I was sad, in a way, to see Fluttershy walk away. Then again, there were some more pressing matters at hand, such as the experiments I was worried that Twilight may perform on me. My mind filled with images of horrible and invasive procedures, so needless to say I wasn't excited. When she walked in the room, certain muscles clenched in fear, but I put on a smile and waited for her to start.
Horn aglow, she jotted something down on a sheet of paper before looking at me, "No trouble at Fluttershy's I hope?" She asked, eyebrow raised, "Feel free to talk, today we're only going over your physical layout. I figured that, before anything, we should figure you out before we try to figure out what got you here." She started walking around me slowly, looking over each inch critically.
"Ummm, ok?" I replied, slightly confused but not in the mood to argue, "Well last night was really nice, after I left of course. Sorry about all that, by the way, I really didn't mean to make anyone upset."
Twilight shrugged, how she did though is beyond me, "Its fine. I remember, back when I was a filly, I used to write stuff like that about my favorite books. So it isn't like I don't know where you and your kind are coming from." Twilight magicked some measuring tape next to me, "Could you lift your… what are those things called anyway?" She poked my elbow with her quill.
"Arms." I replied, lifting them up, "Question, did you want me to keep my clothes on for this or…?" I asked, kinda hoping she would say yes.
"Arms, I see." She jotted down another note, while beginning to take my measurements "And what do you mean clothes?"
I pulled at the collar of my shirt, "Clothes," I gestured to my humble ensemble of jeans, shoes, shirt, and zip-up hoodie, "The stuff I am wearing."
"Is that what those are?" Twilight asked, incredulous, "I thought it was colorful, saggy skin that your kind used to identify one another!" She crossed something out, "Well then yes, take them off."
I sighed inwardly, "Alright," I said, not willing to argue with a being that could warp time and space for shits and giggles, "Gimme a minute."
The tape moved away, "Go on." She said, watching. Ugh, why did she have to watch? She's Twilight, that's why. And she, along with every other pony in Equestria, didn't understand the purpose of clothing for humans. Then again, I didn't understand the purpose for some clothing, like ties. Ties are dumb, but I digress. I quickly undressed myself, inwardly repeating 'It's just like a doctor's appointment.' I figured that, if I thought it enough, it would help, which it almost did, but not quite. Seriously, having one's junk exposed to a being they admire is not cool. Unless they're having sex, which I wasn't and wouldn't because that would be sick and wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
Twilight looked me over and began taking measurements again, "Huh, only two patches of hair, how do you humans stay warm?" She didn't seem to notice my dying of embarrassment, so I was slightly relieved.
"That's the reason for the clothes," I replied, "Along with certain societal requirements. We humans have designed clothes for nearly every situation: Clothes for when it's hot, clothes for when it's cold. Clothes for parties, clothes for staying at home, even clothes for no other purpose than decoration." I explained as Twilight furiously put down more notes.
"Fascinating." She said, putting a new piece of parchment on the clipboard, "Well, I've written down everything about your outsides," I was curious to see what she wrote about my nethers, male pride and whatnot, "And seeing as how there are no books on your species, I'll have to trust you on what you say your insides are like." She laid down on a pillow and gestured towards another pillow, "Sit down then."
"Can I get dressed first?" I pleaded. I don't know if it was the lack of cover, but the library felt rather cold.
"Why? Seems like a lot of trouble for something that isn't terribly useful." She said, magically lifting my jacket.
"It's a part of those societal requirements I mentioned and will be happy to explain at a later date." I quickly replied. Not waiting for her to say yes, I slipped back into my clothes with a happy sigh, "Much better." I said, patting myself down a bit.
Twilight rolled her eyes and gestured at the pillow again. I nodded and sat down, happy enough to be covered again.
"So, your organs, bones, try to tell me about everything that goes on inside you." Twilight said, quill at the ready.
I rubbed my chin for a second before responding, "Do you have a book on pony anatomy, with pictures and stuff? It'll be easier for me to compare rather than explain." I said, happy with my solution.
Twilight nodded and magically summoned a book from a shelf nearby, letting it hover in front of me. I grabbed it and flipped through pages before finding a section that had a few pictures of a pony with all of its legs spread, each one showing a different "layer" of the body.
