OBSCENELY LONG AUTHORS NOTE BELOW. BUT PLEASE READ IT. IT'S IMPORTANT. ESPECIALLY THE FIRST BIT. AND THE MIDDLE BIT. AND, TO SATISFY MY LITERARY/EMOTIONAL/CHILDHOOD/LIFE/DEPRESSED NEEDS THE LAST BIT, TOO. EXCEPT NOT REALLY.

Sorry for the late update, I was in Massachusetts at camp :P Speaking of, I won't be updating for around three weeks (I know, I know, it's horrible D: ) because I'll be in Europe visiting friends and being a lame American tourist :O But I'll write by hand while I'm there and then type it up and havea couple big juicy chapters for ya!

Oh yeah, and I was sort of looking at the Fang parts and then watching some Buffy and I realized how tragically off I am… I was totally not thinking… um, how bout we just imagine, for our purposes today, that the whole Buffy's-Mom-Spiel happened in season four? And Riley may or may not exist? Because I don't like him? You could just, you know, fill in the blanks yourself, if you've seen the show. If you haven't, then IT'S TOTALLY ACCURATE I SWEAR. Lol.

On another note…. OAUGFBSUCNP(*#^TRUIW:SBKNLIayhpe(uisailhf(*$owuhdksu! (translation: OMFG HARRY POTTER!1!) I cried, guys, I cried. With everyone dying, and I LOST it at the Snape part… omfg omg. If you haven't seen it yet, go see it right now or you will suffer a painful and untimely death. Harry Potter Era, guys, that's us (unless you're, like, not in this generation… then I suppose you can call yourself the Star Wars generation…). Never forget it. PEACE.

MAX
Naruto
Sunagakure

I was practically having an identity crisis right then and there. I am not used to being pushed around. I push people around. I am the pusher-arounder. Not anyone else. I'm pretty sure my system couldn't handle it. Any minute I was going to snap. Now, I know what you're thinking: how pathetic. Max can dish it out but she can't take it.

And to that I say, shut up.

I tore my wrist from her grip and rubbed it. It throbbed painfully.

"Did you have to break my bones?"

"You shouldn't have struggled. Then I wouldn't have had to," Sakura replied smarmily.

Words cannot describe how much I wanted to pummel her into mush right then.

"Ms. Haruno, is it?" a man was sticking his head through the door. Sakura muttered for Naruto to keep an eye on me and crossed the room over to him. They conversed quietly for a minute or so, so quietly and so far away that I could only make out about every eighth word. Finally, she stomped back over grimly and glared at me.

"Naruto," she said, without breaking eye contact with yours truly. "Why don't you take Maximum down to the courtrooms? That's what that guy told me to do."

"But Sakura!" Naruto whined. "I don't wanna! If he told you to do it - "

"I have to go report to Kakashi," Sakura glanced at him. His shoulders slumped, defeated.

"Ugh. Fine."

"What, you don't want my company?" I flashed him a grin. "I can really be a charming conversation partner, when I try."

Sakura gave a disbelieving snort and flounced out the door. Naruto looked down at me awkwardly. I had my arms and legs crossed defiantly, but on my face I had plastered a sort of sinister grin.

"Courtrooms, huh?" I said. "So I get a trial. Well that's just fan-freakin-tastic. Well, at least my right to habeas corpus hasn't been suspended."

"What's habeas corpus?" he asked.

"Never mind," I sighed. Honestly, I should be given a medal for knowing those big, long Latin words, seeing as I've spent less than a couple weeks on the receiving end of a legit education. This guy was still school aged, he should know these things! Unless they didn't have school here.

"Well, I guess we should get to the courtrooms," Naruto said. "Sakura is scary when she's angry…"

I sighed and stood up. "Lead the way, good sir."

He sniggered and we stepped back out into the harsh, blazing sunlight. My eyes darted around as I marked out at least seven possible escape routes and coiled my wings tightly, ready to snap them out and take off at record speed. Naruto saw this, however, and turned to me with a begging expression on his face.

