Chapter Fourteen: Lightning in a Bottle
"I gave my life to become the person I am right now. Was it worth it?"
- Richard Bach
Two days later Iruka tiredly climbed into his bedroom window in Tanigakure, blissfully glad to be home. His presence masked with subtle genjutsu, until he made sure Jiraiya was out of the house, checking for the pervert's chakra. Harbinger missions were fun in a way because it was nice to just fight and give in to the pure adrenalin, to pure chakra and pure fight. But this last mission had been intellectually draining. He hadn't been expecting to run into Hidan already – he hadn't prepared his approach and he had to come up with it on the fly. He hoped "befriending" the immortal was the right move.
He could've just done what Shikamaru had done in the past to the man. But if he could somehow convince some of the remaining Akatsuki members to divide their loyalties, he pondered…hmm…it was risky, as Kokoro put it, though. But would it not be ultimately worth it? Perhaps just a few well-chosen members inside the organization? He was pretty sure that Madara would continue with much the same paths in this future; something about the man…some sort of bold arrogance that he would assume that nothing could or would go wrong. Iruka knew he would keep making the same plays and would sit back watching to see what Iruka would do. He would have to think on this.
Iruka released the genjutsu concealing his presence and shed his clothing, starting with the mask. Damn thing always made his head itchy and face sweaty. He caressed it idly. It still bothered him vaguely that he'd had to ruin his beautiful ANBU mask - but it had to be done. Owl was now completely covered up with black paint to make way for Harbinger. One guise traded for another. He sighed and slipped out of his black silk haori and folded it into the trunk where all of his Harbinger artifacts went. Along with the obi belt and black hakama pants. He locked it and pulsed chakra into it, laying very careful seals and wards on the trunk. Certainly didn't need Jiraiya to get nosy one day.
He slipped into a clean yukata and went to take a shower. The apartment was quiet, which made sense. It was still early evening. Jiraiya was probably out drinking or at the nearby onsen. Iruka blared music loudly; music could completely change his mood. He slipped turned on the hot water and took a long hot shower, replaying the conversation with Hidan, trying to make sure he'd made the right choice. He believed he had.
After the shower, he blew dry his hair, put the yukata back on, then went into his room and got dressed. Maybe he'd make Jiraiya some dinner? He felt like cooking. Maybe some tea first? And the place probably needed to be cleaned up since he'd been gone for a few days.
Iruka looked over at his bed and frowned for a second when he realized what he was looking at - surprised he hadn't noticed it when he crawled in the window earlier. His bed was made. And not by him. He knew because he always made his bed with the precision drilled in him from living at the orphanage. Whoever had made this bed did a sloppy, half-assed job of it. Although they'd at least tried. Did Jiraiya actually do housework in his absence? Or did he let someone sleep in his bedroom while he was away? That was vaguely creepy. He would have to talk to the old man when he got home.
He pulled on some jeans that sat low on his hips and a black v-neck t-shirt that was a little too tight to be decent. It must have shrunk in the wash. Iruka shrugged. He thought about pulling his hair back in a pony tail but decided against it. Iruka heard the loud braying laughter of Jiraiya in the other room realized the old man must be home. Perfect! I'll ask him about who was sleeping in my bed, now.
Iruka padded barefoot out of his bedroom and into the living area. He came to a dead halt when he realized Jiraiya wasn't alone.
Kakashi, dressed in his usual jounin gear, was standing next to Jiraiya, clearly gaping open mouthed at Iruka.
"You're back, kid." Jiraiya said with a broad smile, thumbing towards Kakashi. "We've got a guest."
Iruka instantly made sure to wrap a small bit of genjutsu around his eyes. He didn't want his sharingan to accidently come active in his panic. And he couldn't henge in front of the Copy-nin. A subtle genjutsu seemed safer.
"I see that, old man." Iruka sighed, trying to sound normal, as if he wasn't panicking on the inside. "I assume you let him sleep in my bedroom last night while I was gone?"
"He's your new student?" Kakashi seemed to recover of his senses. He was looking at Jiraiya. Kakashi turned back to stare at Iruka, eyes following the tanned man as he walked past them into the kitchen. Kakashi continued to stare.
"Are you guy's hungry? I was just going to make dinner. Would you like some tea first?" Iruka stated with a sigh. He opened the refrigerator, drumming his fingers against the front of it. Were the fates conspiring against him? First running into Hidan, and now Kakashi…?
