Chapter 1

They say near death experiences change our perspective on things. It makes you more grateful for everything in your life and you change to be a better person.

I've had a near death experience twice and it's changed my perspective. Scratch that, it hasn't just changed my perspective, it's changed my entire life.

"Wake up! Please, please wake up," I heard an unfamiliar Irish voice plead. I could hear everything that was going on around me, but my eyelids were too heavy to be opened. In fact, my entire body felt like it was being pushed down by the gravity of the earth. I couldn't move at all. I would've squeezed the hand that held mine if only I could.

I heard the constant begging of the person right next to me. The soft sobbing of someone from the far corner. I could even hear the footsteps of the doctor who had just walked in. If anything, my sense of hearing had multiplied the whole time I was "asleep".

"She should wake up any minute now," a deep manly voice said. Probably the doctor, I mean who else would say something like that in a room of crying people, right? It puzzled me, what the hell were these people crying for?

About 5 minutes later, it felt as if whatever it was that was holding me down vanished into thin air. I could feel everything in my body now. I still couldn't speak or open my eyes. But I knew I had to do something to get their attention. Then it hit me. I squeezed the hand of the person who was still begging me to wake up.

His sobbing came to a sudden stop as I felt his head being lifted off my arm.
"She moved," he said.
"What?" I heard a familiar voice. Emma?
"She just squeezed my hand." The boy said again.
"Kylie, please open your eyes honey," I heard my mom this time. I felt at least 5 people crowding around the bed now. Open your damn eyes!

My eyelids finally slowly opened up. My vision was blurred, but I could roughly make out who was in the room. My best friend, Emma. My mom & dad. There were 2 other guys there but I had absolutely no idea who they were.
"Nath, get the doctor," one of the mystery guys said in an Irish accent. He had blonde hair with brown streaks and beautiful blue eyes. Damn, he's cute. The boy in a leather jacket ran out of the room and I heard chains hitting each other as he did.
"Ky, how're you feeling?" Emma asked.
"I've felt better."
"Ah, she's up," the doctor said when he walked back in with the boy in the leather jacket. Oh wow, he's cute too.
"We'll be getting the test results soon, her concussion was pretty nasty," the doctor explained.
"Is there a way to find out now?" The boy in the leather jacket asked.
"How long have you known her?" The doctor asked. Wait, I know that very cute guy? Dayum!
"Nathan and I have known her for at least 3 years," the Irish one said. Him too? I could feel my eyes getting wider in shock.
"Er, I think we're going to have to continue this conversation outside."
"Mom, what's going on?" I asked.
"Um. You got into a car accident, the doctor said the concussion might have wrecked your memory quite a bit," my mom said trying to stay calm, but I knew she could break out in tears any minute.
"Kylie, what day is it and how old are you?" The doctor asked when he walked back in with the 2 boys.
"August 15th, 2011 and I'm 17." I replied with full confidence.
"Oh dear," I heard my mom mumble to the Irish boy.
"It's actually ahh, March 8th 2016 and you're 22 this year." The doctor said firmly.
"Youuuu're kidding, right?" I asked slowly sitting up.
"I'm afraid not," he said showing me the newspaper from his clipboard.
"Holy shit," I gasped.

It was March 2016? I had lost at least 4 years worth of memories. Who knows what exciting stuff I had done those 4 years? I couldn't believe it was all gone.
"So um," the Irish boy said walking toward my bed, wiping a tear that was still on his cheek. "I guess we should get introduced, eh? I'm Niall. Niall Horan."
"And I'm Nathan Sykes," the British one said.
"It's nice to umm... meet you?" I didn't know what exactly to say.
"Excuse us, for a minute," Nathan said and pulled Niall to the corner of the room.
"We can't tell her," Nathan said.
"But we have to!" Niall argued. They continued the conversation, but it got softer so I couldn't hear what it was they were debating to tell me.
"Look!" Nathan said. "It'll overwhelm her a bit too much."
"Fine," Niall sighed, giving up.

