A year.
"I do."
It's been year since her wedding day. A year since the last time I saw her face, heard her laugh, made her blush with a simple smirk and look in her direction.
"And do you, Logan, take Scarlett Edwards to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
I sighed inwardly. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe…
"God, Rory, don't do this!"
"Logan…it's just too much. I can't…I can't do it anymore."
"I do." I spoke it as soon as my final pleading effort with Rory flashed through my mind. It was still as vivid as the first time the memory had come back to me: her arms crossed, tears rolling down her face. Me touching her arm, and her stepping away, shaking her head. Then me staring at her with wide eyes, because for the first time in our relationship she shuddered at my touch.
As the minister announced us husband and wife, Scarlett's grin grew wider, and she sent me a mischievous smile before leaning up to kiss me. During the short but sweet kiss, I closed my eyes and tried desperately to feel something, anything that was remotely close to what I felt when I kissed Rory.
Nothing.
That was the problem. Ever since I had met her four months ago, I felt nothing but platonic feelings for her.
As the applause started throughout the crowd and Scarlett entwined our hands together, I took a breath and looked at the people throughout the pews. There was my mother and father in the front, applauding with huge grins on their faces. I turned my head slightly to send a glance behind me at Colin and Finn. Colin had polite smile on his face, while Finn was looking down. I knew what they were thinking.
It's wasn't supposed to be Scarlett.
I turned back around, trying my best to get their expressions out of my head.
I remembered when I had told them about my and Rory's good news. Finn had wrapped me up in a huge hug and plopped a kiss on my forehead, while Colin had rolled his eyes at his friend's antics before shaking my hand and offering his congratulations. They had both told me they would be the best men at our future wedding without me even telling them on my plans to propose.
But with Scarlett, I had to buy them dinner and convince them that this was my only option. They had offered their full support eventually, but I knew that they would never understand why Rory and I had gone our separate ways. Why it had to end between us. In their eyes, we were the perfect couple; soul mates. I would love to explain to them why it ended between us, except for one problem.
I doubt I will ever understand why we split either.
As Scarlett pulled on my hand I snapped back to reality. She gave me a confused glance, and I squeezed her hand, giving her a reassuring look. Her smile returned, and we started out walk down the aisle and out of the church.
It wasn't until we were outside on the church steps that I saw her. It caused my heart to speed up.
I looked past the hundreds of people pouring out of the church around me and Scarlett, and there she was; only about a hundred feet away. She was sitting on a bench, reading a book.
I stared at her, completely stunned for a few seconds before I was brought back to the present wedding by pats on my back from Colin and Finn.
"Congratulations, man." I heard Colin say from behind me.
"Thanks," I muttered, not taking my eyes off the brunette in the distance.
Finn shook my hand as well, and when he noticed my distracted stare, he turned to look in the same direction. His jaw drooped slightly when he saw her, and he turned back to look at me and Colin.
"She's here."
Colin raised his eyebrows, glancing over to where we were looking. "Shit," he muttered when he spotted her. Turning back to me, he inquired, "I thought you said she didn't RSVP."
I closed my eyes. "She didn't," I said forcefully.
"Ah," Colin said. Knowing from my tone that I didn't want to talk about her appearance anymore, he offered me a final congratulations before leading Finn away and back into the crowd.
Looking around, I saw Scarlett hugging a few of her friends and wiping tears from her eyes. She looked happy. She deserved to be happy. She was a nice girl, after all. She had spent weeks sitting with my mother, planning every detail of what was supposed to be the event of the year. The Edwards were a huge part of the Hartford Elite as well, and my parents were delighted when we had gotten together.
As I watched Scarlett laughing with her friends, I still couldn't picture us as married. We had met at one of my parent's parties about two months after Rory wedding, and had taken an immediate liking towards each other. She wasn't like most of my parent's friend's daughters. She didn't plan on being a trophy wife. She had told me during the sub-party we had that night that she wanted to be a teacher. I had smiled at that. Definitely not expected.
But still, even though she had a thousand and one quirks and differences from the usual girls in the Hartford social circle, I knew that I would never feel anything for her. Because, despite how perfect she seemed for me, my heart was still with someone else. Someone who had given up on our relationship long ago.
As everyone around me got ready to go the reception at a local country club, I stayed where I was on the steps. After a moment, I turned to look over at Rory once again. Had she been inside the church? I highly doubted it, since the chances of me noticing her would have been more then likely. She must have stayed outside during the ceremony.
I inwardly debated whether to go over and talk to her. What was I supposed to say? We hadn't seen each other in a year. It would more then likely be tremendously awkward. After all, when we had parted at her wedding, we hadn't really concluded anything. She had rushed off before we had a chance to really talk. Although I would never openly admit to anyone, somehow, it didn't seem like the chapter of my life with her in it was over. We never had that talk; never said those final parting words that are supposed bring a sense of finality over both people.
Maybe that was why I had decided to send her an invitation to my wedding. To get closure. I was seeking finality.
I sighed. If I did talk to her, I had many questions for her. How were her and Tristan doing? Did she get my necklace? Did she wear it, or even keep it? Were they expecting a child? I cringed just thinking about that one.
