I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest.
Warning: sexual and physical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution.
Lot's of angst.
EdwardxAlice.
There will be shifters in this story, though not the wolves so go away if you don't like it. Eyes On Fire by Blue Foundation is the song. Bold writing is his voice, italics is Alices mental voice.
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
I'll seek you out,
Flay you alive
One more word and you won't survive
And I'm not scared of your stolen power
I see right through you any hour
I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain
I'm taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace
I won't soothe your pain (ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)
I won't ease your strain
(ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)
You'll be waiting in vain
(ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)
I got nothing for you to gain
Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,felling any foe with my gaze
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, steadily emerging with grace
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, felling any foe with my gaze
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, Steadily emerging with grace
Alice POV (I have learnt I suck at 3rd person)
As soon as I left the cafeteria the pulling on me grew and grew until I felt like I was being ripped in half. Why was it so painful?
Stupid question, just like you Mary.
His menacing voice laughed, oh no. Not again. It just proved I belong in a loony bin; I heard fucking voices in my head. What more could prove that?
My feet carried me through the halls that were teaming with chattering teenagers, I was close to curling up in a ball and rocking myself into a damn coma. I could barely handle it, the loud noises, close bodies and the vampires. I was terrified and nearing my brink of sanity. I was about to fall over the edge and plunge into a muttering mess.
You've done that before Mary.
I shivered as his voice reverberated around my head, filling my ears with an imaginary voice that I swore was whispering to me. I felt my stomach churn and threaten to make the small amount of water I had had earlier come back up. My eating habits were terrible. They had to be or else I'd be completely ugly and fat. I really didn't need to add another thing to my list of terrible things about myself. It could go on for days.
I got knocked about quite a bit but it was expected, it was normal. It would find it weird if I wasn't pushed around the halls, I was just that worthless. Worthless. What a word- it manages to describe every part of me, even the parts that I would never even dream of sharing with people.
From my spiky black hair to my small feet I was worthless. I could label every part of me as worthless confidently, its the only thing I could do confidently. The weird habits I have such as organizing my wardrobe over and over to my need to be taller; it could all be given the sticker for worthlessness.
Before I knew it I was standing in front of my next class, Biology.
"Are you going to move or are you waiting for an invitation sent to your door?" snapped a voice, it was clearly annoyed and I jumped ten feet in the air.
I quickly jumped out of the way as I realized it was Bella who had spoken, a fear filled me, the same fear I always felt. The one that made my mind beg for no more pain. I cringed internally as I watched her walk inside and followed, silently on the outside but my heart beating thunderously on the inside.
The first thought I had was- Why? I had asked myself this a thousand times over since I could remember. I never got an answer. I had learned that quickly.
That's because you shouldn't ask questions Bitch.
I shivered at the voice in my head as I focused on the teacher, tearing my eyes from the bronze haired vampire who was sitting at the only empty desk. I was doomed.
I gave the teacher my slip, being careful not to touch him. I barely heard what the teacher said and gingerly took back the slip when it was handed to me, I finally listened to what the teacher had to say.
"Mr Cullen, raise your hand so Ms Swan and Ms Brandon know where to sit" my last name was Brandon after Renee's maiden name before she got married to Phil Dwyer. Bella had our fathers surname, Swan.
I turned my eyes to the class and saw the vampire shift slightly before raising his hand. The world was cruel. Disgustingly so. It loved to torture and torment me and make every single moment of my life agonizing.
I swallowed thickly, my whole body was tingling with anticipation and fear as the tugging came back with a vengeance. It took control of my body and moved my feet without my permission, before I knew it I was sitting on the vampires left side. Bella was on his right.
Yet again there was that powerful feeling spreading through me and prickling painfully on my skin, it made my stomach churn sickeningly. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, studying him. Everything about him was important at that moment, I didn't know why. It just was.
The first thing I noticed was the fact that he was rigid in his seat and his strong, defined jaw was locked so hard I expected to hear his teeth shatter at any moment. His broad shoulders were tense and his hands were holding the table so hard I saw it start to dent in. His once bright golden eyes had turned to bitch black, a familiar colour to see on a vampire. His eyes were fixed on my sister, glaring at her with such hate.
That was wrong.
He should be looking at me with such a look, not her. I was horrible and disgusting, I was a disgrace to be ashamed of. I deserved the glare and look of loathing that adorned his angelic face. Angelic? Where had that come from?
I heard Mr Banner start his lecture but his eyes didn't leave Bella's form -more specifically, her neck. His eyes were fixed on her pulse point before suddenly his head snapped around to look at me.
