"Until yesterday I'd never been kissed. Or at least... one that counted."

That confession knocked the wind out of Blaine. It was so intimate. This poor guy. Having looked Karofsky in the eye now, he understood more what Kurt had been dealing with. He was still stunned by how quickly Karofsky had turned on him, and then that little boy nervous look he'd had as he'd walked away... It wasn't surprising, Blaine supposed. He had hoped to fix things more, but no one could say he didn't try. He could be proud of this. It was worth it to just to plant the seed and hope someone got the guy a therapist or something someday. There was no guarantee he would leave Kurt alone forever now, but if he was really that ashamed of his sexuality, maybe the fear of being outed would make him back off for awhile. But to think that that jerk was Kurt's first kiss... yeah, that sucked.

He remembered his first kiss. It had been Kyle, that night waiting on the bench outside the school after the dance. He had looked up to Kyle. He had come out earlier in the year, and his willingness to be honest about that had given Blaine the confidence to admit it to himself, his brother, and ultimately his parents and friends. He envied his confidence, and when the school announced a Sadie Hawkins Dance he thought hard about what that implied. It was a chance for someone who usually doesn't do the asking to do so. The concept gave Blaine confidence. Usually I'd be too nervous to ask, he probably doesn't like me like that anyway... but this is supposed to mix things up. I can brush it off as not being that serious if he turns me down. No one else was out at the school, and Blaine believed at the time that Kyle probably only said yes because he didn't have other options. But that was okay. It was a real date. It was a big middle school event and Blaine looked forward to it the whole week.

It had been a great time. Turned out Kyle was a big Katy Perry fan too and had laughed out loud when he realized that Blaine knew all the lyrics to "Hot n Cold." They had never talked about music before and spent most of the rest of the evening comparing favorite Top 40 hits. Kyle had purposely hung around long at the dance, waiting until the last second to call his dad to pick him up. He probably would have held out even longer if Blaine hadn't insisted that he couldn't risk his father's wrath if they were out any later. Mrs. Samuelson, the last of the dance's chaperones, was just getting into her Honda Civic. "Hey boys, you got a ride comin'?" "Yeah, we're good!" Kyle had called out, so she shrugged, got in the car, and drove away. There were some other kids hanging about further down the parking lot, but for all intents and purposes, they were alone.

Blaine was so busy anxiously looking down the road for Kyle's dad's car, worrying about what his parents would say if he didn't get home soon, that he hardly registered the touch of Kyle's hand to his shoulder. Or when it slid slowly down his arm. He turned to ask Kyle what color his dad's car was again- when he caught the slow smile creeping on his face. And felt his hand clasp around his. Oh. For the rest of his life he would never forget the butterflies he felt as he shakily reached his other hand out to grasp Kyle's. He'd never really held hands before, at least not since preschool, and there was something very sweet about it. He didn't know what to say, wondering if he was looking like a dork, when suddenly Kyle let go and touched his face, leaning forward to touch his lips to his. It was a short, sweet little kiss, nothing like how Blaine had imagined, but perfect. And then, while Blaine was still breathless, barely processing what had happened, Kyle leaned his forehead against his and confessed "I've been wanting to do that all night." Not even thinking, Blaine blurted, "For real?" And Kyle had smirked and nodded a shy little nod. Blaine was over the moon but didn't know what else to say. He wanted to kiss Kyle again, but he was nervous, so he just sort of smiled back. A car came by to pick up some girls at the end of the lot, and Blaine and Kyle sat next to each other on the bench, still waiting with this everything's-different-now sensation, too afraid to ruin the moment to say anything.

The rest of the story wasn't so sweet. It was two minutes later that he felt an unfriendly hand on his shoulder, pushing him off the bench- the start of an awful four or five minutes that ended with his bloody face in the sidewalk thanking God it was over as he heard their attackers run off at the sight of headlights coming up the long hill of a school driveway. Blaine heard the car screech and the door slam, and watched fuzzily as Mr. Rodriguez' shoes came running towards him, screaming "Kyle- oh my God, Kyle!" No, the rest of the story was a blur of violence and shame. There were images that wouldn't stay out of his mind for a long time. The taste of the blood on his lip. The look on his mother's face when he walked through the door, carrying a piece of tooth in his hand. The sound of his father's voice calling to say that he was withdrawing Blaine from West Lima Middle School.

That night was his lowest point, on so many levels. But he refused to let go of that one perfect moment that proceeded it. Because fuck them.

He would never know if Kyle and he ever could have really been a couple- the attackers had guaranteed that the only conversations they would have in the future would be awkward ones. Blaine had tried to talk to him about it on the phone that summer and Kyle had stammered that Blaine should stop talking about it, that he had been confused, that it wasn't that big of a deal. Blaine took from that that Kyle was crawling back into the closet, and to be honest, he didn't blame him. If it weren't for Dalton, and Dr. Mitchell- well, who knows what Blaine would have done. They stopped talking when Blaine transferred and one night Blaine noticed that he'd unfriended him on Facebook. He didn't bother to try to make contact; clearly Kyle wanted to be left alone. Last month a neighbor mentioned that he'd moved out of state. He wondered about him sometimes, and whether he was out in his new school, whether he'd ever make peace with who he was again. But it was probably best that he didn't have to see him all the time anymore, it made it easier to forget. Kyle didn't owe him anything, and he really would be grateful to him forever for that one special first kiss. Firsts matter, and he looked back on that first fondly, ignoring all the rest.

So Kurt saying his first kiss was ruined was just heartbreaking. It was all so unfair. For a second he wanted to say, "Hey- I'll kiss you, let's just call it a do-over." No skin off my back, you're cute enough... But that wouldn't be fair either, and it wouldn't change anything. It would look like he was taking advantage of him. They weren't together. A kiss wasn't going to make McKinley better for him, and probably it would just upset Kurt more. He'd already had someone kiss him uninvited. He wanted more. Anyone would. It would just cause confusion, and Blaine felt sure that he had been put into this guy's life for a reason. Kurt needed a friend.

"Come on. I'll buy you lunch."