And finally, was she happy? Was her life what she had always wanted it to be?
A limo pulled up just then, making every chance of getting to talk to Rory at that moment disappear. Sighing disappointedly, I plastered on another smile as Scarlett and I climbed in and drove off.
During the first hour of the reception, I was completely distracted. Scarlett and I danced once, and then separated to mingle with everyone there.
About two hours into the celebration, I was ending a discussion with a distant cousin. Glancing a few feet away at Colin, I shook my head slightly as a symbol for him to come over. When he noticed me trying to silently get his attention, he walked over to stand beside me. I could tell he was watching me as I stared at Scarlett across the room, sipping champagne and talking to her parents. Neither of us said anything at first; we didn't have to. As I stared out into the crowd of people and he saw my expression, I knew that we both knew what I wanted to do. What I needed to do.
After a few minutes of silence, Colin sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I spoke to your mother a few minutes ago. According to her, they're planning on having the cake brought out in about half an hour. Will that be enough time?"
I looked over at him for the first time, giving him a nod. He sighed again before patting me on the back. "You owe me," he muttered before walking off.
After I made sure that all attention was off me, I walked to a door leading out to the courtyard. Slipping through it quietly, I left the stuffy, crowded country club and found myself in the chilly night air.
The walk back to the church was a short one. I had thought it was ridiculous to rent a limo to take me and Scarlett there, but she and my mom had simply rolled their eyes at me before moving on to talk about china patterns.
I stopped short when I spotted her. She looked beautiful, in a blue dress that came to about her knees. I knew it would bring out her eyes.
I put my hands in my tuxedo pockets, taking a few steps closer to her. I could now see the book she as reading. Pride and Prejudice. It one was of her favorites, something she would read twenty times a year.
She was so into the book that she didn't notice when I came to stand right in front of her. After a few seconds of watching her read, I broke the silence.
"You're here."
She jumped when she heard me. Looking up, her eyes grew wide in surprise. "Logan," she said quietly.
I didn't reply, sitting down next to her on the bench. I stared at the ground, trying to figure out what to say. I could hear her shut her book, and knew she was watching me, waiting.
After a few minutes, she decided to speak again. "I…," she drifted off, causing me to look back at her.
"I didn't expect you to come," I told her quietly.
"I wasn't going to come," she replied honestly. "But…" she drifted off again.
"What?"
She sighed. "I don't know. I got the invitation, and I didn't want to come at all. But, this morning I woke up and I just had this feeling that I needed to. So I did."
I nodded, looking away from her again. "How's Tristan?"
I caught her smiling out of the corner of my eye. "He's…good. He's really good."
Nodding again, I asked the question that made me shudder. "So are you two…?"
Rory looked at me for a few seconds with a puzzled expression on her face. Then, when realization hit her, she blushed slightly. "Oh, no. Definitely not. I'm not…ready for that yet."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. We were both silent for another minute.
"Oh, I almost forgot, congratulations," she said, giving me a small smile.
I smiled back, looking, for the first time, straight into her eyes. It was then that I remembered what Lorelai had told me a year ago.
"Her eyes. When she was with you, they sparkled. They don't sparkle anymore."
And then I saw it. A small, almost unnoticeable twinkle in one of her cerulean eyes. Something that was non-existent a year ago.
She was learning how to love again.
"Thanks," I told her. I looked at her for another minute, watching her large, watery eyes. Then, without thinking, I did something I had wanted to do for years. Touching her cheek, I brought my lips to hers.
I felt it again. That joy, that feeling of being alive. That feeling of being on top of the world.
That feeling of being happy. Really, unconditionally happy.
Although I knew she hadn't been expecting the kiss, she gave into it after a few seconds, wrapping her arms around my neck. I asked for entrance, but instead of granting it she pulled back, slightly breathless. We sat there for a second, our foreheads touching.
"Logan, we can't…" she started, tears now falling freely from her face.
I shook my head. "Don't. Not yet." It was such a perfect moment, and I didn't want anything to ruin it. For those seconds that my lips were touching hers, all of my worries were forgotten. I didn't think about Scarlett, or the wedding. All I could focus on was Rory, and how great it felt to kiss her again.
She stood up abruptly, releasing her grip on me. "No, Logan, we can't…do this."
I stood up as well, running a hand through my hair. "I know." We were married.
To different people.
After a minute of silence, she spoke again. "Right, well, I guess I should go," she stated quietly, looking at me for one more second before grabbing her book off the bench and starting to walk away.
I watched her for a minute before I realized that it hadn't happened yet. We never said those final words that would be our ending.
"Do you wear it?" I called to her, making her stop and turn around. When she saw my expression, I could tell she knew what she was talking about. She paused for a moment, probably debating if it was whether or not it was a good idea, before taking a few steps closer to me.
"Everyday," she sighed, pointing to her neck. I looked, and there it was, the little golden locket on the matching chain. How had I not noticed it before?
I nodded to her, smiling. "Good. I'm glad."