"Please don't try to escape," he pleaded. "Sakura will kill me if I let you get away."

"I thought you were a big strong ninja," I rolled my eyes. "You could stop a puny little mutant freak like me, couldn't you?"

He winced. "Okay, okay, I probably could, but I don't want to make a scene! This isn't my home village. I don't want to get kicked out."

"Not your home village?" this caught my curiosity. "There are more ninja villages?"

"Yeah, a bunch," Naruto looked grateful to have captured my attention. Probably thought I wouldn't try and ditch now. "This is the Suna, Hidden Sand. I'm from Konoha, the Hidden Leaf. They're pretty much all Hidden Somethings. Sakura, Kakashi, and I came here to help save Gaara. Gai, Lee, Tenten, and Neji are here somewhere, too."

I knew Naruto and Sakura, and I'd heard talk of this Kakashi character, but I didn't recognize the other four. "Are there a lot of ninjas here? In this village specifically, I mean."

"Loads," said Naruto. "There are loads of us in general, too."

"So why couldn't these Suna dudes rescue their own guy?" I cocked an eyebrow. "I mean, really, that's pretty pathetic, having to rely on foreign manpower… I hope you're getting paid for that."

"I don't need to get paid to rescue Gaara!" Naruto scoffed. "He's my friend!"

"Sure he is," I said. "Not a very friendly sort of dude, though, is he?"

"Of course he's friendly!"

"You are an extremely misled human bean, aren't you?" I snorted. "By the way, where is this courthouse?"

"Um…" Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I'm not exactly sure…"

"Great!" I threw my arms up in the air. "You're worse that Gazzy… let's ask for directions, why don't we?"

"Good idea," he said. And then, "who's Gazzy?"

"What? Oh, my brother. Hey, you! No, not you, that guy! Yeah, you! Any idea where the courthouse is? Oh, great, cool, thanks." I turned back to Naruto. "That way direction!"

As we headed down another street, Naruto spoke again. "You never mentioned you had siblings."

"Why would I?" I pointed out. "We're not exactly best friends here. Quit nosing, buttface."

"Is it just the one?" he asked.

"No, there are six of us… well, none of us are really related, except for Gas and Angel, but we've lived in the same house… cage… tree… since we were born, so," I shrugged. I did not like this guy asking about my family. I did not like that I was just telling him about them, either. I mean, seriously, what's my deal? First I allow myself to be placed in a hospital, then I practically get arrested, then get my ass handed to me by a chick with pink hair, and now I'm spilling my personal beeswax to a random shmuck with questionable fashion sense. "Not that it's any of your business."

"Cage?" Naruto gawked. "You lived in a cage?"

I laughed bitterly.

"Yeah, it's a funny story, actually…"

FANG
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy's House

Willow rustled through some cupboards and came up empty handed. "Oh," she said, sounding disappointed. "We're all out of flour. Cereal, anyone?"

There was a general rumble of consent, and Willow procured several boxes of cereal and cartons of milk. Some by hand. Some with Fang could only assume was magic.

Honestly, it didn't even faze him anymore.

Dawn sat down next to him at the table, nervousness practically rolling off her in waves.

"Pass the Cap'n Crunch?" she asked. Wordlessly he consented, and then poured himself some Golden Grams.

There would have been an awkward silence over the table if it weren't for the fact that Xander started rambling to Willow about – literally – his curtains.

"They're so ugly! And Anya won't let me switch them out for these new ones that I found. I found them in the dumpster. Okay, I know how ghetto and lame that sounds, but they match the couch perfectly. And I washed them myself! There isn't even a stain on them! Not a single tear! And they smell like daisies, which is more than I can say for the ones we have now - "

"Xander," Willow interrupted. "Are you quite sure that you're straight?"

"Yes! Positive!" he yelped. "I've had this conversation before – I was a hyena, I am not gay!"

