Chapter 16
The Belle Marauders beamed at Professor Flitwick.
It seemed politic.
"Bless me!" he said "THIRD years?"
"Well sir we used ritual to do his voice and the babbling curse" said Bella "It seemed the easiest way 'cos cursing comestibles would have worn off too quickly; he's no man and he has no manners and we wanted to hear him babble out all the nasty views we think he really holds and to sound even sillier than usual while he did so."
"Ritual! My goodness, will you explain it to me?" asked Flitwick.
They proceeded to do so; leaving out the recyclable nature of their doll. There was honesty in the face of being known as culprits and then there was prudence.
Flitwick was fascinated. The concepts of reciprocal charms were quite complex and difficult.
"He isn't really HURT" said Drusillina "Just made to look and feel silly."
"Sillier" said Mimi firmly "We didn't think much of him clouting Amos Leroy so hard his face was bruised for days because Amos was daft enough to rat us up to Villeneuve that we were doing a charade that made fun of him. And whatever we might think of Leroy for sneaking like that or even generally, a big boy has NO right to clout a kid that hard. So we vowed to do him and good."
"And we shan't apologise to him, I'm sorry Professor Flitwick; because we aren't sorry" said Maud "We're sorry if it's distressed you but not about doing it."
"Because he's a git" said Isabel
"And deserves it all and more!" said Bella, with feeling.
"And as Bella was the one he offended against in the first place that we can't tell you about 'cos he accepted rough justice instead of a head's report she's got cause" said Drusillina.
"But if he accepted rough justice, is it not going too far to enact more?" said Flitwick.
"It would have been if he hadn't openly sneered let alone not apologising and then whacked Leroy" said Bella "And he said to me that others wouldn't protect me if they knew I was evil and twisted and I know I'm wildish and naughty but I think THAT was rather mean to say, don't you?"
"Yes I do" said Flitwick. He had heard Achille on the impropriety of having Bella Black in school before and had thought he had quashed that silliness by explaining that this child had no memories of her previous existence; but presumably he was harping back on THAT theme. "He believes that you remember being Bellatrix Black-Lestrange."
"Well I know he was stupid but I didn't know he was a RETARD!" said Bella in disgust "Doesn't he think I'd NOTICE if I could remember all the icky things that people are scared to let me find out about?"
Flitwick regarded her fondly. What an innocent child she was! She had no concept that Achille had formulated and put about the idea that she was pretending to be a child to harm people; and Flitwick doubted the boy really believed it but had spoken to hurt those who loved Bella.
"I am going to remove the curse on his voice and the babbling curse" he said. "What underwear he keeps in his drawers is no concern of mine."
"Oh sir, you ARE a sport!" said Bella.
"WAS it a switching charm?" asked the Professor.
"Oh no sir, we transfigured it using pictures from 'Playwizard'" said Bella "We broke into Ravenclaw tower because it's so easy, only having to answer silly questions."
"You found the questions easy?"
"Well I dunno if one of the three of us got it right but the eagle seemed to like them all" said Bella. "Apart from Maud's suggestion that what has no beginning or end being homework but she did like the idea that it was the dark arts being many headed and mutable like homework, AND she liked Prime numbers and a circle so I guess you can get in by making up any old tosh."
"It has to be a little more er, profound than that" reproved Flitwick sternly "Apparently you have the right mind set to understand deeply philosophical questions."
"Everything is Arithmancy" said Mimi.
"Numbers define the universe" added Bella.
"Which is why headaches got invented" said Maud.
"And you're Slytherin not Ravenclaw? My loss" sighed Flitwick "Well, well! I shan't set you any punishment if it was a retaliatory strike but I want you to promise me faithfully not to do ANYTHING else to Achille Crouch Villeneuve before he leaves."
"Oh, all right sir" said Bella mournfully then brightened. "Not until he has left school!" she added.
Flitwick decided not to mention that jinxing him the moment he got on the train was probably casuistry.
Somehow he found that he did not care that much.
He found he cared even less when he went to take the curse off Achille to find the boy still babbling; and the things he was babbling were most revealing about the boy's mindset and what that revealed was not a pleasant thing to have the displeasure of finding out.
Returning him to a state where one did not have to hear his grubby and rather supremacist views was quite a relief.