"Cool," I smirked and scooted over to Twilight, "Alright, now I just need some paper and something to write with." Twilight quickly summoned the necessary materials. I drew a crude human outline similar to that of the pony in the book, limbs all spread, "Alright, just fyi, I'm not great with anatomy, but I'll tell you everything I can." I then proceeded to go through all the major organs: heart, lungs, kidneys, etc. Interesting fact: Pony anatomy is fairly similar to that of humans, just placed a little differently due to the shape difference between the species. Once I had covered organs, I went over bone structure, veins, and muscles, though, again, pony and human layouts were fairly similar. The only difference, actually, was a pony organ in their torso that I couldn't identify.
Pointing to it and reading the label, I turned to Twilight, "Hey, what's a "Vita Center?"" I asked, hoping it wasn't something akin to a gizzard and I was just a moron.
She looked surprised but started explaining regardless, "The Vita-Center is the organ in a pony that regulates magic." She flipped to a page dedicated to it, "Depending on its size, it determines what kind of pony one will become." She tapped a chart with her hoof, "Small Centers mean that you would be an earth pony. Medium to large ones mean you'll be a Pegasus, and anything bigger would make you a unicorn. There's some more to it, but seeing as you aren't a pony it doesn't matter." She closed the book.
I furrowed my brow a bit, "Sounds painful." I commented, imagining large to be the size of an orange or the like.
"Not really, see the Center isn't actually that big. Small ones are the size of peas, medium to large are the size of beans, and large ones only really ever get to be the size of a grape." She tapped her chin with her hoof, "Sometimes a unicorn's Center will get swollen from over or under use of magic, but a quick visit to a doctor usually takes care of it." She put the book away and turned to me again, "So you're saying humans don't have a Vita-Center?" She asked incredulously. It was as if I said we don't have intestines or something.
"No, not that I know of." I replied, biting back a snide remark, "Closest thing I can figure to that would be the human appendix, but that is a useless organ," I shrugged, "In fact, most of the time it's removed from our bodies due to various circumstances." My eyes scanned the shelves, "It kinda sucks though. Often are the times I wish I could do magic. Sadly, where I'm from, magic technically doesn't exist." I gave a dramatic sigh.
"Doesn't exist?" Twilight replied in a tone that one would use if someone else had a second head that suddenly began to speak, "Then how do the sun and moon rise? How does weather work?" She barraged me with questions until I could finally take no more and held my hand up to her face.
"Twilight, much respect to your curiosity, I will try to explain how things work in my world later. For now, can we focus?" I asked, trying not to sound like I was pleading.
Twilight sighed a bit, but smiled and nodded, "Alright, I guess we should go over what you were doing before you came here." She said, ready to take down some more notes. I nodded and went over my day which, for all intents and purposes, was a normal day. I didn't have any college classes scheduled, so I worked the morning shift at work from 8 to 1, then went home, ate, and took a nap. For a while we both pondered over what I could have done or what could have happened to bring me to Equestria, but neither of us could think of anything. I was relieved to see Spike bring in two hot cups of tea, because I needed a break. After a quick thank you I picked up the cup and took a sip, smiling as the warmth entered.
Twilight put away her notes and levitated her cup before taking a sip and sighing happily, "Well, that's all we can do for today. I'll go over what I can for now, so it may be a few days before I actually need you to come back for any tests." She pawed at the ground awkwardly, not making eye contact with me, "So, by everything, you meant pairing me up with ponies as well?" She asked, trying to sound casual and failing miserably.
Once I had finished choking on my tea, I responded, "Uhhmm, yeah, why?" I asked, trying not to think of all the clop fics that had been made.
She looked down at the floor, "… I'm curious honestly. You know me well enough to know I'm not the romantic type, so I was curious as to who I was paired with." I could actually see the blush on her snout, through her fur.
I tapped my chin, "Umm, hmmm. A better questioned would be, who WEREN'T you paired with." I laughed nervously, "Well, all of your friends, even, well." I nodded towards Spike, who was putting a book up on a shelf, "And a few other ponies as well, even a few original characters that people made up."
Twilight looked at Spike, then at me, then buried her face under her hooves, "Oh Celestia, please tell your joking." I was never a giant fan of Twilight's, but the level of cute in the room was quickly changing that.
"I wish I were. Realize that no one ever thought it would happen, they were just fun ideas." I said, trying to make her feel better.
"What's so fun about me being paired up with random ponies?" She shouted, her face a dark reddish purple now.
