A/N: Sorry it has taken me so long to get his one up. But I warned you, didn't I?

I guess I should warn you that Bella's a bit OC—and by that I mean using more vulgar language than she usually would, being fiercer than she usually is. I like a fierce Bella better than a pitiful Bella. (Although I guess I should also warn you that Bella's kind of pitiful here.)

But anyway, here ya go:

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Chapter Five.

In between the time in which Jacob stares at you with a somehow outraged expression (you're still on the ground, and you catch on that he's not going to help you get up) and when he finally begins to speak… you take that time to think. Think about everything that's just recently happened, because everything is far too confusing and Jacob doesn't look like he's about to speak too soon. You feel like maybe you should be paying attention to the way his eyes carefully scale your body, his eyebrows scrunching together, but you don't. You feel like you might get a time for staring at him later. So you just stare at the ground, carefully avoiding that menacing look in his eye, knowing you'll feel nothing but guilt if you avert your eyes.

So, you get why Embry made such a hasty decision and escape. Of course, with super-powered werewolf senses, it's no wonder he heard Jacob making his way through the house to outside to check on what in the world you and Embry were up to. You know Jacob probably already knew even before he'd opened the door, even if the shocked and betrayed expression on his face didn't suggest as much.

Something you couldn't really figure out, though, is if this was how Jacob meant everything to be—between you and Embry, that is. He hadn't explained things well enough in the forest… things were still too vague. Maybe he hadn't wanted to talk about the concept of you being with anyone else in the first place, which, of course, would be completely understandable. (After all, it was a painful concept for the both of you.) Isn't that what Jacob had wanted in the first place—someone to be there for you when he couldn't? What else could he have expected if he had forced you and Embry together?

But he hadn't really forced anything, had he? You chose it. You said yes when Embry asked if he could kiss you. (Oh, God, why the fuck did you say yes?!)

But why should Jacob care if he had someone for his own now—someone who, from the moment Jake was born, had always been destined to be with him? She was his imprint. It only made sense.

You used to think that Jake was just the definition of the way things were supposed to be. You think you might even still think that… but it was hard to think of Jake that way when things were how they were, with all these monsters and magic.

Although these thoughts take about two seconds to contemplate over, you have no more time for thinking now, because Jacob is taking those few steps between the two of you, and you cannot even think of anything anymore except for the sudden warmth of his hand around yours as he gently hauls you to your feet. He leaves you there and backs up and continues to stare like you may just be a strange and dangerous animal that could quite possibly attack him if he stepped too close. You'd agree with him, of course, if that's what he was thinking.

You mildly dust off your jeans out of habit, not really caring whether they were smothered in mud or not.

The leather jacket you still wear—Embry's jacket—around your shoulders seems to be only an item of undeniable proof… or evidence. Of what, you are not really sure. But that jacket is screaming what Jacob would probably be better off not hearing (even though you know he already knows), so you violently shake your shoulders and the jacket easily falls to the ground at your feet. Jacob's eyes waver for half a second to where it fell, but there's no sign of emotion on his face.

"I shouldn't have disturbed you," he mutters at last and anxiously glances back towards the house. "You and Embry seemed to be enjoying yourselves." His voice is sneering, and you flinch.

"N-not exactly," you manage to stutter. "I don't know why you'd think that." Had you been enjoying yourself? You can't remember feeling happy when Embry's warm lips pressed to yours for what seemed like a fraction of a second, although you knew it was much longer than that. You didn't feel anything but bewilderment and then pain when Jacob saw you.

Jacob just laughs, a loud, hard laugh that makes your throat constrict and causes your fingers to tingle and twitch unpleasantly. Heat rises to your cheeks in less than a second and you're feverishly angry that he would just laugh at you like that. You hate it when Jacob acts like this, and you're always angry when he does. Even though you know it's your fault.

He doesn't really make a response; he just continues to laugh for a few seconds while you continue to seethe in anger. After a while, his laughing sounds hysterical… more like crying than laughing. Maybe you're just imagining things. He finally stops and a look of pure madness is on his face.

"I warned you, I think," he says in an absentminded tone, and his lips hardly seem to move.

Somehow, there is a feeling growing deep within your chest that can only be described as shame as he continues to speak to you in a tone that is oddly far away from scolding, but you know for a fact that somehow you are receiving a scolding.

Jacob continues in the same indifferent tone that bothers you so much more than it probably should. "Maybe it's all my fault, but anyway, I didn't warn you for my sake." He stares hard at your face now and the muscles above his eyebrows tense. The space separating you from him only intensifies the hostility in his voice when he speaks again. "I mean, I told you to listen for my sake, but I lied. It's gonna be absolute hell for you, Bells." His voice breaks and he breathes a deep, shuddering breath—it's so large, you can feel the warmth of wind from where you are standing.

