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Chapter Four

(Ziva)

And so we all stayed at the hospital with Tony, us sitting by his bedside or getting up to walk around the hospital to stretch our legs. But Gibbs never left his side. And coming to think about it, if my boss did not have feelings for DiNozzo, I still believed that he would have stayed. However, I once remembered Abby telling me that when Tony had gotten the plague, Gibbs was terribly afraid of entering the hospital to visit him because he didn't want to see his agent in that state.

Now it was different obviously.

At maybe four o'clock that Friday afternoon we left, with the understanding that Gibbs would return home to change then come back to check on Tony. It was only normal for him to think of doing that so Abby, McGee and I allowed him the privilege of being with DiNozzo alone for the afternoon and night. Maybe if he continued to talk to Tony the way he had, he would come out of the coma.

'Call us if anything happens', Abby said softly as she draped her arm around Gibbs's neck. McGee had to slowly pull her away to get her out of the hospital.

'Gibbs talk to him', I said as I picked up my trench coat and my eyes met his. 'Tell him how you feel and so on. I heard that it helps. Speak to him as if he is conscious and aware of what you are saying.'

Without even hesitating, Gibbs stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly with his face buried in my hair.

'Ziva, you have been so understanding.'

'It is nothing.' And I smiled at him, and then walked out the exit because I hated situations like that where someone could make me become so vulnerable.

So that afternoon I went out with Abby and McGee and it felt weird to not have Tony join us. Sitting there at the bar, I listened to them relate their feelings for either Gibbs or Tony and somehow I felt as if I had so much to ask and say but I was afraid to do so. I ended up lifting my glass filled with Scotch up to the light, pretending to admire the swirling haze as if I had never done so before. And they just talked on, without even bothering to involve me.

Abby was very touchy on the issue. She kept becoming overly emotional about it all, and at often times McGee had to remind her that neither Gibbs nor Tony was dead.

'And I was there when we found Tony', I said looking at her, her bloodshot eyes, 'the way they looked at each other, Abby. Everything is going to be alright.'

'Guess Gibbs will have to break his own rule now', McGee said and he sipped on his Pepsi through a red and white striped straw. Abby turned to glare at him. 'What?'

'Don't make a joke out of it, McGee.'

'I'm not!' he said looking shocked. 'I just think that he should have never created it in the first place.'

'So that you would have an excuse to get into my clothes –'

'No! No', McGee said interrupting her and looking astounded. 'I never wanted to get into…I mean it's not a bad thing in a way but –'

'I hope Vance doesn't find out', I said cutting McGee off because he and Abby would have gone on longer enough. McGee and Abby's expressions changed as they thought about it.

'Oh Vance would go hard on poor Gibbs', Abby said sadly and sighed. 'Bureaucracy and its rules: geese I hate them.'

McGee looked puzzled. 'Wait, NCIS as an organization has a rule like that? No messing around with coworkers?'

I thought about it.

'I have never heard of it, but I would not put it past them to create such a rule.'

'Come to think of it, I don't think there is any rule like that at NCIS, except Gibbs' rule 12', and Abby frowned then pounded her fist on the desk. 'If Vance and Sec. Nav. finds out about Gibbs and Tony, best be assured that the stupid rule will be created and fast.'

A scuffle broke out somewhere behind us and we turned around to observe, hoping we didn't have to intervene.

'I always used to think Vance took on a liking to Gibbs', McGee pondered on for a bit. 'So I mean, he'd go easy on him if he finds out –'

'No', Abby declared and she clicked her finger to get the bartender's attention, 'you only know your friends when something happens to you and then you wait to see who steps in.'

'Look we are a family', I said firmly and I twirled the cubes of ice around my glass, my eyes on the swirling liquid, 'we are not prepared to let Vance do anything to hurt Gibbs or Tony, yes?'

'Correcto!' Abby said smiling at me, and she lifted her glass, 'to Team Gibbs!'