"Hey, Em?" I asked. Emma was having lunch with me while my parents, Niall and Nathan went to get me some clothes to change into. "How long have I been out?"
"Just a day. Nothing compared to the last time." I saw Emma's eyes widen, a sign she said something she wasn't supposed to.
"The last time?" I asked.
"Ahh, what?" Emma said trying to drop the topic. She was just lucky I didn't wanna know.
"What about... Neil and Ethan? How'd I meet them?" I asked.
"Niall and Nathan." Emma chuckled.
"Hey, gimme a break alright?" I giggled with her.
"Fine fine. Well when we were all 17 we moved into an apartment. Then less than a year later, Niall and Nathan were looking for an apartment to stay in. Wait, not together though. Niall came about a month before Nath. Anyway, you and me were living together and they both found our address in the papers and we took them in."
"So they're our roommates?" I asked.
"Sure are."
"Heyyy," I heard Niall say when he walked in.
"Here are some clothes for you to change into," my mom said. "Your father's signing the papers to get you checked out of here. The doctor said you'd be getting our memory soon. Staying in your apartment and spending time with the 3 of them should help."

"This is my apartment?" I asked.
"Our!" Emma, Nathan and Niall said together.
"Okay whoa. Have we had this argument before?"
"It's ironic because you were the one who started the whole "It's our apartment" thing," Niall said and laughed.
"Oh my God you have the cutest laugh ever," I said.
"I get that a lot," he replied as I was led to the amazing room that was apparently mine.
"Whoa," I gasped. The room had a bed that had sheets of my favorite color; purple. There was an acoustic guitar in the corner and a huge wardrobe at the side of the doorway. The walls were painted blue and had photos all over.
"We cleaned up a little bit," Niall said.
"Well go on in, it is your room," Nathan chuckled.
"Hey, why are there awkward empty spaces among the photos? I mean... it looks like there used to be some stuff on here," I added when they looked confused.
"Just some stuff you took down.. stuff of your past and y'know," Emma said.
"You mean like ex-boyfriend past?" I asked.
"Uhh, I guess you could say that."
"Oh."

"Well, we're off," my mom said after about an hour. "You guys take care of her."
"Of course we will, Mrs Gomez," Niall said and walked my parents to the door.
"If you guys don't mind, I'll just stay in room for a little bit," I said to Niall, Nathan and Emma.
"Yeah, sure. I'll get the boys to go pick up something to eat," Emma said.
"Hey, I went the last time!" Niall argued.
"Fine, I'll go with Nath. C'mon Sid," Emma said and got her keys before leaving.
"Sid?" I asked Niall.
"He looks like Sid from Ice Age," Niall said.
"Ooohh," I said when it finally hit me.
"Well ah, you might want some time alone in your room so I'm just gonna leave you," Niall said with a smile. But I could see it in his eyes that he was a little disappointed about something.
"Yeah, I'll see you later," I said and shut the door as he walked away.

I explored my room a little bit while waiting for Nathan and Emma to return with dinner. I didn't find much, except some songs I had written on a book that was next to my guitar. I found some old handwritten letters too, from cousins, high school friends and a few from my parents. I liked handwritten letters. Some call it extremely old fashioned, but I preferred it to emails. I remembered reading a few of the letters and writing back to them, but there were also a few that seemed new to me. I guessed maybe they were the ones written after Emma and I graduated.

As soon as I heard the front door open, I ran out yelling "Foooooood!" and apparently Niall was doing the same.
"You may have lost your memory, but your love for food's never gonna change, huh?" Nathan chuckled as he set down the bags of food on the counter in the kitchen.
"Oh please, she's loved food the moment she could eat," Emma said.
"She loves food more than anything else," Niall said.
"Oh yeah, she does," Nathan said with a tone of cheekiness and raised one of his eyebrow which seemed so effortless it puzzled me for a minute as the two boys laughed.
"You know," I said sitting on the bar stool of our kitchen counter and taking my part of the take-out. "Just cuz I lost my memory doesn't you have to be careful of what you say."
"Nonono, that's how the boys always talk," Emma reassured me.
"Hm. I'll have to keep that in mind, then."

After dinner I kept to myself mostly. Emma talked to Niall and Nathan in the living room while I stayed in bed thinking about stuff; trying my very best to remember at least what happened during the accident. I knew that if I tried hard enough, I'd pull through.