His face was barely controlled, he looked possessed. I was terrified as I looked into his pitch black eyes, I couldn't tear my gaze from him. I remembered his golden eyes, the difference now was stark but familiar.
His eyes had almost always been coal black, piercing and promising pain. It was so familiar and yet so different. I didn't even know how.
Reminiscing are you Mary?
I wanted to violently smash my head against the desk in front of me, maybe I could put myself into a coma. Knock myself out at least.
His eyes suddenly turned from hungry and angry to pleading -something I had never seen on a vampire- and agonized -something else I had never seen on a vampire- I wondered why. His eyes were wide, the gold slowly returning.
A loud screeching bell filled my ears making my face scrunch up in pain from the high pitched bell, by the time the ringing in my ears had stopped the seat right of me was empty.
He was gone. The tugging was back.
I went through to Gym in a confusion, make-up caked my body to hide the shameful marks he left on me. Always a reminder, something to mark me as his forever. Even when I died I would be his, his marks would remain. It made me sick. I felt so much revulsion at myself.
By the time Gym had ended I was yet again the freak of the school. I didn't talk, I was seemingly terrified of people -which I was- and my sister was so much better than me. She had the perfect image imprinted into their minds. I wish I could be like her.
I pulled up my hood as the cold hit my face hard, I barely felt it though. I had felt much colder before, I always felt much colder. I managed to get into the bed of Bella's Chevy before she got the chance to leave without me, not that I would have minded. She had done it too many times for me to care any more.
There isn't much I care about any more, its' all going to end eventually, why care about it? It stops me from getting hurt further, I had been hurt too much.
You deserved it!
I did. I very much deserved it, I should take every piece of pain I get gratefully because its the only thing I'm worthy of.
Well at least your not as stupid as before. You can finally realize that you deserve it, pity you got punished so much because you didn't back then.
I heard the front door close, I hadn't even realized the car had stopped. I had to stop getting so lost in thought, it was unhelpful. I let a silent sigh leave me and jumped from the bed of the truck, the muddy ground splattered against the sides of the Chevy when I landed.
By the time it was dinner I felt the tugging violently on me, why? I still had no clue. It was begging with me to follow the direction of that tugging. I couldn't do it though, I knew where it would go and I was terrified.
I didn't eat anything at dinner and excused myself quickly to have a shower. God I hated seeing my body, it was disgusting. Pink, white and red scars covered my body, some the side of a piece of shattered glass and some that went down the length of my leg.
It was dark. The only sound my breathing. My senses were stolen from me for a brief moment as it all disappeared and I was thrust back into the world of the present. I was too confused. Where had my future gone? It was just mine, no one else. It disappeared in three minutes.
Did I die?
No, I had seen deaths. I always saw the person die before I could no longer see them. This was different, it was like something was blocking me with a veil over my visions. I loathed the feeling. It took away something I had always had, it wasn't the same when I couldn't see my future. I was always sure of my future but now... now I felt vulnerable.
It would be so easy to surprise me, I could see nothing concerning me. It was scaring me, I didn't like not being able to see something. It was like putting a person in a pitch black room full of venomous snakes and rabid dogs. One wrong move and they could be dead. They would feel so terrified, sick to their stomachs in anxiety. It was horrible.
My visions had always been a part of me, I had both cursed it to Hell and thanked the High Heavens that I had it.
I was deathly silent as I waited and the seconds ticked by until I heard it.
A slow rhythm, the sound of crunching gravel. It didn't seem to end. I was frozen, what was that? I tried looking for it but it all went fuzzy, was this the thing that was blocking me?
I slowly rose from the couch as quietly as possible, I was scared to say the least and didn't want whatever was outside to know I was there. What if it already knew? I shivered but not from the cold air as it hit my skin.
My bottom lip was being tortured by my teeth as I fretted over going to see what was out there.
Scared are you Mary? Then again, I wouldn't be surprised seeing as you always were terrified. It was so fun to play with your fear you know...
It made up my mind, that voice in my head. I walked to the door and placed my shaking hand on the knob. Another wave of fear rolled through me as the tugging came back full force and a gasp left me as it hit me full force. Was he out there? That bronzed haired vampire? The one who glared at my sister as if she had just violently offended him? Surely not.
Vampires could be silent when they moved, they wouldn't leave sounds of crunching gravel. What if I could only hear his feet on the ground because he wanted me to? With a hard effort I steeled myself and turned the doorhandle, cold hair hit me instantly.
I shivered again and rubbed both eyes slowly as I saw what was before me. Holy Fucking God.
So sorry it took me so long, I just had a road block with depression and didn't want to update and then I only got one review, it didn't help with the depression. Please please review?