Chapter Nineteen: Nightmares
"Just how much abuse will you be able to take? There's no way to tell by the first kiss."
- Bob Dylan
Iruka couldn't breathe. The red eyes were penetrating him. The room was suffocating. His body ached with pain from the beatings. Was the blue man coming back? He shuddered with fear and he hated himself for it. What kind of shinobi was he? He hated that man, his cruel taunts, his vicious pain and his sadistic laughter. There was screaming, his screaming. He could hear it echoing in the dream, echoing on the walls of that horrible dungeon that he would never escape from. The room that he died in. Would he ever be free of it? That he had been abandoned in. Konoha truly didn't care for one insignificant chunin such as him.
Then the feel of the katana slicing through his chest and throat, the red eyes focused so intently on him and peering through his soul. Oh kami, the pain! Something flickered there, for an instant. The nightmare was so real, Iruka felt his body coursing in pain, he was falling, he was gasping for air, and those haunting eyes that plagued him, overwhelmed him, besieged him, flooded him with dread – he couldn't think straight his heart was pounding rapidly, fluttering painfully in his chest from the pain. Everywhere he looked they followed him-!
Iruka woke up screaming, still in the grip of the nightmare. He was panting heavily, running a hand through his hair. It was sweaty and plastered to the side of his head.
Itachi sat up and turned to him, held a hand to comfort him.
It would've been fine, just fine, if Itachi hadn't used his sharingan eyes to see him better in the darkness of their bedroom. Those red eyes! Iruka reacted instinctively, shuddering. He pushed Itachi off the bed forcibly, infusing chakra in his fingertips. He tossed the younger man against the wall with a loud thump and scrambled away from him, terror etched in every line of his face.
Then Iruka shook his head, and looked completely horrified by his actions and ran over to where Itachi was now sitting on the ground by the wall. He squatted down in front of him, afraid to touch him. Mortified.
"I'm so sorry, 'Tachi!" Iruka said softly.
Itachi nodded and held a hand to his head and then looked down at his fingers. There was blood on them. "The dream again?"
Iruka swallowed. What could he say? Of course he had it. "Yeah." He paused. "Let me heal you."
He didn't wait for a response and started performing the healing jutsu. The darkness of the room was lit up with the odd light of the green healing glow from Iruka's hands as he focused on the small wound at the back of Itachi's head. As he examined him with his own sharingan; he realized the younger man actually had a slight concussion. He had really slammed him against that wall hard. Iruka licked his dry lips and willed away the guilt. It didn't fade.
Iruka rocked back on his heels and pulled his hands away as he finished healing. Itachi looked up at him with a measured glance. He didn't think either of them really knew what to say at that moment. What was there to say? Iruka leaned forward and picked the slender man up off the floor and carried him back to the bed.
Itachi made an annoyed, impatient sound in the pack of his throat. He did not like being carried, and certainly not like a woman. The scowl on his face was fearsome indeed. So Iruka chucked him on the bed and his freshly healed head hit the pillows; Itachi grimaced.
"Nice bedside manner." Itachi snorted as he rearranged the covers back around himself.
"You're such a brat." Iruka commented.
"Hn." Itachi merely responded but he had a fond expression on his face.
Iruka climbed back into bed and nuzzled his face into the crook of Itachi's neck, smelling the man. He loved the way he smelled. There was something...indefinable about it. Comforting, dangerous and sexy. If he admitted it to himself, it smelled a little like blood. But that was crazy. Maybe Itachi should be contemplating his lunacy, he thought amusedly to himself as he drifted off. He reached up and wrapped a free hand around the man's long dark hair, snaked a leg possessively around the other man and started to fall asleep again.
He prayed for a dreamless sleep.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Iruka sat at the breakfast table and drank his coffee. Itachi handed him some toast that he had made then passed him the jelly. Naruto and Sasuke were in the living room eating and watching cartoons in front of the television with Ryuu and Kokoro. Jiraiya was probably still asleep and would not rouse until much later. He did not have to train Naruto until much later in the afternoon. He was helping the boy, but that came after Naruto was done with his work with team seven for the day.
"So, you don't want to talk about last night?" Itachi asked after a while.
Iruka looked at the man over his coffee cup.
"Not really." Iruka frowned and squirmed in his chair. "Do you think we need to?"
