Disclaimer: This is the CW's sandbox, I'm just playing in it. I own nothing.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I will email back those who have accounts when my Internet isn't so awful :) Good to see there's still DS shippers out there. This is my first actual fanfiction and I'm worried about characterisations, so if they seem off I'm sorry, I'll get better as it goes hopefully. Also, any ideas for oneshots people want to throw my way are welcome, my own list is pretty short at the moment.
I'm not planning on this being a chapter story, but this came to mind anyway. It's a continuation of the previous chapter, an extension of 4x04
As he moves in his sleep, a sharp cramp through his back wakes him. Stretching out his stiff legs, Dan slowly becomes aware of the hardwood floor beneath him, instantly regretting the decision to sleep on the floor. Something soft and warm is supporting his head, and when he looks up to see Serena's golden hair shining in the morning light that filters through the windows he can't help but regret it a little less. Her lips are parted slightly, and she has the most innocent look to her when she sleeps it's hard for him to stand it. It's like he's seventeen again and watching her doze next to him in his room, no-one's ever looked at me the way you just did. Where the Parisian sun has lightened her hair it has darkened the light spray of freckles over her nose.
It was worth sleeping on the floor.
There was a time last year Dan thought he would never see her this way again. They had been close at the end of summer, but suddenly she was all wrapped up in Carter Baizen (bad) then Nate Archibald (worse). He was suspicious of Carter, but it was Serena's relationship with Nate that chipped away at him the most. Somewhere inside Dan had always been wary of him, ever since the Bass brunch after they'd first met. Nate was everything Dan wasn't; light where he was dark, sure where he was wary, sporty where he was academic. The memory of him making moon eyes at Serena from across the room while they picked over caviar still made him seethe, and at that stage she wasn't even his.
So Serena spent the year playing with her own, with Carter and Tripp and Nate, and Dan did the same. He stuck to NYU (as far from the Upper East Side as he could get) and stuck to Vanessa and Georgina and Olivia (as far from Serena as he could get). But Georgina was a psycho, you trusted her anyway, and Olivia, for all her fame, was plain. No matter how much he threw himself into his relationship with Vanessa, he'd still look at her in bed and wish her hair was golden and her eyes a darker shade of blue; she was too short and her laugh was all wrong. He came so close to calling her Serena one night when they were together he opted to remain totally silent every time afterwards.
Dan tries to work the kinks out of his arms and legs without waking her, noticing how their hands are linked together, resting on his shoulder. It would be sweet if they were dating, but they weren't, and he wonders what he's supposed to take from last night. He's still mulling it over when her fingers tighten around his,
"Mmmm…who's idea was it to sleep here?" Serena's voice is heavy with waking as she twists her neck, pushing away the comforter.
Dan smiles, "Its better than that time you suggested we sleep on the roof." She giggles, rubbing her eyes; it's not fair for her to be that cute,
"Hey, it seemed romantic at the time."
"Oh yeah, I'm not sure what was the more romantic part, getting rained on or getting locked out," Her eyes open, soft and sleepy, and she smacks him. It was meant for his arm but she's groggy and manages to get him in the face, "oww, was that necessary?" Dan touches his nose gingerly.
She's either too tired to notice or it's a force of habit, but he looks like such a little boy in her lap that it's not till she's closed the gap halfway that Serena realises she's about to kiss it better. She stops as his alert brown eyes meet her navy ones, and the atmosphere gets rapidly awkward. They stare at eachother for a moment,
"Serena…"
A ringing makes them both jump, and she's grateful to his cellphone for breaking the tension,
"It's Vanessa."
Of course it is, she thinks, less grateful. She wonders if the dark haired girl actually has cameras hidden in the loft. It rings out, but it makes no difference; the jovial atmosphere is gone. Now she's stuck beneath him trying to guess how he feels about last night, unaware he's doing the same.
Maybe she was here to let me down easy, tell me she loves Nate. Or maybe it was all about Milo...
Maybe he was going to tell me he loves Vanessa, or he just needed a shoulder to cry on over Milo…
Neither of them wants to talk, so they sit in silence. Dan curses his cowardice, for the love of God, be a man. He opens his mouth to speak when she shifts her legs beneath him and he moves his head to allow her to get up. Neither of them are particularly graceful, and when one of his hands brushes the outside of her breast he loses his train of thought immediatelt.