"I'm starved." Jiraiya stated from where he was in the living room. He plopped on the couch. "Screw the tea. Can you bring me a beer? You want one Kakashi?"
"Sure, I guess." Kakashi said still staring. He sat on a chair across from Jiraiya where he could watch Iruka in the kitchen.
Iruka got three beers out, popped the lids off with the bottle opener and then brought them over.
"So, Iruka…you left Leaf to come study with Jiraiya?" Kakashi asked with bewilderment.
Jiraiya chuckled and sipped on his beer, watching back and forth between the two of them.
"Did you set this up for your own amusement?" Iruka said to his sensei, his voice dripping with scorn. He paused. "Did Ryuu put you up to this?"
Jiraiya laughed. "Now…now…keep your pantyhose on, Iruka. Kakashi came here on his own. He is on a mission, right?"
Kakashi nodded but didn't elaborate.
Iruka let out a shaky breath. "Okay, I'm sorry Jiraiya. I didn't mean to accuse you." He turned and eyed Kakashi warily.
The white-haired author nodded knowingly. "I know, I know."
There was a lull in conversation for a moment while the three of them drank.
"I like your tattoos, Iruka." Kakashi blurted out suddenly.
Iruka looked over at Kakashi and realized he was blushing, he could see the telltale hint of pink at the apex of skin that was visible on the left side of his face.
"Err…thanks." Iruka said. He didn't comment on Kakashi's blush; he just nodded politely.
"And you are helping him write the Icha Icha Jolly Roger series, right? I mean you obviously are. And the story and plot is much better." Kakashi said, in a voice as if the two comments had something to do with each other.
"What? Hey!" Jiraiya yelped. "I take offense to that."
Iruka frowned and scratched his nose in confusion then took a sip of beer. "What's Icha Icha Jolly Roger?"
"Oh, it's nothing. One of my newer books." Jiraiya said and waved a hand dismissively. "So, how is Leaf, Kakashi? Tell me all about it."
Iruka narrowed his eyes at Jiraiya, and then turned his gaze on Kakashi. "No, Kakashi. Che…tell me all about Icha Icha Jolly Roger? Why would I obviously be helping dearest Jiraiya-sensei with it? Whom I make all his meals for? Whom I make his favorite Tamaryokucha tea every afternoon while he writes? Whom I do his laundry for? Hmm? Please explain this to me? I'm sure there is a joke somewhere, do you have it on you in your little pocket?" Iruka reached forward and grabbed the book out of Kakashi's flak jacket before the man could react.
Iruka walked away and looked at the book, flipping through the pages quickly, absorbing the words swiftly – seeing through the subtext behind the silly pirate yaoi plot. "You idiot!" Iruka yelled. He shook Icha Icha Jolly Roger Vol. 1 in Jiraiya's face then tossed it back at Kakashi who caught it one-handed.
"You're mad, I know, I'm sorry." Jiraiya was scratching his chest. "What do you want? I'd give you money but you have more than I do."
Kakashi looked at Jiraiya and then at Iruka in surprise.
Iruka waved his hand frivolously.
"You're an idiot, you old windbag. This is my story. You had no right to publish it. Everyone knows you write these things! He knows you writes these things…if he reads this…if he sees this…he'll know that I've come to you for training…he could find me here. You could be in danger." Iruka yelled at the older man who didn't seem all that concerned. He shook his fist at the man.
"I think you put too much stock in what people think about me, Iruka." Jiraiya said, looking down into his bottle."
"You old fool." Iruka sighed. "You're the fucking Sannin; I wish sometimes you'd act like it."
"Hey!" Jiraiya shouted.
Iruka glanced over at Kakashi who seemed vaguely baffled by the conversation, then looked back at Jiraiya.
"If He comes here, I will need you to fight by my side, old man." Iruka said.
"Don't be stupid. Of course I will." Jiraiya bared his teeth. Then he took another drink of beer.
Jiraiya was giving him the eye again, telling him that Kakashi needed to know. What did Kakashi need to know? Did he need the pain and grief that only Iruka could give him? Iruka snorted and left the living room to go back into the kitchen. He was hungry.
He started angrily cutting vegetables. Stupid vegetables. Stupid Jiraiya. Stupid Kakashi.