'To team Gibbs!' McGee and I both said and we laughed. And it was agreed that later that night, Abby and I would take something to eat for Gibbs and we would see if there were any improvements on Tony's side.

oOoOoOo

(Gibbs)

I sat by his bedside since they left and never did get up because I felt tied to my agent lying there unconscious in the hospital bed. It was one of those moments where you felt that if you left, something would change and sometimes change wasn't always what you wanted. Maybe he'd be gone by the time I came back, or he could wake up and see no one there. He'd wonder where I was and what had happened, become hysterical and panic. And I didn't want my agent to do either. I wanted him to wake up and find me there.

'Agent Gibbs…' I looked up to find a red head nurse walk in with a tray, the smile on her face growing wider as she came forth. And immediately I felt myself smiling, admiring her in her uniform that did fit like a glove and her wide eyed green eyes that reminded me of the glow of leaves in the sunlight.

'Nurse…' and I stood up holding out my right hand and squinting at her name tag, '…Lily Waters.'

'I bought a sandwich for you: not much…just a ham sandwich with lettuce and a slice of tomato and…' she pointed at the tray, 'a pain reliever injection for your agent.'

She smiled. I smiled.

'Well', she said chuckling nervously and she placed the tray on the stand, taking up the syringe. My eyes never left her. 'You look like an agent, you have a military haircut, but the charming smile and eyes make me wonder if you are neither.'

'I'm all of those', I said smiling and laughed. 'Are you sure you've never been in a magazine as a model? I'm sure I've seen those eyes before.'

'Many women have green eyes', she said smiling and her cheeks grew pink.

I watched as she rolled up Tony's right sleeve and then she rubbed a small area using a ball of cotton wool moist from mentholated spirits. I could smell it from where I was sitting along with her Vera Wang perfume. She then injected DiNozzo's arm slowly, her hand steady. When she was done, I watched her turn to me.

'So, are you interested in dinner at a later date?'

'I –'

'I get off at 6 every night', she said smiling at me. I was a bit taken aback at how brazen she was but I always admired that in a woman. 'Oh…' she said before I could answer, 'he has those.'

I looked at her puzzled. 'Who has what?'

She beckoned to the bed. 'Your agent has my eyes: green eyes. When he came in and was conscious I saw them. I didn't believe you'd miss that. How long has he been working for you?'

'Ten years', I said and tasted bitter bile in my mouth.

Instantly I became overwhelmed with guilt as I had sat there admiring another woman when I had minutes before been thinking about DiNozzo and how much I loved him. I wanted to slap myself over the head for being so stupid.

'So dinner?'

I stared blankly at her. It would never happen. Not like this.

'Not this time', I said and forced a smile. 'I'm –'

'…committed', and she smiled. 'I didn't believe for a second a guy like you would be single.' And she left.

I sat there for quite a while thinking about things, about events in my life that made me a different person, that changed me. And one that instantly came to mind was the very first time I had met him. There was a time when I used to never ever let my guard down to anyone because I was afraid that they would see right through me, find out what I did, how I took revenge for Shannon and Kelly. But that day when I sat in DiNozzo's office at Baltimore P.D, when he looked at me: those green eyes fixed on me, I couldn't help but believe that he could see everything about me right there and then.

It was as if I had known him long before that. And the impulse fired on me to hire him. But unto this day I did not know why the hell I had made such a rash decision to get him to work at NCIS with me. It could have been me just falling in love with him back then so I wanted to keep him close to me. And it also could have been me finding a very good agent in him and me desiring him to work for me because of his skills. I did not know.

But one thing I knew now clearer than before. I had always loved him. And so I decided to do just as Ziva had proposed: talk to my unconscious agent before me. But I didn't know where to start.

'DiNozzo', I said slowly and hesitated, taking up his right hand and squeezing it. I felt empty. 'If you can hear me like Ziva said you can, I just want you to know that I have always…' I stalled at that one.

I wanted to say 'I have always loved you' but I had already told him I loved him before. And people hated when you placed over emphasis on those three words. It would almost feel unreal if you kept on saying those words over and over again. Such person may feel that you believe them to suddenly not find truth in your words hence you felt compelled to keep repeating them over and over again.

'I have always appreciated you', I said and felt like shit. What kind of person who was deeply in love with someone else would say that as if it wasn't obvious? Then again, I didn't know if DiNozzo knew that I appreciated him.

