A/N:Sorry for the wait. Alas, here is chapter 13!
The second part of this chapter is from Jacob's POV. At the beginning of the story I stated that the whole thing would be told from Bella's POV, but then I realized I had to make some exceptions in order to get important scenes across to my readers. :)
This chapter is filled with so much more action than I had originally anticipated, and the plot is becoming more complicated as well which might lead to longer chapters, and more of them, so I hope you can wrap your head around that. (Eek, you actually have to use a bit of brainpower – something I am personally deathly afraid of when it comes to reading fics.) The angst is just as heavy, and it might interest you to know that I do not have the end of this story 100% set in stone, so read ahead at your own risk. Heartbreak may or may not occur. I guess it depends on how evil I'm feeling by the end of it.
Anyway – read, enjoy, and review!
Chapter 13.
"Edward," you repeat, voice slightly stronger than before, but no less disbelieving.
He stands in front of you, Edward stands in front of you, just as real and as frozen as you remembered him to be. (Surprisingly, your memory wasn't botched in that department.) More so frozen now, it seems, as though he's trying not to frighten you with any sudden movements. After a few seconds though, you are honestly wondering if this is not just all your imagination, and there just so happened to be an Edward statue carved in the middle of your living room.
"It can't be," you whisper, voice resolute but sure. "You – Edward left me. He isn't coming back. He told me he isn't coming back."
You can see something like sadness flash in Edward's golden eyes, and his voice is small when he speaks again. "I'm here, Bella. I could never leave you."
"Except for... you did."
"I could never stay away forever, though. My sad existence is not complete without – "
You surprise yourself by interrupting him. Your voice is stronger than you would have thought possible. A snide smirk makes its way across your face. "Alright. Now I'm almost one-hundred-percent positive you are some sort of – some sort of freaky mirage that I've given a voice to. You aren't back. You can't be back. You said you wouldn't be."
In an amazingly quick, silent flash, he is right next to you, not two inches away from touching you. You can practically feel the coldness emanating from his skin. Your eyes slowly drag from his chest to his face, and the dark topaz of his eyes quite literally seems to stare through your soul, locking you in place just because of the sheer realness of it all. It's terrifying.
Edward reaches out and grasps your wrists with his hands. You flinch at the coldness, gasping as his icy skin rubs against yours. The simple gesture does nothing to calm you down, and before you know it you're hyperventilating despite yourself, almost desperately trying to claw your hands out of his, and trying not to face the truth of it all –
Edward's back. He's really, truly and completely, back. And he's standing in your living room.
He lets go of your arms quickly after you come to this realization, pain evident on his face. You back up a foot, and stare at his chest as his next words are spoken. (It's too painful to look into his eyes.)
"My love – I know I can't expect you to welcome me back with open arms. I did the hardest thing I have done in my entire existence, and that was leaving you. It was as though my soul had been ripped out – so I can only imagine how painful it must have been for you. I – I could never make the same mistake ever again. Not for as long as I walk the earth – "
Again, you interrupt him. "Why are you doing this to me?" you whisper, and your voice cracks as you try to breathe. "Has the world not realized that I am not so durable? I can only handle so much pain before I'm pushed over the limit. Why now? Why again? Why, Edward? Why?"
You risk looking into his eyes again, but the answers to your questions are hidden deep within his liquid stare. He doesn't speak for a few moments. You swear you could cut through the tension in the room with a knife.
"I had to check up on you," he begins carefully. "I couldn't last longer than six months not seeing you with my own eyes." Six months? It had only been six months? "Turns out, you weren't doing as well as I'd hoped." He smiles his notorious crooked smile – the one that until recently made your heart flutter, your pulse quicken, your cheeks go crimson red – but now it only breaks your heart in two. Its magical effect is dulled by the pain of his return, and his crooked smile that used to sweep you off your feet now only leaves you feeling like a pile of broken glass on the ground.
"What are you talking about, Edward? My heart has been healing for the past six months. For the first time since you left, I've finally managed to go several days without your name entering my thoughts. I've been doing much better, Edward, and you know it. So why are you here? What is your angle? What are you playing at?"
