Chapter Ten: Sacrifices

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
- Lao Tzu

It was raining, one of those soft summer rains that fell on Konohagakure in a light mist. Any other night, he would have said it was refreshing or beautiful, even. But tonight, no tonight, it whispered over the streets like a funeral shroud. Iruka could only think of 108 dead Uchiha's; their blood was partly on his hands. Did the rain fall on their lifeless bodies where they must lay sprawled lifeless over the beautiful Uchiha compound? He couldn't help but picture it. Did the rain wash away their blood? It didn't wash away his guilt.

All this your fault, he thought. You're a fool! A Selfish fool!

Iruka stood on his rooftop terrace and watched passively while Sandaime jumped down, away from him, surprisingly limber for a man of his age and undid the seals to his apartment. He sighed. Everyone came rushing out, asking questions; their voices loud in the night air. Iruka felt like he was watching it all from someone else's body. This wasn't happening to him. He looked over at Ryuu and the dragon raised a questioning eyebrow at him…reminding him to re-do the henge over his eyes. Iruka quickly pulled up the henge although he knew that if either Itachi or Kakashi chose to use their own sharingan eyes on him they'd see through it quickly enough. He just hoped they didn't. Of course, why would they?

Iruka knew he was a lot of things about himself. He had been hardworking, prudent, open, and content with the way his life was in his other life. But when had he become so complacent? Is that what he'd been back then? Complacent? That word didn't sit right with him. It felt almost like a dirty word on his tongue. Somewhere along the lines in that life he had forgotten what it meant to be a shinobi. He had forgotten about training, about bettering his own self. He had encouraged his students, his friends, his coworkers, his own lover to better themselves to find hidden talents. But he had let himself stagnant.

He had always hated people looking down on him for just being a chuunin. Calling him a 'desk ninja' - even though that was exactly what he had been. Iruka had been a chuunin by choice. He had been an academy sensei by choice. He could have taken the exam to become jounin years ago, in his other life, and passed it easily, but he never did. Why hadn't he? Why had it taken him dying for kami sake to wake up and see what he could've been? To see what sort of different life he could've led? Of course this line of thinking was absurd, Iruka himself had muddled up with time when wrote the scroll and came back. He shook off his philosophical thoughts. He didn't have the time to indulge in them at the moment.

He might be a slow walker, but he would refuse to walk backwards through life anymore. He didn't like to think that of himself and he knew something had to change. It meant leaving his home, his friends, everything he knew in order to put Konoha first and sacrificing his personal wellbeing.

In just these few short six months he was already three times the shinobi he had been in that life. Granted, part of that might be the little bit of extra blood assistance inside him, but Ryuu assured him that it was just a tiny part of him. This was mostly all him. What could he accomplish if he actually set his mind to the task? He had to make the time, had to find the answers, had to find someone to teach him the things he needed to know. He was sick of manipulating people, sick of manipulating events that may or may not happen. He needed to take action. For the first time in his life, Iruka felt the overwhelming, suffocating need to get out of Leaf.

Sandaime was talking with low hushed tones to the group below. He knew the Hokage was telling them about the massacre. Of course he would probably leave out the part that it was his entire fault. But Iruka knew the truth. He closed his eyes and felt tears fall. Iruka felt his hands grasping Samehada as he cried silently. He couldn't watch. He couldn't. He felt like couldn't get enough air into his lungs. He couldn't breathe. He was hyperventilating. He turned away from the scene below him; he felt Ryuu's face searching his features. Iruka shook his head. He couldn't speak. He had to get away. Maybe he should leave now. He dismissed the Dragon; he would meet up with him later.

"Nii-san?" Naruto said softly from behind him.

"Oh, Kami." Iruka paused mid-step. Naruto was hugging him from behind. He put his arm around the boy. "Hey, Naruto." He ruffled the boy's hair awkwardly. He was going to say goodbye to him, he just hadn't anticipated doing it right now.

"Is what the Hokage said true?" Naruto asked, his voice sounding sad.

Iruka looked down at the boy. His young whiskered face was tear-streaked, much like his own. "What did The Hokage tell you exactly?" he asked.