'I'm not good at this, DiNozzo', and I kind of laughed nervously, feeling strained, 'not good with this feelings part of me, explaining it. I guess I'd have to….' What? Show him? Let him tell me instead? I stuck with the first one. '…show you how I feel.' And I lifted his hand, pressing my lips to his fingers. They were so cold as if he was dead already.

I remembered the doctor telling me that his condition was stable. But he needed to be placed in I.C.U for severe observation because of the large amount of blood loss. And he had suffered from a terrible head injury from falling to the floor when Vault shot him. But was he going to make it? I was told that he was. However, it had been hours since he went into a relapse. And his heart rate was extremely low paced. His breathing was not getting any stronger and as far as I could read from the monitors, DiNozzo's condition was just not improving but remained the same.

And like before, fear overwhelmed me as I thought of the other result from this.

'No', I moaned, resting my head on his hand. 'Tony, don't do this to me. Please. Not the second time round.' I was so fed up with losing people I had become terribly in love with.

I got up and stood there looking at him. Then I remembered Kelly's favorite story when she was alive. She'd have me read Snow White over and over again to her before she could fall asleep and if Shannon went up after me, Kelly would make sure she was wide awake so that her mother could read the story over again.

It wasn't my first choice to do what I wanted to do, but I felt as if I had to. A huge part of me wanted to do it because things could change in a heartbeat and then I'd never be able to know how it felt. I sat on the right side of his bed and looked at his face, reaching out to trail a finger along his nose to the tip and then around his mouth, closing my eyes to feel the line of his lips beneath my touch.

'Tony', I whispered, feeling my throat close up and that small tight ball of tension build up inside forcing me to feel terribly anguished. I wanted another name to call him other than Tony or DiNozzo but no other name came to me. I needed an adjective to place on him that would make him know how much he meant to me. 'I'm not good at pet names either', I said and sighed.

I then hoped that no one would interrupt as I slowly bent forward, my eyes on his lips, my thumb caressing them still. Immediately my heart began to race, my head began to pound and I found myself wishing with all my heart that he was awake so that I could have him tell me what he wanted. Slowly I went forward and closed the distance between our mouths, feeling my lips touch his for the first time. And it was the first time ever for me to be this close and intimate with another man.

But it just wasn't enough. I felt as if I had to do more. Taking my right thumb, I gently parted his lips then used my mouth to capture his in a soft kiss. Immediately every part of my body responded to being this close to him. And I felt the need to take a long and hard breath as my chest contracted and I gasped for air. This feeling was incredible to me, new but impossibly real.

'DiNozzo', I whispered as I rubbed my mouth against his and then bit down softly on his bottom lip. If I was feeling this close to bliss when he was unconscious and unresponsive, what would happen to me when or if he did kiss me back willingly? I wanted to know. I really did. But the situation would not allow it.

Raking my fingers through his hair, my mouth on his, I pressed my forehead against his and silently prayed to God that he would wake up now.

'God please', I whispered with my nose next to his, my eyes closed tight, 'I know you're a loving God, and you just can't hate me for feeling this way about him because you're a God of love and you of all people would understand how I feel. This…has never happened to me before. I just need you to do this for me, please', and I felt the tears threaten to seep out from behind my closed eyelids. 'Please make him come back to me, God. I love him so much. You know how I have loved him for all these years and I've never ever felt the same way for another man but him. Please. I really and honestly…'

oOoOoOo

(Tony)

'…love him, God.'

No.

I couldn't let him go away this time. There in the white of all whites I had been sitting, waiting on him to just come back to me. And then after a long time, I had heard his voice, low and filled with pain. I just couldn't let it go this time at all.

Geese I needed Gibbs so much. I wanted him to touch me, kiss me. I wanted him to tell me how he loved me endlessly and I wanted to feel him against me, naked and whole as I proved to him how much I loved him. Dear God, I wanted to make him know how awesome he made me feel with his dashing haircut, steely blue eyes and charming ways.

I felt as if I was in a vacuum, some sort of sorts sucking all the energy from me when I tried to think about anything. But when I thought of him…my boss, I felt really alive and whole. Fighting the urge, I closed my eyes and pictured him making love to me, taking my breath away as he kissed every part of me. I imagined him using his hands, those slim fingers, to caress me all over.