Edward is as silent as ever. Even when you pace your way back to the couch and drop yourself on it, suddenly too physically – and emotionally – tired to stand, he doesn't make a single noise acknowledging your movement. It's unnerving, and (if you're being honest with yourself) extremely creepy. You aren't used to the silence Edward's presence brings. It is so different than moments you share with Jacob, where there is always the sound of breathing, or eating, or laughing – the exact things that you can't ever remember sharing with Edward. But thinking of Jacob suddenly brings new worries to your mind.
"Jacob – what will he do?" you think out loud, and from the corner of your eye you see Edward tense up even more at the mention of Jacob's name. Then something hits you like a blow to the gut. "The rest of the Cullens – are they here, too? Is that what the – they are upset over right now? That you are all back?"
"You seem to have made yourself very comfortable with those animals," Edward hisses, his back to you as he speaks, not answering your questions. You suppose you shouldn't be surprised that Edward knows all about the werewolves.
"Yes, I have." You think for a few moments when he does nothing but stand there and shake in fury. "Who else was I going to make myself comfortable with, after you left me almost literally in the dirt? Who else would take me in as lovingly and selflessly as they have done?" On a whim you add, "You certainly didn't."
Edward finally turns around and faces you, despair clear in his voice as he whispers with hurried conviction, "Bella, whenever you are with them, you are in danger. Do you realize that?"
"And who I hang out with is totally none of your business. It stopped being your business when you left me. In fact, it never should have been your business, not even from the start."
His body is shaking, and the anger is so clearly evident in his eyes that for one wild moment you are actually afraid of him. That catches you off guard and leaves you feeling confused and hurt, even though nothing happened in reality. Just the fact that Edward, of all people, can make you feel frightened – it's enough to rethink just about everything you once thought about him before.
A few moments pass in scared silence, and he seems to regain his composure. "But I could never let anything happen to you. You are in danger now more than ever, Bella. You are constantly being hunted." So Edward knew about Victoria. Of course. "Can you not see how accepting me again will protect you? I'm almost literally begging you to take me back." At these words, he falls on his knees in front of you.
Everything is happening so fast, and it's alarming and overwhelming in all the wrong ways. This is not how you expected to react to Edward literally delivering himself to you. This is not the scene you imagined when, so many times, you played over and over again in your head exactly what would happen when Edward returned (because you were so sure he would – well, you'd been right after all). You imagined how you would throw yourself onto him immediately, how he would kiss you until you couldn't breathe, how any remaining doubts about his love for you would evaporate instantly as you saw the love clear in his eyes. And, just like that, you'd be together forever – again.
This is the scene you imagined in your head so many times, to the point of it resembling a broken record, one that you eventually let go of as time went on and the prospect of him returning seemed less and less likely. Before you knew it, the mere idea of it was simply left behind and forgotten, too painful to imagine anymore.
And yet, here Edward is, almost in the exact position you imagined him to be in, and the feelings rushing through your body could not be any more opposite to the ones you thought you'd be experiencing.
Instead of undeniable rushes of love, you feel heartbreaking tremors of anguish as you stare into his golden depths. Memories of whispers of love, of I promise not to hurt you, of you are my life now comes crashing down and begins suffocating you until you can't stand to look at him for a second more. And you need out. You need out now. You're tired of being tethered to a person who will do nothing but break you down and constantly make you feel inferior. You try to remember how it could have possibly felt good to be with Edward, but those memories are drowned instantly by something much stronger – how good you feel when you're with Jacob.
The liquid warmth of tears falling down your cheeks doesn't surprise as you look down at your hands folded in your lap, and away from Edward's desperate and imploring gaze. But you don't cry out of sadness, not now – no, you cry now because it's something more like fury.
"I can't believe how stupid I was," you whisper to yourself more than to him. "I got myself in way too deep. And it was hard, God, it was hard, but I was just beginning to dig myself back out, just beginning to breathe again, Edward. And now you have to show up and make me completely backtrack all my progress. You think you have the right to come along and tell me how I should take you back after you've already done such a sufficient job of breaking my heart into a thousand pieces? Do you see nothing wrong with that picture?"
You grow angrier with each word you speak. Through the entirety of your rant, Edward doesn't interrupt you, merely stares at you like he can't believe a word you're saying. You almost can't believe it either – you didn't think you had the strength to admit it out loud. You risk glancing up at him, courage growing inside of you. He doesn't speak for a long time, just... stares. You stare back with furrowed brows.
