(A/N)- Guys, NaNoWriMo is kicking my butt. So I decided to post this new chapter, for three reasons. One-I need a break from writing my novel. Two-This fanfic keeps creeping into my head and distracting me until I write it. And three-Julia, I love you so much, dear! You keep reminding me when I need to update, so thank you so much for that. ANYWAY, here's chapter 13, which follows one of my favorite season 6 episodes, "Appointment in Samarra". As always, I own nothing except Lydia, so here goes nothing! (P.S…Cookies to those of you who see a familiar reference to an earlier Supernatural episode. It's fairly obvious, but still.)

Life was slowly returning to normal for Lydia Carmichael. As close to normal as her life could get, anyway. It was the end of January 2012; the end of the month, but the beginning of the year. It was just like the old days for Lydia-staying with Bobby, researching cases for other hunters, and things like that. The only difference was that Lydia never actually went hunting anymore. She just couldn't bring herself to; not yet, anyway. Not to mention that Bobby was completely against the idea. He was working a case and said that she could go and help him, but they hadn't even reached the hotel before Bobby pulled the car over so Lydia could go throw up on the side of the road. He had driven her straight home and ordered her to stay in the house at all times. Lydia, who at one time would've protested and snuck out anyway, was more than happy to oblige and did nothing except answer the phone.

Dean called once in a while to ask Bobby a question or to check up on them, but it was always Dean calling. Never Sam. Mostly because Sam was soulless and could've cared less how Bobby and Lydia were, but partly because of what had happened between him and Lydia. (Lydia still couldn't bring herself to say the word rape, except once in a great while. Maybe she was in denial, but she just couldn't.) They never came around in person, either, which was fine by Lydia. The further away she was from Sam, the better.

Castiel, on the other hand, wasn't around nearly as much as Lydia would've liked. He was just so busy with the war in Heaven; they didn't get to see each other more than maybe once or twice a month, much to the dislike of both hunter and angel. When they did get to spend time together, however, they made it count: Cas would take her to some tropical island or some quiet place anywhere in the world where they could just talk, or lay together in silence, neither of them saying a word. Lydia was still too skittish from her rape to do anything sexual with him, but Cas was perfectly okay with that. He missed the intimate moments they shared while making love, but he was content just to lay under the stars with her on some far away desert, holding her tightly.

But on that cold January day, Castiel wasn't there. It was only Bobby and Lydia at home, doing the usual work…that is until Sam and Dean burst in the door, arguing. Lydia immediately felt her stomach start turning and looked at Bobby, her eyes wide. Bobby immediately stood up and went over to stand next to her, like a wall between her and Sam. Lydia couldn't help but feel a surge of affection for old, grumpy, protective Bobby.

"You what!" Sam shouted as he stormed into the living room, not even acknowledging Lydia and Bobby.

Dean followed him, only nodding and giving Bobby and Lydia a small wave to say hello. "Just hear me out, okay? I know you heard what Cas and Crowley said, but Death said he could put up a wall!"

"A wall?" Sam asked doubtfully. "And that's just supposed to block all my memories of hell? Just like that? Really?"

"Really." Dean nodded. "It's not a cure like we wanted, but Sam, it's…" Dean was at a loss over what to say. "He said it could last a lifetime."

Sam started shouting. "Dean! I don't think you get it! It's my life, it's my soul! And it sure as hell ain't your head that's gonna explode when this whole grand scheme of yours goes sideways!"

"Just curious," Bobby stood up. When he had both boys attention, he asked, "I presume Death's not doing this out of the goodness of his heart. So what's your half of the deal?" When Dean looked away from guilty, Bobby continued, "Dean, what's your half of the deal?"

"I have to wear the ring for a day." Dean finally said.

"Why would he do that?" asked Lydia.

Dean started to answer before Sam stood up and tried to leave. Dean only looked at his brother leaving and asked him, "Where are you going?"

"Look, I hear you, alright?" Sam sighed. "I get it. I just need a minute to wrap my head around it, all right?" He went out the door, with Dean, Bobby, and Lydia following him, undetected.

Outside, Sam looked at the ground nervously before Dean revealed himself by holding up Death's ring and saying, "Looking for this?" After Sam gave him some crappy excuse about taking a walk, Dean told him, "Sam. I'm your brother. I'm not gonna let you get hurt. I know what I'm doing here."

Sam, once he realized how serious Dean was, simply shrugged. "Fine."