And when the boy, far from being grateful demanded in the same breath that he get to watch the culprits be punished and that Flitwick also put his own underwear back Flitwick lost his temper and recommended that the boy take a vow of silence until he left school and try to live down the bad impression his unrestrained spoken thoughts had left.
Achille was a boy who was never in the wrong; and so he went to Dumbledore to complain; which as Dumbledore was getting ready to leave for Durmstrang with Lionel and supporters was NOT a welcome intrusion.
Dumbledore was a fine legilimens; and before Achille had finished complaining he had seen the whole story.
"I suggest, M, Villeneuve, that you follow Professor Flitwick's advice and try to live it down" said he quietly enough.
Achille stared.
"You surely do not UPHOLD that horrid little man who favours a proven criminal and deatheater over me?" he demanded.
"Achille you are a silly little boy" said Albus "If Bella had NOT been returned mentally to childhood, do you suppose for one moment I should have her in my school? Surely you are not doubting MY ability to know truth? I know WHY the Marauders offered you an alternative to reporting; no, none of them have told me, I have my methods…. I could have hoped that their mercy would be a lesson to you; but apparently not. I think you should lie very low and hope that everyone who has associated with you can forget you existed."
"I shall write to my father and ask him to take me home forthwith" said Achille "I have finished my NEWTs; I have no longer need to stay in this dreadful place."
Dumbledore brightened.
"Ah, excellent, the best solution all round" he said happily "We shall be very pleased to get rid of you I'm afraid; I don't often find myself saying that but I fear you have been as responsive and amenable to discipline and training in mannerly behaviour as Tom Riddle."
This was NOT what Achille wanted or expected to hear; but he had little choice but to acquiesce and leave.
He did NOT remember his bow.
He left next day and nobody regretted his going; save perhaps the Belle Marauders who had hoped to jinx him on the way home. Still, getting rid of him early was even better!
And Lionel was back to Durmstrang for the final task.
This was to be a maze; and Professors Dumbledore and Flitwick had gone over a few days before to see it set up. Lionel and the others joined them and Lionel then waited in a room with the other contestants to be called as required; Jade had accrued most points and was to go first and he was just eight seconds behind her. Anett was as much behind him; and the likelihood of the two other boys having any chance at all was slim. Unless of course the leaders lost time and exhausted themselves defeating whatever challenges were in the maze and allowed the others to stroll through without challenge.
Dumbledore, being Dumbledore, would not be setting a maze without safeguards against that; it would not be filled merely with monsters but would have things that could be defeated cleverly.
After all, David's manticore had been introduced largely in the hopes that a Triwizard champion might think of a way of getting rid of it. And David had used lateral thinking and dropped a large rock on the wretched thing. Lionel had made mental notes on his first visit to Durmstrang where there were such things as big boulders, glacial erratics, in case he had a similar need to drop rocks on something. It was always well to be prepared!
Jade was having a brief, intense conversation with the girl Anett; there was something going on in the background there and Lionel wondered if she planned to defect as the boy Karl had at the end of David's Triwizard. Harder to arrange for a German girl in Germany; but then Jade was a devious little thing and quite equal to the task if Anett had called on her for aid. And then Jade was being called; and a slow count of eight after that, so was he!
The start of the maze was under an arch that should be familiar…. It was like those of the Nazi Labour Camps he recalled. Typical of Dumbledore to have a touch of black humour that only a handful of people in the world would understand! There were words on the arch; they read,
"Be well primed if you would win"
Prime numbers, eh? And to be discovered in what looked at first glance like a single, long passageway lined with walls like the dustbin run of Victorian muggle suburban housing. Or the first part of the film 'Labyrinth' realised Lionel and went looking for hidden exits.
The first was on the left, obvious enough once you were looking for something concealed; and one was the first prime, so he took it.
Just in time as Anett came in; and Lionel dodged out of sight in the staggered entrance to the new passage. He was looking for the second passage in.
There were two passages on the right; it was the second he wanted. He heard Anett say in German,
"This is ludicrous; how can there be a maze with no passages off?" and heard a thin scream from ahead as he was about to take the second passage.
A body of some description went hurling over a wall ahead of him; one might assume that was where Jade was.