"That there was a horrible battle, a betrayal…that…all of Sasuke-kun and Itachi-san's family are…dead…" Naruto said sadly. He seemed to be having a hard time quite comprehending it. "Was…Sasuke's Mother…?" Naruto asked quietly. They both seemed to be remembering the visit from this morning. Or was that yesterday?

Iruka took Naruto's hands in his and grasped them almost painfully in his. "Yes, Naruto. She is gone. Itachi is all that he has now. And you. You must remember that now. You are his family."

Naruto look confused. "And you, too, Nii-san."

Iruka looked away; he felt uncomfortable under his gaze. "Yes, of course. Me, too. But I won't always be around. I want you to promise me that you will always be a good friend to Sasuke-kun even if he acts like a Teme, ne?"

Naruto's bright blue eyes overflowed with more unshed tears. "Are you going somewhere?"

"And I want you to promise me that you always try your hardest at Academy even if they call you names. Even if hurts your feelings. Even if they call you 'dead-last' or something stupid like that." Iruka paused. "You must promise me to try your hardest to study at school. And when you get on your genin team, promise me that you'll be patient with your jounin-sensei even if he seems like a good-for nothing lazy pervert." Iruka took a deep breath and fought for tears. "Okay? Promise me, damnit!"

Naruto couldn't contain his confusion but he knew that something was happening; he knew that Iruka was leaving and he didn't know why. He started crying. "Nii-san, why are you leaving?"

Iruka hugged the younger boy tightly, painfully. "I'm sorry, I can't explain it right now…but I have training to do. And you haven't promised me yet. Do you remember everything I said?"

"Yes, Nii-san." Naruto said, tears falling down his cheeks. "I promise."

"Good." Iruka smiled happily at the boy as he brushed the tears away off his face. "Then you can have my apartment and all my things. I certainly won't need them right now. And I'll write you, don't worry." Iruka forced himself to smile even though his heart was starting to break. "This isn't forever, Naruto. I love you like a brother, and I'll be back…dattebayo." Iruka ruffled a hand through the blond child's hair again, fighting back tears. "I will be back." He repeated and then hugged him tightly.

Iruka stepped back then transported himself into his bedroom with a swirl of bubbles and started packing. First, he dressed efficiently, simple jounin gear out of lack of anything else to wear really. Then he got all of his weapons as well as arming himself. He packed several clean changes in his knapsack; he also had lots of ration bars. He was still mostly packed from his last trip. He packed his ANBU gear away too, caressing the mask once before tucking it into his pack. He never knew when he might need it. He also took his Leaf hitai-ate and set it in his pack. He wasn't a rogue or missing nin, but he knew he didn't deserve to walk out of the village wearing it anymore.

What does one take on a trip like this, he thought to himself? Iruka looked around his modest bedroom; he picked up books. He would always want something to fill his time. He was had already chosen about seven books and contemplating between another seven and eight when he felt a familiar chakra walk up behind him.

Iruka closed his eyes in dread. He didn't turn around.

"So, what I overheard is right?" Itachi said angrily. "You're just…leaving? After what happened?"

He set the books down in his satchel, stood and turned around. "Yes."

"Hn." Itachi folded his arms. Iruka couldn't read the expression his face. It reminded him of the way he was when they first met, actually, back at the ANBU trials. Aloof, cold, vaguely expressionless. It was his mask. He didn't want Iruka to see what he was thinking or feeling. Iruka hated it when he did that.

"Itachi…have you ever heard it said that there are no coincidences, that our lives are collisions of fate and our choices?" Iruka said.

Itachi frowned. "Don't confuse the subject with melodramatic bullshit."

"I'm not." Iruka said. "Just pay better attention, baka.

Iruka turned around and tossed both books back into his knapsack, since he couldn't decide on either of them. Better to take them both and he could always dump one later.

"It's like a game of shogi 'Tachi. There are just multiple levels and you haven't been anticipated any of my moves." Iruka said, hands on his hips.

"Is it always games with you?" Itachi said, raising an eyebrow delicately. "And wasn't that my book on kobudō techniques?"

"Yeah, sorry about that." Iruka said unrepentantly. "I'm a bit of a thief actually. I'll tell you all about it one of these days…" He sighed, opening his nightstand to rifle through it. He pulled out few pairs of clean socks and tossed them into his bag and a couple of extra kunai which he added to his pouch.

