August 17th

"Urgh."

Louis groaned as he tossed and turned in his hotel bed, stretching his back to discharge the sudden stress that was building in the lower region. These kinds on pains usually occurred when the older band member was under a lot of stress. With the building success of the band, the interviews, the scheduled appearances, vocal lessons, and not to mention Simon riding him and pushing him to be better, he was surprised these pains hadn't come sooner.

Another searing pain tore through his spine, causing him to arch his back, "Ugh!"

He sat up and leaned forward, trying to crack his back to see if it would release any kind of heaviness.

It didn't.

Louis looked to his left warily, to make sure his crying pains hadn't woken up Harry, who was sleeping peacefully in the bed next to him.

Louis sighed and flopped onto his back, moaning again. Maybe he needed to get up and move around to ease some of the pain. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. He moved to the foot of his bed and lifted his arms and stood on his tip-toes to stretch. Then he leaned forward completely so his hands touched his toes. He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt some of the pain go away.

"Ahhhh."

"Louis? What are you doing?" Came a groggy voice.

Louis snapped back up, his face one of surprise as his eyes were met with Harry's, who was now sitting up in his bed. He gave a cheeky smile to the older band member and rubbed his eyes,

"Isn't it a bit early for a stretch, mate?" He checked the night table clock and pointed at it, "It's three in the morning!"

Louis groaned as he felt another sharp pain ring through his back. He gripped his back with his hand and stumbled back to his bed, sitting on the edge of it. Harry, with a great look of concern on his face, leaped out of his bed and sat next to his friend,

"You alright Lou? What's going on with your back?" Harry's hand found their way underneath Louis' shirt and he began to lightly rub his back. Louis sighed contently, liking the way Harry's hands felt on his skin. He leaned forward as his shoulders eased up, and Harry spoke,

"Feel better, hmm?"

Louis nodded and let his head rest in his hands as Harry continued to rub his back.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, and Louis realized that Harry's hands were rubbing his back.

They were rubbing. His back. Hard. His thumb was hitting all of the right points, and the other finger tips were moving along with his thumb's rotations.

And he loved it.

Louis took a look up at Harry, whose head was down as if he had found a new interest in the carpet pattern. He smiled and continued to stare, taking in the other boys' features. Louis loved everything about Harry, but his favorite feature were his eyes—the way they bore into your soul whenever he was merely speaking to you, how they shined with light whenever he smiled, and the way his eyes softened whenever he took a glance at Louis…

And suddenly, with no ulterior motive, with no way of stopping it, Louis realized that Harry may be the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes on.

Louis shook his head at the thought and immediately looked back down at the floor, mimicking Harry. He felt a nervous butterfly creep through his core, and he rubbed his eyes.

What was he thinking?

Was it so wrong for him to think of his best friend as someone beautiful? Was it so wrong for him to want Harry's hands on his back—on any part of his body—for as long as he could have him?

Right now, Louis wasn't sure.

"Lou?"

Louis looked up and Harry was staring at him, "Hmm?"

"Lay down."

"Wha—" Louis said, completely confused and a look of horror plastered onto his face.

"On your stomach." Harry said, as if he were talking to a bunch of three year olds, with an eyebrow raised in anticipation.

Louis gave him a quizzical look, "Why?" He asked slowly.

Harry smiled and pushed his shoulder so he would move, "So I can give you a massage, why else?"

Louis swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, Harry's easy going and carefree charm making him a bit more comfortable.

Before Louis could lie down, Harry stopped him, "Take off your shirt. It'll be easier."

Louis considered this and stripped easily in front of Harry. Though this, again, was something that normally went on between the two without a second thought, Louis suddenly felt uneasy and self-conscious about being so exposed in front of him, even though they were in complete darkness. Which is why after he took off his shirt, he immediately laid down on the bed, letting his arms fold in front of him.

"Okay, work your magic, maestro." Louis said jokingly, trying to keep the air calm between the two.

Well…on his end at least.

Louis stiffened when he felt Harry straddle his back. Harry cracked his knuckles and leaned down so his lips were near Louis ear, and he shivered when he felt his breath dance across his earlobe,

"Are you ready?"

