I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest.

Warning: sexual and phsyical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution.

Lot's of angst.

EdwardxAlice.

Song is We've Only Just Begun by Run Kid Run.

Let's just get it started tonight
All you've ever wanted its in your eyes
Just let it take you where you want to go
Just let it tell you what you want to know

You've got your destination
Progress has now been made and you
Will see the way you've wanted it to be

My mother opened the door and froze. I was sitting in front of a mirror, black lip liner in my hands as I drew over my lips. It looked like they were sewn shut, tethered together till I couldn't talk. It was just a symbol of my silence, no one cared that I never spoke anyway. I think they were glad.

"Mary wash that off now!" she said angrily and I went stiff, I nodded and started to rub at my lips. She left a moment later and I continued to rub my lip with my sleeve, the material scraping across the skin roughly caused it to crack and start bleeding but I didn't stop. I wanted to rub my whole mouth off.

So I could never speak again. Maybe she would like me better, maybe they all would. If I could never make a sound, if I couldn't scream and wake everyone up at night. I wished I could never make a sound, perhaps then it would be impossible to sob and cry out. To verbally show my pain.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was hideous, I had dark circles under my eyes with bruises going down the left side from a fight in school, my jet black hair was cut to go out in every direction. My skin was deathly pale, it made me look more ill than I already did. My chin was red from the blood that had been smeared there and my lips were bright red and raw.

I wiped away the blood and pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it, I hated myself so much. I hated who I was, I hated the way I looked and the way my life was. I hated my bright blue eyes that were hollow, I hated my sickly pale skin and jet black hair, I hated how short I was at just five feet. I hated everything to do with me.

I was ugly and worthless, no one would ever not hate me.

"Mary!" called Renee, I let a small sigh escape my lips and stood up. I licked the blood from both lips before I turned to the door.

I was in a pair of thick purple tights that hid the bruises and scars and denim shorts with a long sleeved Apple Bottom black t-shirt with a silver pattern coming from an apple on the bottom left corner.

I quickly left, not wanting to make her angry. Renee had on occasion hit me and I didn't want that to happen again. I rushed down the stairs and saw Bella eating a bowl of cereal, I sometimes skipped meals so I didn't bother eating when I had woken up at four am.

I turned to Renee who was putting a phone down, she sighed. "Mary" I wanted to tell her that I liked Alice, he had called me Mary and I hated it. "I just cant deal with this any more," I gave her a confused look. "The school just called and said that you had picked a fight with another student and had ignored the teacher." she said almost angrily.

What? I had not picked any fights with anyone, they had all picked them with me knowing I couldn't fight back. And I hadn't ignored him, I had not answered. I had promised I wouldn't speak another word -he had told me that he liked my voice- and I intended to keep that promise. I was also terrified of what would happen, I knew it sounded stupid but I didn't want to know what would happen when I heard my voice, would I heard the screams and begs I had made? Would it do nothing? Would I even be able to speak any more?

I was pulled back into the present by Renee. "And all your "episodes" and nightmares are getting stressful. I had hoped that you would get better but your not and I just cant deal with it any more Alice. That's why I've arranged for you to-"

Please don't tell me I'm going back to that place, she couldn't. I wouldn't let her, no I wasn't going back there. I was about to start begging with her when I heard the next words out of her mouth.

"Stay with your father, Charlie, in Forks." I breathed a sigh of relief and I saw Bella smile, obviously happy to be getting rid of me. "Bella is going with you," she added.

"Mom!" she exclaimed, outraged by the thought of going to Forks with me, I knew she would hate it. "You cant be serious, I'm not going to live with Charlie with that" I flinched at the venom in her voice.

"Yes you are, Bella you need to spend some time with him and Phil and I are going to be on the move constantly." explained Renee and Bella glared, I wondered if she would throw her spoon at Renee...

"Fine but she better keep out of my way," Bella spat at me at the end, I nodded looking down. I was used to this but it still hurt.

"Your plane leaves in two days. Get packing," she sounded relieved and I slipped off the chair silently.

