"Shut Up"
Written by: Madison R. McCall
Invader Zim © Jhonen Vasquez

Summary: In an act of desperation, Dib resorts to doing the only thing that could ever make that stupid Irken shut up. (ZADR)

This should have been a nice moment of quiet for Dib, it really should've been. Normally it was. After all, he was in a library so it was only natural that he expected some quiet. That's how they were supposed to be. That was why he had come here to this library, to study up on his homework in relaxation.

Apparently his study partner didn't understand that libraries were supposed to be quiet. Which was only natural seeing as his study partner was an evil alien from space. That's right, THAT evil alien. Otherwise known as Zim, the thing that wouldn't shut up.

The young paranormal investigator was used to Zim's ramblings, he expected them even. But Dib at least thought the invader would have the common sense to know that studying required some quiet. Or that they could get kicked out of the library if they made too much noise.

By the enraged look on the librarian's face, Dib could see it wouldn't be too long before that happened.

What made this situation all the more annoying was that the stupid Irken was ranting about nothing. Absolutely nothing. As far as he could tell, Zim was just spewing out some unintelligible nonsense or just spewing out whatever thought that came to mind.

He had been ranting his head off about nothing for a whole HOUR now. Dib actually hoped the Irken's head did fly off at some point so his patience could be given a break. But it seemed no matter how much he envisioned this in his head, it didn't seem to happen in real life. How disappointing.

His attention is brought towards the disgruntled librarian as he hears her irately shushing them. Dib can tell that this is the last time she's going to give them a fair warning. That was her way of saying that they were overstaying their very noisy welcome.

Dib leans over to the alien, concealing his face partially with his textbook so his voice would be muffled so he wouldn't be too loud. "Zim! Would you be quiet already! If you don't, Ms. Thorn is going to kick both of us out," He whispered, glaring harshly at Zim.

"Eh!" Zim turns his head over to Dib, finally brought out of his mindless rant. Whatever the human was talking about, it was irritating him greatly, "What is this nonsense you're babbling about, Dib-worm! Thorns cannot own honorifics! You informed Zim that they mutated hideously on your Earth plants!"

Dib sighs exasperatedly, facepalming over the Irken's ignorance. It was things like this that made it hard to talk to the Irken since he ended up having to explain every other human tradition that confused Zim, "That's her last name, Zim. I'm trying to tell you that she's threatening to kick us out if you don't quiet down!"

"What! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! How dare that inferior hyoomun try to threaten Zim's amazing self!" Knocking over the textbooks they were using as he does so, Zim leaps onto the table in the midst of one of his infamous tantrums. Dib was amused by this little display, yet mortified all at the same time. "YOU, THORN-BEAST! ZIM CHALLENGES YOU TO A BLOODY DEATH MATCH TO DETERMINE WHO OWNS RIGHTS TO THIS LYING BERRY! ZIM SHALL DESTROY YOOUUU!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Dib could see that the alien menace's rage was scaring away other people in the library. And Ms. Thorn was literally fuming with rage. If Zim didn't cut it out, a bloody battle actually would occur in this library. One that Dib was pretty certain would end in him being banned from the library along with Zim.

Although he was hiding his face from others so that they wouldn't know he was with the psyhotic alien, but Ms. Thorns would recognize. If he didn't do something now, Dib would never be allowed to study here again, they would get in so much trouble, and they would never get this stupid project done in tim- holy crap! What does htat stupid alien think he's doing!

While the Invader is in mid leap, Dib manages to grab at him to prevent him from ripping the librarian to shreds. Though he succeeded in that, the paranormal enthusiast is barely managing to hold Zim back, who's clawing, and biting, and shouting vulgar obscenities the entire time.

By now, Dib's patience had entirely run out. That stupid Irken's shouting had gotten them into this mess in the first place, and now Zim was screaming at HIM as if he were the noe at fault here. He couldn't tolerate hearing Zim talk anymore.

So in an act of desperation, Dib resorts to doing the only thing that could ever make that stupid Irken shut up. He roughly yanks the Zim up by the collar of his invader uniform, and mashes their lips together in an umcomfortable, messy approach. It wasn't the most romantic one in the world, but that didn't matter. It gave him exactly what he wanted all day.

Silence.

If it weren't for the fact that it was painfully awkward for the both of them, Dib might've dragged it on a bit longer just because he cherished the silence that much. But instead he shoves stunned Irken to the ground, ending the kiss. He gets up from the floor, brushing off his trenchcoat.

"Shut up or else I'll do that again, understand!" Dib yells in the most threatening manner he can possibly muster, glaring daggers at the Irken below him. His eyes wide with shock Zim shakes his head yes, unable to say anything. "Good. Now let's go finish our project, alien scum."

Zim never said another word while they were studying that day.