"Fine?" Dean seemed surprised. "You're sure?" Sam nodded, so Dean turned around and started walking. As he passed Bobby and Lydia, he muttered, "Watch him," then kept on walking.

XXX

Sometime later, Bobby, Lydia, and Sam were all playing poker, drinking beer. Sam and Lydia only interacted through Bobby; never directly with each other. The tension from the situation they were in and the memories from that night made the game silent and awkward. After a while, Bobby held out an empty beer bottle and asked, "Want another one?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll come with you." Sam nodded. Bobby stood up and started walking towards the kitchen, Sam right behind him. The look on Sam's face, for some reason, gave Lydia a bad feeling. She quietly followed him, grabbing a baseball bat, the first thing she could find. Unfortunately, she was right about Sam. When Bobby had his back turned, Sam grabbed a wrench from the counter and raised it above his head, meaning to hit Bobby with it. Lydia rushed up behind him and smacked him in the head with the bat, knocking Sam out instantly.

Lydia and Bobby stared at Sam's unconscious figure for a few seconds before Lydia looked up at Bobby and said, "So I'm thinking that we probably should've put him in the panic room."

Bobby nodded, and walked over to the table to grab some rope. Lydia stupidly took her eyes off of Sam for literally three seconds, and when she and Bobby looked back at the ground where Sam was, he was gone.

"Balls!" Bobby hissed. Then, he tried calling out to Sam. "Let's not do anything hasty here, Sam!" No response.

"Let's go." Bobby said as he grabbed Lydia's shoulder and took her to one of the closets. "We're staying in here."

"Bobby, he's going to find us!" hissed Lydia.

Bobby snapped, "Well, unless you've got another plan, we're waiting it out in here." The words were barely out of his mouth before an axe suddenly came through the door, causing Bobby to jump and Lydia to scream.

"Don't say 'here's Johnny'." Bobby sighed.

"I gotta do this, Bobby," Sam said with little emotion. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have cornered yourself."

"I didn't." Bobby pushed a button, causing a trap door under Sam's feet to open and Sam to fall through. He opened the closet door and ran to the basement stairs, Lydia right behind him, and said, "Reinforced steel core, titanium kick plate. Get comfy." Sam hit the door in frustration, and Bobby asked, "You wanna explain what this is about?"

Sam sighed again. "I just have to do this, Bobby. If Dean shoves that soul back in me, think how bad that could really be. I can't let it happen, Bobby. I mean, it's not like I want to kill you. And Lydia's useless; I could care less what happens to her. But you, you've been nothing but good to me."

Lydia, resisting the urge to open the door and bash his skull in, asked, "So what do you got going here, Sam? Demon deal? Spell?" When Sam didn't answer her, she quietly said, "You don't have to do this, Sam."

"I'm trying to survive, here!" Sam snapped. "Some wall inside my head that maybe stays up? Come on."

"If it works…" Bobby gave up, sighing, then pulled himself together and tried again. "Look, I…I know how scary it is. But you know what's scarier? You right now. You're not in your right head, Sam. You're not giving us much choice here." Sam was silent. "Sam?" Still nothing. "Balls!" Bobby threw the door open, and he and Lydia raced into the basement. Bobby had his rifle, but Lydia was only armed with the baseball bat, so she stayed directly behind him at all times, the bat upright, ready to be swung at a moment's notice.

"Ain't nobody killing me in my house but me," Bobby muttered. "I don't want to blow your legs out, boy, but I will."

"Shit!" Lydia nudged Bobby and pointed up to one of the vents. "He's out!"

"Oh, balls!" Bobby took Lydia's arm and dragged her up the stairs and out the door. "We gotta go now. The longer we wait, the longer Sam has to run." They were outside of the house, looking around for Sam. Finally, Lydia pointed on the ground, where there was a trail of blood leading out to the cars in the backyard. "There ya go, Bobby. He went that way." The old hunter nodded, and the two of them both crept silently into the night, Bobby armed with his gun and Lydia with the bat, trying to find Sam Winchester. Every step of the way, Lydia prayed to Castiel to help them, but he never came or answered. They kept following the trail of blood, but it eventually ended when they reached the barn on Bobby's property.

"Sam?" Bobby whispered into the darkness.

"I don't think he's going to answer you, Bobby." Lydia told him.

Bobby shrugged. "You never know."

Then, before either hunter could react, Sam appeared from behind them and hit Bobby in the back of the head with the wrench, knocking him out cold. As Bobby fell to the ground, Lydia jumped and held the bat up, ready to swing at any second.

"Hey there." Sam smirked.