And then it came to me.

A vision. Not vision of the future like Raven's visions on That's So Raven, but a flashback.

It was loud; there was music blasting in a small enclosed area. I had my knees close to my chest. We were in a car. Emma driving, me in the passengers' seat with my feet up on the dashboard. And then a white light that seemed to get brighter, but neither of us took notice. We were kind of just singing in the car. I don't know what happened after that but the next thing I knew I was screaming. I had bolted up right, and I was screaming in panic.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" Niall panicked, barging into my room wearing nothing but the jeans he had on earlier. "Oh shit," he added when I started to cry. He ran over, jumping over the bag that was in the way like a pro and got next to me in bed.
"Sh, sh, it's okay babes," Niall said with his arms wrapped tightly around me as I buried my face into his bare chest which was weird for me.
"Where's Emma?" I asked in a shaky voice.
"She just went down with Nathan to our storage space in the basement to get some boxes. They'll be back soon." He explained, rocking me like a baby to keep me calm.
"Do we have food?" I asked and he separated from his tight grip and smiled at me.
"You and your food," he chuckled. "C'mon, I bet Em left some food. Hopefully I haven't eaten it yet."

"What the hell happened?" Emma asked and the look on Nathan's face showed exactly how panicked Emma sounded, after Niall told them I screamed.
"I probably fell asleep, I had this dream. We were all in a car and then there was this white light that slowly grew but no one noticed-"
"The accident," Niall murmured.
"That's what I thought it could've been."
"But it was just you and Nathan the night of the accident," Emma said. And then there was a silence. Niall & Nathan's faces told me that Emma had, once again, said something she wasn't supposed to.
"Emma," I said. "You told me at the hospital that I was asleep for a day and and it was nothing compared to that last time."
"Idiot, you told her?" Nathan asked.
"It slipped out!" Emma panicked.
"Is that what you two said would overwhelm me too much?" I asked the boys.
"What?" Niall asked.
"In the hospital. You 2 were talking about not telling me something that would overwhelm me. Was that first car accident it?"
"Err, yeah. That's it," Nathan said. "Yeah, that's exactly it."
"Right, yeah. The first accident." Niall said.
"Well, if what I remember was the first accident... wait. When was the first accident?" I asked.
"August 15th," Emma said confidently.
"2011," we all said together.
"That's it!" I said. "I forgot everything from the time between that accident and the accident that got me in this situation in the first place!"
"Wow it's been a dramatic day," Niall said.
"Yeah," I agreed breaking up the hug between me and Nathan.
"You should get some sleep," Nathan said.
"Sleep's what got me into this problem in the first place," I rolled my eyes. "You guys go ahead, I'll just hang around here for a bit."
"Suit yourself," Emma shrugged as the 3 of them went to their bedrooms.

Weeks passed and the only thing I could remember was still just that accident.
"The lads are coming over soon," Niall said lazily from the sofa where I had my head resting on his shoulder as we watched reruns of How I Met Your Mother. Well, they were reruns for everyone else, but new to me since I had forgotten what had happened for the past few seasons. I didn't need my memory to know how much I loved that show.
"Who are the lads?" I asked munching on popcorn.
"Friends of mine. Harry, Zayn, Liam and Louis," Niall explained.
"What time are they coming over?" Emma asked.
"They're in the lift," Niall replied.
"I'm out," Nathan said walking toward the front door.
"Where're you off to?" I asked.
"Meeting Max and Tom," he said as his trainers squeaked against the floor when he ran back to his room.
"Say hi to them for me," Emma said walking past the sofa again.
"Oh, hey boys," Nathan said when he opened the door. He opened it just in time for Niall's friends to walk in.
"IT'S OUR BABES, NIALL!" One of them cheered. He had an odd accent, not one I've ever heard before. He had jet black hair in an extremely sexy quiff. His ears were pierced and he had a tattoo on his wrist. "Oh, right, Kylie doesn't remember us," he said in a different accent which sounded more natural for him.
"I'm Zayn," he introduced himself when I sat upright.
"I'm Harry," the next one said. He had an unbelievably dreamy smile with a pair of cute dimples to match. His curls framed his face just right, and he had beautiful green eyes.
"I'm Liam." He had short straight hair that was a tad bit curled. He had a pretty deep voice and a distinct birthmark on his neck.
"And I'm Louis," the last one said. He had hair that reminded me of Drake Bell from Drake and Josh.
"It's nice to meet you boys, again, I guess." I said as they squeezed in on the sofa with Niall and me.
"How much do you remember?" Zayn asked.
"My memory, apparently, stops at August 15. Like 4 years ago," I said.
"Oh. Whoa," Liam gasped.
"Yeah," Niall said.
"Anyway, Emma and I have plans for today so, I'm gonna go get ready."

