I warn you now... the first scene is a little disturbing.
It's eleven thirty on Thursday night and Sam is dreading the party tomorrow. He tried to talk Mercedes into coming too, but their relationship is still too new. He didn't want to push her so he was a little relieved when she declined.
There's nothing to do so he's out by the motel pool, backpack resting on the lawn chair next to him. He's not sleepy, but doesn't want to disturb the rest of his slumbering family with his restlessness. A little relaxation never hurt and he's contemplating getting a midnight snack from the vending machine.
He doesn't hear the voice at first, but the gasping breaths and rumbling moans soon garner his attention and it's too loud to ignore. At first he thinks it's coming from somewhere inside the motel, but he realizes the noise is much closer and slightly muffled.
"Ah, B, I wish you were here, oh… God it feels so good… I'm gonna, I'm gonna…ohhhh. Yes, ohhhh!"
He can't find that damn walkie-talkie quick enough. As he's digging around in his book bag, an elderly couple walks by and Sam can tell they're mortified. Things go from bad to worse as Santana's voice rings out in ecstasy. He wants to shut it off because it's just so wrong and the volume is turned all the way up and he considers throwing the thing into the pool until her voice crackles through the speaker once more.
"Sam? You weren't supposed to hear that. I am so sorry. My fingers just kept mashing the button. Over."
Freaking Santana. And Sam wants to be furious, but he can't because this is the funniest prank she's ever pulled on him. He's just glad his family wasn't here for this. He knew something was up earlier today when he came back from the bathroom. She looked so smug and now he knows she was setting him up, so he plays dumb.
"You're just kidding around, right? You weren't actually... you know…"
"You're supposed to say over! But that is for me to know and you to fantasize about. I just can't control myself sometimes. Anyway, I need you to take me somewhere. Over."
"Why are you radioing me so late?"
"Say over! And Brittany said I couldn't use a shock collar on you like I originally wanted. So I settled. By the way, it's ridiculous how easy it is to embarrass you. Over."
"Thirty bucks and all I can eat at Taco Bell and it's a deal. Over."
"Ah, you catch on quick. Actually, I take that back. If you did you never would've taken this job in the first place. Ten bucks and one combo. That's my final offer so get yo ass on over here. Over."
Once they're in line at the drive thru, the bickering resumes. She starts it like always, "I thought you were like, super obsessed with your body so what are we doing here? Besides, eating this late is bad for your metabolism."
"I'm still a dude, you know?"
"Really, are you? I had no idea."
"I can pig out every once in a while. Hey! Isn't that Kurt's Escalade?"
"Yeah, must be Flabby, I mean Finn. Kurt wouldn't be caught dead at Taco Bell. Oh look, I think he's drooling! And he's waving, Fish. Careful though, if you wave back he might piss himself."
Finn is like an overeager puppy dog, so overjoyed at seeing his fellow glee club members that he can't contain his excitement.
"Hey guys!" Finn yells as he motions for them to roll the windows down, "I thought I recognized your car, Santana, so I circled back around the building once I got my food so I could say hello! Why are you in the backseat?"
Sam glances back at Santana in the rearview mirror. It's just the sort of question she's dying for Finn to ask so she can mess with his mind, "I'm waiting for Sam to come back here so I can have my way with him."
Finn frowns, "I didn't think you two were dating anymore."
"What can I say? That trouty mouth keeps reeling me back in," she retorts.
"That's kinda weird, but okay," Finn mumbles, or maybe he says, "Didn't think you rolled that way," but as he drives away both Sam and Santana burst into laughter.
"A graveyard? Man, I knew you were into some weird stuff, but I was not expecting this. I heard from the football guys that you really are Satan, but I never saw your 666 tattoo, so I knew it couldn't be true. Or are you a vampire slayer?"
"No."
"Demon hunter?"
"No."
"You're meeting your cigar dealer?"
"That's not until Tuesday."
He's pestering her and he knows it. But she won't explain why they're trekking through the Holier Than Thou Cemetery at one o'clock in the morning. When they arrived she told him to just wait in the car, but being a gentleman, he refused to let her wander off alone. Of course, then she calls him a pussy and teases that he watched too many episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark as a kid.
As they make their way through the rows of gravestones that go on for miles, Sam pauses to really look at her for the first time that night. She doesn't have a lot of makeup on and she's wearing this oversized Cheerios tee shirt and shorts. For once she looks seventeen. There's a lantern in one of her hands and flowers in the other. He gets it now. She's here to pay her respects, but he's not sure who. He entertains the thought that she might be here for Jean, but that doesn't seem quite right.
"We're here," she whispers.
He looks down.
Eduardo Reynaldo Lopez. 1937-2005.
Sophia Jimenez Esposito Lopez. 1944-2002.
Despite the dim lighting he can see that she's already crying. This is a side of her he's never seen. Probably no one's seen this Santana except for Brittany.
"Mis abuelos," Santana explains, "came to live with us after my abuela's first stroke. My dad made them move from their condo in Florida. My mom hated the idea of them living with us because it meant she'd have to look after them while my dad worked long hours at the hospital. She already had enough trouble keeping up with me because she's a flake, but that's a story for another time. So she convinced my dad to hire a nurse, the lady who later became my nanny."
Sam nods, processing all this new information as Santana lays the flowers down at her grandparents' graves before she continues with her story.
"Both of them hated it here in Ohio; it was too cold, so different from Florida. I think the only reason they agreed to move here was for me. I have so many memories with my grandpa. My grandma was sick a lot. Abuelo always let me eat ice cream on the back porch while he smoked his cigars. He got into so many fights with my mom about her never being around and he criticized her for not teaching me Spanish from birth. He looked after me because nobody else in my family would, plus he loathed my mom."
"I wish I could have met him. He sounds awesome," Sam replies.
Santana laughs, "He would've liked you and he adored Brittany almost as much as I did. Well, I still do. You probably have a million questions, but can you just take me home now?"
"Sure," he smiles, "thank you for sharing this with me."
"It's times like this that I really wish Breadstix was open twenty-four seven," she gripes.
"Totally," he agrees as he helps her into the car.
On any given day she's likely to fire him, throw fries in his face, shake ashes on the floorboards so he has to clean it up, and use him as a human stepping stool. But other than her ridiculous fake masturbation prank designed for the sole purpose of making him uncomfortable, today they were friends.
"Fish! The speed limit's forty-five and you're going like thirty! You could be doing sixty!"
Well, almost.