"A good chunk of my junior year was spent loving you. A good chunk of my junior year was wasted," you continue bitterly. Nothing's stopping you now. "I know I can never be exactly normal again – but I've really been trying, Edward. Isn't that what you want?"
Edward breaks out of his strange trance and answers brokenly, "Yes."
You nod slowly, knowing there is nothing he can say to deny the truth behind your words. You realize you should probably say something comforting, something light to get him to stop staring at you like that, like his whole world just exploded right before his eyes, but you're not sure what else to say. You want to say you don't regret a second you spent with him, but you're not sure if you'd be lying if you said that. Then you finally settle on something bittersweet.
"You have the rest of forever to find someone more... more deserving than me, Edward." He grimaces and closes his eyes, and you wonder if he were physically able to, maybe tears would be falling down his cheeks right now, too. "I always wondered why you were suddenly so positive that I was perfect for someone like you. It never made sense to me. I should have spent more time wondering about that." He opens his mouth as though to say something, but you continue on hurriedly. "No, listen to me. You've said and thought it a million times before – you're not right for me. We're not right for each other. We never will be. I didn't think it would take so long for me to believe it, but... I do now."
His mouth is still parted but his eyes are still closed. Finally he whispers, "I understand." He seems to be struggling with something or other, judging by the way his mouth is soundlessly trying to form a word. He finally chokes it out, wincing as though he doesn't want to say it. "But please do me a favor, Bella. Please. Let me protect you. You need the protection now more than ever. You won't even have to see me; just... let me assure myself that you'll be alright."
"I can assure you of that right now," you say bracingly. "I am perfectly protected by the pack. You don't need to worry yourself with me anymore, Edward. Please don't worry about me anymore."
Edward suddenly stands up with super human speed and is at your front door in half a second, his back to you with his fists clenched. "I never should have come back, Bella. I'm so sorry." You stand up gingerly from the couch and fold your arms, unsure of anything else to say, vaguely wondering what the expression on his face is because it's completely indiscernible from his tone of voice. "I won't bother you anymore. I promise." And then, as though an almost-hopeful afterthought, "Not unless you want me to, that is."
Your heart breaks in two and you say, "I would let you know."
Edward clenches and unclenches his fists and hangs his head low. "I know. Goodbye, Bella." He opens the door in one swift motion and disappears behind it as it closes. A flash of movement can be seen out of the window, and then everything is still again.
Your bones are tired once more, and you collapse on the floor and breathe in and out heavily as one thought cannot rid itself from your mind: What the hell just happened? What's going to happen next?
-x-
The voices in your head are screaming at you as you are racing through the forest to get to where they are.
Jacob? Jacob, we're not sure what this means –
Calm down, Sam's blowing this up to be more extreme than it really is –
Blowing it up? I am not, this could potentially be very serious – we don't know what their intentions are.
Trees fly past you at an alarmingly fast rate and you can see inside the heads of the pack as a whole – they're all gathered in a clearing somewhere not too far from where you are. You run just a little bit faster, heart sinking as you replay Sam's words in your mind: we don't know what their intentions are.
Who? What's going on? you think back to them in agitation as you scan the thoughts of each of the wolves in turn; flashes of white skin are remembered with spite, as well as a scent so sickly sweet it makes your skin crawl –
Vampires.
You stumble a bit as the scent reaches your nostrils. Your stomach lurches, your muscles tense up and you have half the mind to hightail it all the way to Bella's house, because what the hell did you just let happen? You shouldn't have let Bella drive home alone, God that was a stupid idea, and pictures of her bloody body being ripped apart by impeccably white teeth flash through your mind, followed closely by a mane of fire-red hair and grossly pale skin.
No! Jacob, listen to me. Bella will be fine. More than fine, actually, Sam growls at you. Just get over here.
Sam, Bella could very well be dead – You can't coherently finish a thought; the panic is ripping you from the inside out. Your fast pace slows to a jog and your head turns around in the direction from whence you came, painfully conflicted with ignoring the orders of the alpha.
I repeat, Bella is fine, he growls. Get over here now.
The tone of his voice is enough to shock you out of your panic mode and with one last look behind you, reluctantly turn and run to meet the pack.
When you reach the clearing, you are met with half a dozen grim expressions, Sam's standing out prominently as he trots over to you, much too calmly for your liking.