"Addison!" Emma and I squealed when we saw our other best friend Addison.
"Oh I am sooooo relieved that you still remember me," Addison said dramatically with her hand on her chest.
"Don't worry, Addy, I remember high school, just nothing much after that," I reassured Addison as we took our seats in Starbucks.
"So you don't know Niall and Nathan?"
"Oh she does, they were in the hospital when she woke up. Harry and the gang are at our apartment." Emma explained.
"And I spot Nathan," Addison said looking out the window.
"Hey," Nathan said walking in. He was joined by a guy in glasses and a shaved his head. Also a guy with black hair and it looked like he had several little scars on his face if you looked really closely.
"Oh, right," Nathan said. "This is it Max and Tom."
"Nice to meet you," I said.
"Sooo, anyway," Addison said awkwardly. "Wanna maybe go now?"
"Yeah, I think that's best," Emma said. At this point Max and Tom still hadn't spoken. "We'll see you back home, Nath," Emma said as she dragged me out of the store.
"What was that about?" I asked.
"Nothing!" Addison snapped. "It was ahh.. nothing."
"Ooookay. So the movie?"

"You sure you don't wanna stay over for dinner?" I asked Addison on the taxi ride back home.
"Nah, I'm good," she said.
"Alright. We'll see you soon!" Emma said as we got out of the taxi.
"What was that all about?" I asked Emma in the elevator.
"It's best you didn't know until you're well.. ready," Emma sighed.
"Oh," I said.
"Oh my God what happened to this place?" I asked when I opened the door.
"Boys. That's what happened," Emma said walking in.
"Hey!" Tom greeted us with his mouth full on the sofa. Apparently Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn had left and it was Tom and Max who replaced them.
"Tom?" I checked before sitting next to him when he nodded.
"Where'd you get that pizza?" I asked him suspiciously.
"Kitchen," he said and I that's where I ran toward.
"Sorry about that awkward thing with Addison and the boys earlier," Nathan said when I walked in.
"Yeah, what was that about?" I asked as I jumped and sat on the counter before getting myself a slice of pizza.
"I'm not sure if I can tell you..." Nathan pondered.
"It's okay, I won't force it out of you," I said taking a bite off my pizza. "Just a little curious is all."
"Let's just say they have a little bit of history." Apparently my method of dropping the topic to get someone to tell me something works extremely easy with Nathan.
"Like dating history?"
"Not exactly but yeah. Don't tell anyone I told you," he said.
"Alright, I won't," I giggled.
"You don't know, do you?" Nathan asked in a more serious tone.
"Know what?"
"That I'd do anything for you, things like tell you stuff I'm not allowed to, knowing that it's gonna get me in a lot of trouble."
"Well... I do know. I promise I won't take it for granted," I said and kissed him on the cheek.
"Whoa, she has forgotten, huh?" Max asked walking in.
"Huh?"
"Nothin'," he said quickly while taking a slice of pizza. "So how does the whole amnesia thing work?"
"I don't really know... the doctor just said I'd get my memory back bit by bit, but it's gonna take a while," I explained getting a second slice of pizza.
"Second slice already?" Tom asked walking in. "Damn, this girl still loves food, huh?"
"Of course she does!" Max said in an accent, playing with my ear.
"Don't worry, he does that to everyone," Tom said and I heard the front door shut.
"Niall?" I called.
"Yeap." He replied. "I smell food!"
"We've pizza in here!" Max said.
"Can I have a slice?" Niall asked.
"Oh my God, Niall asking if he can eat food?" Nathan said sarcastically, and Niall playfully hit him on the arm while getting a slice of his own.