"What are you making for dinner?" Kakashi asked; he was sitting on one of the barstools. He was rolling his beer between his palms, catching the condensation with his gloves.
"Tempura." Iruka stuck out his tongue.
"Don't be a bitch, Iruka." Jiraiya yelled from the living room. "I'm going out. Make nice." Then he was gone with a poof of smoke.
"You're not really making tempura are you?" Kakashi asked.
Iruka ran a hand through his long hair. It was down to his mid-back now. He really needed a haircut. "No, I'm not making tempura. It's a better at a restaurant anyways. You're in luck today, we have eggplant."
"I like eggplant." Kakashi said.
He sighed. "Yes, I know. Since you're here, I'm going to make your favorite."
"My favorite?"
"Miso soup with Eggplant." Iruka leaned over and pulled up the big red soup pot. He added peanut oil and started sweating onions. Kakashi was eyeing him again.
"What made you get the tattoos, Iruka?" Kakashi asked, taking a sip of beer.
Iruka wanted to touch some of them self-consciously but he didn't, by sheer force of will. He forced himself to look down and stir the onions and then add the eggplant to the dish.
"Eh, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time." Iruka said evasively then scratched the scar on his nose. "So what's going on in Leaf?"
"The usual." Kakashi stated. "It's very…Leafy."
Iruka snorted.
"Don't suppose you can tell me about your mission?" Iruka stirred the eggplant and onions, then added salt, pepper and herbs.
Kakashi shrugged and looked around the room. "Why did you leave Konoha, Iruka? You basically locked us behind a seal in your apartment that night and then left when Shisui showed up. We couldn't get out until the Third got there. What the hell happened?"
Iruka looked down at his hands and debated with himself. He had told Itachi some of this; didn't Kakashi deserve the same respect? He hadn't even said goodbye to the man. He hadn't allowed himself that luxury, knowing that he wouldn't have been able to…it would've been too hard.
"Didn't Sandaime tell you I engaged the enemy?" Iruka asked.
"Yes, but what the hell does that mean?" Kakashi inquired.
"Do you remember what happened that night?" Iruka asked painfully, closing his eyes.
Kakashi frowned. "Yes, that was the night Shisui murdered the Uchiha clan."
"Yes" Iruka breathed deeply. "Yes. Well. Ha. Yes." Iruka rubbed his forehead. It's funny to hear someone speak so matter of factly about something that sounds so wrong. Shisui doing it. Something he is so used to hearing a fact that normally attributed to Itachi. He shook his head, clearing the cobwebs.
"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't fight Shisui that night. Shisui was merely a tool of someone else. A cat's paw, as it were." Iruka added a good sized glob of miso paste to the vegetables and chicken stock. He whisked it in and turned the heat up to high to bring it to boil. "You've heard of Madara, ne?"
Iruka leaned against the counter and took a long drink of beer, watching the silver-haired man take in this information.
"Are you telling me that you fought with Madara on the roof?" Kakashi said incredulously, his one visible eye widening.
"Well you don't have to sound so disbelievingly about it." Iruka flushed with anger. "We mostly bantered anyways and I had Ryuu do a lot of the fighting. People shouldn't underestimate me. Underneath the underneath and all that."
"I'm not underestimating you, Iruka." Kakashi said. "I just didn't know he was alive."
"Time travel, Kakashi." Iruka shrugged.
Kakashi blinked.
"Are you serious?" Kakashi said.
"Why are you so shocked, Kakashi? Minato had a jutsu for it himself. Minato's Flying Thunder God Technique. Surly you know of it." Iruka asked.
"But that's not time travel…not really. That just takes you from a one place to another place quickly. It's like teleportation, I suppose, for lack of a better word. And while that's great. It doesn't take you forward in time."
Iruka smiled mysteriously, and then he asked suddenly, "How is Naruto?"
Kakashi didn't seem surprised at the change in topics. He just nodded his head.
"He is fine, I believe. I haven't heard anything bad happening to the boy." Kakashi said.
"Good, good." Iruka sighed contentedly. "I miss him very much."
Iruka ran a hand through his hair to push it away from his face.
"So, how is Itachi? Still ANBU?" Iruka asked idly as he stirred the soup.
"Yes." Kakashi took another sip of his beer. He didn't elaborate and Iruka didn't ask him to.