No.

"Mhm. Yes. Sure." Louis said, stuttering his words. Harry, who was oblivious to this, slowly started to work his hands up and down Louis' back. Louis groaned at the contact, feeling some of the pain go away with every movement Harry's hands made. He allowed himself to relax and he sighed, letting his hands fall to his sides and moving his head so his cheek was pressed against the bed sheets.

Amongst the feelings of relief in his back, Louis started to feel anxious. Normally, in an event like this where the two were so close in proximity, Louis wouldn't hesitate to kiss Harry's cheek, or touch him in any way he could.

But now?

Now Louis didn't know what to do. Was it because he suddenly saw what Harry really was? Was it because now, all he wanted to do was flip Harry over and—

"Wow, you're really tight."

"What?" Louis said dreamily, getting dragged out of his train of thought.

"Is this what happens when you get old, then?" Harry pushed harder into his back, and Louis responded with a groan, "Did you forget where you were? Do I need to put you in a home already?" Harry teased continuing his ministrations.

Louis rolled his eyes, letting the anxiousness he was feeling leave him and letting the cantankerous boy in him shine through. He and Harry were always good at banter, and he was glad things were starting to feel like old times again. He showed Harry an obscene finger, "You're a prat!"

"Oh, I just love it when you call me names, baby." Harry drawled, teasing him again. He let his thumb press hard against a sore spot.

"Fuck!" Louis cried, gripping the bed sheets, forgetting that Louis "That hurt, you jerk!"

Harry laughed again, placing a light kiss on the sore spot and continuing to rub it softly. Louis felt butterflies flutter into his core as his lips lingered on the spot. When he tore away, he spoke,

"Oh, come on," he whispered, "What would you do without me, hmm?"

Neither of them knew that in just a few months, Louis would have to face the answer to that question.

Louis craned his neck as he sat in Liam's flat on his couch. He rubbed his neck again, but the pain that was there shot up into his neck again, and he ended up crying out in agony. Liam looked up from his headphones quickly, a concerned look on his face.

Always the dad.

"Lou, you alright over there?"

Louis gave him a wary look, but nodded, ignoring the consistent pinching in his neck, "I'm okay."

Liam gave him a wayward glance and took off his headphones, setting them on top of his laptop. "You're lying. Why do you keep rubbing your neck, then?"

Louis simply shrugged and Liam walked over to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Louis looked up and Liam gave him a knowing smile,

"Are you stressed out about something?"

Louis lifted his shoulders. Of everyone in the band, minus one other, Liam was the most observant, and of course, he knew everything about everyone.

So of course he knew he was stressed out; His vocal lessons had been going worse and worse the past few weeks, he kept messing up the dance routine during rehearsals, he wasn't sleeping, or eating, and on top of everything else shitty in his life, Simon would not leave him alone about moving out of his flat.

Pain soared through Louis' neck at the thought and he reached to rub it, hissing in pain.

So yes, you could say Louis was stressed out about something.

While Louis had immediately rejected Simon's offer, telling him to "fuck off" and "no way in hell am I moving out of that flat," the past few days he had been wondering if maybe Simon was right.

It wasn't that he wanted to move out, because he didn't. The flat held too many memories within its walls. Every inch of that place was Louis' home, and nobody was going to tell him he had to leave it!

It wasn't he who wanted to leave the flat, it's just…Louis knew it would be what Harry wanted him to do. Because Harry only ever cared about his well-being. And if Harry saw all of the shit Louis was going through, he would personally and physically throw Louis out of the flat until he was all sorted out.

At this thought Louis laughed to himself. That bastard.

Jesus. He missed Harry so much.

Louis felt Liam sit next to him on the couch, "Lou, come on." He said carefully.

"Come on, what?"

"Let me help you!" Liam exclaimed, throwing his hands up, "I love you, Lou. But we've all tried to move on from this. I know you think about it every day, but that isn't helping." He stared at Louis softly, then looked down at his hands, "And I know Simon suggested you leave the flat—"

"I'm not leaving-!" Louis interjected sternly.