'Gibbs', I moaned and immediately felt myself being pulled from behind. I was leaving the white space at a fast rate, the ground moving beneath my feet. And as I looked before me, the whiteness disappeared gradually and the light around me became pinched with colors of all sorts.

My throat closed up and became parched as I struggled to breathe. A room was materializing in front of me and so was someone's face. I couldn't breathe. My eyes snapped open and I sprang up, feeling wires around my arms and on my chest, a forceful pain in my side making me yell out. And I scrambled for that person before me, as I fought to breathe.

'Help…me!' I tried to shout but it came out more like a whisper as I reached out for that person. And then the person had their arms around me. I smelt saw dust and Old Spice intermingled with the scent of his suit and…coffee. 'Gibbs!' I said sharply.

His cheek was pressed against mine as he held me tightly in his arms and against him. His body was warm and one thing that I could clearly make out was that his heart was beating against my chest really fast.

'I…can't breathe…properly', I whispered frantically and he pulled away from me, his eyes focused on mine. And I saw that his eyes were red and moist with tears. Gibbs was crying. 'Gibbs.'

Immediately he pressed both his palms on either side of my face and I felt his lips on mine. My entire body felt as if it would explode: every joint, muscle, nerve came to life when I felt Gibbs' mouth on mine. And when his tongue found mine dry, I felt the back of my head rest against the pillow once more as he kissed me deeply, never stopping to even allow me to breathe. But I didn't need to anymore. I was alive and entirely filled with energy now from his body being against mine.

His kiss captured me first passionately then I felt his thumb trace my bottom lip as he gazed into my eyes. My breath came fast and hard when our lips parted and I felt his chest heave at intervals on mine. But I did not stop there. Lifting my hand only to find it weak, I raked my fingers through his hair then brought his face closer to mine once more. This time I kissed him slow and took control, wrapping my arms around his neck as I fought to find his tongue and I tasted coffee and tomato mixed with cucumbers.

'Di…Nozzo', he moaned and he wrapped his hands around my back, pulling me up into a sitting position.

Still having hold of his face, I brought it to mine and allowed our noses to lie side by side and our foreheads to touch. 'Gibbs', I whispered, and I found myself letting out a heart aching sob. 'Oh God, Gibbs…'

'My love…' he breathed into my mouth that could not close because I had to breathe forcefully through it.

'Finally', I whispered, and I felt my eyes sting as tears ran down my cheek. 'Gibbs…I have loved you for so long. I…' and my eyes moved down to his lips that lay parted as he fought to control himself from kissing me again…the passion continued to devour us. I was forced to breathe into his mouth as mad desire engulfed me. '…Baltimore', I moaned and saw something flicker behind his eyes. 'Gibbs…Baltimore.'

His eyes widened as he stared at me. 'Me too', he said as his eyes filled with tears. 'I couldn't…keep my eyes off of you –'

'When I chased you…fell on top of you', I said and fought a smile, 'I felt as if…'

oOoOoOo

(Ziva)

'…nothing else mattered, you felt perfect against me…When I sat on top of you, I felt you and wanted you somehow so much…' I lifted my hand to wipe my eyes as Abby tightened her grip around my waist. 'I didn't…understand what it meant…how I was feeling…but I knew one thing –'

'That I'd want to spend the rest of…my life…with you', Gibbs said softly.

Tony smiled. 'That's why you…invited me to NCIS and then you led me to Recruitment?'

'To hire you so that I would never ever have to look for you again.'

Abby sniffed behind me, her chin resting on my right shoulder as we watched from the door that had been barely left ajar.

'I was never certain…about what I was feeling. But I knew that if I let you go, I'd never be able to say this to you…what I've been feeling for all these years since I've known you.'

I watched as Tony caressed Gibbs neck, trailing a finger down his shoulder. 'To say what?'

'Having one true love is a myth', Gibbs whispered. I began to cry then, lifting my hand to cover my mouth as the sobs threatened to give away our presence.

Tony actually found courage to smile broadly and he reached forward to kiss Gibb's neck. 'Word', I heard him whisper and I smiled.

