Wishing on a Star
Chapter 5 – The thorn stuck between two roses
Jay couldn't help but smile as Ruth returned from the kitchen and curled up next to him on the sofa. If anyone had told him a few years ago that he would be on this way to settling down with a girl he would have laughed in their face but here he was in what was fast becoming a serious relationship with Ruth, happy and content. His three rules were well and truly thrown out the window as he didn't just stay for breakfast but often for lunch and tea too, well when he wasn't rushing back to his Nan's. He loved his Nan and he loved taking care of her but he also wanted to spend some time with Ruth too, it was becoming more of a juggling act as his Nan became more and more frail. She didn't have long left, a year if she was lucky and she needed him, not that she'd have admitted that. Ruth however was still getting used to living with bipolar, she would never admit it but Jay knew she was not as strong as the front she put up made her seem, she needed his support too. Nothing was ever simple.
"You're worrying about your Nan again aren't you?" Ruth asked cutting across Jay's thoughts looking up at him with a look of concern. They had been watching a movie but Jay's mind had not been on it at all instead his mind was fixed on his Nan and Ruth and how he could be not only the best grandson but also the best boyfriend at the same time.
"A little." Jay admitted with a shrug
"It's ok to be worried about her." Ruth tried to comfort him knowing Jay hated to show his emotions in much the same way she did.
"I know." Jay sighed "She looked after me since I was five." He admitted "Yet I can't even repay her by looking after her properly now. She says she doesn't want me to give up my life to look after her but I feel so guilty getting on with things… you know?"
Ruth nodded lost for words she knew Jay and his Nan were close but she hadn't realised she had raised him.
"I should go." He sighed hugging Ruth closer as if he didn't want to leave "I know I keep running out on you but if anything ever happened…"
"I understand." Ruth nodded
"I'm sorry…" Jay apologised as he stood up leaning down and kissing her gently on the forehead
"You have nothing to be sorry for. Please don't let me get in the way of being with your Nan." Ruth said simply
"You're not in the way." Jay assured her "But she needs me and I don't want to let her down." He added with a sigh "I'll see you at work."
Ruth watched him go with a hint of sadness. Her apartment felt cold and lonely without him but she knew Maryam needed Jay much more than she did.
Jay stepped off the bus and kicked the ground as he wandered up to his front door feeling guilty for leaving Ruth. He felt completely torn between the two women in his life. He pulled out his keys and fumbled with the lock wishing he could just merge the two worlds into one so he could be with both his Nan and Ruth at the same time.
"I'm home!" He called as he shut the door behind him and stepped into the warm house.
This house had been Jay's home since he was four ever since the death of his father had ripped apart his mother's world, or so he had been told. As his eyes met with a photo of himself, a cheeky looking seven year old with his arms around his three year old sister, hung proudly on the wall he couldn't help but think back about all the trouble he had caused over the years and how much he owed his Nan for caring for him throughout.
"I made you tea but it might be cold." Maryam said as Jay stepped into the living room and spotted her in her favourite chair
"Nan you shouldn't be doing that!" Jay sighed
"What else am I supposed to do? Get square eyes from watching this television all day?" Maryam asked sarcastically "At least I can still make tea."
Jay sighed slightly, he couldn't wrap her up in cotton wool, she still had to have her independence but that didn't stop him from worrying.
"I just don't want you getting hurt Nan." He confessed
"I know Jamshid." Maryam nodded "it's kind of you to want to keep me safe but I do not want to become a vegetable who spends their day in front of the television just yet!"
Jay nodded appreciating his Nans want to be as independent as possible whilst she still could.
"Wouldn't mind a cup of tea though." She smiled slightly and Jay smiled back
"Coming right up." He nodded heading through to the kitchen. He put his dinner, homemade stew, in the microwave and flicked the kettle on.
As soon as it was made he took the cup of tea and the reheated food through to the living room passing the drink to his Nan and settling on the sofa he found his mind wandering to Ruth as he watched yet another repeat of who wants to be a millionaire. He didn't even realise Maryam had been asking him if he was working the following day.
"Your mind is on your girlfriend." Maryam pointed out loudly with a little smile as Jay suddenly turned to face her realising she had been speaking "If I wasn't here you would be off out enjoying yourself with her…" she sighed slightly
"Nan I don't care honestly and she doesn't mind either, she knows you are important too." Jay explained honestly thankful Ruth was as understanding as she was.
"I don't want to be the spare wheel in your relationship! Just when things get good for you I become a weight around your shoulders! You don't need this." Maryam said sadly
"Nan Ruth understands why I am not free as much as I could be, she wants you to be ok too." Jay said simply putting his empty plate on the coffee table
"But that girl needs you just as much!" Maryam pointed out
"I know she does. I wish I could be there for you both twenty four seven but right now you have to be my main priority Nan, although you are still a little independent I don't want me being absent to ever be the reason you get hurt ever again. You raised me Nan, I owe you the world." Jay explained simply
"You owe me nothing Jamshid, I am just glad that despite your rebellious moments you have grown up to be a respectful and caring young gentleman. That is repayment enough." Maryam told Jay.