He was looking for the third exit on the left when the faceless muggle with a gun ran at him.
Ah, it had been a boggart and Jade had dealt with it summarily. He shouted,
"RIDIKULUS!" and the muggle's gun transfigured into Betty Boop and started smooching the frightening looking soldier. It was no longer Kevin, his mother's boyfriend; working with Ross to get him into trouble with the muggle police had dealt with THAT fear, but Lionel knew too much about muggles not to fear what they COULD do.
The boggart retreated and Lionel went on his way, counting on the right for five exits to take the fifth.
There was a pile of dead doxies on the ground right before the turning. Well that was confirmation that he was on the right track; Jade had passed by this way.
And if further confirmation was needed, the fifth way opened into a square where three large and stressed looking acromantulas were dancing to music their feet seemed to be playing. Rather silly sounding music.
Jade had as warped an imagination as Dumbledore himself.
He exited opposite and came upon a door, set about by clasps and locks and a five by five panel of tiles in the middle.
"And the thing that stands out as a false note is presumably what I need to take notice of" he murmured "MORE prime numbers? No clue to it being anything else" he added as he quickly surveyed the door. So he pressed the prime numbers – one, two, three, five, seven, eleven, thirteen, seventeen, nineteen – and before he could press twenty three there was a click and the door opened.
"Got impatient eh?" he muttered and went through.
There was wand-writing on a slab saying 'trap'
That would be Jade too. Civil of her. And how like Jade to give a more than sporting chance to a rival! He avoided the trap easily.
There were a pair of doors side by side ahead enclosed in a single arch that was supported by a pair of very blocky male statues; which as females were called caryatids but Lionel could not recall if there was a proper name for male ones. Jade probably not only knew but could quote which Greek myth had given rise to it. What was important was that the writing over THIS arch read,
"One of us always lies and one of us always tells the truth"
"I hate these things" said Lionel "It's ruddy Waffling logic."
The statues regarded him.
"Right" said Lionel to the one on the right "If I ask you if HE'd tell me if this was the correct way to go, what would you say?"
The statue regarded him.
"I'd say no" it said.
"So we have a NAND situation….if he's the liar and said no, and you report his speech accurately then it is the correct door" said Lionel "And if he'd be trying to tell me aright, you'd lie about it. So right hand door it is" he added and went through it.
Jade was inside the passage as clashing rocks were busy transfiguring into ice and melting under her gaze.
She really was rather impressive when she got going.
"Nice work" he said "I appear again to be the gainer from your ingenuity."
"You're not exactly a novice yourself" said Jade.
"Shall I count eight seconds and let you go on ahead to reset the advantage as it's your charms have let me catch up?"
"That's jolly decent and sporting of you Lion old man; no, let us go forth together, there is a precedent after all."
"And that's decent and sporting of you" said Lionel. "Let us wade through melted ice water."
They did so; and as Jade suspected there was a trap just beyond, a floor of nails. They hovered over gently, Lionel firing a rope from his wand to adhere to a far wall to pull himself across it, Jade just flying.
"That's a neat trick" said Lionel.
"Yes, we nicked it from Voldemort" said Jade "I'll teach you later when we have some time."
"Cheers" said Lionel, reflecting that their calm conversation would not be out of place at a ball rather than at a rather tough competition.
They emerged again into daylight; and the walls were old dead stumps.
Jade groaned.
"I know what THIS is" she said.
"Yeah" said Lionel. He had done no Herbology but he had heard Callum on the subject; and had heard about Madam Sprout's use of Snargaluff pods in the defence of Hogwarts from the forces of Gerhardt. "Snargaluff. And just when I was congratulating myself that we were both undamaged."
"You take the left I take the right?" said Jade.
"You could fly right over the top" said Lionel.
"I think that constitutes cheating" said Jade "I bet Albus has put up a ward to stop it."
"Nip up and see; I don't want to have a joint win if you can do this with your unique skills" demanded Lionel. He had no intention of being a second rate winner; if they made a joint win fairly that was one thing but if Jade could easily get ahead that was something else entirely.
Jade nodded. She could he knew appreciate that.
She hit a wall – or rather, a ceiling.
"He thought of that" she said. "I think I'm kinda glad."
"Well so am I; but for different reasons!" laughed Lionel. "Ready?"