"How's Genma? Raidou? Izumo? Ko? Ibiki? Anko? Sandaime? Even stupid Tenzou?" Iruka sighed brushing a lone tear that had snaked its treacherous way down his cheek. He missed the village so bad, his heart squeezed painfully in his chest.
"Seems like you really miss Leaf, Iruka. Why don't you come back?" Kakashi had moved quickly. He was now inside the kitchen standing right next to him.
"Can't."
"Can't or won't, Iruka?" Kakashi said his voice vaguely angry.
"Both." He said sadly. "It's complicated."
Iruka leaned forward and pulled Kakashi's mask down. Kakashi looked surprised.
As if he could ever not love Kakashi? As if Iruka could ever look away? As if he could let this go? He had been fooling himself.
The man was impossibly beautiful; Kami, he had forgotten. Possibly he had told himself to forget in order for it to hurt less. Now he couldn't look away from him. Why does love work like this, he wondered, that it makes the most improbable couples? Sadism, he figured. It has to be.
Afterwards he would think of the consequences. Afterwards.
Of its own volition, Iruka's hand reached up to cup Kakashi's jaw, trembling slightly, as his throat fought for words. He end up giving up on words – his mind was failing him now. Iruka surged forward and claimed Kakashi's lips violently, devouringly until he felt the man surrender to the feeling. The kiss was hungry; involving teeth, tongues, lips and didn't stop until he finally triumphed over it, dominating the direction of the kiss. Iruka heard the man growling lightly, making them both lose control. Kakashi's right hand tangled in his hair and his left pressed his right hip into the kitchen counter. While they were busy kissing, Iruka transported them to his bedroom; he knew it was an utterly ridiculous waste of chakra, but he didn't want to waste the time to walk. He wanted – no needed to needed this man right now. Kakashi could only groan in response; as he felt the change in venue.
The kisses were about claiming ownership and greedily taking without hesitation; so much sadness and yearning and anticipation – finally Iruka felt overwhelming sense of what was that feeling…? Almost bitterness or hostility, which traced his motions. No, Iruka thought. Those weren't the right words. Iruka's kisses became dominating, bruising, and almost brutal as he had to have this man - he tried to banish the thoughts.
Iruka's heart squeezed painfully in his chest. Scents, feelings, painful memories assaulted him as they kissed. He couldn't help all of the dark, painful memories rising within him. Indistinct thoughts in his head, not true voices, but desires within his soul – needs that wanted to punish this man. Iruka shuddered. Before he realized what he was doing, Iruka was yanking Kakashi's clothing off haphazardly. A button flew off.
"Maa…someone's in a hurry." Kakashi said with a chuckle.
Iruka did not laugh back. He licked his lips watching Kakashi's clothing falling off. Kami it had been so long. Technically, this Iruka's body was a virgin. And it had been a while for the other Iruka since he had been captured and tortured and died and everything. Iruka's gaze hardened in an almost predatory way.
Kakashi stepped out of his pants and pulled his shirt off, then his boxers.
"I think you're overdressed, Iruka." Kakashi said and he started to take his hitai-tie off, but Iruka stopped Kakashi's hand from pulling it off. Iruka shoved Kakashi naked onto the bed roughly. The man landed on the futon with no small amount of force. He looked at Iruka with surprise.
"Touch yourself for me." Iruka heard himself ordering the man in a rough voice.
Kakashi arched an eyebrow. He looked like he was going to say something snarky, and probably would have, so Iruka cut him off.
"I want to see your one blue eye…," Iruka told him. "I want to see your face," He continued to speak as he started to take his own shirt off very slowly, undulating his hips as he did so. "When you make yourself come." Kakashi's eyes started to go to Iruka, watching as the shirt was peeled away to revel more and more tattoos and his muscular and tanned physique, which had, if possible, gotten even more tanned and more defined since the last time Kakashi had seen it. Not to mention the tattoos. "I want to watch you bring yourself off," Iruka said. "And I want you to look at me while you do it."
"Take your gloves off." Iruka ordered. "They will just get in the way."
Kakashi took his gloves off and tossed them onto the nightstand while watching Iruka.
The silver hair haired man was already breathing harshly; he slowly reached for his cock with his hand. Iruka had never realized it before, but Kakashi's hands were very elegant; pale and almost slender. Iruka found himself entranced watching the man encircle his cock, squeeze and slide up the shaft. Stroking himself slowly.
