out into the corridor, I can hear him sniffing heavily through his nose. That can only mean one thing...Jesus Christ...now I've upset him because of that? FUCK, this whole thing with us two is fucked up.
God, that sun must be bright if that room's glowing wi...hey, wait a minute, it's the nightime, there's no sun. But then, what's that strange light coming from that room on the far side of the room. Wherever it's coming from, those other set of double doors seem to be trying their best to block it from getting in here. But, it's not coming from the Wardrobe Room...it's coming from the room opposite to that, on the other side of this bedroom. Man, his bedroom's like a fucking gameshow – let's see what's behind Door Number 2! Oh well, those rays of light are getting on my nerves, might as well find out where they're coming from. Right, the doors are open so where's this light coming fr...I look up...and...SHIT...what is this...but it doesn't take me long to realise what all this stuff is and then I see the main things on and in them and they're...OH MY GOD!
Kyle's POV
You idiot! You fucking, self-centred idiot! Did you really think that he would just say 'yes' just because you TRIED to explain it to him with that unexpected fucking kiss?! GOD, this night's just gone totally pear-shaped. I'm standing hear by the bathroom's glass mirror – wiping away these tears from my hot cheeks as I splash some cold water on my face. And here was me thinking Stan would feel the same way.
Don't stop the sound when it comes,
It's the dawn – YOU'LL SEE!
Money won't get there,
Ten years passed tonight,
You'll flee!
But then why didn't I look at the other possibility? Stan has his own feelings and opinions – I couldn't just force him to……well…change……to be with me. He wanted it to just stay as friends…and here was me, hoping…hell…FORCING it to be pushed a step further in order for me to be happy. God, I'm so self-centered! And the tears trickling down my face tell the story of how I feel about all this. BUT…I'm gunna go back in there with a brave face on and try to make him understand. And if it that still doesn't work…well……I guess that's it then huh? Whether Stan would still want to be my friend after what I'd just done is up to him – I'm not gunna force him to make that decision. I love him……but do I love him enough to let him go. God, this is so HARD!
Stan's POV
This is UNREAL. And I thought I'd been shocked enough today with his Wardrobe Room alone. This room is huge – it's like…yeh…it has to be…it's a friggin' ART STUDIO! Tables and drawers, walls and walls – they're all scattered and covered with art work and sketchbooks FULL to bursting with art work. But what shocks me even more……is that…EVERY single work of art in this room. It's of……ME…and…KYLE……together. I walk slowly up to a far set of drawers where a bright lamp light looks to the walls and the surface that are covered in paintings and abstract work which are also hung up on the walls – some WITH frames, some WITHOUT. Every image shares the same message even if they are in different contexts, tones and modes – Kyle LOVES Stan……Kyle MISSES Stan…Kyle WANTS to be with Stan……Kyle NEEDS Stan……but what sends a single tear down my face is a gold-frame surrounded painting that I'm looking at now. It shows me and Kyle lying in what looks like a red heart-shaped bed of flowers, clouds and……am I reading this right…angel wings……MY angel wings. WOAH……Kyle thinks I'm an angel……A FALLEN ANGEL!?
And then, a smile raises back up onto my face as my eyes follow the red painted Serif-font words that go around a green and blue border. It's the very words from a song me and Kyle loved so much to listen to and I guess it's the very song Kyle knew would express his true feelings for me: 'If I lye here, if I just lye here, would you lye with me…and…just forget the World!?'. That song of course is 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol.
And as my vision goes right 'round the whole of this large art studio room, I finally realize just how much Kyle has focused, thought and LOVED me for so much over these years. Hell, I even love the Abstract work he's done of me and him together too.
If you do it then
I'll be strong.
To find you……
As I skim through another one of his sketchbooks, a dark shadow goes over a section of the pages. I turn around – still holding the sketchbook in my hands, to see Kyle standing in the double-set door frame. I can tell from the look on that face of his...that he's been crying. DEAR GOD, what have I done?! Have I upset him?!
"Stan...please...please just let me explain before you leave."
Leave?! Oh right, he thinks I'm...oh well, I better listen to what he's going to say. Follwing him out of the art room, I close the double-set of doors shut and sit back on the edge of the bed next to him.
"Stan, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with someting you don't like, I understand that now. I've been too busy focusing on what I've been hoping to happen throughout all these years...that I've forgot about how you might feel about it too." He takes hold of my left hand and I look back at him in the face into those still glowing eyes of his. "Stan, something happens to me too deep down whenever I'm around you...and like you...I can't explain it. But what I do know...is that we were made for each other Stan. I know you might not see it in the same way as I do...but it's how I felt ever since I was 10...and all this time; through my emotions...through my words...through my actions...and like you've just probably seen...through my art, I've always felt the same way about you and I always will."