"You did give me a concussion." Itachi took a bite of toast.
Iruka flushed. "I'm sorry."
Itachi shrugged. "Maybe you need to talk to someone about...things."
There was a quiet moment in the kitchen where they could hear the laughter of the boys in the other room as they watched their cartoons, and they stared at each other over the round table.
"What like a...psyche-nin?" Iruka said incredulously. Then he laughed mirthlessly. "Ho! You are questioning my lunacy!"
The Uchiha glared at him. "I'm being serious, Iruka."
"I can tell." Iruka took a sip of coffee. "You've got your serious face on."
"Is everything a joke with you?" Itachi accused.
Iruka turned his face away. "I'm sorry; it's...how I cope with stress."
The younger man made an impatient gesture with his hand as if to say an apology wasn't required. Itachi took another bite of toast and looked up at the clock. "I didn't mean a psyche-nin per se. You could always try actually talking to Ibiki-san instead of being snarky with the man."
Iruka looked at Itachi in surprise. "Eh?"
"He was your jounin-sensei. He knows you well. He also knows about your situation, so it's not like you have to explain everything all over again." Itachi explained as he finished his breakfast and drained a small cup of tea.
Iruka blinked. It made sense, of course. He really didn't know why he had been fighting talking with Ibiki all this time, really. Seeing the look of disappointment on the old man's face, he supposed. Witnessing it on Sandaime's had hurt enough. Iruka nodded at his partner.
"I'll talk to him." Iruka said and took another sip of coffee.
Itachi was about to say something when Kakashi walked into the kitchen and spied them sitting at the breakfast table.
"Maa...isn't this cozy." Kakashi said as he walked in a little unsteadily.
Iruka sighed.
Itachi stiffened in his chair and glared at the man. "You're trespassing." Itachi said icily.
"Ryuu let me in." Kakashi shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Besides, I'm Naruto and Sasuke's jounin-sensei. Doesn't that make me...practically family?"
Itachi snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Yes, you can be the annoying Uncle." Iruka narrowed his eyes at the man. "That we ignore and never invite over."
"That hurts, Iruka." Kakashi smiled beneath his mask.
"Get over it." Iruka took a sip of coffee.
"Still drinking cream and sugar with a little bit of coffee." Kakashi asked Iruka in a teasing tone. He pulled up a seat and sat down at the table uninvited.
Itachi grimaced. "Why don't you take Naruto and Sasuke and stop bothering us?"
"I'm not bothering anyone. Am I bothering you, Iruka?" Kakashi smiled again.
"A little." Iruka laughed at Itachi's obvious annoyance. "You're such an ass, Kakashi."
"Oh, but you like it, Iruka" Kakashi said leaning forward on the table. Leering at him.
Iruka's mouth hung open a little, staring at Kakashi. Had he just said that? No. Wait, yes he had. And he was leering. Right there. In front of Itachi.
"Are you drunk, Kakashi?" Iruka asked him, his voice rough.
"Little bit." Kakashi said, tilting his head to the side.
"You're actually early to pick up Naruto and Sasuke." Iruka said offhandedly, glancing over at the kitchen clock.
"Wanted to see you." Kakashi said, his voice starting to sound slightly drunk.
"Oh, kami, you are drunk." Iruka said.
"Just said I was." Kakashi said belligerently.
"What do you want?" Itachi asked, nostrils flaring.
"I want Iruka. I want...I want what I saw in the vision. It was so perfect." Kakashi put his head on the table, succumbing to the alcohol. His voice was very quiet, almost piteous. It was highly doubtful that Kakashi would even remember this alcohol-fueled conversation. "I'll let you be on top again, I don't care. I dream...about the tattoos on your body. On your cock. Please, Iruka. I can't handle being alone for much longer."
Iruka's mouth opened and he didn't know what he was going to say. Oh, kami, this was like a horrible nightmare, worse than the one from last night because this one he couldn't wake up from. He looked away from Kakashi, knowing his face was blushing bright red. Iruka's heart slammed painfully into his chest.
"What is he talking about?" Itachi said tightly.
"He's mad as a hatter, Itachi." Iruka said, scratching at his nose anxiously. "Nutty as a fruitcake."
Itachi was watching him closely and he turned back to Kakashi who was still staring at Iruka intently. "Crazy like a fox." Kakashi whispered. Then the man was snoring, a thin jet of drool pouring out of his mouth onto their kitchen table.