"Is this what you wanted, Iruka?" he said his voice harsh and questioning, his one blue eye so dilated it looked nearly black. "This what you wanted to see?"
"To start with." Iruka answered. He slowly unbuttoned his pants and stepped out of them. He watched Kakashi watch him. Felt the single eye roam over his body hungrily. He was now standing in just boxers.
Kakashi gave him a conceited look; as if to say – I don't do this. Why should I? What's in it for me? It was not in the copy-nin's nature to allow others to direct him. He was entirely too controlling, too prideful, too demanding, too arrogant. He needed to have the upper hand in most things. Iruka could easily see that he felt distinctly uncomfortable.
Which in turn made Iruka feel even more eager; he wanted – no, needed that capitulation; he watched Kakashi, like a tiger stalking his prey.
"How far do the tattoos go, Iruka?" Kakashi asked, his voice hoarse. He was clearly struggling for some sort of dominance in the situation. Some sort of way to regain a sense of balance.
Iruka could feel Kakashi's eyes gazing lustily at his tattoos; it like the inky tattoos went on forever, the black pattern spiraling and winding around his arms, chest, and legs and back in ancient spiritual symbols.
"Suck on your fingers, Kakashi." Iruka ordered while watching in fascination as the man brought three fingers up to his thin pink lips and started sucking. Iruka felt an enormous sense tug of lust and power in that moment.
Iruka let his boxers fall to the floor and started stroking himself and he watched as Kakashi's eyes flickered to watch.
"See something you like, Kakashi?" Iruka smiled, coming to sit on the edge of the bed as he continued to watch.
Kakashi pulled the fingers from his mouth, a long strand of saliva extending from his fingers to his mouth. He spread his legs and inserted one of his pale fingers and continued to stroke himself with the other hand.
"You've got tattoos on your cock, Iruka. That wasn't in Jiraiya's book." Kakashi said with a growl. "That's so hot."
"Oh, Kakashi. Add another finger." Iruka ordered.
Kakashi complied, a brief expression of discomfort on his face.
"Don't fight it, Kakashi." Iruka purred, and then paused to push back a strand of damp hair that was stuck along his cheek and jaw. "Let go! I'm going to make you scream…" He continued to stroke himself watching Kakashi.
The silver-haired man was teetering on the edge of shamelessness, despite the fact being as strong and masculine as he was, he seemed to have no qualms with spreading his muscular thighs and letting his back curve off from the bed. But he still wasn't quite there yet.
"I think living with Jiraiya has perverted you, Iruka." Kakashi said, his voice gruff.
"Tch. I was always this way, Kakashi. Fuck yourself deeper. And add another finger, Kakashi." Iruka ordered, now watching poised between the man's wide open legs.
"I never knew you were so kinky." Kakashi said as he arched his hips up to comply with the last request. He was panting slightly, his pale muscular chest rising, his bare face flushed with color.
Iruka leaned over and ran his tongue along the inside of Kakashi's thigh. Then he bit him. Hard.
"Kami, look at you," Iruka said. He looked at Kakashi spread out over the futon, jerking himself with one hand and slim, white fingers pushing into own tight hole, the parted lips and the single blue eye. "You're so fucking hot like that! You're so – you don't even know, do you?" Iruka stated.
"Fuck! Iruka!" Kakashi moaned slightly.
"C'mon, Kakashi," Iruka urged with a laugh. "Push them all in. Fuck yourself."
Kakashi groaned and turned his head away, hand slowing on his cock as he shifted his hips.
"That's it," Iruka said, swallowing as he watched Kakashi working that last finger in. "Do it like that. Stretch yourself real good. Know why?" He licked along Kakashi's inner thigh again to make him look at him. "Know why?" he repeated, his voice lower, rougher, almost gone. He pressed closer, rubbing his hard cock against Kakashi's leg.
"Fuck!" Kakashi grunted, single eye snapping closed, and Iruka couldn't tell if it was because of the size of the hard on he'd pressed against his leg, or how many fingers he'd shoved inside himself, or possibly simply from pleasure. "Why?"He finally asked.
"Because as soon as you come," Iruka growled, reaching down to press Kakashi's fingers further inside him, "I'm going to fuck you."
"Oh, fuck yes!" Kakashi hissed, arching up again, jamming his fingers in harder and starting to move them in and out.