I undertand now. I guess I'm an idiot too for not seeing the light of all this. He's right, WE ARE made for each other...and WE ARE made to be together. I remain quiet whilst he continues what he has to say – he's probably wanting to get it all out before he thinks I make my way out the door to never return again.
"Heh, it's funny in a way...how I've been THIS MUCH in love with you for so long. Reminds me of how we..."
Well, its either NOW or NEVER. I've made my decison...and I know I can't turn back after what I'm about to do. But it's what he wants...and now...finally...it's something that I want too.
Stopping him in his track of speaking, I launch myself forward and press my lips up against his. His body tilts back slightly from the sudden shock of my surprising launch on him. My kiss with him last for about five seconds and I move back again – looking at him – now...FINALLY...with a proud smile on my face. And HIS face...ha ha...he looks more shocked than before.
"So I...I...I ummmm...errrrrr...I..."
"I kissed you...BACK."
"Yeh, I noticed that too." He replies in a joking manner yet he still look dazed. "But Stan...I hope you realise..." Wow, that was quick, he's back making that oh-so important speech of his to me. "I feel...so different when I'm around you and it's such a different...ummmm...difference when it's...different. And I'm so glad I feel different when I...oh God...note to self, must buy a thesauraus tomorrow so I can..." I stop him short again – placing my finger across his lip to silence him again. He looks at me with a confused look again – wondering what the hell I'm gunna to do next.
Because I saw that day,
I Lost my mind!
Lord, I'm fine.
Maybe in time,
You'll want to be mine.
Kyle's POV
He's still got his finger on my lips. I stay silent as he looks at me with an unexpected NEW cheeky smile that I've never seen before. And then, without warning, he launches at me again and throws me onto the bed so that I'm lying down in the exact centre of it. And then, with my whole body lying down and me looking up at the ceiling of the bed's construction, he climbs on top of me and looks down at me – his hands gripping mine so that I can't escape. He wraps his legs around mine and looks down at me with such a bright smile on his face.
"Stan, is THIS what I think it is?! Do YOU really want this…as much as I do?" I raise a smile on my face too – believing that he's about to answer with the very reply I've wanted him to say for so long. But then, he lowers his head so that it's level with mine and he whispers something into my ear.
"If I lye here, if I just lye here, would you lye with me…and…just forget the World!?"
My smile brightens up as much as his now. I guess he must have really loved that painting I made of us with those words around the border. YES……it's finally happened……Stan & Kyle……HIM AND ME……we're together…we're finally together! THIS IS WONDERFUL!
Maybe in time,
You'll want to be mine!
Alright, THAT'S IT…Stan's made his commitment…NOW IT'S MY TURN. As I raise MY version of a cheeky smile, I suddenly take control and I flip both of us around so that Stan's the one who's lying on the bed looking up, with me holding tight grip of his arms and wrists. "Now you're MINE……you're ALL mine, Stan – my cute cute lil' Stan." I laugh as he looks up at me with one hell of a happy smile on his face.
"WELL…I guess you REALLY HAVE been looking forward to this day huh?"
"Believe me Stan…you have no idea! AND, I've been building up so much ENERGY and LOVE for the time when you would say 'I Love You Kyle'!"
"HOLD ON THEN, I guess we're not completely together then if that's true."
"Huh?"
"I LOVE YOU KYLE! I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOOOOOVE YOU! There, now we're completely together."
He got me there, I have to admit. And after we both laugh at my idiocy of that, I grab both sides of this king-sized duvet and wrap it around us. Our visions of each other go dark as the wrapped-up duvet slides around so that the opening is beneath us now. I slide to Stan's side – still able to see his cute adorable little face in the midst of this warm darkness. "So, would you like me to show you just how much I've missed you over these past 10 years Stan…my love?!"
"Oooooo that would be nice. Is it gunna be the semi-'SHOW YOU' or the REAL 'SHOW YOU' that you're talking about?"
"Just the semi one for now – don't want to rush into it y'know."
"Yeh, whatever." Even in the darkness, I can sense Stan just rolled his eyes in a joking manner.
But we don't need light to know where each other is – it's been like this since we were 10. And as we move closer to one another to probably perform the biggest in-bed kiss the World has ever seen, I look back on the reality of the situation now…and it makes me smile once more.
Maybe in time,
You'll want to be mine!
Stan and I…are finally together…AT LAST!