When I got to my bedroom I got a suitcase from under my bed and opened up my wardrobe. I was both happy and scared.

Happy because perhaps Forks would be better than here, I knew it rained a lot and I liked the rain. It was refreshing to me and could calm me every time. Maybe Charlie would be a bit better than Renee and the kids at school wouldn't hate me so much.

But I was also scared. I didn't like change, it may sound really stupid to say I was scared of leaving the bullying at school and sunny Arizona along with my unloving mother but I was. How messed up was that? I didn't want to leave the life I had thought of as Hell. How could I not be happy about being away from this?

I spent the day packing, I knew Forks was a rainy place and cold too so I packed my warmest clothes. I didn't have much of normal clothes for the weather of Phoenix. When I was done with that I listened to some music, I liked a lot of types of music.

Suddenly I was hit with a vision. Everything faded out till all I could see was one table in a crowded, loud cafeteria. Four teenagers sat at the table.

One was a leggy blonde fit for a page in an airbrushed swim suit magazine like Vogue. She had pale, perfect skin with bright golden eyes and a bored look on her face, her lips moving just slightly as if she were talking under her breathe.

Next to her was a large man with big bands of muscles, he had a big grin on his face as he talked to someone. His eyes were a bright golden too with dimples in his cheeks, pearly white teeth shone in the light above. He had dark short hair.

Across from him was a blonde man, he was pale and perfect too. A lean build with honey gold tresses to his chin, and thin lips. He was tense, his eyes were just a shade darker than the rest. His fingers were picking apart a beagle. All of their food was uneaten.

Next to the blonde was a God. He too was lean but still had muscles. He had a strong jaw with thin red lips and perfect pale skin, dark circles were under his eyes that were the brightest golden. They showed shock, horror and happiness. What an odd mixture of emotions. He had bronze hair, different shades in the untidy mess, it looked like it was styled to be that way; it suited him. His tongue ran along his lips in an almost hungry way.

It was like he was staring right at me in the vision, directly at me and I wondered if he would be when the vision came true.

I was suddenly dragged from the vision with a gasp. I searched for my messenger bag with pencils and my drawing book. It was actually like a diary with no lines in it. I undid the small lock on it and flipped to the nearest clean page before I started drawing.

I missed lunch as I drew them all in perfect detail, I didn't want to miss a single aspect of them. I added the smallest detail on them like a button, they were all such Godly creatures. Inhuman and dangerous.

I was terrified of them because I knew that they were vampires, pain bringing, soulless monsters that have ruined my life. I was scared to death of them because I knew what they were, what they were capable of, I knew how much pain their kind had brought me.

Such inhuman beauty and the enchantment they carried with them was all a show, underneath they were the monsters lurking in your closet or under your bed. They were the shadows you saw seeping from under the door.

It was to lure in their kill, put on a façade of security before killing you. How could I have been so stupid as to trust him? I hated vampires but I was scared of them too, maybe that was why I hated them. They made me feel weak, helpless, I had never wanted to be like that.

By the time our plane had landed I felt sick. I didn't like crowded places or wide open places, airports were both of those things. I just panicked and usually had a panic attack. That was why I had calming music blasting through my headphones, blocking out the loud chatter of people around me.

It was a miracle I hadn't screamed when sleeping on the plane, I had fallen asleep out of boredom and lack of sleep the past few days.

Bella had asked me about my drawing -boredly I might add- when she saw the one I had drawn of the vampires. She had asked if they were from my vision, when my reply was affirmative (a nod) she said that maybe I would realize my visions weren't real when they weren't there.

It would be Bella realizing my visions were real, not me seeing my visions were not. They were right, always.

Never had a vision been wrong, sometimes I wished they had been so I could have the doubt that I was imagining them and fall into that hole, to forget everything in it. Maybe then things would be better if I at least pretended I thought I was insane as well.

How could I though? They were a part of me, as much as my mind had control over my body. With out them I was lost, I couldn't see a life without them so how could I pretend they were not real? When I knew that deep tingling in my bones I got when having a vision was real.

It was torture.