Itachi turned back and glared Iruka. "Explain."
He sighed. "Which part?"
"All of it!" Itachi roared, standing up. "When did you sleep with him? In this life!"
Iruka ran a hand through his hair.
"It was before we were together, Itachi. Back when I was living in Tanigakure with Jiraiya. He came to see the old man while he was on a mission...it just happened." Iruka explained. "And...during it I obtained mangekyō sharingan. Both our sharingan collided; I guess you could say and he saw into my past memories from my former life. He saw...everything that I had lived through in my previous life, all that I was as that Iruka. That's it."
"Why...didn't you tell me?" Itachi asked finally, his voice calm again, his expression restrained.
"Because I knew you would react like this-" Iruka started to explain.
"I can't believe you fucked him." Itachi cut him off. "I waited for you! And you..." Then he paused. "Yes, and that makes me feel so much better. You didn't tell me because I would get upset. Not 'I'm sorry' or 'I'll never do it again' or anything like that." Itachi's face was set in angry lines. "Why don't you just go back to him since he loves you so damn much?"
Itachi walked out of the kitchen past Sasuke, Naruto, Ryuu and Kokoro who were standing just outside the room listening in.
He didn't know what to do. Iruka stared at the passed out and drooling Kakashi and sighed.
"Ew, Nii-san...you slept with Kakashi-sensei? He's a pervert." Naruto said breaking the silence. The blond frowned and scratched the back of his head. "Wait, does that mean you're a pervert?"
"Dobe." Sasuke smacked Naruto upside the head and walked into the kitchen and inspected his sleeping sensei. "Of course he is."
Naruto snickered then looked at Kakashi. "Hey, let's take his mask off. I bet he has buck teeth and warts."
"You are not taking his mask off." Iruka threatened, pulling a kunai out.
Sasuke looked at him curiously. "Why not?"
"Because...that's his thing." Iruka gestured at the passed out sensei.
Ryuu leaned against the doorjamb; Kokoro snuggled up against him as he listened. They were both in their human forms, as they usually were when in Konoha. It was just easier. "Are you going to go after Itachi?"
Iruka glanced at the Ryuu. "I'm letting him cool off for a moment and compose himself." He sighed. "And I'm trying to think of what to say."
Sasuke looked at him. "Why didn't you tell him? I mean, isn't that kind of a big deal?"
"Sasuke, I love you." Iruka smiled mildly as he stood and started to leave the room. "But it's none of your damn business."
The younger Uchiha glowered at him. It was a familiar look on his face that Iruka was used to seeing. Comforting almost. He fought the chuckle that wanted to burst forth.
"Ryuu, watch them and make sure they don't unmask Kakashi, okay?" He asked nicely. "He may be an ass, but he deserves his privacy."
The dragon nodded.
Iruka found Itachi in the garden. He was tossing pebbles in the koi pond. He sat across from him and didn't say anything at first. Mostly because he wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say. So he started with the words that Itachi had asked for and he should've said originally.
"I'm sorry." Iruka said.
Itachi snorted.
"I'll never do it again." Iruka said.
Itachi snorted again and tossed a pebbled into the water.
"You have to understand, 'Tachi...there is sometimes two people inside of me. That other person; the old Iruka who lived that life. And this new me, who's living this life. And that Iruka – well, he needed closure – if I had to put a term on it. I know that is probably the worst excuse or reason I can say, but it's honest. I was gone from Konoha a very long time. I had no way of knowing that you would accept me when I came back. I had made so many...choices. I seriously thought you might reject me." Iruka finished his long ramble and darted a glance at Itachi's face.
The man was just looking at him solemnly. What did that mean?
"Iruka, do you remember that I told you never to tell me that you didn't deserve to be loved. Because it wasn't true, no matter what you might think?"
He nodded. He remembered that night keenly.
Itachi said quietly, his charcoal eyes hard. "Aishiteru yo, Iruka."
Iruka crawled around the side of the pond and tried to pull Itachi into a hug. Itachi pulled away.
"I'm so sorry about everything. I should have told you. I was...ashamed." Iruka tried again.
"Ashamed?"