Willow and Tara giggled at each other. Fang wondered what that meant, but decided he didn't want to know. He had to force down a smile as he pictured Xander sprouting a hyena's tail and growing hairy ears.

"So, um, where are you from?" Dawn asked. Fang considered giving her the same answer he'd given Buffy ("All over"), but decided he could afford to be a tad more specific.

A cage in the basement of an illegal facility nestled deep underground in Death Valley. "Colorado," he answered.

"Cool," said Dawn. "I've never been. Is it nice?"

"I guess," Fang shrugged. He'd flown over it a bit. That's it.

"So… what are you doing in Sunnyhell? Dale. Sunnydale. That's what I meant," she blushed.

"No clue," Fang shrugged. "I was actually previously attending King Aragorn's coronation ceremony."

"Aragorn?" Dawn frowned and struggled to place a finger on the name. "Oh! Wait. He's from that movie."

"Yeah," said Fang. "I was there."

She looked at him doubtfully. "Yeah… right…"

"It's kind of a long story," Fang sighed. "But I'm not crazy. I swear."

"Sure…" Dawn frowned and downed the last of her milk. "Um… I'm going to go take a shower. See you."

And with that, she left.

"I think you scared her," Buffy teased. Fang just grunted. "Although, you really can't expect anything else. I mean, you claim to have been spat out in the Hellmouth from a fictional story."

"Wait, what?" Xander was staring at him from over a spoonful of cereal. "You're from where?"

"Colorado," Fang repeated.

"No, after that!"

"Oh, Lord of the Rings."

"What?"

"Told you Xander would be all over you," Willow giggled again. "Oh, Xand, he's also a mutant – with wings!"

"You're joking," said Xander. "You're all pulling my leg, aren't you?"

"Never!" Buffy waved her hand through the air, as if banishing the very idea. "Perish the thought!"

"This is bull."

"It's not, I swear."

"You're lying. That's what witches do, they lie."

"Do you want me to curse you?"

"I was joking! Witches are kind, gently creatures, exemplifying the tenderness of womanhood – but you're still a dirty liar."

"Are not! Show him, Fang," Willow ordered. Fang sighed and revealed his wings for the fourth time. Xander looked properly freaked.

"Whoa!"

"I know, right?"

"I still think you're lying about the Lord of the Rings. That would just be too good to be true – not that I care about that kind of stuff," he said quickly. "So dorky."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

IGGY AND ANGEL
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom

"I wonder if the others are here, too," she said absently.

" 'The others'?" Sokka asked. "Who?"

"The rest of our family," Angel explained. "We lost them."

"Is that why you're going to Ba Sing Se?" Katara asked. "To find them? I hear it's swarming with refugees."

"Yep," said Iggy. Total gave a confused sort of snort but Angel flicked him and he shut up.

They stuck to the idea of travelling together. Iggy, Angel, and Total frequently came to each other with the idea of escaping, but a combination of all three's logic always came to the same conclusion: they had to stick together, at least until they reached Ba Sing Se. They barely knew anything about this strange new place. They needed all the help they could get.

The three had become watchdogs, or at least that's what Toph dubbed them. Sokka had nearly peed his pants with excitement when he learned that their wings could actually be used to fly ("No! Really?" Katara had rolled her eyes sarcastically.) and forced upon the lost Flock members the job of scouting around constantly to make sure the place was clear of Fire Nation soldiers.

Aang, as it turned out, could fly, too, with the help of his glider. He manipulated the currents in the air to carry him up in the sky. He taught them flying techniques that the Air Nomads learned from observing flying bison and lemurs, and in return, Iggy and Angel taught him all they had picked up from the eagles and other birds. Momo and Total were not part of this – they had decided that they didn't like each other and were constantly at each other's throats. Figuratively, of course. Wink.

"Yeah, you just tilt your wings – er, glider – like this," Iggy demonstrated. "Don't move your entire body – er, glider – just sort of slant off, see? It saves energy, plus it's way faster."

