"We need to talk," she says. I open my mouth to speak, but it's not my voice that comes out, it's Peeta's.
"Whatever it is, it can wait until she's up and about," he says, and pulls me closer.
"No, it can't," she says. Peeta and I both get up and follow Drania into the living room where we find a Guardian Angel. After the Peacekeepers were brought down, the new government replaced them with Guardian Angels. They are supposed to be much more civil than the Peacekeepers. The Guardian Angel asks me for a slip that permitted me to be here.
"I don't have one," I say.
"Why? You know you are not allowed out of your district without one,"
"She doesn't have it because I have it," says Peeta, "Just let me go get it." Peeta returns with a legit looking slip and the Guardian Angel approves it. Drania looks completely embarrassed as the Guardian Angel walks past her shooting her a disapproving look.
Back in our room, I want to ask Peeta where he got the slip from but I'm afraid that Drania might be listening. Suddenly, I miss Johanna Mason. Her antics seem like child's play compared to Drania's. In the morning, we all sit for eggs and bacon. Peeta, Drania nor I mention the situation to Gale. He seems so happy with her. He kisses her on the cheek and strokes her untamed hair. I am nauseated by how jealous I become. All the while, I was rubbing Peeta in Gale's face to enjoy his discomfort, he had a better plan.
After breakfast, Peeta pulls Gale aside. I can't help but eve's drop on the conversation they're having in the kitchen from the dining room.
"We have to go home today," Peeta says.
"Why?" asks Gale.
"Because Katniss hasn't been feeling too well. She didn't want to say anything but we need to go home and get her pills. Plus, I don't feel so hot either," he says. Drania, who's also listening, smiles and I roll my eyes at her. We both settle in back on the chairs as the guys approach.
Back on the train, I ask Peeta how he was able to get the slip.
"Well, Dr. Aurelius sent some over for Haymitch to use when he escorted us, but I kept them just in case Haymitch couldn't keep up with you," he says, nudging me with his elbow. "So what was that all about with Drania?" he asks.
"She doesn't like me. I think she's jealous," I say.
"I see that. She probably feels about you the way I used to feel towards Gale."
"Last night, while you guys were in the kitchen, she said some things to me that really made me angry,"
"Like what?"
"Like, how I came so that I could leave with Gale and blah, blah, blah" I say.
"What's the 'blah, blah, blah'?" he asks.
"I don't remember, Peeta, but it doesn't matter because it's not true. The point is, I'm with the one I want to be with so there's nothing to worry about."
"Are you?" he asks.
"Yes, I am."
He looks out of the window. I know he's thinking that perhaps, Drania is on to something. With eyes filled with concern, he asks,
"What if there was no Quarter Quell? Forget that, what if you didn't volunteer, or what if I wasn't reaped into the Games, you would have married Gale. You would've been happy with him and I just would've been a story you told when you spoke of your childhood. Perhaps when you would've told a story about how you almost starved to death, I just would've have been a nameless boy with bread."
"Peeta, please don't talk like that. Don't even think like that, none if it's true, now stop it."
"Of course it is, Katniss. You loved me by choice. Now what if you chose to stop? Where does that leave me?"
"But I won't stop!"
"What if Gale comes back to Twelve?" he asks.
"Peeta, please," I beg.
"Exactly," he says. His voice is hollow, just like it was the day we returned from the Games. I start to cry. Not because I'm upset that he's questioning my love for him, but because there's some truth in his words. I can't convince him that I don't love Gale, because I do, but not the same way. I will always be forever grateful for Peeta, I will always owe him my life, I will always feel like loving him is the least I can do. Loving him is the only way I can demonstrate my boundless gratitude. Of course I can't say this to Peeta, he will take it the wrong way.
"Peeta, is me loving you not good enough? Is it not enough that I'm very much in love with you?" I ask. He continues looking out of the window. "Peeta, please look at me?" I wait until I have his attention to continue. "Is it not enough to live in the reality that is us and not focus on the 'what ifs' that never will be?"
"Katniss, you don't understand and you never will." he says. I can't respond. There is nothing I could possibly say that will convince Peeta of my devotion for him and only him. After twenty minutes of silence, he allows me to rest my head on his shoulder and he strokes my hair. I sleep the entire ride back.