"I feel like part of me betrayed you even though another part of me says we weren't really together yet. I knew I should tell you but I could never quite figure out...how. It's not something that just casually comes up." Iruka scratched his scar.
"But why do you feel ashamed?" Itachi asked him curiously.
"Because..." Iruka gestured.
"I understand what you did and why." The Uchiha frowned. "My frustration stems from why you continually allow yourself to be baited by the man. I think you like it." He paused. "I think you like him and you're ashamed by the emotions he causes you to feel. Yes, that is a very good word for it."
"What!" Iruka yelped.
Itachi sighed and tossed the last pebble into the pond. He brushed off his hands and stood. "I need to go to work."
"You can't leave like this. We're still talking." Iruka said.
"We can talk about this later." Itachi said.
"Okay." Iruka sighed and put his hand on Itachi's arm and pulled him into his arms. "Aishiteru yo, 'Tachi." Iruka pressed his forehead against the younger man's.
"I know." Itachi said. "That's not the issue."
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Iruka went into Morino Ibiki's office like he had everyday for the past three weeks. It was starting to feel a little like a job. A very painful, tortuous job that he wasn't getting paid to do. He even brought a bento lunch for Ibiki-san, Kokoro and himself.
They walked quietly through the door into the man's office and sat down across from Ibiki-san's desk. Kokoro hopped up into one of the chair's and smiled at the scarred interrogator. She kicked her feet playfully back and forth.
"Moshi moshi!" Kokoro said and waved to Ibiki-san.
Ibiki's face pinked slightly.
"Morning, Ibiki-san." Iruka said with a smile. He sat down himself and crossed his legs. Thankfully they had moved passed the actual torture part of the interrogations. That had been the first week or so. Now Ibiki was drowning him in annoying questions and paperwork. Did he really think he could break that easily? His jounin-sensei should really know better. He swung his leg a little back and forth. "Did you have a nice evening?"
Mitarashi Anko paused in the doorway, clearing her throat. She was holding a stack of papers in a fat file folder.
"Yes, Mitarashi?" Ibiki asked with an undisguised frown.
She stalked into the room and sat on the side of Ibiki's desk, dislodging all of the neat orderly piles on the man's desk. Ibiki let out a frustrated sigh as his papers went in every direction, but Iruka noted his eye was mostly staring at the way Anko's ass looked perched up on his desk. Which was why the woman always did that.
"I have those forms that you wanted for Umino." Anko said, peering down at Ibiki in such a manner that her shirt opened wide showing cleavage.
Ibiki held his hand out but she bypassed it and tossed the folder onto his desk. He sighed in annoyance but managed to sneak a peek with one eye.
"Damnit, Mitarashi, I just organized my desk!" He growled and slammed a fist onto the surface of his desk.
Iruka smirked inwardly at their antics. He wondered if Ibiki and finally gotten the nerve up to ask her out yet? Probably not by the way she was acting.
"Oh, Ibiki, are you going to punish me?" Anko purred.
"Yes...err...get back to work!" Ibiki flushed, looking away from Anko and picking up the file and looking very interested in the folders contents.
Anko sighed and jumped off the desk and looked grumpily at Kokoro. She pointed a finger at the young girl. "C'mon kid! You're with me again. So what is your opinion of nipple clamps?"
"Ryuu loves them!" Kokoro giggled as she stood up and followed the purple-haired kunoichi out of the room. The door closed behind them.
Iruka gagged.
"What did she just say?" Ibiki asked, slightly horrified.
The tattooed man shook his head at his jounin-sensei. "No, Ibiki-san. You don't want to know."
"For Konoha's security I have to know."
"You kinky bastard." Iruka crooked a finger at the man and laughed.
Ibiki looked annoyed. "No, I'm being serious, Iruka."
Iruka sighed and made a face. "I know. I'm just kidding. Yes, Kokoro and Ryuu...are dating. In love. I prefer to not think about the technicalities of it honestly. It's kind of gross to me."
"Well, are they in love or just having sex?"
Iruka peered at his former sensei. "Well, I believe they've told me they're in love. Is this going in a file somewhere?"
"Yes." Ibiki nodded and scribbled some notes.
Iruka rolled his eyes. Was his life really that interesting that the sexual proclivities of his summons had their own files?
"Besides, didn't you already get this information from Kokoro? I mean, you are interrogating her with Anko, right?" Iruka squinted his eyes at Ibiki.
