Disclaimer: If you haven't seen the Phantom of the opera movie version with Charles Dance yet, DO IT!

~Chapter nineteen~

The rest of the day they didn't really know what to around each other. Both of them were caught up in their own thoughts. Christine escaped into a book and Erik sat down and wrote some sheet music. They had a light lunch and then Erik disappeared. It didn't bother Christine, right now she didn't mind being alone. She thought back on what she had done and what a great risk she had taken with him. She knew he could probably break her neck like a twig if he wanted to. But he hadn't. He scared her so much at times, and other times he felt closer to her than her own skin in some strange way. And now they had also been intimate. Like a real husband and wife. Does that make their marriage legit now? What did he think of it all? Why did everything feel so different and why was he so distant now?

Erik needed to clear his mind. In order to do so he did his regular rounds around the opera house. It had been several days since he had been up there, mostly because he didn't want to leave Christine's side but now he found it relaxing to see that everything was as usual. Madame Giry with her one tooth left were yelling at Meg to remember to keep her posture straight, the managers were arguing about money matters and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

But oh god, Christine had given her all to him! Every single part of herself! Now there was only one thing left he needed her to give him. What he had always wanted from her since the very start. The most impossible part for him to ever want. Her love. So many times he had begged her 'You must love me!' but he knew love could not be forced. Still he felt proud that he had come closer to her than he had ever been before. He couldn't regret it even though he knew she was so young, just a child. She had after all let him, willingly! And now a part of him felt so alive! So why did her love feel further away than ever? He knew he had hurt her, but he hadn't been able to restrain himself. And after it they had hardly spoken to each other. He wanted her forgiveness more than ever. He needed it. Before he knew it he found himself at the Madeleine church, saying a prayer for the first time in ages, begging for forgiveness, not for his prior sins but for hurting the woman he loved more than life itself. Tears fell down his cheeks and he sobbed loudly. The sound from his cry echoed from the walls in the otherwise silent church. If there was a God he knew he wouldn't be forgiven, but asking for forgiveness couldn't hurt now could it? He looked up at the altar.

Seeing the beautiful altar with Saint Mary Magdalene being lifted up to heaven by the angels gave him a bit of hope. But she had never been a killer like him. She had never hurt anyone she loved. She had just been possessed by seven demons that Jesus had driven out, and Jesus had loved her more than the other disciples. Erik knew he had more demons than that. And there were no one to drive them out from him. He was doomed. So what was he doing here? He had no idea, but the sanctuary felt soothing to his heart. He prayed for himself, he prayed for Christine, for the both of them. For her to be able to blind him with grace, springing from her own innocence. For them to somehow be able to get a normal life, filled with music and art and everything that would make them happy. But it felt so out of reach days like these. He could still hear his mother yell at him as a child. How he would never be loved, how she hated him, how she had hoped that he would have died as an infant. Sadness and anger both at once filled his heart and he felt restless.

To have something to do he rose and climbed up to the organ. There he hid some sheets of music behind the pipes, a requiem that he had written. He hoped that one day when the pipes would be cleaned in a few years time, the young man who was now aiming to replace old Théodore Dubois as the organ master, Gabriel Fauré would find them. Erik liked young Gabriel and thought he had potential, but old Théodore wrote some terrible operas! He didn't deserve any help in his career!

Christine waited and waited for Erik. Where had he gone? Should she be worried? What if he had fallen down like he did before once again? Or was this some sort of test? What if she was left all alone, he wasn't usually gone for so long. She at first thought that he might be toying with her emotions, but after she had cried out his name a couple of times with no reply she started to worry even more so. Hadn't he almost always been all around her, or at least close by? To get her mind of things she forced herself to start singing. Songs always took away some gloom. You can't sing and be miserable at the same time, because the singing itself is a sort of ventilation of your feelings. It was like lifting the lid of a boiling pot. If you sang things calmed down a bit. She started off with the arias she knew but when she had run out of those she started singing the female part of some duets.