Jade nodded.
"Ready" she said.
As the two youngsters approached the gnarled old stumps thorny vines whipped out. Lionel was dismayed; they looked every bit as horrifying as Callum's swearing suggested and then some. Without gloves this would be agonising.
Jade gave a yell of inspiration.
"Call yourself a witch, Snape!" she upbraided herself and conjured a pair of gloves. Lionel laughed and copied her.
"NOW we have a fighting chance" he said, thoroughly relieved. He had a vague idea they had to tie the branches together and hoped Jade knew.
Jade was frowning.
"Hold one… quick chant laddie and we can set up a physical shield spell too…. Three, two, one…."
They began chanting and moved in perfect synchrony down the thorny passage, tying the thorny appendages together, Lionel surreptitiously watching Jade to see how the competent did it..
Jade absently extracted a snargaluff pod or two from the holes formed in the knots, and shrugged.
Lionel understood; you never knew when you might need such, and having flesh-devouring pods might actually come in handy. It would be just like Albus to have provided a means of protection in the very traps of his maze. He pulled a couple out too. He had never known how it was done before; and it was tougher than Jade made it look but it was good to learn something new. They were horrible things that writhed.
And they were through this maze of thorn.
Jade grinned and sang an appropriate verse from 'Thomas the Rhymer'
"Don't you see yon narrow, narrow road, sae thickly set wi' thorns and briars
Yon is the road tae righteousness though afther it but few enquires."
They sang together the chorus,
"Harp and carp, come along with me, Thomas the Rhymer…"
Jade pointed ahead and commented in song, continuing the theme
"Don't you see yon bonny, bonny road that lies across the ferny brae
yon is the road tae fair elfland where you and I this night must gae"
"I believe you're right" said Lionel. "And I bet we get attacked by something…."
He was right too.
The half dozen Redcap-like fey burst out of the bracken, wielding clubs.
The two youngsters promptly threw their Snargaluff pods at four of them – and as fine quidditch and cricket players both, their aim was good – and took one of the remainder each. Jade turned hers into a giant hovering woodlouse and Lionel stupefied his. They had not broken stride. The four empodded ones fought with the obscene green pods that were busy trying to engulf their heads.
Shortly after this the brae opened up; and there was a Sphinx.
"Two of you?" she said. "That's irregular"
"Eccentric" said Jade "Not irregular. We're English; being eccentric goes with the territory."
"Well I shall ask a riddle; first to answer it goes on, the other must answer another riddle" said she.
"Fair enough" said Lionel. His heart sank a little; it was almost bound to be Jade.
The sphinx said,
"A greedy worm in youth I then devour
until of greed I slumber like the dead
when I awake I sup from every flower
and clad in rainbow hues fly forth instead."
Lionel was delighted; he knew this one! He glanced at Jade and saw she was checking he knew too that they could answer together. They pronounced in one voice,
"Butterfly".
The sphinx looked faintly outraged.
"You'd better both go on" she said huffily.
Jade curtseyed and Lionel bowed.
Sometimes good manners were wise.
Past the sphinx there was a pedestal on which was written
"When I am solved you will know what state
to turn me and shift me to orientate."
There was an arithmantic equation.
"Albus just HAD to have asked Filius Flitwick to come up with some of this nonsense" said Jade "I know that as Gryffs go he's a devious old so-and-so but really!"
"Well you Prince Peakers stole Severus so he has to pick someone else almost as tortuous" said Lionel "Looks easy enough." He knew that he and Jade stood with some of the best arithmancers in the world; especially Jade. And although she might be as far above him in understanding as he with his NEWT in the subject was above a first year this equation was aimed no higher than NEWT.
They solved it out loud in their heads; took hold of the pedestal together and turned it.
There was that horrid feeling of shifting as they set it down and they appeared, pedestal and all, in front of the judges.
Albus Dumbledore was beaming at them.
"You are one sick puppy, sir" said Jade curtseying to him.
Lionel bowed. He would not have necessarily put it in as many words; but the sentiment was one he agreed with.
"Seconded" he said.
"I'm so glad you enjoyed my maze" said Albus grinning impishly.
"Enjoyed…. Well I could think of a few other adjectives but let us let that go sir" said Jade. "Where are the others?"