"And I'm not saying you should. I know what that place means to you. I'm just saying I hate seeing you like this. We all do. And I know it's difficult to lose someone you love, but Louis," He shook his shoulders, "You haven't even been trying to move on. It's been a bit over three months since…since Harry died. You need to try. For your sake and for the bands' sake. It's just…" Liam paused to look at Louis and make sure he wasn't going to throw a fit,

"I feel like we are losing you."

Louis glanced up at Liam and rubbed his sore neck. He felt a pang of sadness in his heart as he heard the broken words Liam said. He didn't realize his suffering was also affecting his friends. And while he did lose someone very important to him, he sort of failed to realize that three other people lost someone, too.

Louis opened his arms to invite Liam in for a hug, and the younger boy gratefully entered his embrace. They held each other tightly and Louis sighed, feeling sorry he put Liam through so much worry,

"I'm sorry Liam. It's not that I don't want to move on, it's just that I—"

"Can't?" Liam finished softly before pulling away from him. Louis sighed and looked down, but the action caused more tension in his neck, and he grabbed it and cried out in pain again,

"Shit!" He muttered, rubbing the tenderness. Liam laughed and moved to get behind Louis on the couch,

"Do you want me to work it out for you?" He asked, "Niall tends to get them a lot and I've helped him a few times."

Louis shrugged and turned so his back was facing him, and he looked down so Liam could get a better angle.

Louis cringed slightly when Liam's hands began to rub Louis' sore spot. While the sore spot was getting worked out, to some degree, Louis couldn't help but feel…uncomfortable with Liam's hands on his neck.

First of all, his hands were freezing. Which made goose bumps creep onto his skin. And Louis was used to warm hands when he got a massage.

Like Harry's.

Liam also had callouses on his hands, so he felt like his neck was being scratched, and he wished he had soft, smooth hands rubbing his neck.

Like Harry's.

Louis shook his head and Liam hit another sore spot, but before he could make any type of objectifying noise, Liam spoke,

"How does it feel?"

Louis shrugged, "A bit better, I suppose. But not by much."

Liam frowned, "I'm sorry. Is there something else I could do-?"

"No, no." Louis said, "It's alright." A pause, "I think I'm going to head out. It's getting late, and we have that interview in the morning." At this, Louis stood up and ruffled Liam's hair, before turning and walking towards the main door.

"It's because I'm not Harry, isn't it?"

Louis turned around to see a standing Liam with a concerned look on his face. Louis gulped the knot forming in his throat and he shook his head,

"What are you talking about?"

Liam sighed, "I know you loved him."

At this Louis scoffed, though he knew the words meant something deeper, "Of course I loved him. We all did—"

"No Louis." He gave him a sympathetic look, "I know you loved him as more than a brother—as more than a friend."

Louis stared at his friend in shock. How did he-? What did he-? Louis sighed in defeat. Fuck.

Liam smiled and walked closer to his friend, "And that's…okay. I mean, I know all of the boys could figure it out. I've just always know. And I'm…happy you were able to find someone who meant that much to you. I'm glad you were able to feel what it's like to love someone."

Louis choked back a sob he didn't realize he was holding and covered his mouth in surprise. He felt his eyes water and before he knew it, tears began to stream down his face. Liam wiped a few of them away with his thumb and Louis laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"It's not that you're not Harry, Liam." Louis began, "I just miss him! I miss him so much. I've always ever had Harry to depend on. I don't know how to depend on anyone else."

Liam nodded in understanding and this time; let Louis into a warm embrace. Louis crumbled into his arms, letting the tears fall again, and making a mess out of Liam's t-shirt. Liam cooed into his ear and rubbed his back.

"It's alright Louis. I understand. Harry was your person. Like Niall is the person I go to whenever I need someone to lean on. But you have to face it, Harry isn't here anymore." At this, Louis let out a heart wrenching sob, and Liam hugged him tighter, continuing,

"But, you have three brothers here—three people who are willing to let you come to them and be here for you. We can be your new 'person', Louis. And you will get through this. We will get through this. You don't have to do this alone."

Louis only cried harder, and Liam pulled away from him, holding both of Louis' shoulders and staring into his eyes,

"We can do this together."