"You still need me Nan, Ellie is too busy and you have no one else." Jay pointed out frustrated
"But I don't want to get in your way! I do not want to be a burden." Maryam explained
"You will never be that." Jay said honestly
"But I am, you need to spend time with your girlfriend not your Nan!" Maryam said simply
"I do spend time with her Nan as much as I can." Jay replied
"Not as much as you should though!" Maryam shook her head
"But I need to be here for you!" Jay argued
"And you need to be there for her too." Maryam said bluntly "I will not see you throw this away Jamshid! That girl is the best thing that ever happened to you, make sure you don't lose her! You always go over to hers so bring her here I don't mind! She makes you happy Jamshid, take advantage of that and enjoy it!"
"I suppose I could bring her over..." Jay sighed warily a little worried "I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable or to make you feel pushed out of your own house."
"Nonsense, I would like to see her and get to know her." Maryam said simply "And she will feel comfortable because she will feel welcome." She added "Bring her over."
"Are you sure?" Jay checked
"Sure as I can be." Maryam nodded.
It was a nervous Ruth that the following evening after work found herself being taken round to Jay's house. Jay let them in and Ruth immediately found herself examining her surroundings. She had been here once before, a long time ago, after the surgeon's dinner when she first stayed with Jay, she didn't spend a lot of time looking at the surroundings then admittedly and she blushed at the memory. The place was homely, it reminded Ruth of what she had imagined a family home should look like throughout her childhood with its old fashioned wall paper, random pictures and decorative items.
"Nan said she was going to cook us something." Jay announced breaking through Ruth's train of thought "I had intended to cook for you myself but she said it would be a disaster" jay blushed slightly "I am good at breakfasts and snacks but that's about it! She's amazing cook though." Jay babbled nervously Ruth smiled, bringing her home was obviously a big step to him and she loved how nervous it made him act, his confident cocky attitude had melted and the softer side to his personality was creeping out.
"Jamshid? Is that you?" Maryam's voice echoed through from the living room interrupting their conversation before Ruth could respond
"No Nan it's a robber who has the keys to the front door!" Jay replied jokingly as he led the way through to the living room where Maryam was sat in her favourite chair. Ruth stepped in behind him and nervously shuffled her feet.
"Nice to see you dear." Maryam smiled
"Nice to see you too." Ruth nodded politely but nervously
"Sit down and make yourself at home." Maryam insisted "Jamshid offer the girl a drink!"
Ruth smiled as Jay blushed at his Nan's order.
"Coffee?" He suggested to Ruth who nodded as he darted out the living room.
"How are you?" Maryam asked as Jay left the room Ruth bit her lip nervously
"Ok thank you, how about you?" Ruth asked politely
"Not too bad dear, old age related aches and pains but that's all the be expected." Maryam replied honestly
"Thank you for having me." Ruth nodded
"It is a pleasure dear, I don't get to leave these four walls and very often so it's nice to have someone other than Jamshid to talk to and the boy needs to spent more time with you, I can't have him neglecting you for my sake." Maryam said simply
"I don't mind, honestly." Ruth said simply "You need his help and I would feel bad if he was spending time with me whilst you needed him."
"I have never seen Jamshid as happy as he is with you, I don't want to come between you, that is why I suggested you come over here more often so he can spend time with you even though he is fussing over me." Maryam explained "Please make yourself feel at home here, you are always welcome."
"Thank you" Ruth nodded as Jay returned with two cups of coffee and a cup of tea for Maryam.
"Got him well trained." Maryam winked as she accepted her cup of tea and Ruth smiled.
Jay was surprised the evening went as well as it did. Ruth soon settled down and looked at home as she cuddled up next to him on the sofa. Maryam cooked them a spiced lamb dish that Jay loved and Ruth seemed to enjoy too and she had even added a finishing touch by instructing Jay to get some candles out. It was romantic down to the last detail.
"It's been a lovely evening." Ruth admitted as Jay returned from helping his Nan to bed.
"It has hasn't it?" Jay agreed sounding a little surprised. "Think you can put up with a few more like it so we can spend some more time together but I can be here for Nan?" He asked nervously as he settled back down next to her and Ruth snuggled up against his chest
"I think so." Ruth nodded and Jay kissed the top of her head.
"It's so nice to relax and spend time with you and not worry about Nan being alone." Jay admitted "You're really ok with this?" he checked
"Yes, more than ok, it's been really nice. It's nice not to be alone…" Ruth trailed off and Jay pulled her closer
"You always have me even if I am not stood right next to you." Jay said simply
"I know." Ruth leant into him
Jay couldn't help but feel a warm tingly sensation fill his body as he pressed the play button on the remote control and the movie they had selected begun to plan. He couldn't be happier right now. Things felt just right.