Ibiki didn't corroborate or elaborate.
Iruka sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"So tell me about your relationship with Hatake Kakashi." Ibiki said suddenly.
"What?" Iruka yelped.
"You're sleeping with him as well as Uchiha Itachi." Ibiki was shuffling papers in his folder, reading some note.
"What!" Iruka stood up.
"I said-"
"I heard you the first time, I just..." Iruka took a deep breath. "You are having me followed. You...you are watching us. I can't believe this." He was shaking. He should've guessed, of course. He shouldn't have just accepted the fact that they would allow him back, that it would be just...fine. Why had he lowered his guard so much? Had Itachi known they were being watched? This was mortifying!
"We could have imprisoned you during this interrogation process, Iruka." Ibiki stated mildly. "But we are allowing you to live comfortably in Konoha with your friends and family. You should not be surprised to learn that we are watching you."
Iruka nodded.
"I do not have a relationship with Kakashi. I did have one." He paused. "Past tense."
Ibiki scribbled some notes down.
Iruka crossed his arms over his chest, and Iruka felt very exposed in this ugly little office.
"I'm having nightmares." Iruka offered.
"Yes, we heard." Ibiki stated. "What are they about?"
"My death." Iruka stated.
Ibiki looked up at him finally, his pen held between his fingers. Ink smudges on his fingers. Ironic that this man should be covered in ink stains instead of blood.
"Your death? Are you prophetic now?" Ibiki arched an eyebrow.
"No, Ibiki-san. You mistake me. I was talking about my past life – I've been dreaming of when Itachi killed me." Iruka said.
Ibiki's other eyebrow shot up, now he looked very surprised. He set his pen down completely. "What does the Uchiha say?"
"He understands of course." Iruka nods. "I mean, that Itachi did kill me. It was a fairly traumatic event in my life. Only understandable."
"I suppose." Ibiki said blandly.
"What does that mean?" Iruka frowned.
"Nothing."
"Well, it sounds like you meant something by it."
Ibiki gave him a flat look. "Have you ever thought it was interesting that you started a relationship with the person that murdered you?"
"You psyche-nin's, you really eat that shit up, huh?" Iruka said crossly.
The scarred interrogator shrugged and glanced down at his notes.
"You have to admit that it is compelling-" The man started.
"No, I just never got to know the man before. That's all." Iruka stated firmly. "You know because of what happened."
"You don't feel that your death was any motivation for your choice in falling in love with Uchiha Itachi?" Ibiki asked.
"What? No!" Iruka said swallowing. He ran a ragged hand through his hair He felt like this conversation was being steered in ways he couldn't control. "That's ridiculous."
"What does the Uchiha say about Hatake wanting you back?" Ibiki asked carefully.
Iruka blinked at the change of topic. "Well he didn't throw a party. We're still discussing it actually."
"I see." Ibiki scribbled something down.
"No, you don't see." The long-haired man shot up in his seat. "And you can scribble this down in your notes for all I care, Ibiki-san. I love Uchiha Itachi and just because Kakashi quirk's his stupid perverted finger at me doesn't mean I'm going to run back to him. I don't want him. And write that down in your stupid file." Iruka slouched back into the chair, suddenly out of ire. "Now, can we stop talking about my sex life and actually talk about something serious?"
Ibiki looked at him for a moment and then shook his head. "Has anyone ever told you that your relationship is fucked up?"
Iruka shrugged. "Meh. Everyone's a critic."
The interrogator barked out a harsh laugh.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
When Iruka and Kokoro walked back home the light was fading, the gloaming was settling in throughout the village. They opened the doors of the compound silently and walked into the courtyard, not surprised to see Naruto still training. The young man was standing in front of Jiraiya, a look of keen exasperation on his youthful face.
"Old man!" Naruto whined. "It's too hard!"
"Kami you complain worse than your brother." Jiraiya laughed then looked over at Iruka. "Hey Dolphin!"
Iruka sighed and frowned at the pair in front of him. He thought he had explained this to the old windbag how to best to get to Naruto?
"Jiraiya, don't you remember how Kakashi trained him so well last time? I told you to use the Kage Bunshin technique. We don't have time for normal exercises right now. And why-" He stopped mid-sentence when he realized that Kakashi was walking over to join them, putting his stupid little book away.