Lydia narrowed her eyes at him coldly. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sam ignored her and made a move to pick up Bobby's gun, but Lydia held the baseball bat up even higher and hissed, "If you touch that gun, Sam, I swear to God I will hit you."

"Not if I shoot you first." Sam replied. Lydia said nothing, and Sam sighed in frustration. "Lydia, I don't want to hurt you. Honestly, I don't."

"I think that ship has sailed, Sam." Lydia remarked coldly. "Raping people tends to hurt them. A lot."

"Oh, please," Sam simply brushed off her accusations. "You have your boyfriend to sleep with instead of me now. You'll live." Lydia felt her blood pressure sky rocket; she had never hated a person before as much as she hated Sam Winchester. "And anyway, you never complained up until we actually started doing the deed. You were perfectly okay with it. And the way you were dressed? You were asking for it, Lydia."

"I was at WORK," Lydia clenched her teeth. "Do you actually think I was asking for you to rape me? Are you that stupid?"

"This is ridiculous," Sam growled. "I'm taking Bobby inside the house now. Would you care to help me, or are you going to stand there clutching a baseball bat?"

"You really think I'm that stupid?" Lydia barked. "You're telling me that you're going to just help poor old Bobby into the house right after you hunt us down like animals? You're crazy."

Lydia's eyes then lit on the gun on the ground. "In fact, Sam..." She slowly leaned forward to pick it up, then cocked it and pointed it directly at him. "I think that I'm going to pull that gun on you and lock you in the panic room like you suggested earlier." Lydia maliciously walked forwards and pressed the barrel of the gun directly into Sam's chest.

"Who's in charge here now, buddy?" Lydia smiled bitterly at Sam, knowing she had the upper hand.

Sam, however, didn't seem the least bit concerned. "You know, you shouldn't put a rifle right against someone, because it makes it real easy to do…" Sam turned fluidly and knocked the rifle to the side. Lydia desperately tried to take it back, but Sam was quicker than she was and grabbed the rifle, pointing it directly at Lydia.

"See ya in the morning." Before Lydia could protest, Sam hit Lydia with the butt of the rifle, and she only felt herself falling into darkness, and then pure nothingness.

XXX

"Listen to me. You don't want to do this, Sam." Lydia heard Bobby's voice emerge from the darkness. Her eyes shot open, then immediately shut again once she felt how badly her head hurt. Tears of pain filled her eyes, yet she forced them open to see where she was; the last thing she remembered was Sam hitting her with Bobby's riffle at the barn, then nothing. It would explain why her head hurt like a bitch. She saw that she must've been carried-or dragged-back into the house and put on the table. Bobby was tied to a chair, and Sam was standing over him, getting ready to kill him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Bobby saw Lydia stirring and tried to get her attention without Sam noticing. When their eyes locked, Lydia motioned for him to keep his eyes away from her, so Bobby looked back at Sam and continued talking. "I've been like a father to you, boy. Somewhere inside, you've got to know that."

As Bobby kept talking, Lydia slowly got off the table and inched over to where the rifle lay, locked and loaded. She almost had it before Sam whirled around and slammed here against the wall, trapping her. Lydia's head hit the wall-hard -and she cried out in pain, but Sam only sneered.

"Lydia, Lydia, Lydia," Sam shook his head and he took out the revolver that was clipped to his belt. "You are getting to be such a pain is my ass…" Lydia was now shaking in fear. This was too similar to the last time, that night in the car. The memories came swarming back to her, and she more terrified now than she was since that night. She started screaming out for Castiel desperately, but the angel never came.

Sam, however, only seemed to relish in her terror. Her put the gun right up to her head and smirked. "Sorry I had to do this. You weren't supposed to get involved, but since you put yourself in the middle of this…"

Suddenly, a hand grabbed Sam's wrist firmly, and both Sam and Lydia turned to see Dean holding Sam's arm, an angry look plastered on his face. "I'm back." He punched Sam directly in the face, knocking Sam unconscious-for real this time. Lydia let out a noise of half-relief, half-fear, and slid down the wall onto the ground.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dean rushed over to Lydia and grabbed her wrist, yanking her off the ground. In a rare display of affection, Dean gave her a quick squeeze, then pulled back and looked her over. "Alright. You good?"

Lydia still had tears of pain and fear in her eyes, but she nodded and started wiping her eyes. Dean clapped her on the shoulder before saying again, "Yeah, you're good." He then went over to Bobby and untied him, and together, the three hunters got Sam and half-lifted, half-carried him to the panic room. They handcuffed Sam to the bed, and they waited. What they were waiting for exactly, Lydia had no idea-Dean had lost the deal with Death-but they waited. She continued to pray to Cas, to no avail.