"Lost I fear in the realms of a lack of arithmantic education" said Dumbledore.
"You mean we were the only ones who read the first clue aright?" said Lionel aghast.
"I fear so my boy" said Dumbledore "Marshals are now collecting them."
"Crumbs!" said Jade with feeling. "The whole thing was Arithmancy…. If you count the Waffling logic NAND calculation of the Telamone columns. THAT was nasty."
So they were called Telamone columns were they? Lionel stored that one away.
"You did rather mess with my goblin clockwork clashing rocks inside there though so you had your revenge, my dear" said Dumbledore cheerfully.
"Meh, transfiguration is my main thing" said Jade. "It's supposed to test the way you use your strengths and minimise your weaknesses, right?"
"Quite so, my dear; quite so" said Dumbledore.
The other three contestants were led out of the maze. Judging by the cuts and abrasions and the fact that Anett had horribly lacerated palms they had met Snargaluffs at other points in the maze; and Timothée looked distinctly ill.
Jade looked at Lionel. He read the look and understood; she needed him to help chant.
"Acromantula?" she asked the French boy. He nodded.
Jade and Lionel started chanting and the boy's colour started returning to normal, and he flexed fingers that had feeling returning. It was pretty much one of the chants they had needed to invent for the NEWT which was convenient.
"You'll want to nip out of sight for a pee any time now" said Jade "We cleared it through your bladder."
Timothée grinned shakily
"Sank you very much" he said.
The German girl was fixing her own wounds and Jade went over to have a conversation with her. Lionel grinned at Miles.
"You didn't take Arithmancy after the first year and forgot Prime Numbers?" he said.
"I never even HEARD of prime numbers…we don't even have an Arithmancy Professor" said Miles.
Lionel stared with open mouth.
"But Arithmancy is the base of all theoretical magic!" he blurted "It defines any magic past the simplest….allows you to design potions, chants, new spells, ritual functions…."
Miles shrugged.
"I may have theoretically done a bit better than the French boy up to this point but I guess this highlights how many flaws our school has" he said. "And I laughed at Edward Dubois when he was transferring to Prince Peak learning Arithmancy out of books to take it to NEWT; he'd always wanted to study it apparently and had taught himself the basics already. But he was right!" he sighed.
"Maybe this will suggest to your Head that he needs to concentrate a bit more on such things" said Lionel. "Bigger schools of course can afford more Professors of wider subjects, but you CAN'T neglect basics like Arithmancy. I mean, even if it's not taken as far as OWL even it should be studied in the basics. It's as basic as Charms, Transfigurations, Potions and DADA!"
"Oh well, hopefully it will mean our NEXT champion has a better chance" said Miles.
Timothée had known about Prime Numbers; and had got further than Anett or Miles.
He had reached the acromantulas and had been unfortunate that Jade's charm had been thrown off by one of them. He had defeated it but at the expense of being bitten, and had got as far as the Telamones pair and had sat on the ground sobbing in frustration because the spider venom was dulling his senses.
And once he was himself again he knew how to work it out too; which was so frustrating!
Dumbledore congratulated him nonetheless, and told Madam Maxime that at the crunch it proved that her school taught the right subjects and that Timothée had been a worthy contender.
This mollified Madam Maxime a great deal; and secretly she gloated rather that Anett Breuer had been so confused!
And then there were formal presentations; and Jade and Lionel grinned cheerfully and told the wizarding wireless and wizarding wireless vision that with so little to pick between them good sportsmanship had dictated that there had been no choice but to go on together.
"I picked up the time on the bezoar in the second task" said Lionel "Jade is better than me really; but I can't express too often how delighted I am to have had the chance to follow in the footsteps of my hero, David Fraser; now, like him I have been head boy and Triwizard Champion; though unlike him I do not intend to referee quidditch. I have too healthy a respect for my own skin! I am going to be an auror, if I pass my training."
"Pratt" said Jade amicably "Talking about respecting your skin in one breath and then admitting to auror training in the next? Anyone would take you for a Gryffindor like David!"
"Hey, there's no need to be THAT insulting!" grinned Lionel.
"As the good people of the wizarding world can see, Lionel and I are on good terms" said Jade "And there seems less age between us now, for when I was in the middle school he was a much respected junior prefect and woe betide any of us he caught at mischief; I have always liked and respected Lionel."
