Thankyou to the people who are reviewing. Gwen, cj, ann and mitch, I can't email you cause you aren't registered, so here's a public thankyou :)

Sorry for the angst, I'll try something lighter next time.

The summer between season two and three.

He's been in the Hamptons for two months when Serena arrives out of nowhere. Dan doesn't see her, but Cece tells Eric who tells Jenny who tells him, and though they haven't seen hide nor hair of her the bags in the foyer have European tags on them so it must be true.

Last he had seen of Serena had been an awkward goodbye before she left for the airport. In the two years they had known eachother most of the time had been spent dating or floating in the weird pseudo-dating space. The one of the few instances they had tried being platonic friends had gone seriously awry, and her face at that bar, so what Dan, it hurts, was something he'd never forgive himself for.

Still, they tried. Serena smiled shyly at him, I guess I'll see you in the fall, and when they hugged he had to consciously keep his hands from wandering.

Either way, she was back suddenly and earlier than expected, and thus far had spoken to no-one. He was contemplating going up to her room when the doorbell rang, and being a boy from Brooklyn he opened it without thinking to let the maid do it.

"Oh, Dan Humphrey, right?" Carter Baizen raised an eyebrow, the only indication he was taken aback by Dan's presence. Why are Upper East Sider's always so nonchalant?

"Yeah, thanks for remembering," He isn't sure what Baizen is doing there, but something male in him makes him stand taller, blocking the doorway. Carter looks him over, all smirk and smugness. Dan can feel the contempt radiate from him,

"Yeah, I'm looking for Serena actually."

"She's not here." It's the first thing that comes to mind and Dan wishes he had more control over what came out of his mouth. Carter glances at her suitcase, still by the doorway and chuckles,

"Really?"

Why am I such an idiot?

"Yes. Well no, I'm lying, she's here, but she doesn't want to speak to you." He has no idea where this is coming from but it's fuelled by protectiveness, and a little jealousy if he's honest.

"Really?" Carter asks again, and if Dan could wipe that smug half smile from his face without Cece kicking him out of her house he would. They stare eachother down for a moment,

"Okay Humphrey, I'm not going to have a stand-off with you over this. Just tell Serena she can't ignore what happened in Europe forever." Dan must look confused, because Carter gains an air of superiority (more so than usual), "Oh, she mustn't have told you about that. Hmmm." He walks down the path to his waiting limo, "You tell her I'm here if she wants someone she can talk to," he shouts over his shoulder. Dan felt the overwhelming urge to follow him and punch him in his entitled face.

She's not your girlfriend anymore.

A quiet knock disturbs the silence of her room, and Serena hopes beyond hope it's not Eric. How does she explain to her little brother their father doesn't want them? Serena says nothing, maybe they'll go away.

"Serena?" It's Dan's voice, and she's surprised how glad she is it's him, "Hey, can I come in?"

"Yeah." She answers softly, not turning to face the door.

Dan pads into the room as quietly as he can, regarding her form all curled up on the bed. The queen size makes her look tiny, and despite the splendid mix of yellow and orange embellishing the room the atmosphere is fragile and oppressive. Serena doesn't move when he walks in, her golden curls- lighter than the last time he saw her- tumble across the pillows.

Serena feels his weight settle on the other side of her bed, and if they were still together she'd roll over, wrap her arms about him and tell him everything. How she could add 'being a daughter' to her list of failures, though as far as Lily is concerned that happened long ago. She'd cry and Dan would rub her back like he always did when she was upset, making her feel safe.

But he isn't your boyfriend, and you aren't together.

"So you'll never guess who was just at the door." Serena is silent, and Dan cringes at the awkwardness, "It was umm, Carter Baizen. Who I realised is right up there with Chuck as one of my favourite people."

Carter? Ugh, why?

Serena groans a little burying her face into the pillow. Her impromptu flight from Europe had come mere hours after her father had rebuked her yet again and she hadn't told Carter. On the plane she was glad; she really did like him. If anything that made it worse; Serena knew he had deeper feelings for her than she did for him, but he could help her find her father where no-one else could. So she smiled at his flirtations, brushing his hand with her every so often until Carter's gaze and her father's rejection all became too much and she ran as far and fast as she could.

Straight back to Dan, it would seem.

"Yeah, he mentioned something about Europe?"

Carter, you bastard.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Dan was accustomed to this response from Serena, and it told him whatever was going on was serious. There's still quite a distance between them on the bed, and he scoots a little closer,

"Maybe not, but you can't stay in this room for the rest of the summer."

Serena sniffles, "Yes I can."

Dan laughs, she sounds like such a little girl, and she can't help but giggle at herself too. She so badly wants to tell him, but if she says it out loud the whole world will know Serena Van der Woodsen's dad doesn't love her.