"I dunno, it adds depth to your character I guess…" I rubbed my neck. I desperately tried to think of something to say, but found nothing. Suddenly I remembered Fluttershy's reaction to my toying with her mane last night. I decided to try it out on Twilight and see what became of it. Worse thing it that she flips her pony shit and blasts me out of the library, so no pressure. I scooted over a bit more and began gently sliding my fingers through her mane. Her ears perked up in surprise, but slowly fell as she relaxed. It was therapeutic for the both of us really, she was relaxing while being pampered a bit, and I had something to do with my hands, so I was happy. I couldn't help but notice the faint scent of lavender her mane gave off as I combed through it. I'm not usually a fan of lavender, but the scent was soft, so I found it more therapeutic than annoying. After a little while of this, I started braiding her pink streak, and yes, I'm a dude who knows how to braid, get over it.
I had just tied off the end when a knock on the library door made us both jump. We laughed a bit as Twilight went over and answered it. I stood up and looked over at Spike, who was looking at me oddly.
"Yes?" I asked, curious as to what was befuddling him.
"Your kinda weird, y'know that?" he said bluntly. Ah Spike, to the point as always.
"Yep, that a bad thing?" I replied, content with my oddness.
"Nah, it's not a bad kind of weird." Spike looked over towards Twilight, "That was probably the first time I've seen Twilight just lay down and relax. She's usually always doing something, reading, having me take a letter, going out with a friend," Spike looked back to me, "Seeing her relax was nice. I figure you aren't a bad guy, right?" He asked, smiling.
"Of course not." I said with mock appall before chuckling a bit.
"Well alright, just stay away from Rarity, she's mine, got it?" He put up his tiny fists in a mock fighting stance.
I laughed, "You got it bro." I said, bumping my fist against one of his.
He looked at his fist and back at me, "Bro?" He questioned.
"Bro, short way of saying brother, where I'm from it's like saying you're a good friend." I explained.
"Huh, bro." Spike looked at his fist again, then smiled, "I guess I'll see you later… bro." He said, walking off to what I assumed was another chore. I waved as he went to another room, then turned to see Applejack and Twilight looking at me with mushy faces.
"Ummm… what?" I asked, slightly worried.
"That was SO CUTE." Twilight gushed, then squeed a bit.
"She's right hun, that wus downright adorable." Applejack said, walking up to me and nudging my hip with her flank, "Who knew ya had a soft side?" She teased.
"Funny." I said, rolling my eyes, "What're you doing here anyway?" I asked, trying not to sound rude.
"Welp, its mah turn to take care of ya for the night, so ah figgered that, iffin ya want to sleep in mah barn, ya gotta earn it." She said, heading back towards the door, "Twilight said she was done with ya fer today, so ah'm takin ya over to Sweet Apple Acres to put ya to work." She nudged Twilight in a friendly way, "See ya Twilight, ah promise ah won't break 'im." She and Twilight both giggled, while I stood beside Applejack, ready to go, slightly concerned at the breaking comment.
Once they were done, Applejack and I stepped outside and began walking towards Sweet Apple Acres. I took in the colorful sight that was Ponyville, happy to see that the number of stares had diminished.
"So, Applejack," I started, "Two things I want to address before anything." We continued walking, but she turned and looked at me while she did so, "First, what is it you want me to do at the Acres? I'm more than happy to help, but I'd like to know before we start."
Applejack shrugged and looked away from me, "Dunno, ah guess we'll have to see when we get there." She said curtly, though I couldn't really blame her since it was probably due to the incident from the night before.
I sighed and nodded, "Okay then." I rubbed my neck, "The second thing is that I want to apologize."
She stopped in her tracks and looked at me, "What fer, ya didn't do nothin'." She said, with slight surprise in her voice. Whether it was the fact that I was apologizing at all or that I'd caught off guard, the tone of surprise was welcome in a way, because it meant that I had done something that was different from the first impression I had left.
I stopped and looked her in the eye, "You might say I didn't do anything, but I know as well as you do that I insulted you all in a way and hurt a lot of feelings, regardless if I meant to or not. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, let me know, yeah?" I said, smiling.
She tapped her hoof against her chin for a few seconds, "Kneel down again." She demanded. I cocked my eyebrow, but did as she asked. She stared at me for a few seconds before lifting a hoof and patting my head.
"Uhh?" I intelligently replied.
She smiled and started walking again, "You were willin to put aside yer pride and apologize, then try and make up fer it." I jogged a bit to catch up with her, "Way I see it, so long as ya work hard at the Acres, then it's all water under th' bridge."