"And I have always liked and been awed by the capabilities of Jade" said Lionel "And though at the time I was not pleased with Professor Snape for taking away our seeker who also looked to being a luminary of our House, I am glad now because it gives us the chance to BOTH take this trophy; rather than, had we been together, the Goblet of Fire choosing one of us. And I fancy" he added "It would not have been me."
Jade shrugged.
"Glad neither of us has to know that" she said. "Though I am only sorry that the other schools are deficient in even basic Arithmancy so we didn't get a better run for our money – through NO fault of the other candidates. It is extraordinary to think that such basic background theory was missed from their curricula. Why, attempting to do magic without a grounding in Arithmancy is like going out without underwear on!"
"She gets her graphic similes from her mother" quipped Lionel "I'm not touching a straight line like THAT, Jade, for all the tea in China."
Jade grinned.
Then she was grabbed by one reporter and Lionel by another; and he explained that he wished to be an auror for a few years and take that experience into the quaestorium and then when he felt he had experienced sufficient of life he might consider teaching. And in the meantime planned to raise a family with his three wives.
"THREE? What, you in training to be Mr Malfoy?" said the reporter.
Lionel grinned.
"Well I have three girlfriends and I can't separate them in my own mind in terms of loving one more than the others; and as they accept that we're waiting for the youngest to finish schooling – she's in the lower sixth about to go into the upper – and then we're getting married. And it's nobody's business to criticise so long as everyone's happy about it."
"What would you have done if they made you choose?"
"Then I should have had to remain celibate; because they would ask the impossible" said Lionel. "But they don't; so I'm not put in so invidious a position."
"Is it true you're one of the first to study goblin metal working techniques at Hogwarts?" the reporter switched subjects hurriedly.
"Yes; and I've thoroughly enjoyed my year. I hope I passed the OWL; only three of us took it after just the year's preparation, the ones Professor Jorbal felt ready. Jade Snape's little sister was one of the others, incidentally, and the younger brother of another of the would-be contenders from Prince Peak. It was great learning something so totally different to anything I've done before. I think Professor Khan is going to ask Professor Jorbal for some notes to touch on the theory in Comparative Magic too. And I wish I'd had time to study THAT too; really there's so much knowledge to learn one could almost enjoy being at school forever! It's one reason I would like to teach eventually; I'd get the chance to learn, albeit informally, from other Professors. You never stop learning of course but in a school I guess that facilitates it!"
"How do you feel about humans learning goblin techniques?"
"I think it's good for all peoples to share knowledge" said Lionel "Though I suspect that, even as elves have control over apparation no human can normally approach, so too it would be a rare human who can approach the levels of mastery top flight goblin metalsmiths can achieve as there is an innate born-in knowledge. Even as I have not yet come across a goblin who is any good at divination. All races have their strengths – and limitations. In an ideal world we should pool our strengths and minimise the limitations and fight evil with all the tools we have at our disposal. Here in Germany where Odessa holds more sway than the German ministry would like to let its people believe – and yet I fancy a lot less than before Gerhardt started messing with Hogwarts and Prince Peak – it is important to remember that there are peoples who are not free; and goblins and elves who are most horribly oppressed. I don't know any details but I have heard stories and rumours and that we were unable to bring any goblin contenders for fear of what might be done to them speaks for itself and I salute Mortimer Bane, as a part goblin, for his cast iron ones in coming with us. Had the school he attended before he got sponsored to sixth form at Hogwarts returned a champion this time, it would have been him; and he would, I assure you, have given us at least as good a run for our money as the two who were behind the leaders. And he'd have eaten prime numbers for breakfast; he's doing Arithmancy as one of his five NEWTs."
"FIVE?"
"Yes; not a bad number for someone who did five years work in one to take OWLs is it?" said Lionel "He's taking as NEWTs the ones he got 'O' in at OWL." And it did no harm to plug the free school; for that was no mean credit to its Professors either. And let Mort have the credit too for HIS massive achievement! "I think that his achievement is as great in its way as winning a Triwizard; because WE've all had years of education behind us; and I'd certainly mark him a serious rival even so" said Lionel firmly.
That would give people something to think about!