"Not till you come," Iruka said huskily. "Come for me, Kakashi."
Then Kakashi was groaning and coming in his hand; streams of pale, sticky come all over his stomach and chest. Iruka watched intently while stroking himself; he was extremely hard, leaking precum. Kakashi removed his fingers and Iruka took his hands and held them painfully over the man's head. Iruka watched in fascination as his cock disappeared into that pale, eager body. He shuddered. So damn tight. Kakashi and Iruka both groaned. Although probably for different reasons.
Iruka thought he might be out of his mind. He knew how it felt to be in Kakashi's position, something moving in so far, thick and hot and opening him up wide. But here he was making Kakashi, always composed and almost listless, claw into his own palms and voice out uninhibited. Kakashi clenched around him again – he let go of the man's hands and he felt his head spin, hands finding Kakashi's hips and clutching on tight as he began to take him in earnest.
Granted, in the whole of their relationship he could count only one time Kakashi had been a uke for him. This whole experience was surreal. To be with Kakashi again was surreal. And to be on top. That was part of why he'd demanded to take the dominating position, why he'd reached out taken it. No, claimed it. Iruka set a punishing pace, pounding the older man into the futon. All traces of his former civility and teasing manor gone. Iruka should have gone slower, should've given him a moment to get used to his size, been a bit more gentle, but he was way past caring.
Iruka started to angle his thrusts and he heard a loud moan. Kakashi's back arched sharply, and on the next thrust, even higher. Kakashi arched his hips up, bent his knees, willing to do anything for Iruka to continue hitting his prostate. They continued to thrust to each other, harder and harder every time.
He reached his hand forward and started stroking Kakashi's cock, gripping it tightly in his hand, possessively. But it was Kakashi crying out beneath him that did it. Kakashi crying out and arching up, Kakashi's ass gripping his cock even tighter than before, Kakashi's cock spurting something hot and wet between them that tripped him up and sent the wave crashing over him. He slammed into Kakashi one last time, and a whiplash of pleasure stole his breath, froze his muscles and twisted inside his groin. He felt his balls tighten, felt the contractions start inside his cock, felt the mind-numbing euphoria of can't-or-won't hold back the pleasure as he shot and sputtered inside Kakashi's tight heat.
He thought for a second he was going to pass out, both because he couldn't breathe – not even to howl out his pleasure – and because as his climax went through him, the light dimmed and went to pieces, and no matter that he blinked and gasped, he still saw red light and the air felt tight, hot, it was hard to breath. When he blinked down at Kakashi – who was a tousled, sweat-drenched, come-splattered, silver-haired, fucking beautiful mess – but then the closer he looked at Kakashi it looked like he was covered in little droplets of…blood. It was like it was raining blood in the room. Iruka stuck his hand out and touched some of it.
Wait…blood? Blood? Iruka blinked. He looked down at Kakashi…When had his hitai-ate come off? He sat up and started to pull away but he couldn't. Two strong hands were holding him by the wrists. Their eyes locked and irrevocably just it happened.
Iruka felt his sharingan's swirl to life, his genjutsu was gone, washed away from passion. And Kakashi's tomoe was always there, swirling – he couldn't help it. Iruka felt the memories swirl out of his mind unwanted, unheeded, unbidden. His emotions were so close to the surface. They washed over them like a film real. For him it was like watching a documentary about his past life. For Kakashi, it must be a funny thing – seeing a whole other life. Someone else's life – in which you're a main character. He blushed seeing their courtship, their silly dates, fumbled foolish kisses, since the life was told from his perspective. It was somewhat shameful to see some of his personal indignities there – there was no hiding in the mind. He tried to shut it off but the memories wouldn't stop. It was galling – he couldn't control it.
Kakashi got to see him as a simple chuunin, a boring academy sensei, the mission office worker who was the lover of the Famous Copy-nin. How he sat in his classroom, daydreamed and doodled their names on scrolls. How he was gently teased by the other jounin's in the mission office. He had banal memories of making the man bentos. Feeding and bathing the man's niken. Memories of when Kakashi had asked him to move in. Making their bed. Did he really have loving memories of folding sheets? Really? Had his life been that boring? It was embarrassing. He had been so…normal and boring. Watching Naruto mature and grow into his power. Of course, he got to watch through his eyes death of Sandaime, the betrayal of Sauske, the death of Asuma, horror of the Akatsuki, Kakashi watched him get captured and kidnapped. He watched the torture begin, Kakashi stiffened beside Iruka but he still didn't say anything. When the second man from the torture room finally came into focus and killed Iruka - the room exploded into bright red light and both men fell away from each other.