Iruka's spine stiffened, remembering Kakashi's morning drunkenness, his little speech and the fact that they probably at this very minute being listened to by ANBU. His hand balled into a fist angrily.
He sent out a pulse of chakra, easily detecting the four ANBU silently watching. Iruka couldn't believe he'd been so stupid, so blind to it all this time. No, he'd wanted to believe that he had been welcomed back. His jaw law locked in irritation as Kakashi stood in front of him. Perfect target, he thought a little gleefully to himself. Oh, goodie. Hopefully Kakashi says something stupid.
Kakashi scratched the back of his head.
"Maa...about this morning." Kakashi said and chuckled nervously.
"Yes?" Iruka said crossed his arms.
"What happened this morning?" Jiraiya asked innocently. Iruka shot a suspicious look over at his sensei. Did the man not know? Well, he had been asleep this morning. It was possible no one had informed him of what had happened this morning.
Itachi arrived just then, walking through the compound door. He was wearing jounin gear and carrying his empty bento box under his arm. He spied the four of them standing there awkwardly and arched an eyebrow.
"Oh, it was awesome!" Naruto started to explain to Jiraiya, ignorant of any tension. "Kaka-sensei showed up drunk this morning begging Iruka-" the youth was cut off mid account.
Naruto was suddenly dangling from a tree with chakra wire, his one arm up at a funny angle and one left leg strung up awkwardly. He wiggled his remaining limbs in frustration then gave up. "-Hey...Oi! No fair!"
Kakashi was standing behind Naruto; cheeks a blushing scarlet over the edges of his mask. "Well, Naruto. Didn't your brother ever teach you it's not polite to gossip?"
"Eh?" Naruto looked confused, and then he smiled brightly. "I'm sorry?"
The silver-haired sensei pouted at the blond youth. "But you didn't say the magic word."
Iruka's anger evaporated and he turned away from the scene quickly. He was not going to let this man bait him. He turned and greeted Itachi by holding his hand out and pulling him towards the house. He had to get away from Kakashi. He pretended not to notice the man's eyes following him.
"Come, 'Tachi, let's go make dinner." Iruka said with a warm smile.
"Hn." Itachi said but he allowed Iruka to pull him inside the kitchen.
A few minutes later, when he was dicing a zucchini, Iruka turned and him "Did you know we were being watched, Itachi?"
The pale man nodded. "Of course."
Iruka must have made some sort of gasp or face because Itachi was studying his face. "I'm an idiot." He said after a moment, and felt even stupider for wanting to tear up.
"No, you're not an idiot." Itachi reached for his hand after a moment. "Naive perhaps."
He smiled crookedly at Itachi. "You think you're so funny now. Mr. Uchiha funnyman."
He poured the chopped zucchini into the bowl of tomatoes that Itachi had cubed and started slicing mushrooms.
Iruka looked over at Itachi and he was slightly smiling.
"Is that a smile?" Iruka asked.
"Hn."
"That's what you're calling a smile?" He asked the man as he reached over to the refrigerator and pulled out some chicken for dinner.
"This is my happy face." Itachi shrugged.
"Oh, 'Tachi." Iruka made a clucking noise in the back of his throat.
"Hn."
"You know, one of these days if you ever just smile, I'm going to faint." Iruka promised as he started slicing the chicken breasts into small thin strips for the stir fry.
Itachi went over to the cabinet and started pulling down the soy sauce, sesame oil, fish sauce and other seasonings.
"If you faint, I'll really start to question your sanity." He chuckled.
"Oh, don't get me going." Iruka laughed and pointed the knife in Itachi's general direction.
Itachi sat down and started reading the newspaper. "Doesn't take much." He muttered under his breath.
"What was that?" Iruka put a hand on his hips.
"I didn't say anything, dear." Itachi offered a slight smile.
Iruka studied him for a moment before turning back to dinner. "Hrmph. That's what I thought."
Itachi laughed lightly as he continued to read the paper. Despite working in the library all day he did not get much of a chance to read the paper. Iruka set a cup of tea next to him on the table and kissed the top of his head. He gave a grateful expression towards the older man. It was becoming part of their daily ritual; cooking while he read the paper and drank his tea.