"Damnit, Iruka, stop joking around!" Itachi said, slapping him. His horse voice choked out. "After what hap-pened tonight!"

Iruka turned and faced Itachi, a red mark appearing on his face. Immediately Iruka fell to his knees, tears falling from his eyes. It had been such a hastily held together barrier, the jokes-! It was all he had after all. Damnit, why had Itachi come tonight to seek him out? Why hadn't he gone somewhere else? Iruka glanced at Itachi's pale face framed by his dark hair; his dark eyes were wide with an unshed need. He needed comfort; a comfort that Iruka couldn't begin to offer. Iruka was too mired in a guilt that he couldn't share; it was a yoke on his shoulders pinning him down. It was a responsibility that he was burdened with. Iruka's hands wrapped around Itachi's legs, not allowing the younger man to embrace him in return. He couldn't.

Iruka looked up met Itachi's eyes and saw that he, too, was holding back tears. The Uchiha control cost him much; he was shaking like a leaf. Did he know anything? Did he know it was Shisui who had done it? Iruka wondered idly what The Hokage had told him. But it didn't really matter. Not really. Iruka still had to leave.

"I learned the hard way, Itachi, sometimes there really is nothing you could have done to change how things work out." Iruka whispered after a moment.

"Do you always have to speak so mysteriously?" Itachi said coldly. He paused then added icily: "What does that even mean? Sometimes I think you have so many secrets hidden behind your eyes that you're laughing at us all."

Iruka sighed and pulled away from Itachi. It was so close to the truth it was laughable, no it was tearful. He wanted to cry not laugh. He turned to look at his satchel and realized with a pang that he was done packing and he was only delaying the inevitable. He just didn't want to leave. Of course he didn't want to leave Leaf. It was his home. He may have been conceived in the Hidden Village of Rain, but he was born in Konoha and he had never lived anywhere else. He didn't want to leave. He had to.

"Will you promise to watch out after Naruto for me?" Iruka asked, looking at Itachi intently.

"Is this where you ask me for some ridiculous promise about of meaningless things that could possibly happen in the future?" Itachi scoffed. "You're starting to sound like a fortune cookie, Iruka."

"Please promise to watch out for Naruto… I know that people dislike him due to being the jinchuriki, but that isn't his fault. You can see he is truly a sweet boy and I'm glad you've gotten to know him." Iruka paused wondering if he should mention the Akatsuki, but decided against it. Who knew what Madara would do this time around? Honestly, he Iruka almost had to wait for the man to make a move before he could react. It as irritating, actually.

Itachi was staring at him as if he had grown a second and possibly third head. He shrugged and turned around, closing up his knapsack and sighing. Maybe he didn't know the term jinchuriki? "Jinchuriki is the term for what Naruto is." Iruka explained. "You know, one of the tailed beasts. Just…take care of him for me. You three are very precious to me."

"Sasuke, too?" Itachi said with a small smile.

"Even if he is a Teme." Iruka laughed. "The ramblings of a Dobeare rubbing off on me, apparently." Iruka snorted and picked up his unusually heavy bag, then reached out of Samehada. He walked over to his secret hiding place and picked up all his scrolls that he had stolen over the recent years and not so recent years. He tucked them into the bag last.

"And lastly…I'm not sure if you remember something we talked about a while back…" Iruka smiled at the slightly painful memory. He forced back tears thinking back on Shisui. "Do you remember talking about what you might do when you leave ANBU one day?"

Itachi looked stricken all of a sudden. "Iruka, please-"

"No, I've been thinking about it, 'Tachi, actually." Iruka said knowing he was on the verge of crying. "Do you remember the conversation? The night of the party?" Kami he prayed he didn't make him say what party or who's party. He would definitely cry if he had to say his name. No, stop thinking about Shisui. Thinking about your failures will only make this harder.

"Yes, Iruka, I remember." Itachi said softly. He stepped forward and brushed Iruka's tears away.

"I was thinking you would make a great teacher when you decide to quit ANBU." Iruka said looking into his eyes.

"A teacher? Like a jounin-sensei?" Itachi asked, curiously. His delicate hands still on Iruka's cheek. Iruka forced himself not shiver.

