He'd kissed me-it must have been a good hour ago-and now I couldn't sleep. Surely, my deafening heartbeat was enough to keep the rest of the household up, never mind just me. I'd given up trying to sleep, and now I only closed my eyes to visualize Odysseus; his rough face wrinkled up into a smile instead of his usual pensive furrow, the rough-yet-gentle feel of his sun-chapped lips on my forehead, his gray eyes shining instead of concentrating…

Groaning, I jumped out of bed. If I couldn't sleep, I might as well do something relaxing, like look over the accounting books and try to make an alliance with scraggly Ithaca cancel out the enormous costs of a dowry and wedding feast. I stepped out into the hallway-

And found it surrounded in a cold fog. Gray swirling darkness floated in the nothingness around me. Slightly panicked, I turned back to my bedroom doorway and found it gone. Turning again, I saw that nothing interrupted the monotony of my surroundings.

"Hello?" I called out.

Strange. I had, for some reason, expected my voice to echo in the vapid emptiness. Instead, the dry fog absorbed the sound the moment it left my lips, leaving me to wonder if I'd even spoken at all.

All right, I told myself, time to think. You have two options: Stay here, hope your bedroom reappears, or wander aimlessly and hope you get somewhere. If you stay, you might be waiting for an eternity in nothingness; if you move, you have a chance of finding something. On the other hand, if you move, and the bedroom does reappear, you'd never find your way back…

"Third option: stop over-thinking everything, and listen to my proposition."

I felt, rather than heard, the words behind me. They were sharp, businesslike, and slightly wry. A touch condescending, so subtle you'd have to be an expert at detecting it. I resisted the urge to whirl around and instead turned slowly, trying to seem casual and controlled. The woman now in front of me looked remarkably like an older Helen, yet completely different. Both women were pale and rosy-cheeked with deep blue eyes and golden hair, true, yet this woman's sharp eyes held none of Helen's warm innocence, and she wore her beauty like a weapon.

"You're the reason I'm here, I presume?" I asked, forcing my voice steady and looking the woman in the eye. She sneered.

"Insolent mortal! You dare to treat me as an equal? My sister was right; you won't make this easy on yourself."

"Where am I?"

"You're not easily distracted, are you? If you must know, this is a meeting place, of sorts. A common ground between your world and mine, we use it for settling disputes. It was here that Alexandros awarded me the Golden Apple…but of course, you'll hear about that in due time. All you need to know is that, since losing that little quarrel, my sister is trying to redeem herself by trying to win a bet with me." She folded her arms and gave me a knowing look. Suddenly, I realized who she was.

"Forgive me, Goddess," I said, bowing my head, "for not recognizing you earlier." I hoped this deference would be enough; Aphrodite might not have Hera's reputation for cursing mortals, but a Goddess was still a Goddess, and a little respect could be the difference between waking up as the proper species or not.

Aphrodite waved her hand idly. "You don't fool me, so don't bother. I know your loyalty is to my sister, as is his."

"His?"

"Don't be stupid. I'm talking about that man of yours, Odysseus. Why do you think I'm here?"

My mind had finally stopped reeling from his kiss, and now this. Honestly, couldn't the world just let me be miserable on my own? "You…you're the reason I'm in love with him, I suppose?"

"Not really. Well, indirectly, I suppose; Love is, after all, my creation. Don't flatter yourself that I look after every case of love personally, though. Do you have any idea how many mortals there are in the world? And each with the capacity to love. No, you and Odysseus are simply suited to one another. 'Unsurpassed equals' is most accurate, though it contradicts itself. Do you agree?"

"I…Odysseus, he's cleverer than I am."

"Of course. Nothing against you, but Odysseus is the cleverest man alive, and in some ways you have no hope of matching him. In other ways, he's incredibly stupid. Whatever Athena says about him, I can't help but think that any man who ignores what's in front of him is a fool." Aphrodite looked me over, calculatingly. "Besides, he's handicapped by his pride, and that gives you an advantage over him. Trust me; you two are made for one another."