"Hey, Ky," Nathan asked me the next day. I was sitting by the kitchen counter as I read my book and ate some fries.
"Yeah?" I asked, with my eyes glued to the book. It was just the 2 of us that day. Emma had gone out on a date and Niall was meeting up with his friends again.
"I was wondering if you'd wanna join me at Max's house party today? I mean, it's not like we're doing anything else today." Nathan offered.
"Would be a bit awkward for me, wouldn't it? I wouldn't know many people there."
"Um, actually. You'd know everyone there, just you know.. memory," he said pointing to his temple.
"Rrrright," I said putting my book down. "Yeah, I guess I don't see any harm in it," I sighed.
"Great!" He said. "The party's at 6 so we'll leave by 5:30."
"Then I should get showered," I said walking to the shower.

"Wow," Nathan said when I walked into the living room where he was waiting. "You look.. absolutely lovely."
I was wearing a white floral dress with a blazer, a matching clutch and a pair of heels. All found in my closet. I borrowed Emma's curler and got my hair, well.. curled.
"Thank you," I giggled as he walked toward me.
"And you're still not taller than me, perfect," he said adjusting his jacket. Then he put his hand on his waist offering for me to hook arms with him. "Shall we?"
"We shall," I said as we walked out the door. "You where a lotta chains, y'know."
"Yeah, I know."

"D'aw, your scared," Nathan teased when we were in the elevator.
"No I'm not," I said.
"Sure you aren't," he said putting his arm over my shoulder and pulling me closer to him.
"Don't worry, there aren't going to be too many people there," he said as we walked to the apartment door with arms hooked again.
"Hey, there you are!" A woman greeted when she opened the door.
"Wow you are gorgeous," I said. "Sorry!"
"Oh right, I'm Michelle," she giggled letting us in. Nathan was right, there weren't many people there. "Max told me you don't remember anything from the past 4 years?"
"It's true," I nodded.
"That's horrible!" She said.
"Yeah, it kinda sucks," I admitted.
"But we're getting her through," Nathan said. "Hey, are Seev and Jay here yet?"
"Yeah, in the kitchen with Max. Tom, Kels and Nareesha are in there as well."
"Heyyy!" One of the guys said. He was what the girls would call "tall, dark and handsome". "I'm Siva," he said.
"And I'm Jay," the guy with curls said.
"Hello," I said shyly.
"I'm Kelsey, and this is Nareesha," a blonde girl said. Damn. All these girls were gorgeous.
"Something's bugging you, what is it?" Tom asked.
"Nothing's bothering me but like wow you girls are beautiful," I laughed.
"You are too, love," Nareesha said. "I see you're wearing the shoes I gave you."
"You gave me these shoes? Oh my God, thank you! I love them!" I said excitedly.
"She really has forgotten... she's been thanking me forever!" Nareesha laighed. At this point, the boys had left the kitchen.
"So what do you girls do?" I asked getting comfortable on the bar stool by the kitchen counted.
"I'm a dancer," Kelsey replied.
"I design shoes. Those you have on are something I've designed." Nareesha said making me go "Oh my God!" all over again.
"And I'm an actress," Michelle replied.
"Oh that I know. I still remember seeing you on Coronation Street," I giggled.

"Hey," I heard someone from behind me. I was standing at the balcony of the apartment with the wind blowing my hair back. There was a beautiful view from there.
"Hi," I said when Jay joined me.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"I just don't feel... right here. I'unno," I sighed.
"It's probably just because you don't remember much of us... but it's alright, I'm sure you'll warm up to everybody."
"I'm sure I will, too. But just not right now, I guess. Cool tattoo, by the way."
"Thanks," he said looking at the tattoo himself. "I have a pet lizard back home, and you love her to pieces."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You should come by sometime, she really misses you. Her name's Neytiri and she's one of the reasons you love coming over."
"I've always wanted a pet lizard bu-"
"You're mom's scared as hell of them," Jay finished.
"Yeah," I laughed.
"By the way, I suggest you call a taxi soon. Nath's leathered so you're gonna want a ride ready," Jay winked.
"Thanks," I chuckled.