Get a grip Humphrey!
"Umm, maybe I should go…" Serena's voice snaps him into focus, and he frowns,
"What? Go, why?"
She shifts uncomfortably, "That was Vanessa, wasn't it?"
Dan sighs, moving to sit beside her. She curls her legs up under herself, careful not to touch him. He stretches out beside her, all in Humphrey.
"Serena-"
"I'm sorry about Nate." She blurts, cutting him off. It is the last thing he expected her to say, and she moves her gaze to meet his, "I'm sorry about Nate," this time softer.
He knows what it could mean and what he wants it to mean, but Dan is a writer, and writers need careful exposition, "What do you mean?"
She shrugs a little; she's never been a person of words as he has. He gives her a minute to think about it before her answer comes, shy and wary, "I'm sorry about the text message to you both, and for making you feel like I was choosing between you. I should have been honest, but I came here and you had Vanessa and Milo, and he's still one of my best friends Dan, I don't want to lose him but-" Serena's waving her hands about as she speaks and has returned to looking at the chair opposite them because she needs to get this out, and if he looks at her with pity or sympathy she'll falter.
Dan isn't even sure what she's saying anymore, but it doesn't matter. He catches her hands in one of his, and she stills. Turning her to face him, he hates the fear uncertainty in her features, "I'm the one who rambles, remember?" Serena smiles a little, unsure. Dan strokes the side of her face as she did for him the night before, his thumb running over the outside of her brow,
"When I came to that party last night, there were some things I wanted to tell you. First of all, I did not find myself at your door yesterday, it was you I wanted to see about Milo," the wound there is still fresh, but what he has to say is too important to wait, "Secondly, I am sorry too, about Vanessa and dropping the news about Milo on you at the loft." Serena bites her lip, nodding,
"It's okay." She replies quietly, "I should have told you were my choice earlier, but I was so afraid of losing Nate. I am so afraid of losing Nate…why are you staring at me?"
She said it so casually, so softly Dan's not sure he heard it, "You chose me?"
Serena laughs, his face at that moment is too precious, a mix of hope, happiness and reticence, "I broke up with Nate before I left for Paris, Dan. I chose you a long time ago." He swears he can actually feel the doubt leave his body and be replaced with energetic euphoria, she chose me she wants me she loves me. Serena looks at him expectantly, waiting for his reaction,
"Oh thank God," He breathes a dramatic sigh of relief, releasing her and sitting back against the couch theatrically. Serena giggles, "Don't mock me Humphrey, I know you were worried."
"What, me? Never. As soon as Georgina showed up at my door, I thought 'Yeah, I'm in. No woman can resist the allure of one a.m feeds and baby vomit.'" Her smile is the same one he'd seen on her face countless times before, at Cotillion and prom, one particular Christmas Eve. Her blue eyes light up with mirth, and she moves to sit flush against his side, her head resting on his shoulder. Dan kisses her forehead, looping an arm around her.
The feel of her warmth up his side makes him more content than anything he ever felt with Vanessa, even as it rekindles his urge to touch her. He is unsure how much to share, and glances down at her.
Screw it.
"Before she showed up at my door, I was going to fly to Paris and tell you I loved you." He mumbles against her skin, and she looks up at him, "I do. I still do."
Serena matches his gaze, he always knows. He knows how afraid she is of those words, how difficult it is for her to say them, and how much she needs to hear them first. Nate never understood, Nate never said them back…
"I came here from the party last night, because I love you," it's as quiet and scared as it was the first time she said it, and he tightens his hold on her, "I don't know how not to."
They don't matter. Miss Carr, Gabriel, Tripp, OliviaVanessaCarter, they all happened and they don't matter. Dan leans down to brush her lips with his own carefully, and Serena smiles into the kiss as she grabs a handful of his dark curls. It's soft and gentle, and his hand wanders down her back to where the red dress exposes her skin. Dan laughs,
"I told you, this dress is not fair,"
Serena giggles, "You know I don't play fair."
She rests her forehead against his before kissing him again.