"I'm happy to hear it." I saw the barn come into view, "Hmm, so I may as well tell you now, I've no experience in anything apples. I can lift stuff pretty well though." I said, stretching out as we walked. I was glad I had worked in a stockroom, so I knew how to lift things properly without hurting myself.
Applejack opend the gate for me and thought for a second, "Hmm, ah suppose ya could help me while ah'm buckin'. We can even see if ya can buck yerself!" She said.
"I'm rather sure I don't have the muscle for bucking Applejack." I said, picturing myself kicking a tree, and then falling to the ground in pain.
Applejack looked around, smirked, and then waved for me to come closer. I cocked my eyebrow, but bent down anyway and looked her in the eye.
"It's not as hard as ya think." Applejack nodded towards her orchards, "Y'see, the apple we raise are so heavy that the stems just barely hold'em up. All ya need to do is give the tree a nice kick," She bucked the air behind her, "An' they just fall right off." She went towards the barn, put on some sort of harness and started rolling some baskets towards the orchard, "Just don't tell anyone, y'hear?" She shouted back at me.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise, then quickly copied her actions and rolled some baskets behind her. She stopped near a tree that was fat with apples and started laying the baskets around the tree. I mirrored her actions, and then looked at her. She gestured towards the tree, the kicked the air behind her. I rubbed my neck, nodded, and then got into a stance. I had taken a year or two or martial arts, so I knew how to kick with power and not hurt myself in doing so. I brought my leg up a few times, testing the distance and gaining a few odd looks from Applejack. I rolled my eyes and gave the trunk a solid kick, the sensation satisfying in a way. Jumping back quickly I heard a slight rumbling, then saw an absolute avalanche of apples fall into the baskets Applejack and I had laid out just minutes earlier. Through what I will only assume is the magic of Equestria, all the apples fell neatly into each basket, not even one hit the ground.
"Yeehaw!" Applejack shouted, tapping her front hooves together in what I assume was a pony version of clapping, "Shoot John, that was great! You've got the makin's of a fine apple bucker." Applejack put two baskets in the harness she had on. I lifted one basket onto my shoulder, judged myself capable of lifting another and did so, tucking it under my arm. Applejack and I walked back to the barn and put the baskets down, then grabbed a few more and brought them to another tree. I kicked this one as well, smiling at the sight of the applelanch (it's a word now, deal with it), then helped Applejack bring them back to the barn. I'm not sure how many times we repeated this process, we went on until the sun went down, so it had to be six or more hours. By the time we were done, Applejack had been bucking the trees and I had worked up a healthy sweat. I put down the last of the baskets and stretched out, fully aware of the fact that I was going to be very sore tomorrow.
"Well John, ya done good." Applejack said, shrugging off the harness, "There's a bed in th' barn, so ya can scoot on in there and ah'll bring ya some supper." Applejack smiled at me, a genuine smile, and walked towards the house. I smiled and walked into the barn, though my stride was immediately halted be a very big, very red obstacle. Removing my face from the fuzzy wall in front of me, I was both startled and pleased to see Big Macintosh looking back at me with a raised eyebrow. Being a pony of few words, he just raised an eyebrow and continued looking at me.
Knowing the speech of the silent, I understood his question immediately, "I'm John," I pointed my thumb at the house, "Applejack said I can kip here for one night a week." I finished with a smirk. Big Mac looked over at the house, then back at me. He continued staring for a second, then shrugged and walked off. I watched him leave, admiring his size. While Applejack was 5'9", Big Mac easily had six inches on her in height, not to mention the fact that he was built like a tank with legs. MY fanboy fueled admiration spent; I walked farther into the barn, inhaling the scent of hay. It was pleasant, earthy, and I could feel myself relaxing. Looking around revealed a few farm tools and a few bales of hay. It seemed pretty similar to a human barn, except it lacked the tool one would usually find. I figured this was because ponies didn't have hands to manipulate tools like humans did. I shrugged, then walked over to a pile of hay with a few sheet laid on top of it and a pillow. The layout was simple, and all I really needed, so I was content. What made me curious was the large lump in the center, so I walked over and tore off the top sheet. I was not prepared for what lay underneath: The Cutie Mark Crusaders all asleep in a small pile. If cute could kill I would have just died twenty times over. I pondered what to do as I sat on my haunches: Waking them up would free up my bed, but the resulting loss of cute would probably cause the universe to destroy me. If I let them continue sleeping, then I was short a bed. I decided to risk universal hatred and gently nudged Applebloom awake. She yawned and looked at me, eyes still half closed with sleep.