Aang nodded and shifted his weight to the right. Unfortunately, he shifted a bit too much weight, and a gust of wind caught his entirely vertical glider and sent him sprawling through the air. He only just had time to right himself before plummeting to his doom. Angel giggled.

"This is hard!" he pouted.

"It's not that hard," Angel told him. "It's just kind of windy today. We should try when that dies down. Then maybe you won't crash land…"

"I didn't crash land!" Aang insisted. "I saved myself!"

"Sure…"

"I know! How about I teach you some stuff now?" Aang suggested, with a hint of ice in his voice.

"Sure!" Angel grinned. "I want to learn how you do those crazy loop-de-loops!"

"Yeah, okay – those are pretty easy," he smirked evilly. "You just go straight up – and then you start tilting backwards – and then what I do is either stop the air from supporting me, or pull my glider in, but I guess you guys would just stop flapping – and then you drop down – but you have to remember to pull out of it fast enough or you'll hit the ground head first!"

He demonstrated for Angel's benefit. She shot up through the air and arched her back folding her wings against her body and taking a header down through the air. She shrieked and laughed as she attempted to right herself smoothly – when that didn't work out, she twisted and writhed in midair desperately until she managed to flatten herself out.

"See – my stuff is hard, too," said Aang proudly.

"Hey, guys – GUYS!" Sokka was yelling. "Get down here!"

The three airborne people touched down.

"What's up?" Iggy asked.

"We need to go over these maps," Sokka looked mildly annoyed. "Figure out the best way to Ba Sing Se."

"Riiiight," said Iggy. "I'll just hang out over here if you don't mind."

"No – everyone needs to help! That means you, too!"

"Yeah, because I'll be such a big help looking at a map."

"…oh yeah. Sorry."

"No biggie."

"Hey, Katara!" Sokka shouted. "You need to help me, at least!"

"But I'm having fun!" Katara was at the top of a cliff, poised to jump in the water.

"I wouldn't do that – you don't know how deep the river is!" Sokka warned loudly, but it was too late. Katara had already cannonballed in, shouting 'WATER BOMB!' at the top of her lungs. There was a ridiculously large splash – probably something to do with Katara's waterbending – and Sokka (+ maps) were thoroughly soaked.

"You ruined them!" he shouted. Katara giggled and climbed onto dry land.

"Oops," she said. "Here, I can fix it…"

She bent the water out of the maps and back into the river. Sokka scowled at her.

"Okay, guys, I think I found the way we have to go to get to Ba Sing Se," he said, laying the map on a dry rock and pointing at a spot. "It's called the Serpent's Pass. It's tricky, but it's the most direct route."

"Tricky?" Toph didn't look convinced. "How tricky? Are you sure that's the best way?"

"It's the only way," Sokka said. "I mean, it's not like we have Appa to fly us there - "

"Sokka, shush up!" Katara hissed. "Can't you at least try to be sensitive?"

"Katara, it's okay," Aang said. "I know I was upset before, but right now I just want to focus on getting to Ba Sing Se."

Angel, feeling uncomfortably third-wheel-ish, cut in. "We can always carry you, too!" she said brightly. "One at a time, of course."

Momo chirped and attacked the nut she was about to eat. "Ow, get off!"

"Then to Ba Sing Se we go, no more distractions," Sokka said with finality, standing up. Just then, there was another distraction.

"Hello there, fellow refugees!" someone called. They turned to see three people coming over the hill, a man and two women. One was pregnant. They shuffled over to Team Avatar (and guests). Katara smiled.

"Are you headed for Ba Sing Se, too?" she asked.

"Yes," said one of the men. "We're trying to get there before my wife, Ying, has her baby."

"Great!" said Katara. "We can travel through the Serpent's Pass together!"

"The Serpent's Pass?" Ying clapped a hand over her mouth. "Only the truly desperate take that deadly route!"

There was a moment of silence, and then Toph grinned. "Deadly route!" Her fist snapped out and practically knocked Sokka over. "Great pick, Sokka!"