About an hour later, Nathan was ready to go home. Well, not exactly ready, but the rest of the boys thought it was best for me to bring him home.
"Didn't see much of you tonight," Nathan said in the taxi.
"Yeah, well... wasn't in a partying mood I guess?"
"You rarely ever are. You're usually the one who just sits at a corner with a beer at night outs and parties," Nathan explained.
"Hmm. Sounds like me. The killjoy one," I chuckled.
"Hey, you wanna go out for lunch with me tomorrow?" Nathan asked.
"As much as I'd love to, I've already made plans with Niall for lunch," I said.
"Oh. That's alright..." Nathan said. He sounded like he was going to crash soon. "I'll make plans with you some other time."
"Go to sleep, you. It's quite a long ride," I said as I tilted his head to be placed on my shoulder. "There you go."

"Good morning," I greeted Emma who was in the kitchen making some coffee. "Thanks," I said grabbing myself a mug that had coffee.
"How was the party last night?" Emma asked.
"It was... fun.."
"Oh c'mon. I know you. You rarely ever have fun in the first place."
"Well.. it was a bit weird. Everyone was having loads of fun and all."
"Did you get to talk to anyone much?" Emma said as Niall walked into the kitchen to join us.
"I got introduced- well, re-introduced I guess, to Kelsey, Nareesha, Michelle, Jay and Siva. Didn't really talk to them much. Jay did tell me about his lizard, though."
"Oh you love Tia," Niall said.
"I thought she was Neytiri?"
"Yeah, well. We call her Tia too," Emma said. "Where's Nath?"
"Leathered in his room," Niall said. He had helped me to get Nathan up to our apartment the previous night.
"We should get him some tea then," Emma said getting a mug.

"Good morning to you," I teased as Nathan walked out of his room at 1 in the afternoon, limping like a zombie with an empty mug which was earlier brought to him by me.
"Where're you off to, dressed so lovely again?" Nathan asked in a dead voice as I rushed to find my shoes. I was wearing a simple top with a leather jacket and jeans and I was gonna get my Supras to match.
"Lunch with Niall, remember?"
"Oh right," he said sitting next to me on the sofa. "Where is Niall?"
"He went ahead. He had to meet Zayn about something, i'unno," I said. Then I got up and took his mug for him and brought it to the kitchen.
"You know it's weird that you're going out when I'm so hungover. Usually you and Emma cancel your plans to slap me sober. Literally," he emphasized with a little smirk.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I'm sure Emma can do that on her own this one time. I gotta go," I said and kissed his cheek before dashing to the door.

"My friend Niall's in there," I told the waiter when I got to Nando's.
"You're... Kylie Gomez?"
"Yeap."
"Come on in."
"Hey, sorry I'm a little late," I told Niall.
"It's okay, you're always late," he teased. "Is Nath up yet?""
"Yeah, he woke up before I left. Have you ordered?"
"Uh-huh. But don't worry, I know your usual order," he smiled sweetly.
But his sweet smile slowly disappeared, and I saw the disappointment return into his eyes.
"What's the matter?" I asked. He hesitated for a while as we were served our meals.
"Do you know that feeling... When you see someone you really like but you can't tell them?" He said.
"Yeah, I've had that feeling before in school. Is there anything you news help with in that field?"
"Let's just enjoy our lunch?" He chuckled nervously trying to drop the topic.

After lunch, I went home while Niall had to go see Louis and Harry this time. I was sitting with Emma and Nathan as we watched movies on HBO.
"Hey, do you guys know if Niall has a girlfriend?" I asked out of the blue causing Nathan to almost spat his Coke out.
"Ahh, well he says it's currently complicated..." Emma said.
"Why though?" Nathan asked.
"Well, he asked earlier about that feeling you get when you see someone you really like but you can't tell them," I quoted Niall from earlier.
"Thaaaat's what he meant when he said it was complicated," Nathan said.
"Oh," I said simply.
"I'm gonna go get more popcorn," Nathan said awkwardly.