Chapter 3

You know that feeling you get, you're sitting in a room full of people you know but you feel so alone? You feel like everyone's a stranger, even if you've seen them before. You don't know who to trust, you don't know who's the good person and who's the bad. You feel intimidated by everyone and you just don't feel like you belong.

That's how I felt at my own party. I still hadn't agreed to it, but Max insisted. It was like what Emma had said. Only the boys and their girlfriends. Well, wife, in Max and Michelle's case. I'm just grateful the party was planned a day after my birthday, so I celebrated my actual birthday with Niall, Emma, Nathan and Addison.

I had gotten closer to Ed, and he promised he wouldn't bring up my spilling everything to him on the train. But honestly I didn't know if I had enough trust for anymore promises. I had lost my memory, and lately I've been having paranoid feelings that I was trusting someone who wasn't supposed to be trusted.

I was standing by on the bar stool by the kitchen counter with a bottle of bear.
"I told you you were always the one sitting in a corner with a bottle of beer," Nathan said joining me.
"Just-"
"Not in the partying mood, like always," Nathan teased. "Sorry that this present's a little late." He said handing me a box.
"It's a charm for your bracelet," he explained. "I don't know where it's kept, Emma might now." The charm was a guitar, it even had "K" engraved on it for Kylie.
"It's really pretty, thank you," I said hugging Nathan. The previous day I had gotten a new hoodie from Niall, a blazer from Addison, and a scrapbook from Emma. She said she started making it since we met when we were 7.

"Kylie! Liam and Danielle are here!" Emma called out and I walked toward the front door.
"Hey Kylie. I'm Danielle Peazer," she introduced herself. She was beyond beautiful. All of their girlfriends were.
"Hey," I smiled as we walked into my apartment.
"So how's the whole amnesia thing going?" She asked me.
"Alright, I guess. Kinda sucks that I don't remember a lot of things."
"I guess you've somehow been given a second chance," she said.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Things weren't like this the last time I saw you, it the day of the accident I think. You came by my place in tears. The boys haven't been pulling each other's hair, have they?"
"What happened? They've been alright, no problem at all." I said. I felt like I was close to finding out what was going on.
"Well," she started to say in a softer voice. "You were having problems with Niall and Nath. That's all I can say." So much for getting closer, I already knew all that.
"Emma called me from the hospital, Nathan and Niall were arguing like cats and dogs. When I got there she asked if she could stay over my place because she didn't wanna be there for the future arguments. Nathan said there was no need because he had already planned on moving into Jay's. Niall wouldn't leave your side, neither would Nath."
"But you weren't there when I woke up," I stated.
"I had to go to work, but I was there the whole night."

I gathered up all the little bits of information I had and pieced it all together. I figured that maybe this is a way for me find out what I had been missing these 4 years. I was Niall's girlfriend. But something was going on between me and Nathan as well. They were mad at each other. Well, Niall was mad at Nath. And at me too.
"Hey," Niall said interrupting my trail of thought.
"Sup."
"It's like 4 in the morning, your party ended an hour a go, you're not going to bed yet?" He asked.
"I was.. just on my way to bed, yeah," I said.
"Right, goodnight," he said making his way to the kitchen.
"Goodnight," I repeated as I walked to my bedroom door.

That night I had another dream of the past. I was in a lift. Not the lift of my apartment building. I was going up to the 12th floor, that's all I knew. I walked out of the lift, made my way to an apartment door and knocked on it. When Danielle opened the door, she gasped and took my into a tight hug.
"Come on in," she said. "Tell me what happened."
"I don't know if I can do it anymore. No one knows about this, I promised Nathan."
"Nathan?"
"I kinda made out with him a few weeks ago and we've been going on dates and stuff since."
"You've been cheating on Niall?" She said in shock.
"I don't know why I did it!" I bawling and buried my face on the pillow that was on her lap.
"Sh, shh, it's okay," she said stroking my hair.
"I wanted to tell Niall but I promised Nathan I wouldn't. Oh my gosh, what am I gonna do?"
"Listen, sweet heart," she said as I sat up. She wiped the tears that were rolling down my face and said. "I'll help. We'll go back to your apartment and we'll talk to the boys. Well, you will but I'll be there with you. Does Emma know?"
"No, she's had a lot of stress from work, I didn't wanna worry her or anything." I shook my head.
"Then I guess that's a 3rd person we'll have to tell," Danielle sighed.
"I've ruined everything," I said before my phone started ringing.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Kylie? This is Al, manager of the bar. Nath's here and he seems too upset to be drinking. I think you should come over to pick him up."
"Alright, I'll be right there," I said and hung up. "I've gotta get Nath. He's getting drunk and the manager doesn't think he should be."
"Give me a call when you're going to talk to Niall," Danielle said before leading me to the door.
"I will," I said and hugged her. "Thank you, Danielle."
"No problem, babes. And I won't tell anyone, not even Liam, I promise."

There was a flash, and next thing I saw was me walking into a bar. There was yelling and a huge crowd in the middle. I heard a familiar voice trying to break up a fight. I was small, so I squeezed in through everyone in the crowd without a problem.
"Nathan!" I yelled. He was punching some guy in the face, and I had known Nathan long enough to know that he had no chance against the huge guy.
"Nathan!" I yelled again and pulled him away effortlessly from the big guy. "Let's go, I'm driving you home."
"I've got my car," he said as we were led out the backdoor.
"I'll pick it up tomorrow."