"Look, if you don't want to talk that's fine, but my Dad's making us dinner tonight and people will probably notice if you aren't there."

My Dad… Rufus. Rufus who loves him. Rufus, who cooked dinner for his kids and asked them how their day was. Who went the extra mile to help Dan get into college, and supported Jenny's dreams to be a fashion designer. Rufus who was there every night when they came home. Rufus who loved them.

Serena's shoulders give a little shake, and Dan frowns as a soft, sad sound comes from her. He isn't sure what their relationship is now or the rules of it, but when she shudders again he couldn't care less.

Reaching over to lay a hand on her shoulder, he speaks gently, "Hey…"

Serena surprises him by rolling over, wrapping her arms around his middle and burying her face in his shirt. Dan has no idea what he said, or didn't say, but he runs a hand through her blonde hair, the other stroking her back. After a few minutes he sweeps the golden locks back from her face, leaning down to look at her,

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong now?"

Not really. But she's cuddled up to him, and if she doesn't tell Dan there's a good chance she'll never tell anyone. So Serena sighs, just because you haven't said it doesn't make it unreal.

"I spent the summer looking for my father. That's why Carter was here, he was helping me." Dan remains silent, waiting for her to go on.

Don't say it her mind begs of her,

"Is that it? You didn't find him?"

She laughs mirthlessly, I wish, "I did. I found him."

Serena is quiet again, it's like pulling teeth, he thinks, "Was he not happy to see you?"

Her shoulders shake under his hands, "I wouldn't know," she's crying again, "I didn't see him."

"But I thought-"

"I didn't see him because he didn't want to see me. He doesn't want me." Her voice is heavy and wet, don't cry, you're too beautiful to cry. Dan pulls her up to sit level with him and she wipes her face with the side of her hands to no effect; more tears take their place.

"Serena-"

"I mean, your parents are supposed to love you no matter what, right? No matter how much of a screw up you are, they'll always be there. I thought my relationship with my Mum was just because she's…."

"Because she's Lily?" Dan supplies and Serena laughs a little through her tears,

"Yeah. But I haven't seen my father since I was four, and he still wants nothing to do with me." He sighs, lost for words (for once). She's calmed somewhat, and her red rimmed blue eyes look to him,

"What did I do wrong?" It's soft and begs for an answer Dan doesn't have.

He shakes his head at her, "Oh, Serena. You didn't do anything wrong. Some people, they just….they aren't worth it."

She knows this already, knows it to be true, but she wishes he could say something else. Something that would absolve her father of guilt, some elaborate excuse for why he ran from her then brushed her off when she caught up.

"I…I wanted him to want me so badly. I wanted him to want to be my Dad. I wanted him to love me."

They're sitting next to eachother, both resting against the bed's headboard. Serena has her head leaning on his shoulder slightly, and his left arm is around her. It might have been romantic, but she's too vulnerable and he feels more protective than anything. Dan regards her profile, her little pout still quivering a little.

"You don't need him Serena, you have people here who love you. You have your Mum, and Eric, and Nate, Blair, Chuck, Cece, m….." He freezes,

Me? Idiot!

He does love her, he'll always love her, but Dan's not sure if it's an appropriate thing to say. Her navy blue eyes stare at him, brows knitted together delicately,

"You?"

Too late. Dammit.

"..yeah, I mean you said it yourself, you can't just..turn it off. Right?" Now he's the vulnerable one. They aren't about to get back together, he knows that. That isn't what this is about, not today at least. This is something less passionate but more enduring; it's what their friendship will be built on. It's the closest they've been- emotionally and physically- since they broke up earlier in the year, and Serena feels more comfortable sitting next to him now than she has in months.

Her smile reaches her eyes for the first time since he walked in, small as it is, "Right."

"I don't mean..this isn't my way of trying to-"

Serena giggles, he's still so nervous, "I know, I know what you mean. Thankyou." Dan smiles gently, nodding slightly, "And I want you to know, I love you too."

His heart races to hear it like it did the first time though it means something different here and now. Her eyes are still a faded red, and there's a sad curve to her mouth, but at least she isn't crying. He bumps her shoulder with his own,

"So, do you want to go downstairs? There's some Ben & Jerry's in the freezer, and I brought my travel Scrabble." Dan wiggles his eyebrows, trying to sell his idea and make her smile. It works, but she shakes her head,

"Do you mind if we just…sit here for a while?"

He nods again, settling in a little closer against her side. Serena sighs, looping an arm through his.

Her father doesn't love her. But Lily and Eric and Cece do, Blair, Nate and Chuck. Dan. Most of all Dan. And right now, with the heat from his body radiating up her side and his shoulder strong beneath her cheek, that feels like enough.