Neither of them seemed inclined to break the spell by bringing up Kakashi or that morning's revelations. They both ignored the fact that they were supposed to discus it 'later' and let the matter drop.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Iruka couldn't breathe. The red eyes were penetrating him. The room was suffocating. He was back in that room – he knew the blue man would be back. He always came back. His body was aching from the beatings and he shuddered from fear. Something felt different this time. He felt an overwhelming realization slam into him as he looked around the room – this wasn't real
He stared around the familiar room; the scene of such horror and torture that was becoming as recognizable and identifiable to him as the creases in the palm of his hand. Something flickered there, for an instant. The red eyes were back and he didn't even know where they were coming from because he was alone in the room. The haunted feeling crept over the nape of his neck and he turned around. When he turned around, Itachi was staring at him holding his katana with an unreadable expression on his face. Iruka was falling, he was gasping for air, those haunting eyes that plagued him, overwhelmed him, besieged him, flooded him with dread – he couldn't think straight, his heart was pounding rapidly, fluttering painfully in his chest from the pain.
Iruka did not scream out but he did sit up abruptly, yanking the covers off both of him and Itachi in the process. He proceeded to touch his neck and chest carefully, breathing deeply and feeling for imaginary and previous – grievous wounds. After a few moments he brought his knees up to his chest and laid his head to his knees, his heart still beating a furious staccato in his chest. He could feel the comforting chakra presence of Itachi next to him but he was grateful that the man did not try to reassure him.
He tilted his head so that he could see the outline of the other man. Itachi was reclining in bed, watching him, his head propped up on an elbow. He looked serious. Ironically, Iruka felt the need to comfort him. He felt his face fall into a lopsided grin.
"Nightmare again?" Itachi asked.
Iruka nodded.
"Did you talk about it with Ibiki-san?" he asked.
"Yeah." Iruka laughed derisively.
"Did he offer any insight?" Itachi inquired.
"Not really." He sighed in frustration. "Bastard actually had the gall to call us fucked up. Which is really unjustified considering how he flirts with Mitarashi all day long. And she is into some kinky shit, 'Tachi."
The younger man quirked an eyebrow. "And you know this...how?"
"Kokoro talks to her about it." Iruka shrugged and explains.
Itachi held a hand up. "That's disturbing – please say no more."
"Oh c'mon, 'Tachi, just today I had to hear about nipple clamps!" Iruka laughed. "And bondage!"
The younger man shuddered delicately and Iruka laughed.
He leaned down to kiss Itachi and his sharingan eyes must have activated. He still hadn't quite gotten hang of them. Embarrassing really. And Iruka hadn't gotten around to asking Itachi to explain the intricacies to working them. It was just one of those things that always seemed to fall by the wayside. And frankly, he hadn't been home that long; merely a few weeks.
Suddenly it was like a technicolor memory and he could feel Itachi's presence in his mind, like a dark passenger. Iruka wasn't even sure why that memory popped into his head. No, if he really pressured himself, he could think of a few reasons for the memory. All of the things today with Kakashi. And that little prank that Kakashi had played on Naruto when the youth was trying to gossip with Jiraiya.
The memory was of his former life. Iruka had been on a fairly long mission for him. An escort mission to Wind country on for three weeks. It had been long and boring, watching over three unruly children. He had returned late one night expecting to come home to an empty apartment, shower and pass out. Instead his boyfriend had been lying in wait, quite horny. He had booby trapped the apartment from top to bottom in every possible entry point with various rope traps, not sure which entrance Iruka would use. Of course, if he had used his brain he would've remembered that Iruka always used the door.
Nevertheless, Iruka opened the door, narrowly missing the first trap, stumbling past the second, jumped over the third and landed straight into a fourth trap. His right leg was caught in one direction spread apart from his left thigh now going completely in another direction. Before he realized it, an all too familiar chakra was behind him tying his arms together snugly.
"Maa...I missed you sensei." Kakashi whispered in his ear. As one hand snaked around to unbutton his pants and grasp his cock. Iruka gasped out in pleasure, throwing back his head.
Iruka was trying to stop the memory but it was like his mind wouldn't shut off. Closing his eyes wouldn't stop it. Thinking of something else wouldn't stop it. It wouldn't stop! He felt himself growing slightly hysterical.
"I can't make it stop." He heard himself say. Could Itachi hear him? He irrationally reached up and covered his eyes shakily with his hands. Why wouldn't this end...?