You get the feeling he doesn't want to admit it'd be hell for the both of you.

The shame is building so large in your chest now that you can't bear to speak. Anything to come out would be nothing but foolish and harmful to the already delicate situation.

"So I'm just here to tell you that it's not your fault." Jacob's eyes hesitate as he pulls them away from yours, and they lower slightly to stare at something behind you. Something only slightly to your left. You know he's not staring at you, yet you can't help but feel self-conscious. And you can't gather up the courage to look behind yourself to wonder what has held his interest.

The dead, emotionless and indifferent look returns to his face as he stares away, and his eyes almost visibly glaze over. The look of everything about him frightens you but you are beyond yourself to know what to do. Walk over and physically comfort him? Not an option. Orally comfort him? That wouldn't help anything if he could hear that your words were not true. But would they be true if you tried?

"But never mind," he says at last, and his words are hardly audible. "I'll stop bothering you now. I guess—well, you know—you and him can go off and do whatever. Doesn't help either of us to keep seeing each other. Not like this." These words send an uncontrollable spasm of panic through your body, and you start shivering—though not because of the cold—and begin sweating up a storm at the same time—despite the freezing air.

"I can stop interfering with your life now." Jacob's words are nothing but calm, and surprise seems to flash through his eyes as the both of you register this fact. But right now, the tone of his voice is the last thing that matters—the only thing you can think about is how you know how strongly he means what he said. And you both know it could never be that easy.

You can't breathe.

"No," you finally gasp, and your words are anything but calm. "It could never be that way, Jake! You and I both know that… that, well, it can't be that way between me and… and Embry." You don't bother to take note of how many times your voice breaks. You take a deep breath before continuing, and the action is painful to your lungs. "I can never love anyone else like I have you," you continue, "and I love you because I know no other way." At least that much is undeniably true.

The glare in his eye could be that of a corpse… a zombie. And Jacob contradicts you. "I wish I could tell you how wrong you are," he whispers solemnly. "About the last part, at least. I thought you… knew more ways to love than just one." He coughs loudly, and his hands begin to shake. They match the way yours shake, as well. "But I'm not here to lecture you or anything. I'm sick of trying to…" But he doesn't finish his sentence. The shaking in his hands stops as abruptly as it began, but you can't force your body to stop.

The familiar sound of crickets chirping begins in the background of your conversation, and it surprises you that you could have even noticed such a thing in the midst of all the numbness.

Moments pass, and you wonder if Jacob might be thinking twice about what he's doing to you. But you were never the lucky one, after all.

"I'm sorry," he says simply, all sign of compromise you had thought you'd seen now gone.

And with that, he (not as gracefully as usual) turns around to walk back to the house.

"No!" you say again, yelling this time. You manage to gather a strong enough voice to make him stop in his tracks. But he doesn't turn around. "Please, Jacob! Don't—please don't… do this." You'd never been colder in your entire life than at that moment. "You can't do this…," you whisper. At the hesitation he seems to make, you build up the strength to scream what you've wanted say for a long time. Your voice is sure and strong, and it all flows out in a rush. "It's not the same with me and Embry! Jake, I'm really sorry I kissed him, but you don't even understand... I—I'll end whatever there was with me and him… and… and you and me could—" You can't find the nerve to finish. You change your mind and speak again on another chain of thought. "It's not fair of you to act this way just because—"

"Bullshit! Just because nothing!" he yells quite loudly, turning on you and causing you to recoil. "You know we'll just keep facing this problem over and over again. It's no use trying to compromise. We can't keep doing this anymore." He pauses for a moment, sucking in a breath of air. His shoulders quiver and shake uncontrollably, along with his hands. You wonder for a moment why Jacob doesn't phase right then and there… and then you feel a pang of sadness as you realize he is controlling that wild side of him just for you. You know you don't deserve it—in fact you'd welcome death right now if the opportunity came, even if Jacob was the one who gave you your wish.

Jacob faces halfway from you again, but doesn't go anywhere. You notice how his fists clench and unclench through the darkness. His breathing is ragged and scratchy and loud. Then you realize he is crying. Never did you have a stronger impulse to rush up to him and wrap your short-in-comparison arms around his large frame, never had you once wanted to give him what he wanted more than right at that moment—when he's sobbing, when you both feel completely alone.

You could give him everything, you realize. You could let go of your damaged past and you could let what's supposed to happen, happen. Would it really be that hard? If only… if only Jacob would let you. You could love him forever and never care about anything else. You could give him the life you knew you both had always wanted with each other. Did he not respect that? Did he not realize how true this could be, if only he'd give you a chance?

Did he not see that you could change everything for the better?

Apparently not. And it'd be no use to try and convince him of this now. His mind seems set on leaving, and only that. Jacob had always been a hard person to persuade. He was stubborn, just like you. But this—the mere thought of him leaving you forever, even if not physically—sent frustrated spasms through your body. You could willingly be everything he ever wanted you to be if only he gave you a chance!