I flared up. "Why tell me all this? It can't be you're offering him to me! Why dangle him in front of me like this?"

"You think it's not fair?" Aphrodite taunted. "Tough. It took you long enough to realize your love for him; you can't scorn emotion and then complain it leaves you wounded."

"Now you're just trying to make me angry. Why? What is this wager of yours?"

Aphrodite sighed. "You're an emotionally distant woman, and Athena claimed that you'd value integrity over love if given a choice between the two. I'm here to offer that choice."

"My integrity?"

"Of course not! Odysseus'. Odysseus' integrity over his love."

The nature of her offer became clear to me. "So…if I accept, you bewitch Odysseus, and he falls in love with me? That's your offer? It's sick!"

"Athena said you'd be unreasonable."

"Unreasonable? Not wanting to force Odysseus is unreasonable?"

"I am giving you the chance to make both of you very happy. And you'd reject that offer, cursing the both of you to lives of misery and loneliness, for what? Tell me, at this moment, is there anything you desire more than Odysseus' love?"

Odysseus' love. Not just a brotherly fondness, but real, burning passion. The thought of his arms around me, his lips pressed against my own, his body on top of mine-"No," I told her, "Nothing. But…"

"But what?"

"But…it's his integrity I'm in love with." I whispered, bracing myself for Aphrodite's anger. She smiled at me.

"You passed. Athena said you would." Was it just me, or was Aphrodite's pink robe becoming less defined against the fog? Perhaps my vision was becoming blurred-everything seemed a bit fuzzy now.

"Penelope! Wake UP!"

I opened my eyes-I was back in my own room, and Helen was standing over me, shouting in my ear. She pulled at my arm impatiently. "Penelope! You won't believe what's happened—Odysseus has discovered a way to get me married!"

"Oh... that's wonderful, Helen." Had I really encountered a Goddess?

"Wonderful? It's awful! Now I'll have to marry Odysseus, and listen to his scorning for the rest of my life, and live on some rocky island no one cares about, and bear sons that will probably be as smart-assed as he is, and-Argh! Why him, of all the suitors?" She flopped onto her bed, and for a moment I remembered that she was, in many ways, still a child.

"Helen, I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "Oh, well. Maybe he won't be so awful. He's just…"

"Not Menelaus?"

"Something like that. Menelaus is just so gentle, despite being a warrior. He'd be a wonderful father. Sure, he's not some dashing son of Apollo. He's not the wild lover I prayed for. But I could have been happy with him." She took a deep breath and wiped away a tear. "I could have been really happy with him, Penelope."

"Oh, honey." I moved over to her bed, and she leaned against me as I stroked her hair. "It's not…it's not the end of the world, is it? We'll be fine, yeah?"

Helen clung to me, the way she used to years ago. "You'll be fine, too, you know." I stiffened. "Oh, Penelope, it's no secret you're in love with him." I hugged her back, and we sat there for the rest of the morning, two lost girls trying to be women.

Helen was eventually ushered away by her nurse, who was impatient to begin engagement preparations. I considered staying in my room, but the thought of sulking for the whole day seemed pathetic. I left the palace and took off towards the stables, figuring that nobody else would want to leave on such a joyous day. The weather was fair, and the late morning air had warmed up, wrapping around me like a cocoon; the antithesis of the cold, dry, thin fog from my nighttime escapade. It seemed a shame to step into the stable when I finally reached it, but sunlight leaked through the boards. I breathed in; the scent of the stable wasn't pleasant, exactly, but it was familiar. The horses seemed content to have the day off; the incessant rides had served as a nice distraction for the suitors, but horses can only take so much riding. I made my way to the old mare's stable; she, unlike the hunting horses, had gotten a few weeks of rest, and she seemed restless and eager to have me bridle her up. Turning to get her bridle, I noticed the haystack.

