Legends of the Fox-wife
Tale 26: Bun in the Oven

.o0o.

AN: What. I had to do it!

"Kakashi! Guess what!"

"Uh?"

"I have a bun in the oven!"

Kakashi blinks slowly and his eye slowly creeps open, wide and alarmed, "What."

"A bun! In the oven! I'm going to Sakura's right now to check it out!"

A long pause. "...is it mine?"

"WELL DUH. 'Is it yours', GEEZE. Do you THINK it could be anyone else's? I don't believe you!"

Chouji managed to drag his jaw up from the floor from across the street, and slidles over, "Uh, Naruto, do you mean what I think you mean?"

"Well of course I mean what I think I mean!" The blond blinks. "Or what you think you mean? Wait, what do you think you mean?"

"I mean I thought only girls—"

Naruto stammers at that, red-faced and defensive, "SHADDUP, THAT'S REVERSE DISCRIMINATION, THAT'S WHAT THAT IS!" There is flailing and grimacing and something about the rights of all persons to do whatever they like with their ovens instead of being forced by society into pre-defined roles and he's just not going to go into it because, "—you should've heard Sakura when I approached her about it, geeze."

Chouji and Kakashi's eyes are both a bit glazed, with confusion, metaphor, and sugary topping.

"I mean, I mean, like Ino...?"

Naruto bursts out laughing, "I bet you like Ino's oven, huh, Chouji?"

Chouji sputters, red faced, as Naruto drags Kakashi away, cackling wildly.

"I... didn't even know you had an 'oven', Naruto." Kakashi finally manages as they approached Sakura's place.

"I'm full of surprises!" the blond beams and lets them in through the door.

"...do I smell smoke?"

"ACK, MY BUN!" Naruto races towards the oven and pulls out a black smoking thing. "My bun died!" He wails. The sound is melodramatic in the same way that Naruto carries on about his frog purse and his toothy sleep hat; so while it is not precisely of the same importance as learning a new jutsu, this new cooking project seems to be part of something which for Naruto makes life more... comfortable. Something like Kakashi's books and his favorite sheets.

(Like doing weapons check together, or hiding their toothbrushes in the same place.)

This is why the blackened mess gives him pause, and why he makes his words careful.

"Uh." Kakashi sweatdrops, "It's... okay? We can make another one?"

"Hmmph, only for you would I take up baking, you lazy ass." Naruto makes a face and drops the pastry into the trash, "I followed the directions and everything!" He stared at bin a bit, hands on hips, then started pushing Kakashi out the door. "Might be her oven. Let's go back to my place."

"Mou, go back... to your place?"

"Yeah! So we can make another one!"

Kakashi's still attempting to figure out a polite way to address the fact that he didn't want Naruto's apartment to smell of burnt pastry either when Ino waddles up to them, heavily pregnant, a red-fraced Chouji next to her, "Guys, did I hear right?"

Naruto pulls a face, sad, a bit mournful, "Nah, I lost it."

And Ino's face becomes an astonishing mix of confused, consoling, and consternated, making Kakashi mostly entertained, but almost sorry for her.

Almost. "But we're going to make another one~" Kakashi singsongs, deeply amused, draping a sympathetic arm over Naruto's slumped shoulders.

"A-Another." Chouji stammered.

"Yeah! We're going back to my place right now!" The blond brightens, adorably oblivious.

"A-And...?" Ino asked leadingly.

"And sticking a bun in Naruto's oven," Kakashi chirrups.

"I... didn't even know Naruto had an 'oven'," Ino mutters, red-faced.

"Funny! That's what Kakashi said, and Sakura too! She even offered hers 'cause she didn't trust mine!" Naruto snorts, "But I think hers might be broken or something."

"B-broken."

Naruto darted his eyes around, "Uh, don't let her know I said that."

Kakashi's eye feels like it is in an eternal upturned curve. God, the *looks* on the Akimichis' faces... "Naruto, shouldn't we be getting back to your place?"

"Right!" He grins back, "This bun isn't gonna make itself!"

"No it isn't," Kakashi agrees, and reaches over to pinch the blond's ass, "Can we name it 'Yakitate'?"

"HEY!" Naruto swats at his hands, "For one, save that for later; for two, 'Yakitate' is a stupid name. 'Ounopan' is clearly better." And hauls Kakashi off towards the Uzumaki residence. (Kakashi isn't allowed to rearrange things at Naruto's and Naruto isn't allowed to leave dirty ramen cups at Kakashi's; it works out for them.)

"Oh. My. God." Kakashi hears Ino mutter just before they fell out of earshot. He's still snickering mentally and therefore doesn't notice when—

"Oh my god," mutters a shadow that peels off and runs toward Konoha's gates.

And that is how, in the Bingo Books of the Elemental Countries, one Uzumaki Naruto becomes known for possession of a uterus.

(He still doesn't believe that it is almost, entirely, his own fault.)

the end.

AN: ::laughing alot idek::

Yakitate = Freshly Baked

Ou no pan = bread of kings.