But then you realize he had given you the chance—much too many times, as a matter of fact. Maybe it was sick and tired of you not doing anything about it. You regret how you hadn't found that out before, how you hadn't fell in love with him until just this moment… when he was already imprinted with someone else.

"We have to walk away from each other sooner or later. I don't know about you, but I choose sooner," Jacob continues roughly… bitterly. Few seconds had passed before he interrupted your mental blahs. "Or, I guess, unless later wouldn't make it as painful as I think it would. But I know it would."

You can't say anything to contradict or deny this. You both know it's true, but you also know you're selfish, even if Jacob doesn't. You would choose later, and you know that would tear him up more than you. You didn't want him gone yet. You didn't know when exactly you wanted him gone, but now was not the time.

Jacob seems to take your moment of silence as confirmation to his spoken opinions (but they're not really opinions, for they are really facts and you both know it). You'd meant for your silence to be taken that way, anyway. So your silence served its purpose. You never wanted Jacob to know this, though.

And then you realize something that you can't believe you'd never thought until just now.

"H-how come you're not bringing up… Natalie?" you whisper hesitantly. "Isn't imprinting on someone else reason enough to leave me?"

"Yeah. Sure it is," he says quickly. His voice is stiff. But he doesn't continue and he doesn't answer your first question. You immediately know something's up.

"Jacob…," you prompt. "There's… something else. You're not telling me everything about her."

"There's nothing to else to say. Natalie is… everything you've seen of her." An unsure look comes across his face. "She's… great."

You realize you've now caught on to something. You clutch at it desperately—anything to possibly keep Jacob here for a few more seconds, to stall for however long possible. (It probably couldn't be any more than a few seconds.) You'd launch at any chance you got, no matter how trivial. You could care less about his fucking girlfriend.

You trust your voice to gather strength and not give you away. "I'm assuming you think everything I've seen of her is… appealing to me?" You laugh once in faint surprise at how he could be so stupid.

"I never said that she's appealing," he spits, glaring at you hard. "But that doesn't mean she's not, either."

Now that surprises you. You put on a brave face and reply in an exaggerated sarcastic voice, "Really?"

"Ugh, Bella! Just—stop assuming things when you have no idea what you're talking about." His fists are clenching and unclenching like he'd probably like to strangle something, or someone. "I did just say she's great, didn't I? And I wouldn't kiss her if I didn't love—like her." Jacob corrects himself too late, making you flinch.

"How can you be sure?" you taunt, not willing to let him see through your façade of bravery. "She is your imprint, after all. Maybe that's also something you never told me about—that somehow it's physically impossible to not kiss your imprint whenever the chance arises."

"Even if that damn idea were logical, you're sort of right. Maybe I wouldn't tell you." That cuts right through your heart and brings back unpleasant memories of Jacob treating you like this before. "But whatever. I don't want to talk about this anymore. S'none of your fucking business, anyway."

You are positively fuming with anger; you want to yell in his face and give him an idea of just how much it is your fucking business, but you know saying that wouldn't help anything.

God, why did he have to be so damn stubborn?

Jacob doesn't really give you a chance to reply to his rude remark (which you can proudly say you didn't flinch away from). He continues speaking in a deadly serious tone, not as bitter as before. "But you have to understand that this"—he gestures to the few feet of space between you and him, the few feet that painfully separate you, and you instantly understand—"was not the result of Embry… or even Natalie," he tacks on the name reluctantly. "Alright? I guess this was a bad time to finally get the guts to finally go"—he chokes on his words—"but you just need to understand this would have happened sooner or later. I'm sorry I've let this go on for so long…"

A strange sense of déjà vu passes over you for an instant. The only difference from the last time is that this time is infinitely more painful. You'd never have even believed that you could ever experience more pain than when Edward left you all those months ago. (Had it almost been a year? You'd lost count.) Somehow, you aren't amazed that the mere thought of his name doesn't send stabs of pain through you like it used to. You knew it was because you'd met your match when you'd thought you'd been limited to only so much pain already—and it was more than killing you inside. The pain you'd faced once at thinking Edward's name was nothing now. Absolutely nothing—at least not before this night.

The night Jacob was leaving you.

"I'll still be here, though," he says suddenly, and you wonder for a moment if he could read your mind (it always had seemed that way, anyway). "I mean, physically I won't run away—not yet. So… that way I could always still be within easy driving distance—I mean, if you ever wanted to—" He breaks off and sobs harder, his body shaking so uncontrollably that you wonder how in the hell it was possible that he hadn't phased yet. Why wouldn't he phase under so much torment? Was he really that good at controlling himself?