"No, like at the Academy." Iruka smiled brightly at the memories. "Like I used to do. I actually think you would like it. I mean, I know it's obviously below your station and rank, so I don't know. Just something to think about. You would probably be better at it than I was. I know you're a pacifist so I think that it would be something that you'd enjoy."

"You seem to have put a lot of thought in it." Itachi stated.

"I just thought you'd enjoy it. I know I did. I used to fight so hard against it…the senseless killing. Rail against it. Curse the gods that we had to set aside our humanity in the name of being 'a good shinobi'." Iruka paused in some thought. "I rebelled in tiny ways. I hated having them called soldiers. I knew I'd never have children…so all my students became my babies in a way. My own little army that I could mold and carve into being the best they could be. I don't know. Maybe that sounds silly and idealistic." Iruka laughed at himself self-consciously.

"Weren't you just a teacher for a year and a half?" Itachi asked, frowning as if he found an inconsistency in some logic.

Iruka scratched at his nose. "Yeah, yeah." He felt Itachi's gaze heavily.

"You think I'm stupid." Iruka accused Itachi.

"I'm a genius. I don't think stupid things." Itachi said.

Iruka laughed. "Are you going to promise me now? You never did promise me all the things I asked you to promise me…."

"Who did you fight on the rooftop, Iruka?" Itachi asked him finally.

"Didn't The Hokage tell you?" Iruka inquired.

"He just said you 'engaged the enemy'…" Itachi said, his dark eyes searching. "Please tell me. I'm sick of your half truths. And your Evade Answer No Jutsu."

"Shisui." Iruka said with a sigh. Which was another half-truth. Damnit He wanted to be honest. But he couldn't. He shouldn't. He looked at Itachi's face, which looked betrayed and confused. Before he realized what he was saying, he actually said the truth. "And Madara Uchiha." Besides, The Third would most likely tell Itachi anyways. He was an ANBU Captain. And it was concerning his own family.

"What?" Itachi said, his voice rising in anger and confusion.

"Shisui didn't know what he was doing. He was…manipulated. He was nothing more than a tool. If you ever see him again…never believe anything he says. He is a tool of Madara's."

"We are speaking of the same Madara…" Itachi said quietly.

"Yes." Iruka nodded. "He has the ability to travel time, you could say."

Itachi looked dubiously at him. "You do not seem shocked to see Madara, nor…dead by his hands. How did you survive the confrontation, Iruka? His prowess is legendary…"

Iruka chuckled. "I summoned Ryuu frankly and let him fight. I'm honestly nothing special, you know that. I'm a glorified chuunin, really. We merely bantered words and then he…poofed out of there."

"Why are you running away then?" Itachi put his hands on his shoulders and shook him.

"Don't you see?" Iruka said. "108 Uchiha's were massacred tonight because of me. Because I couldn't save them. My selfishness. My foolishness. I won't make that mistake again."

Itachi looked confused. "How was it your fault?" Itachi asked.

Iruka shook his head. "All I've ever wanted, all I've ever done is for the peace and prosperity of Konoha. It consumes me."

"How is it your fault?" Itachi repeated.

Iruka trembled. "I suppose technically it's not. The Hokage would say that it's not. Most people would say that it's not. But…I will explain it to you one day. I know I'm not making any sense." He shook his head again.

"Don't go." Itachi said quietly, his charcoal eyes fervent. "Aishiteru yo, Iruka."

Iruka's heart was beating painfully in his throat, in his chest; his stomach was doing flip flops. He had heard the words before only a handful of times in his life from Kakashi; that man held onto them worse than a miser. But he didn't think he had ever heard them uttered so meaningfully, so keenly, before. Iruka found himself standing still, his body leaning closer towards the younger man. He could feel his own sharingan whirling in his eye sockets behind his henge. He could count each of Itachi's eyelashes. They were so long; unshed tears caught in them making them spiky.

"Your love is a precious gift, Uchiha Itachi," Iruka whispered letting his cheek brush against Itachi's. "I am blessed to have been gifted with it…but I do not deserve it."

Iruka pulled away and turned to leave, but suddenly felt a soft hand wrap around his wrist painfully. He turned in surprise and looked back at Itachi questioningly.

"Don't ever tell me that again, Iruka," Itachi said in a choked voice, "Don't ever tell me that you don't deserve to be loved. It isn't true, no matter what you think."