"Oh...Ka-Kashi-!" Iruka cried out.
"Sensei, you're so naughty." Kakashi whispered. "Look what you let me do to you. Do you want me to fuck you while you're all tied up, sensei?"
"Fuck, yes!" Iruka squirmed impatiently.
The jounin made a tsking sound in the back of his throat, "What's the magic word, sensei?"
Iruka growled and then looked around his apartment. "Ne, I think you should entertain me before I get angry over the mess you made in my apartment..."
Kakashi laughed and started pulling off Iruka's clothing. "Can't help it. You're so kinky, sensei."
Suddenly red eyes were in front of him and Iruka almost yelped in fright. The recent nightmare was still fresh in his mind – but Itachi's hand was warm on his arm and his chakra was rubbing against his and he calmed his breathing down.
"Focus." Itachi said sternly above the voices in the memory behind them.
It was like they were standing in front of a movie screen playing a porno from his past life. It was very awkward. Monumentally discomfiting. Iruka was blushing hotly.
Iruka laughed. "I'm kinky? Look at all this, Kashi. I think..." He lost his train of thought as Kakashi cut his pants off with a kunai and sunk to his knees in front of Iruka. His shredded pants fell to the ground with a soft sigh.
The jounin enveloped his cock with his sinful, dirty mouth. Iruka gasped and his hips involuntarily thrust towards that hot, wet mouth doing such delicious things. He may have made some unintelligible murmurs or noises in the back of his throat. Hard to say.
Kakashi released Iruka's hard shaft with a loud noise. "What was that, Ru?"
"Were you reading Icha Icha Violence today?" Iruka inquired breathlessly.
The other man smiled happily, both of his eyes crinkling happily as he was mask-less and hitai-ate free, his wild hair going in every which direction. "Maa...you know me so well..."
He stood up and moved behind Iruka. It was obvious he was naked at this point. And very hard. He put a hand on Iruka's hip and entered the man smoothly in one stroke. Iruka panted in pleasure.
"I'll...I'll...have to thank Jiraiya-sama if I ever meet the man one day..." Iruka said absently, twisting in his bonds.
Memories are but another form of the burden of history. Iruka felt burdened beyond comprehension at times. The weight of two lives inside his head. The wishes and desires of - that person - which did not mesh up with his own. Beyond individual memory, at the core there lived this kind of paralysis, there is history again. Among the charges brought against him in that relationship was his identity.
"You're not focusing, Iruka." Itachi reprimanded. He brought his face close in front of Iruka and finally he felt some of the tension leaving him. It was like the man's company alone could calm him and force the anxiety out of his body.
Iruka took a deep breath and forced his body to relax. "Yes, I'm sorry."
"Center yourself." Itachi commanded forcefully. "Feel the chakra in your body. Use that. It's like turning on a switch in your mind."
He tried to focus and think of it like a switch but that was so vague and slightly unhelpful.
Iruka exhaled noisily, finding it hard to think over the moaning.
"Stop thinking about that. Let it go. Feel it ebb away from you. You control it, not the other way around." The younger man's voice spoke.
He listening carefully to the words, the meaning and he focused on Itachi's eyes, those red eyes burning brightly into his soul. Iruka withered in the man's arms when the memory – finally – blissfully stopped. He didn't know why but he was crying, he felt pathetic and emotional. He felt guilty and ashamed. Iruka felt like he had to apologize again but he didn't know if he had done something – if anything wrong. He couldn't exactly help that that he possessed these memories and it was jarred loose by Kakashi's actions.
Iruka didn't know what to say. He merely clutched tightly at Itachi and pressed his face into his neck, seeking out that all-too-familiar scent. The other man was running a pale hand through his hair, shushing him. He wasn't sure if he felt better or worse, for it. He couldn't breathe.
...
A/N: Please Review ^_^
To WhitenyRose – Madlibs for all your beta glory, I thank-you. You are the greatest. One day you will realize Zetsu is The Boss.
To dattebayo1013 – For all of your surprisingly valuable help with both sharingan and porn! This hone is for you!
To The-Lady-Smaell – Borrowed the use of her psyche-nin's and also she drew my first fan-art piece of Harbinger! Check out my account on DeviantArt (ActuallyNevis) to check it out. It's super cool!