You feel a bit guilty the instant you doubt his self-control; you always knew Jacob could handle himself… but you can't handle yourself, that's for certain.

The fact is your head is swimming dizzily under the pressure and overwhelming truth and meaning of his words. Your entire body throbs with the fact that Jacob was actually going to leave… he was actually going to leave you. You knew it only hurt because you thought Jacob could never do that to you, never actually hurt you as strongly as Edward had hurt you. You'd always taken it for granted that Jacob was just there; just a natural part of life, and comfort that was impeccably and immovably valid in every way. You thought he could never really leave you. He'd always been someone you could count on, someone you knew could never break you as badly as Edward had…

Not to mention the fact that he'd promised.

But there were just broken promises all around, weren't there? So you don't know why you are hurt so much if you knew what was coming. (Even if you hadn't exactly expected this.)

"I'll be going now," Jacob mutters quietly but just loud enough for you hear him. His foots hesitates toward direction of his house.

You're hyperventilating when you jolt forward to grab firmly to his warm arm (oh, God, it was warm), desperately wishing for him to stay. "No," you choke as the tears fall silently down your cheeks. "We can fix this, Jake. There's always a compromise."

Jacob fully faces you to give you a crazed look, his eyes scrunched up and wide at the same time, like it was literally killing him inside to do this to you. But why? He hadn't imprinted with you. Why would it hurt him so much? You'd think it would be easier to focus on that one person you imprinted with, and never care about anyone else.

Then again, Jacob was not like anyone else—not in the wolf pack, not in the entire world.

He slips out of your hold on his arm easily, in turn grabbing your arms and pulling them down to your sides without effort so you feel like a mental person being strapped down—definitely against your will. But you can't fight against his grasp, so you don't. He's too strong and you both know it.

The déjà vu of it all this makes you want to throw up.

"One more thing," he says suddenly, like he'd just decided on something.

Jacob lets go of your arms and before you can even realize what he's doing, he's leaning into you hard leaning his head down dramatically and quickly grabbing a hold of your waist and pressing his hot lips to yours—more like crushing, actually. There's a very uncomfortable edge to the way his lips move against yours. It's urgent, anxious… painful.

And you get the feeling he wants this to be the last time.

You still can't comprehend what the hell he's trying to do when his lips are forcing yours open and his hot breath is mixing with your own, making you shiver spastically. And even when you feel the wetness of his tongue brushing more-than-lightly against your lips, and even when he continues to move his burning lips against yours in strange ways your lips had never moved before, and even when he moans I still love you against your lips… even when all of these things happen, you still don't realize he's trying to kiss you, and probably trying make you feel better.

But you don't feel better. No matter if you'd wanted to kiss him for more time than you could count (you had stopped counting time, after all), you still don't feel any atmosphere of relief or joy or anything close to the two when his warm arms constrict around you to bend you into the shape of his body… when he continues to kiss in such a way that could be regarded as something close to violence.

You don't stop him, though. You don't do anything. Your lips are unmoving against his because you still haven't figured you should probably kiss him back. You don't do anything but continue to cry.

Why the hell was Jacob doing this? Was he trying to torment you? (Of course he wasn't.)

Moments pass that seem like hours, and then you can't feel his lips anymore (just like before… why had you wanted to kiss him before? If it was going to cause you all this pain?). You dare to open your eyes a fraction of an inch to see the same mad look on his face. Something is different, though, and you can't really figure out what it is. You don't dare to open your eyes to get a clearer look.

Jacob walks back far suddenly, releasing you from his hold and again placing several feet between you like you could be a fatal disease that would most certainly kill him. (And you were, in a way.) You shiver hard at the sudden burst of cold that overwhelms you. Jacob was so warm. You needed Jacob. You're still too numb and shocked to reach out to him and pull him back to you like you had before. It was like it was physically impossible to force your arm out and hold him… or even just touch him…

And then only two words quietly escape his mouth before your fucked up life becomes even more fucked up. How exactly was that possible? (But then you decide it was about time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself—yet you can't stop. How pitiful is that?)

"Goodbye, Bella," Jacob says in a whisper that somehow turns out to be strained, sure, quiet, and about a million other emotions at the same time.

In one swift movement, he changes his original course from the house into the darkness of the woods, absolutely sprinting like his life depends on it before he is completely concealed and you can't see him anymore… and you can't breathe anymore. He was shaking convulsively before he hit the trees.

And with that, Jacob disappears.

Only a few seconds after he's gone, it begins to rain like it had earlier that evening. You continue to stare at the spot he disappeared through (which suddenly looks very dark and haunted), and allow the rain to pour down along with your tears.

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A/N: The next chapter is already on its way. Hold tight. I promise it'll get more interesting soon. :)

P.S. I apologize there's so little dialogue... I also apologize it's so depressing. But if you didn't want to read an angst story, then I don't know why you're here. :)