The next thing Iruka knew, he was pulled into the younger man's wonderful arms and held. Itachi's warm lips brushed lightly against his cheek. Iruka wanted to say he didn't deserve it because he was a murderer. Because he was selfish and he had chosen Itachi and Sasuke's life over their whole clan's. And he couldn't even begin to think of it as his clan's because he still hadn't come to terms with…that. Sure, he hadn't done it on purpose…it was a mistake but he knew what was going to happen in the future, he shouldn't let mistakes happen like this. That's why it was his fault. He should've asked for help from The Hokage. He should've done something, anything other than what he did. But he couldn't do anything about that now. What was done, was done, he just had to pick up the pieces and keep going.

"I am leaving Konoha." Iruka's mind was turmoil of love and duty.

"Why, damnit! Are you going to take on by Madara yourself?" Itachi asked almost jokingly.

Iruka looked at him sideways as if to test the response.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You'll die." Itachi said. "I'm coming with you."

Iruka held a hand out to his chest forcibly. "No you are not. You are the head of the Uchiha clan now. You have a younger brother to raise. You will promise to watch out of Naruto. You have responsibilities, Itachi. You cannot just run away with me to kami knows where. I can. And I will be back. I promise you that. But you must give me my promise first."

Itachi pulled himself together into a stoic façade that Iruka hated to see come over his features. It was all too achingly familiar. "I promise you."

Before he could respond, Itachi was pulling him into a gentle unschooled kiss. His thin pink lips were upturned towards Iruka, tender. Iruka ran his hands down Itachi's face and kissed him back gently. He could leave him with this at least. Especially since he had no idea when he'd be back in Leaf; he knew he needed to be done with training before Team 7's chuunin exams started. That gave him plenty of time, right? It could be years before he would be back. He really wanted to kiss him more deeply, but, he pulled back instead. Itachi was only thirteen after all.

"Thank-you, 'Tachi." Iruka said rocking back on his heels and blushing.

Then younger man looked like he was going to press for another kiss.

"Is this because of my age again?" Itachi said.

"Yes." Iruka said simply.

Itachi made a small face and Iruka pressed his fingers to Itachi's lips. "I'll be back, Itachi. If you still want another kiss from me…you can claim it then, ne?"

Itachi looked like he was going to argue, but he finally sighed.

Itachi sighed. "I'm going to miss our sparring."

"Me, too."

"I'm going to miss you."

They looked at each other for a long moment, as if memorizing each other.

"Love given is never wasted and never lost." Iruka said finally unable to stop the tears from falling again from his luminous brown eyes. He leaned his forehead in and touched it against Itachi's. "Oyasumi, Itachi."

"Oyasumi, Iruka." Itachi repeated, his hands through Iruka's soft brown hair, trying to memorizing the feel.

Iruka raised a hand up in a shaky farewell, and gripped Itachi's hand painfully. "I will be back one day."

A/N: Shorter chapter, I know but it just felt right to end it at that point. Hope everyone enjoyed it, ne? Thank-you for all the great reviews so far that I've been receiving. It's been very encouraging. I'm glad everyone is enjoying this little foray of mine into the world of What-Could-Be-If-Only…I'm personally enjoying it because I'm getting to really explore some of my favorite characters and having them play against type a little, which I think it's kind of fun. And creating a few extra new fun characters like Ryuu but hopefully making it so that he fits within the universe well enough so that he doesn't stand out like a sore thumb (I hope).

This chapter also concludes what I like to think of "Part One" of the story; the end of the "Leaf Arc" of the story. And we're now in the next arc of the story. I hope you enjoy it. I'm pretty excited about it. I've been waiting a while to share the next part of the story with you all. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it for you.

Also, this is where the story will start to pick up and get the "M" rating because until now it's pretty much been "K" except for the violence of the torture stuff. Can't help it, I mean, Itachi was only thirteen. According to cannon he actually DID have an Uchiha lover that he murdered that night at the compound, which kinda creeps me out for multiple reasons. So, like a cousin or something? And, at thirteen? Ehhh…okay? Anyways, I'll stop rambling now.

Please Review: ^_^

In case you're not familiar with some of the lingo:

Dattebayo – Nonsensical word of Naruto's.
Aishiteru yo – I love you
Oyasumi – Goodnight