Why the fuck are we sitting here doing nothing? Why aren't we out there kicking bloodsucker ass? you hiss, looking around at the ring of wolves who still sit as quiet and forlorn as ever.
It's not the vampires you think, Quil's voice pipes up. It's –
Then, with one mutual growl that ripples through the minds of the wolves until it can only be distinguished as one: The Cullens.
Silence follows the outlandish statement. Your blood goes cold in your veins as you try to digest what was just said.
They overstepped the reservation boundaries, didn't they? you snarl with the sudden realization. They've broken the treaty, haven't they?
Sam's giant head nods in affirmation. It certainly looks like it. Why, though? he grumbles, obviously as confused as the rest of them. And why did they leave our land just as quickly?
They'll be back, though. From wherever they are. Probably at – her – house right now, Embry growls, face scrunching up in fury as Bella's face crosses his mind.
Bella.
Oh, no, you think in growing horror as you slowly realize what's happening. Edward's trying to convince her to – to be with him or something. He's come back to get her back.
Jake, maybe he only came back because of Victoria, Jared suggests. I'm sure he doesn't want her murdered any more than we do. That'd be a pretty heavy burden to carry.
Okay, then, he has his reasons, Sam interrupts, none of which really matter right now, especially since you have an imprint, Jacob. Your only loyalties remain with the pack and our laws. His thought comes across as a vicious growl, and your ears lay flat on your head while you bare your teeth in indignation and maybe even guilt. You hadn't wanted your worry for Bella to be so clear. Sam somehow always got peeved whenever there was a moment he felt like you weren't caring about Natalie enough.
Jared, Quil and I will run a patrol around the area, Sam continues. Paul, Embry, and you, Jacob, will stay here in case something happens. Their scent is strongest in this clearing, so they might come back.
And with that, Sam jumps through an opening in the trees with Jared and Quil following closely behind, leaving a tense silence in his wake. The three wolves' thoughts linger in your head even as they disappear out of sight, but you effectively block them out for the time being and pace the clearing in agitation.
Ugh, I hate not being allowed to do anything fun, Paul grumbles.
You heard Sam; this is important, you say, batting a paw at Paul's head and causing him to shrink back. Now stop complaining.
Always a kiss-ass, Embry says lightly, laying flat on his side and bringing his paws over his head like he has a minor headache.
You ignore him and continue trotting around the clearing, the moon shining high overhead. You know Embry's mad at you, which you find incredibly unfair since you didn't actually do anything wrong. It was his own fault to go ahead and fall in love with Bella, and his own fault to overstay his welcome and cozy up to Bella like she was his.
Fuck off, Jacob, Embry spits. You ignore him again and continue to anxiously circle the clearing.
Eventually the scent of sickly-sweetness that can only belong to a vampire makes you feel nauseous, so you sit down when your stomach threatens to empty through your mouth, and settle for thinking about things, anticipating Sam's patrol to not return for a while.
Your stomach lurches as you think of all the events that have unfolded just in the past few hours. What could possibly get worse? First, fucking Edward has to return, complicating all progress you might have been making with trying to become Bella's friend, at the very least. And who knew what Bella would do? You wouldn't past her to break your heart yet again, and accept his invitation back into his heart. In fact, it's probably the exact thing she would do, seeing as she didn't have anyone else who would love her the way Edward so freely would.
But God, you fucking hate him. Now more so than ever, because he has the nerve to leave Bella broken and bruised, and then arrive a few months later like all is good in the world. But Bella is so goddamn naïve – she would take him back, no questions asked. Because Bella is just that way.
And yet still you love her. Why do you still love her? You have every right to hate her. And yet you can't bring yourself to hate her. Not even after you fucking imprint on another girl – because, if anything, your love for her has only grown stronger because it's being tested so much. These are all, of course, things you would never admit to her, and oftentimes you try not to admit to yourself; it's too painful to think that she would love you, and you would love her, if only the trivial problem of vampires and werewolves didn't stand in the way of it all.
A rustle in some trees far away shakes you out of your reverie. You stand on your guard and bristle as you try and detect what it is that would make such a sound. Quil's a bit clumsy, but Jared and Sam would never make such a loud noise.
And then that smell hits your nose again, harder and stronger this time, making your eyes water at the sheer disgustingness of it. You get into a decent fighting position as Paul and Embry do the same, closing in on the source of the sound and smell and preparing yourselves for anything.