Stepping back, I pressured Abby to enter the hallway once more with me and then I turned to face her. Her entire face was pink and her eyes were red from crying. And as I stared into her eyes, she lifted her hands to press them on either side of my face. My eyes grew wide as I immediately felt overwhelmed from her touch. And even before I could respond, she jumped forward.

'Ziva!' she cried and planted her lips on mine. I felt dazed as her mouth moved against mine and her tongue parted my lips. And then, she was kissing me as I had always dreamt of her doing! I actually felt tears come to my eyes as I smiled and laughed between our kisses. 'I love you so much!' she said excitedly, her two ponytails dancing around her small cute face.

'Me too! Wow!' and I took a deep breathe. 'But McGee…'

'…never was', she said continuing my sentence.

I suddenly felt ashamed. 'We shouldn't have', I said beckoning to the door behind us.

'But we had to!'

'We should have backed out when we peeked in and saw them kissing –'

'And miss that? Are you crazy?' she asked and grabbed either side of my face softly, 'Ziva history happened in there just now.'

I smiled but stared back at her confused.

'Gibbs kissed DiNozzo! Would you have ever believed it would happen? Like in a million years? I mean the head slaps and glares and 'on your six, boss' and this and that', and she was jumping up and down on the same spot now, her eyes dancing.

'I know!' I said sharing her excitement. 'And what a kiss too! Such passion and want…desire –'

'I can kiss like that', she said and winked.

'I know you can', I said and laughed.

'Think we should go in still?'

I looked at her as if she was crazy. 'Of course!' Taking her hand, we both went to the door and pushed it open, hoping that they might have had their clothes off at that point, but they were only sitting staring into each other's eyes as if time had never moved.

When Tony saw us enter the room, his eyes met mine and he pulled away, fear on his face.

'Oh no!' I said shaking my head and smiling. 'No, no, no…you must continue. It does not bother me, lover boy.'

'That's right', Abby said going up to Gibbs and throwing her arms around him, 'Ziva knows, and Gibbs knows now…no more 'keep it between you and me, Abby' lines.'

Gibbs smiled at me and then kissed Abby on her cheek. The latter blushed severely. 'He kissed me with the same mouth used to kiss Tony', she said with her mouth wide open, her eyes wide as well. 'So it's like we all kissed each other!'

'Oh boy', I said slapping my hand against my forehead. 'Here we go.'

'Wait, you saw us…' and Tony's eyes met Abby's then mine. 'Ziva, you…'

'Yeah we saw when you two kissed. Nicely done', I said allowing my fingers to dance as I spoke. 'I must say that it made me grow quite flustered, Gibbs.'

'Oh boy did it!' Abby said and sighed. 'Come on, kiss again. I want to see up close now –'

'Abby!' Tony protested.

As I was about to comment on their passion, Gibbs leant forward and his lips met Tony's again. My eyes grew wide and so did Abby's as he parted Tony's lips with his tongue and kissed him slow and passionate. After a while, Tony did give in and he kissed back, obviously losing in fighting the urge to resist kissing Gibbs in front of us. I saw Abby lean in to get a closer look, just when Gibbs and Tony began to become passionately taken up with each other.

'Look at them –'

'They are so in love', I said after Abby's comment. And then they pulled apart, staring into each other's eyes. 'That is something rare', I said as Tony smiled at me and I smiled back.

What neither of us saw was a certain someone standing behind the glass at the door quietly observing. Her eyes grew wide as she watched Gibbs passionately kiss Tony and just at that moment when I had said my last sentence, said individual flustered, rushed to the nearest pay phone.

'May I speak to Director Vance', she whispered into the phone, her fingers trembling.

'Speaking', Vance said from the other end.

'Director Vance, I have just witnessed something terrible that should get your attention immediately.'

'Who is this?' Vance asked sternly.

'Never mind who I am. I just peeked in the room where your agent is being held only to find Special Agent Gibbs making love to him on the bed', and she breathed in, 'naked. He had his hands all over –'

'Enough', Vance said cutting her off and there was a pause as Vance tried to gather himself, trying to figure out what to say. 'How reliable is this information?'

She took a while before she could answer. 'That is all.' And she rested the phone back on the hook, her eyes dancing with danger.