"Yeah." She paused for a minute, and both of us stood there in the churchyard in silence. She had her arms crossed and was staring at me with a thoughtful expression, while I stared back at her intently. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she spoke.
"I don't know why I came," she muttered tearfully. "I don't…this wasn't supposed to happen."
I sighed, putting my hands back in my pockets. "What wasn't?"
She gestured to me. "This…this feeling. I was finally feeling it again, Logan. With him."
"Feeling what?" I asked, although I had a pretty good idea what the answer was.
She took a tentative step closer to me. "Love. I mean, I still didn't feel even close to how I felt when I was with you, but…I still loved him. A lot. More then I thought I ever could. And then…" she paused, and I didn't say anything, waiting for her to continue. When she didn't, I took a step closer.
"And then what, Rory?"
She closed her eyes when she heard me call her by her name for the first time. "And then I come here to your wedding…and everything I had with him just disappears."
I took another step closer to her. "Maybe there's a reason for that."
She shook her head, taking a few steps back. "No," she said shakily. "No…no. Logan, we can't do this. I can't leave him."
"Why not?" I asked. It came out more coldly then I had wanted it to.
"Because…he loves me. He really loves me."
I stared at her tear-stained face for a minute before responding. "But you don't love him."
She shook her head, arms still crossed in front of her. "Don't say that. You know I do. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't. It's just…after you, I was so hurt, Logan. So unbelievably hurt. I wanted to stay with you…but I couldn't."
"Nothing was stopping you," I muttered quietly, without looking at her.
She shook her head again. "Logan, everything was stopping me. I was just….after everything that happened after the crash…I was so overwhelmed. I couldn't deal with anything. And then when we were apart, I didn't think I would love anyone ever again. And then he came along."
I watched her as she spoke, a stunned expression on my face.
"Like I said, I don't love him as much as I loved you. I don't think I ever will. But I'm giving him as much of my heart as I can, so that had to be enough. That has to be enough." With that final tearful sentence Rory broke down.
I walked over to her while she was crying, and automatically wrapped her up in my arms. No matter what the cause, I hated when she was hurt. After a few minutes, her sobs subsided. Pulling away slightly, I looked her in the eye. I was about to speak, but she did first.
"I still love you. I know I do. But it's too late. You're married, and…it's too late."
"It doesn't have to be," I whispered into her ear.
She shook her head, stepping out of my embrace. "Yes. It does."
I sighed, running my hand through my hair again. I knew this was it. Our ending. "So, I guess that's it?"
She didn't say anything, looking at me for a second, before she nodded. "Yeah. I guess so."
It was killing me, but I knew she had to go. And, looking at my watch, I had to get back to the reception. "So, I guess I'll see you around?" I asked, although I knew I wouldn't.
She smiled sadly, shaking her head. Then, she went to her book on the bench. She picked it up, and opened it, revealing a white envelope. She took it out, and gave it to me.
"Congratulations, again. You'll make Scarlett very happy." She gave me a last small smile before walking off.
As I watched her go, I did my best to memorize her every feature. It would have to last me a while.
Finally, when she was gone and out of sight, I made my way back to the reception. About halfway there, I remembered the envelope she had handed to me. Opening it up, I found that it was a letter.
Logan,
Congratulations on your wedding. I'm sure you and Scarlett will be happy together. She's a very lucky girl.
I guess I just wanted to write this to tell you that I will always love you. Nothing can change that. When I saw you at my wedding almost a year ago, I realized that none of my feelings had ever gone away. But, it's your wedding day, so I'm going to try to put all this beside me. To forget. It's for the best, I suppose. To help Tristan and I and you and Scarlett survive.
You might never truly get why I broke up with you, but that's okay. Maybe, like my mom told me, we just weren't meant to be together. Maybe, like Luke said, you're a jackass and I should have never been with you anyway. (I highly doubt that one.) Or maybe, it's what I think. That maybe, in some way we were destined for each other, but when hardships came, we never fought for what we wanted.
I should go now. Best of luck.
Love always,
Your Ace
P.S - I guess I should tell you this now. I never really had an opputuinity to before. Back when we were together, I went to the doctor to find out the sex of the baby. I got another surprise.
It was twins. A boy and a girl. I had wanted to tell you, but then the crash happened...and i never really got the chance. Maybe that's why the accident had such a big impact on me. Because I felt responsible for losing two lives, not only one. Anyway, although that accident will always be with me, I'm learning to get on with my life. We both have.
Well, if you hadn't figured it out by now, I'm continuing this story. The bad news is, there's only going to be one more chapter left. Yes, I've decided to make it three parts. Anyway, I apoligize for the VERY LONG wait, but this took me beyond forever to write. I spent weeks typing and deleting and re-typing and copying and cutting and pasting, trying to make it perfect. I'm actaully relativley happy with it now. Oh, and all of you are probabaly hating me right now, because once again, they aren't reunited. So yell at me all you want, but please understand that this is my story, and I have it mapped out. There's one chapter left, so let's not lose complet hope. : )
Now, see that little purple button down there? It's name is George. George likes when you click on him, because it tickles him. So go on, tickle little George!