NUDGE AND THE GASMAN
Harry Potter (SPAZZFLAILDIE)
Somewhere in the Woods

One of their captors grabbed Nudge by the hair and threw her to the ground a short ways away. Her head cracked against someone else's. She found Gazzy's hand and gripped it, hard. He was being tied up to her left, with Ron on her right.

"Anyone still got a wand?" Harry whispered.

"No," said Ron and Hermione.

"This is all my fault," he groaned. "I said the name, I'm sorry - "

"Harry?" this was new voice that Nudge had never heard before. She twisted her head to see a boy, maybe seventeen years old, and a gnarled, pale creature. She bit back a gasp.

"Dean?" Harry seemed to know this boy.

"It is you! If they find out who they've got - ! They're Snatchers, they're only looking for truants to sell for gold -"

There was a crash from inside the tent and Greyback walked near them. "Not a bad little haul for one night. A Mudblood, a runaway goblin, and three truants. You checked their names on the list yet, Scabior?"

"Yeah," said Scabior. "There's no Vernon Dudley on 'ere, Greyback."

Greyback knelt in front of Harry. "So you aren't wanted, then, Vernon? Or are you on that list under a different name? What House were you in at Hogwarts?"

"Slytherin," Harry answered quickly. Too quickly. Nudge's breath caught.

"Funny 'ow they all thinks we wants to 'ear that," said Scabior. "But none of 'em can tell us where the common room is."

"It's in the dungeons!" Harry gasped. "You enter through the wall. It's full of skulls and stuff and it's under the lake, so the light's all green."

"Well, well, looks like we really 'ave caught a little Slytherin," said Scabior. "Good for you, Vernon, 'cause there ain't a lot of Mudblood Slytherins. Who's your father?"

"He works at the Ministry," Harry said, after a millisecond's hesitation. "Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes."

Nudge bit her tongue. If she wasn't completely mistaken, that was the bullest story ever…

"You know what, Greyback," Scabior said. "I think there is a Dudley in there."

No way, Nudge thought. This guy must be really stupid…

"Well, well," said Greyback, and Nudge could hear the faintest bit of worry in his voice. She supposed he would be in trouble for tying up the son of someone in the Ministry. "If you're telling the truth, ugly, you've got nothing to fear from a trip to the Ministry. I expect your father'll reward us just for picking you up."

"But if you just let us - "

"Hey!" someone shouted from inside the tent. "Look at this, Greyback!"

Someone shuffled towards them and Nudge could see the clear outline of a sword. A sword? A freaking sword? I thought we were done with this sword stuff!

"Very nice," Greyback grinned, taking the sword. "Oh, very nice indeed. Looks goblin-made, that. Where did you get something like this?"

"It's my father's," Harry lied again. "We borrowed it to cut firewood."

Cut firewood. Cut firewood? Nudge glared at him. That was the worst cover story she'd ever heard.

"'ang on a minute, Greyback! Look at this, in the Prophet!" Scabior waved a newspaper around. "''ermione Granger,'" Scabior said. " 'the Mudblood who is known to be traveling with 'arry Potter.'"

Nudge gulped. She wished Angel was here. Angel could mind-control them out of any situation, no matter how sucky…

"You know what, little girly? This picture looks a hell of a lot like you."

"It isn't! It isn't me!" Hermione squeaked, terrified, but Nudge could tell it wouldn't convince anyone.

" '…known to be traveling with Harry Potter,'" Greyback repeated into the silence. A feral grin crept across his gnarled, stubbly face. "Well, this changes things, doesn't it?"

xxxx

Okay, I'm going to do some shameless plugging here. See this link?(remove the spaces):

http: / / figment .com/ books/ 107208-The-Prophecy

Well, it leads to a fantastic little site called Figment that you may have heard of. If you happen to be a member would you happen to be able to find it in your heart to, well, heart that story? It's for a contest that I probably have no chance of winning, but I'd like to, you know?