But you would never be prepared enough for what stumbles out of the underbrush – Edward. Edward fucking Cullen, shaking and looking like he was going insane in his own body, trips out the bushes and falls to his knees, head lowered as his entire body is wracked with what seem to be tearless sobs.
You've never seen Edward this way, and this is probably what causes you to lower your guard – but only just.
Sam's patrol quickly emerges from the forest not two seconds later, and they quickly surround the bloodsucker on one side while you, Paul, and Embry quickly do the same on the other side, growling menacingly in hatred and disgust.
But Edward doesn't make a move to defend his self. Still, his body is shaking with silent sobs and his hands run through his hair, as though he's doing all he can not to tear his own head off.
What are you doing here, leech? Paul roars, but Sam quiets him with a look.
You were the only one of your kind to cross into the boundaries of La Push, judging by the scent surrounding the area, so you will be the only one punished accordingly unless you can give us a reason not to. State your purpose and why you decided to cross over into Quileute territory, Sam growls in a dignified manner. As I'm sure you are well aware, you have broken the treaty in half.
Edward takes a few seconds before he slowly looks up, his eyes meeting each one of the wolves' eyes in turn. You see something there you can almost sympathize with – heartbreak and torment from something you can't help.
He whispers brokenly, the look in his eyes bewildered and insane, "She didn't take me back. She doesn't want me. I want to keep her safe, but she doesn't want me." Now he's trembling so intensely you have the impression that his marble skin might crumble into a thousand pieces.
And suddenly, he's screaming. "Kill me! Nothing matters anymore. Please, just– just please kill me!" And he goes back to weeping into his hands. You've never been more disgusted by him. He comes here and begs for death because of something he brought on himself? It would never make sense to you.
Each of the wolves begins to grow restless, and, in spite of yourself, you glance at Sam as though looking for permission.
Sam looks just as disgusted, yet surprised. You come here asking for death? he scoffs, looking almost personally insulted. What kind of creature are you, to want to give up your own life out of grief? We will not kill you, he answers, a note of finality ringing at the end of his sentence that leaves you feeling frustrated.
He's giving himself up to us, Sam – why would you pass up this opportunity? you hiss.
Because it wouldn't help anything, Sam answers simply. It would bring the rest of the Cullens on us, and I will not become a savage just because it is easy. He didn't technically do anything to harm us – he just needs to get the hell off our land before we take his request to heart.
"I would let you," Edward cries.
It appears Sam has reached an ultimatum. Get off our land this instant, he threatens, rising above the pale and pathetic Edward so that even you are slightly afraid, or we will not bother ourselves when the red-haired leech comes to kill Bella. We will either let it happen or perhaps do it ourselves.
Sam! –
Now, Sam finishes, lashing a paw with claws protracted at Edward so that he flies backward through the air and into a tree, breaking off one of the upper branches and causing crows to fly off into the night with loud caws. He falls back down again onto the ground, not bothering with the litheness that you're sure he could easily pull off, landing with a hard thud, like that of a boulder.
Edward stands up slowly, and the wolves around you tense when it appears as though he might fight back. His fists unclench and the growling is so fierce and muddled in the humid air that you feel like you're suffocating under all the tension. Finally, though, Edward lowers his head in defeat, his arms going limp by his sides.
"Okay," he murmurs under his breath. "I shouldn't have expected such a kindness from my mortal enemy – but I must admire you for sticking to your ethics."
Your business is done here, leech, Sam growls.
"I will find some other way to satisfy my needs," Edward says as a vague and thoughtful look crosses his face. You don't like that look – it makes you wonder if there's something else hidden behind his words.
He then whips around and races back in the direction from whence he came, leaving the sickly-sweet smell behind him and causing a very un-vampire-like ruckus through the trees. Steadily the sound becomes quieter and quieter and you hold your breath until you can't hear anything at all.
Crickets pick up their chirping after a few silent moments, and the wind whispers through the trees as the night settles back into normalcy – or, as normal as it could get with six werewolves standing around each other wondering together what in the fuck just happened.
Somehow I doubt that's the last we'll see of that bloodsucker, Quil thinks with agitation, breaking through the silence of their minds.
No one – not even you, as desperately you hope it won't be true – speaks out against him.