Iruka woke a few minutes later clutching at his eyes. He was shivering. He couldn't see.
"Kakashi?" He said quietly. "Are you okay? I can't see."
"I'm fine." Kakashi said. "I can see with my normal eye."
"What was that?" Iruka asked quietly.
"You're the one with sharingan eyes, Iruka. Shouldn't you know?" Kakashi said coldly.
"I know virtually nothing about them, Kakashi. Please tell me what that was?" Iruka pleaded.
"It was Mangekyō Sharingan." Kakashi said, his voice still cold.
Iruka looked surprised. "But no one died."
"You died." Kakashi emphasized.
"Oh." Iruka looked perplexed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Kakashi…" Iruka said bitterly. "I didn't ask for them. You saw my life…My whole life as completely as another person can see anyone's. But when I came back…some of Itachi's blood came back with me after…after he… killed me. I didn't ask for this. But I've got his DNA inside me."
"Like his brother or something?" Kakashi asked.
Iruka sighed. "Ryuu states it's more like a very distant cousin." He explained.
"That's…a lot to take in." Kakashi said and stood, limping slightly.
He was starting to get dressed. Iruka was getting his vision back even if it was a little blurry. He rubbed at his eyes and looked at the blood on his hands.
"What, no cuddling?" Iruka said sarcastically.
Kakashi looked at him and gave him a searching look. "What was this all about, Iruka? Don't fool yourself that this was making love."
Iruka turned his face away unable to stop more tears from falling.
"Not that I didn't enjoy myself." Kakashi added.
Iruka looked horrified and brought his knees up to his chest. The one word he kept thinking over and over in his mind: closure. And now he was thinking about Itachi and his earnest face with his tender kiss and his sweet words of love on that fateful night. Iruka abruptly felt disgusted with himself.
"I loved you!" Iruka whispered, wrapping his arms around his knees.
"Past tense?" Kakashi asked calmly. He was now standing wearing his pants and gloves again. He seemed to have found his hitai-ate. He was staring down at Iruka with an inscrutable expression.
Iruka felt himself shaking. Was it with anger? Sadness? Bitterness? Regret? He couldn't tell anymore. Kami, Kakashi could be such a bastard when he wanted to be.
"You were my best friend, my partner, my confidant, my secret-sharer, my lover, my reason for going on, the breath in my lungs – and you left me to die! You abandoned me in the darkness! How could you do that?" Iruka said fervently, knowing his sharingan were swirling, he didn't care. He was crying tears of blood again.
"I would not-!" Kakashi started to say, then stopped and shook his head.
"You did!" Iruka said softly, and then he rested his head on his knees. "You did."
"I don't know what you want from me." Kakashi sighed and ran a ragged hand through his silver hair.
"What do you want?" Iruka asked.
"I don't know either." Kakashi slipped his shirt on.
"Maybe Ryuu was right after all." Iruka smiled a sad, brittle smile.
Kakashi looked at Iruka, almost afraid to ask.
Iruka elaborated. "Ryuu told me that I shouldn't try for a relationship with you. That I was a different person now. That love is like lightning in a bottle. You can't try to recapture it." Iruka tried to brush away his tears but just smeared blood on his cheeks.
"You must have been awfully bored by that life, I suppose." The silver-haired man said quietly after a moment. Iruka couldn't see his face; he had turned away. "You appear to have completely changed your life in every way and don't seem to be intent on recapturing it…"
Iruka thought back on his past life with its banalities and he had loved every moment of it. When someone allows themselves to stand on the sidelines, it is easy to overlook them. When someone allows somebody else to have the limelight, they often get pushed into the darkness. And when something is hard to see, it is hard to appreciate. Resilience is one of the hardest virtues to see and therefore one of the hardest to appreciate. He had to make Kakashi understand.
"Kakashi…I loved my life. I wasn't…bored with it. Those were…" Iruka's voice broke. "Loving memories. I know it may seem trivial to you, but I loved that life."