When Erik returned to the house by the lake he heard Christine in the Louis-Philippe room, singing a song by Camille Saint-Saëns. It was an aria from the opera Samson and Delilah called "My heart opens itself up to your voice". Christine sang:

"My heart opens to your voice, like the flowers open to the kisses of the dawn! But, oh my beloved, to better dry my tears, let your voice speak again! Tell me that you are returning to Delilah forever! Repeat to my tenderness the promises of old times, those promises that I loved! Ah! Respond to my tenderness! Fill me with ecstasy! "

Silently Erik entered the room and spontaneously he stepped into the aria immediately and sang the part of Samson as he was walking up to her:

"Delilah, Delilah, I love you!"

Christine hadn't heard Erik come back but the relief she felt almost overwhelmed her. He was back! She also smiled at the ease with which he found himself in the role of Samson .She turned to him, held out her arms and sang:

"Like one sees the blades of wheat that wave, in the light wind, so trembles my heart. Ready to be consoled, by your voice that is so dear to me! The arrow is less rapid in bringing death, than is your lover to fly into your arms! Ah! Respond to my tenderness! Fill me with ecstasy!"

Erik went into character and stepped into her open arms, he held her close and sang with all his heart:

"Delilah, Delilah, I love you!" As his last note echoed out he quietly added yet another "I love you…"

She looked at him as he was staring into her eyes, and their breaths grew heavy. She was unable to continue on with the second verse. He was so close to her right now. She felt his breath on her skin and he licked his lips. She raised her hands and pulled his head down to her so she could kiss him. It was a spontaneous kiss, it was thought of as a sort of big finale to their song, but it quickly became something more than that. He quickly took off his gloves and threw them away, pulled her skirt up and made her knees weak as he found her most private part and slipped a finger inside. She moaned and felt a want for him, a need for him so strong that it scared her. She gave up a little scream as she fell down onto the floor and pulled him with her on top of her. He kissed her neck and the upper parts of her breasts, since that was all that was revealed to him. Then he disappeared under her skirt and before she knew what he was doing she could feel his tongue actually licking her! No man had ever done that to her before and the feeling of the warm tongue mixed together with his cold finger inside her made her climax. She cried out his name as she did, and pressed his head hard down towards her womb. She had no idea that anything a woman could experience with a man could feel this good! It was completely new to her. She tried to regain her composure but it was hard when her body was almost immediately ready for more.

When Erik felt her cramps release around his finger he pulled it out, kissed the inner part of her thigh and caressed her leg while he stood up. He gently pulled down her skirt again and held out a hand for her to help her get up. He saw a strange look in her eyes when he did so. Was it disappointment? She even looked a bit sad. But he knew she had enjoyed herself. He tried to explain his actions.

"Christine you will get a cold if you're on the floor and I can't get your dress and corset off if you're on the floor."

"Oh." Christine's eyes widened with understanding and she blushed. She had thought he was finished with her, but obviously that wasn't the case. He pulled away the bedspread from the large bed in the room, and then turned to pull her close and started to undo her small dress buttons. Here she could see how skillful he was with his quick hands. He had both the dress and corset and his own clothes off in no time. It was all done so quick that she started getting nervous. What if it was going to hurt again like it did the last time? He must have read her mind because he lifted her up from the floor and gently placed her on the bed and lay down next to her, and for a while he just looked at her. Then he placed a hand on her belly. His touch calmed her a bit.

"Erik?"

"Yes?"

"Would you mind being completely naked this time?"

"As you can see my dear, there's not a thread of clothing on my body." He smirked.

"I mean your mask, why don't you remove it?"

"You truly are a work of art Christine. And I love you, but I'm afraid I will hurt you too."

She got a scared expression on her face.

"Why do you say that?"

"No one, not even you want to be with a monster. I keep the mask on for your own good." He grabbed her nipple between his lips and teased her. "If you are ever to love me, I must remain hidden until you forget what I look like underneath this."

"Erik, that's not true!"

"It is. But it might happen in time. You must forget the darker side of me, darling. Now lie back and let's do what married couples do."

And they did, and this time it didn't hurt. Instead Erik wept with gratitude. His tears felt warm on her skin. She held him close and after a while he relaxed and fell asleep in her arms.