She stared at me and I at her, then I raised my hand up, "Yo." I said shortly.
She then proceeded to scream, which in turn woke up the other two crusaders, who also began screaming. I tried to calm them down, but that didn't seem to help at all.
"It's a monster!" Shouted Applebloom, which hurt my soul.
"It's gonna get us!" Shrieked Sweetie Belle.
"Not if we get it first!" Scootaloo said, "C'mon!"
"Cutie Mark Crusader Monster Hunters! Yay!" The three shouted together. I would have said "Awww," or something to a similar effect, but I was busy being jumped on by three fillies that were determined to take me down. While their efforts weren't terribly effective, they were annoying in that I had a long day, I was tired and hungry, and I was still trapped in another dimension and this was not how I wanted to go to bed.
"APPLEBLOOM! WHAT IN THE HAY DO YOU AND YER FRIENDS THINK YER DOIN'!" Shouted Applejack, who had walked in with a bowl of food, only to see me with three fillies on me, two of whom were tugging at my clothes, the third of whom was jumping on my back.
"We're takin' down a monster!" She said as if it were obvious, returning to the task of tugging at my shirt.
"Yeah!" Chorused the other two, who also returned to their attempts to vanquish me. Now, I would've let this go on until Applejack had explained the situation, as I am normally a patient man. However, there are a few things that will set me off. One of which is the sound of my only set of clothes tearing due to the endeavors of three cute but misguided fillies. A quick back-story to help clear up why my being angry is a bad thing: See, I am a pretty large guy, tall and broad. Often my friends would compare me to a bear, which was an apt comparison, as I am pretty ok until someone, something, or in this case, somepony, upsets me. Then things get ugly pretty quickly, as my temper is a violent and loud one.
"GET! OFF! NOW!" I shouted, causing a few birds that had roosted inside the barn to fly away in fear. The Crusaders quickly jumped off of me and huddled together in fear, looking at me. I stood, breathing heavily, glaring fire at the small fillies, and then just roared at them. No words, just a primal, bottom of the gut roar. The three fillies screamed and ran off towards the house, not bothering to look back. I looked at Applejack who looked ready to buck me upside the head, but I couldn't care less at the moment. I took off my shirt and jacket to assess the damage done to each, quickly realizing it was beyond repair. A large hole had been torn out of the back of both layers, far too big to just be patched up.
I looked at the damage and leaned back against the wall, "Shit," I said under my breath, "Shitting son of a BITCH!" I shouted, punching the wall I was leaning on. I heard a crack though I couldn't tell if it was the wood or my knuckles breaking that made the noise. At the time I didn't really care, as I fell to my knees and just stared at the now ruined clothing. I won't lie, tears started to form in my eyes as I looked at the tattered pieces of cloth. It wasn't so much the fact that they had torn my clothes, it was more the fact that, outside of my memories, my clothes and shoes were the only things left I had of my own world, of my home. I let my head hang and I fought back the tears forming in my eyes, not willing to let myself cry.
I felt Applejack put a hoof on my shoulder, "What's wrong?" she asked, concern in her voice.
I lifted my head and saw, not anger, but worry in her large green eyes, "They tore my friggin clothes." I replied weakly.
"Now, now, ah'm sure Rarity can make you more." She said, rubbing my back.
"It's not the clothes!" I snapped, causing her to flinch, "Sorry," I said quickly, looking back at the pile, "It's not the clothes Applejack. The fact is that, normally, I don't care much for clothing. However, they're all I have left to me now," Again I felt my eyes water, "They're all I have left of my home. And my memory isn't so great, so they're all I really have to remind me of where I was raised, my friends, and my family." I looked at her, not ashamed of the streaks now running down my face, "A home, a family, and friends I may never, ever see again." I finished weakly. She only looked at me now, at a loss for words. I silently got up and went over to the pile of hay that was to be my bed for the night and laid down, pulling the sheet over my body. Applejack left a bowl of hot porridge and apple bits beside me and left, silently muttering a weak good night. After she had left, I quickly down the food, though I wasn't hungry. I knew I would need the energy though, so I choked it down. That night I was up for hours, silently letting tears stream down my face as I remembered my own world and thought about how I may never see it again. It was a long night, and though the barn was warm, I was cold inside.
I had never missed home so much.