"So…" The other man couldn't seem to look at him. Kakashi's voice was fighting for indifference. How could he be so cold? "So…why are you so different now? Are a few drops of…Uchiha blood enough to change you? And don't tell me you're not different! You're not that same sweet man from your memories. I can plainly see the difference. Underneath the underneath and all that."
Iruka sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I am not quite sure how the math works out but I'm a lot older inside my head – I was twenty-six when I died. I've got a lot of memories in here. Sometimes it messes with you. I do feel different. I am different. I have a purpose, Kakashi. I died. And I have a purpose now. Sometimes I feel like I was given a second chance…now I can actually make a difference in this world for lasting peace."
Kakashi's shoulders slumped. "I see."
They were silent for a few moments.
"I just realized something…I'm Captain Silver Wolf." Kakashi laughed and smacked his forehead. "I just understood why you were mad at Jiraiya earlier. He published…our story."
"Yes, and with that clever name, I'm surprised it took you that long to figure it out, genius." Iruka shook his head. "At least you weren't Second Mate, Blowfish!"
Kakashi snickered.
"Everyone's in it actually if you look hard enough at the names. The man is really terrible at monikers. He should've asked for my help, I actually would've given it to him." Iruka smiled slightly. "Poor Itachi. He's Dread Pirate Hawk who kidnaps & kills your Second Mate, Blowfish."
Kakashi growled out suddenly. "How can you talk about him like that? Fucking bastard killed you."
"That was the other Itachi. This Itachi, my 'Tachi, he's on our side. He will fight beside me." Iruka said confidently.
"He's not yours, Iruka. You know the council is talking about marrying him off, right?" Some unknown emotion tinting Kakashi's voice. Iruka looked at him sharply.
"Oh, because of being the heir to the Uchiha's right? Like that always worked well on you for being the last of the Hakate's. Stubborn men will always stand up against the council." Iruka shrugged. "It is the way of them."
"And you think you know Uchiha Itachi that well?" Kakashi turned away, making his hands into fists.
"Yes." Iruka said. "I got to know him very well."
"Damnit, Iruka, he killed you! He had you tortured!" Kakashi yelled. "How could you stand to look at him? You killed that blue bastard. I watched you fry him! I watched you torture him and…and…enjoy it, I think. But…you befriended Itachi…is it all some sick, twisted game with you? I don't understand!"
Iruka sighed. "No. I just knew that Itachi was loyal to Konoha. I could see it, feel it. I knew exactly what had happened in the past but in my blind belief that only Itachi would or could be used to kill his clan…I didn't realize that Madara would just simply find someone else to the deed. I was so foolish! Poor Shisui."
He looked at his hands. They were crusted with dried blood. "And it was my entire fault. But I won't make mistakes like that again. Besides, if you're going to play that game…could I not just as easily ask myself…how can stand to look at you, since you abandoned me to die, ne? It's all relative, Kakashi. And those are memories of another life. I try to let slumbering beasts lie when I can."
Kakashi looked surprised. Then thoughtful.
"Why do you think I didn't save you?" Kakashi asked after a moment.
"Kakashi, it was another life ago. I am trying to accept the facts I cannot change. A wise man once told me that I needed to be prepared to give my life for Konoha at any moment, and that love and emotions get in the way of that." Iruka smiled crookedly at him.
"He sounds like an idiot." Kakashi grunted. He was fully clothed now and leaning against the wall.
"Well." Iruka laughed and smiled a little. "You were the one who said it."
Iruka rolled over onto the other side of the bed stood, an imaginary gulf between them. He picked up a yukata and slipped into it. Always something uncomfortable about being the only one naked in a room. And Kakashi was staring at him. Iruka turned away, not liking the intent gaze. The man knew a little too much about his past now. No one knew quite that much. He…knew exactly boring and normal he'd been.
Kakashi sniffed the air. "What's that smell?"
"Fuck!" Iruka cursed suddenly. "I burnt the soup!"
A/N: Well, Hope you liked that chapter. It was sex, yes, and I thought it was pretty hot, but I wouldn't exactly say it was terribly loving. But it needed to be done. Poor Iruka and Kakashi, ne? Did you like it? Well, this was the second half of the last chapter. I think you can see why I split the two up into different chapters. Anyways, I'm working on the next chapter.
Anyways…if anyone wants to you can catch up with me on PM or twitter.
Please Review: ^_^
-Nevis