Sometimes I told myself they were not real, that I was just imagining them. I never truly believed it but sometimes I could fool myself into thinking that they were just weird dreams, that was usually until I had another and I was reminded they were real.

Our reunion with Charlie was awkward to say the least; Bella had muttered a Hello to him and all but threw herself into the cruiser in anger and I refused to hug him. Contact (mostly with men) was not welcome.

I got into the passenger seat and heard Charlie close the trunk closed after putting our luggage in, he got into the drivers seat and made us put on our seatbelts. Truth be told I would be happy if we got in a crash and died.

I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out my IPOD Nano, Phil had gotten me it. It was electric blue with a hot pink screen frame. I stuck it to the collar of my hoodie and put in my headphones, Shattered by Trading Yesterday came on.

It was such a sad song, like a tragedy put into music notes and yet there's this unbelievably soppy undertone. I couldn't bring myself to believe the words I was hearing, what they were singing about was not true. I didn't have any hope, how could I?

I spent the ride in silence, watching the scenery go by blankly as I put Shattered on replay- trying to figure out the meaning of the song. It confused me to no end.

I had had to be shaken by Bella to finally pull myself from the car, I couldn't find it in me to smile as the rain washed down on me.

It was refreshing, cold and wet, nothing like the dry and hot Phoenix. It didn't remind me of him or of Renee or my old school or old house. It marked home, this was my home now. The land of the rain, how bad could it be?

If it was already raining there couldn't be such terrible things that could happen.

Right?

Of course in thinking that I have probably just jinxed myself and Forks will go to hell with me right at the centre of it. It had always been like that.

Wherever I went I dragged people down with me, cursed by the power to shred anyone's life. How could Charlie even agree to letting me stay here?

I walked to the back of the car as Bella stood under the porch roof by the front door. I helped Charlie get out the bags and we both heard Charlie start to speak, I didn't really head much of it but I knew he was telling us we had to share a bedroom.

By the look on Bella's face I was not sleeping in a bed while I was here.

When I passed her with her suitcase she hissed. "Your sleeping on the couch, got it?" I simply nodded and dragged her bag upstairs.

After heaving it up the stairs while wondering how much she had managed to shove into her suitcase as I breathed heavily. Perhaps it was just me but it weighed a thousand tons, I pulled it to the last bedroom on the left side of the hall, I pushed open the door with my back and dragged her luggage in.

I pulled out the headphones in my ears and looked around at what I wouldn't be sleeping in. The walls were a plain fading white with a purple border, purple and white curtains blew silently from the wind blowing in from the window. Two single beds were on either side of the room, one with dark blue bedding the other with lavender and white. The carpet was thick and warm, it was a rich violet colour.

Perhaps with a bit of paint it would look even better.

It was homey, it had character, spoke volumes. I liked it. Pity I wasn't sleeping here.

I was broken from my thought by my name being called. Mary.

I put my sisters belongings by the purple and white bed before jogging out of the room down the stairs. Charlie was talking to Bella and he politely asked me to take my stuff upstairs while he sorted something out with Bella.

I grabbed my suitcase and dragged them up the stairs, mine was lighter than Bellas' but I was still tired from pulling it to her bedroom. I put my suitcase by the blue bed just as Bella entered, I heard her voice ring out demandingly.

"So now your getting ungrateful?" she snapped at me. I looked at her confused, what had I done now? "After everything we did for you, we tried to make you better, we gave you a house to live in and let you come here and yet you cant even do something as simple as unpack my stuff?" where had her logic come from?

They had sent me to hell, not to make me better but to get rid of me. They had had to take me in, the law said they had to when I was found, and they ordered me to come here. How was any of that nice? I was confused and a little angry but I surpressed a sigh and walked to Bella's bed, I opened up her suitcase as Bella lounged on the purple and white bed.

My new life in Forks was not going well.

Please review? i only got two for the last chapter, can i have some more? Also tell people on here about this story? please! tell me what you want to happen and i'll see what i can do.

Cheetah shifters will be in this story. sorry for anyone who doesn't like that but they wont be a big part, it's just to set up the plot.