Helen had hidden there. Had it only been a little over a month ago? I'd been so confident in my intelligence, so protective of her, so naïve in thinking I could stop Theseus. I'd made a vow then, a vow to never let a man outwit me. Only a month later I was desolate at the thought of never being with a man I knew could best me; had I really become so codependent? If this lovesickness wasn't being bested by a man, what was?

"Penelope!"

Odysseus?

I turned around; of course it wasn't Odysseus. My uncle stood behind me, looking overjoyed. "Penelope, I hear I have you to thank in part for this heaven-sent solution?"

"What? Oh, it was nothing."

"Nothing? My worries are gone! How can I thank you enough for helping Odysseus?"

Don't let Odysseus marry Helen, I thought. "Oh, really, it's nothing."

"Well, if you're sure. Now then, how quickly do we need you married off?"

"How quickly? Why does it matter?"

"What does it matter? Penelope, you're clever; can't you see why I'd want you married before your…condition begins to show?" Tyndareus glanced surreptitiously at my midsection.

"What? You think…you think that Odysseus and I…that we…Uncle! How could you possibly think that I'd…that we'd…Gah!" I threw my arms up in frustration, barely able to stutter through my outrage.

"You aren't? Well, that's a load off my mind."

"I…you…baby…Oh, honestly!"

"How was I to know? You've been following him around for the past few weeks, and then when he came to see me last night, he was in such a rush to get the whole marriage business over with, I naturally assumed that--"

"Wait a minute. You thought I was pregnant because Odysseus told you I was?"

"Well…not told, exactly, but from his actions, it seemed to be insinuating it. He was very eager to get everything settled."

I tried to suppress my anger. "I help him with his one goal, and he repays me by questioning my honor." I walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Tyndareus asked me.

"I'm going to go have a few words with the hero of the day," I said curtly. I threw the bridle up on the wall, and stormed out of the stable. After all I had done for him! Helping him with his precious riddle, turning down Aphrodite, and trying to respect his wishes and desires above my own. What, I wondered, could he possibly have said to my uncle that insinuated something so ludicrous? And why would he be so eager to see me wedded off as well as Helen?

A/N: Yes, the first author note of this story! I don't like to distract from it, but there are a few things I'd like to say.

First of all, to all you hopeless romantics, I swear that there will be plenty of fluffy, shippy goodness in the next chapter. Just as soon as I can sum up the nerve to write it. Hopefully, all of the misdirection I'm putting Penelope through will make the long awaited Penelope/Odysseus romance all that much better.

Second, and most importantly, the last batch of reviews gave me my 100th review on Congratulations to Morgan the Anonymous for being my 100th reviewer. I don't approve of having review contests, because it's just a shameless beg for more reviews, but I feel that this milestone deserves some sort of recognition. As a reward to Morgan, I am offering her a one-shot request. Morgan, if you e-mail me a request for any Homer-based one-shot scene, I will do my best to write it for you as quickly as possibly. I'll then e-mail it back to you, and wait about a month to post it; I figure you should get it before everyone else, as part of the reward. If you're confused about my offer, e-mail me. Be sure to put your name and business in the subject line so I don't automatically delete it as junk.

Third, not as important, another milestone was reached in the last batch of reviews: My first-ever flame! Congratulations to 'Xians suck' for that particular honor. To those of you who might have been confused by his/her/its review, XS was unhappy with a mildly sarcastic review I submitted to "Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter", a Harry Potter/Christianity crossover that featured HP and the gang going back in time and saving Jesus from crucifixion so Jesus could save Hogwarts from evil vampires with his holy powers of Kung Fu. Add the fact that I submitted said review last August, and one might understand why I feel less than remorseful. XS, if by some miracle you've decided to actually read a story before flame reviewing it, and you happen to be reading this author note, feel free to e-mail me with a one-shot request as well. A milestone's a milestone, after all ). Be warned, though, that instead of a Homer-based one-shot, you're only allowed to request a common sense-based one. You probably need that more.

Lastly, it may be a while before I can update; I'm starting college in about a week, and life will probably be mildly hectic at the least. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, and stuck with me, despite my procrastination. I love you all!