Then, there was another flash and I bolted upright again like the night months before, except this time I wasn't screaming.

"The accident." I said. "I was cheating on Niall, I had gone to Danielle about it, gotten a call from Al, picked up Nathan and was crashed into by a motorcycle."

I knew it wasn't the right time, it was 4am, but I was getting my keys to drive to Jay's apartment. I didn't think about how much I was gonna get out of him considering he would be hungover or whatever, but I had to try. If he wasn't sober enough, I could always go to Danielle.

"Kylie? What the hell are you doing here it's 4:30 in the morning!" He asked scratching his head as he yawned when he opened the door.
"I need to know something no one in my apartment will tell me," I said pushing him into the apartment. "Nathan was supposed to move in with you, the day of the accident."
"I thought we wouldn't talk about this again, but okay," he said as his facial expression changed into a more serious one. "Nath was supposed to move in, yes."
"Because him and Niall fought."
"Correct again."
"Because Nathan told Niall I was cheating on him."
"Yeah," Jay said in shock. "You remember. How?"
"I had a dream," I said knowing he probably wouldn't believe me.
"Wow. And the rest don't know."
"They don't. Did you visit me at the hospital?"
"Yeah, I did. Niall and Nath weren't talking to each other at all. Em got home early that day, the lads had the day off and you were at Danielle's. Emma said Nathan and Niall talked in Niall's room and they came out yelling at each other. Nathan stormed out of the house and Niall wouldn't leave his bedroom."
I don't know what happened after Jay said that, because I had crashed.

I woke up the next morning, in a bed with the covers over me. I looked around the room and saw a tank in the corner. I was in Jay's room. I fell asleep last night after I found out for sure the whole truth about the accident and me, Niall and Nathan. I got out of the bed to the smell of hot tea.

"You worried the shit out of me," Nathan said as he rushed from the dining table to hug me.
"I'm sorry."
"So you know, huh?"
"Yeah," I sighed as I took a seat myself. "Do Emma and Niall know I know?"
"I told them," Jay said.
"I found the letter you wrote me," I said. "You were going to move out?"
"I'll leave you 2," Jay said walking into his bedroom where I was asleep earlier.
"Yeah, I couldn't bare to see you in love with Niall anymore. I was being a selfish bastard, making you cheat on him. I knew that if I left you guys that you 2 could solve the problem. Even though you were in love with him I knew that if I really loved you, I'd be okay with leaving you with Niall, the one who made you happiest." He said. His voice shook and although he was looking down at his tea, I could see his eyes swell up in tears.
"You're not moving out. You're still staying in our apartment."
"But I already told you, I can't stand seeing you 2 in love with someone else."
"Don't you see? I'm not in love with Niall anymore. In fact, I'm not in love with anyone."
"Not even me?" He asked.
"I know it can be heartbreaking but, no. I'm in love with no one, not even you." I said and he looked back down at his mug again.
"But hey," I said lifting up his chin for him to look at me. "That doesn't mean I'm not gonna fall in love with you. Maybe if you play your cards right you'll get me," I winked and he hugged me.
"Now I've gotta explain things to Niall," I sighed and we both giggled.

"If we could only have this life,
for one more time.
If we could only turn back time.."

"I can't wait to hear the final product," I said as I closed the door behind me.
"I'm not mad at you, you know," Niall said as I sat next to him on the bed.
"I do now. Are you mad at Nath?" I asked. He didn't answer, he just played with his guitar.
"Niall."
"I'm not mad at him," he mumbled and I stared him down. "It's just he had you while you were with me and it's unfair that now he's getting you again." He said as his eyes teared up.
"Niall," I sighed. "He's not getting me, no one is. I don't wanna fall in love right now. I just got a new start and I'm not gonna start with a guy."
"And Nath?"
"I told him already. I'm not in love with either of you. If you play your cards right, like I told Nath, you might get me."
"I'll always love you, Ky."
"You and Nath both. The 2 of you will always have a place in my heart. And I'm sorry I cheated on you."
"It's all forgiven. He told me you felt guilty and had a fight with him about it but he forced you," he explained.
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Hey," Emma said as she walked in.
"Someone's here to tell you guys something. N- Nathan! One minute."
"Niall, mate, I know you're really mad at me, you have every right to. I was being the bastard who steals his friend's girlfriend. And, if you want me to move out, I'll go."
"Nath, you're not going anywhere." I said firmly but I was ignored by everyone.
"Nath, Kylie needs all of us." Niall said getting up from the bed. "And yeah, I'm mad at you. Not as mad as I was before. But staying mad at you isn't gonna solve anything." Aw, emotional moment! "Besides, if you move out, who's gonna tolerate the girls with me? Getting a new roommate wouldn't be the same," Niall teasingly punched Nathan on the arm. The laughed and hugged it off.
"Forgiven?" Nathan asked holding out an arm.
"And forgotten," Niall replied and they did that handshake guys always do.

It felt great that all was peaceful after that. According to Emma, ever since Niall and Nathan talked everything over a drink or 2, they had never been so close.

Over the course of a few years, I remembered more of the 4 years I had missed. Well, the major events, at least. I remember moving in with Emma. Meet the boys and even falling in love with Niall. I got all these through the usual dreams I would get.

I still hadn't fallen in love with Nathan or Niall, and I wasn't counting on it. Emma was just pleased that we were all enjoying and appreciating each other's company more than ever before.

Everthing that was falling apart before the accident had pieced back together. I'd say that the car accident was a blessing in disguise.