Eventually, Dean uttered, "I can't keep doing this, Bobby. I mean, what am I gonna do? Tie him up every time he tries to kill someone? That's not gonna hold him. I mean, he's..." Dean sighed, rubbing his eyelids. "What am I supposed to do here?"

"I don't know." Bobby finally admitted after a while. Dean nodded, then went upstairs into the kitchen. Bobby watched him go, and once he was sure Dean was gone, said, "I don't get it." Lydia looked at him curious, and Bobby sighed. "These boys…they saved more people than anyone else I know, yet they keep getting all this crap flung at them constantly. I just don't get it."

Lydia nodded in reluctant agreement. "I guess that's just the way it is?"

"Yeah. I guess so." Bobby was silent for a few moments before asking Lydia, "It just don't seem fair, does it? Not just the boys, either. You've been to hell and back, yet here you are." Bobby looked at her proudly and added, "You're doing alright, aren't ya?"

"Sure." Lydia stared at the floor. "If you count still waking up from nightmares at least three times a week, I'm great. I'm just…well, look at me. I'm just perfect." Lydia shrugged. "I'm doing better, I guess, but I'm not 'all right'."

Bobby seemed surprised. "You're still waking up that often? Why didn't you share that with the group?"

"Because it's not your problem to worry about me!" snapped Lydia, standing up a little bit straighter. "I'm a big girl and I can handle myself."

"Well, your boyfriend's never around anymore, so somebody's got to do it!" Bobby shot back irritably. "If you're still not getting better after three months, that's a problem, Lyd."

"Bobby, I'm telling you, I'm fine!" Lydia just wished Bobby would stop talking about this. "I'd tell you if I thought it was a problem, okay? But it's not a problem!"

"Not a problem my ass, girl," Bobby muttered. "What Sam did to you was horrible. Are you listening to me now?" Lydia looked up at him, and Bobby said seriously, "It ain't your fault. I'm not trying to give you a speech here, but I mean that. You never asked for this, and you don't have to suffer in silence like you are. I'm just trying to help you, Lydia. That's all. And Dean…" Bobby sighed. "He don't show it, but he does care."

"Ya think so?" Lydia's voice was hard and bitter. "Dean doesn't give a damn about me."

Bobby sighed. "Lydia, you know that's not true."

"Yes it is," Lydia folded her arms across her chest. "He treats Cas like crap and he ignores me completely. He only cares about you and his precious Sammy."

"Lydia!" Bobby snapped.

Lydia knew how immature and bitter she sounded, but she didn't care. "What?"

Bobby hesitated before telling her, "He's just guarded around people he doesn't know. He cares about Cas and you a lot, but it's just hard for him to trust people. That's how he's always been."

"Really?" Lydia asked, her voice a bit softer.

Bobby nodded. "Yeah. He don't mean any harm by it, kid." Bobby cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. "So I noticed your boyfriend ain't been around lately."

"He's busy."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Bobby rolled his eyes. "The damn war in heaven. Still, you're always moping around the house like a damn puppy dog when he's not around. It wouldn't kill angel boy to visit some more."

Lydia shrugged. "Well, there's really nothing I can do about it, so…"

"Tell 'em to come around more," Bobby suggested. "I don't remember the last time I saw him for more than five minutes at a time."

"Well, I've…I've tried," Lydia said evasively. "Even when I was screaming for him back there, he still never came."

"Weird."

Lydia nodded again. "Yeah."

All of the sudden, they both heard Dean yell, "Bobby! Lyd!" and his footsteps racing towards the panic room. When Dean reached them, he barked, "Open the door!"

"What happened?" Bobby asked.

"Now!" Dean only yelled again.

From inside the panic room, they could all hear Sam screaming, "Get away from me!" The door was thrown open, and the three hunters saw Dean handcuffed to the bed, yelling at the air. "No, don't touch me!"

"What the hell, Dean?" Lydia hissed.

"It's Death," Dean swallowed gravely. "He's giving Sam back his soul."

Sam shook his head at the invisible Death. "Please. Don't do this." He paused, then started yelling again. "No, no! You don't know! You don't know what'll happen to me!" Sam looked pleadingly at his brother. "Dean, please. No!" Lydia only saw Sam throw his head back, screaming in pain, and then he collapsed in the bed, totally unconscious.