Chasing after shadows,

Living with the ghosts

-hammock

I aways wondered what happened after people died. Did heaven exist? Surely it did if the Devil himself was around, but what if life was just cruel like that? What if there was only the Devil? I had sat wide awake for the remainder of the day, slowly wasting away in my mind. Had everything always been this way? I reach for my myths book on my nightstand and skim through it, the fearful and elaborate artwork burning my eyes. There was no doubt that everything I knew was real and there was certainly something about the state of Tate's soul. I had been online all day looking up the history of it all, cases from around the world that dealt with demonic possession. I had never considered that evil spirits I had encountered may have just been puppets for someone else, I just considered they were wired that way. I should have known better. Had all these people been weak though? Or perhaps they were chosen based on their belief in God, because of how devoted they were to their faith. The Devil would enjoy stripping away someones love for the one who banished him.

"You've been reading all day," a quiet voice spoke out and I looked up to see Tate standing at the foot of the bed.

I closed the book and tossed it aside.

"I like to read. Television rots the mind if you consume too much of it."

He shrugs,"I like reading too."

I stare at him wonderingly,"What do you like to read?"

"Adventures mostly. Sometimes horror. I like reading about birds."

I like birds too

I feel the hair on my neck stand up, but smile slightly,"Yea, me too. Mostly because they can fly away whenever they want."

And I truly meant this as I watched his face become clouded with sadness. I had always admired birds because of this sole purpose.

"I told Violet I liked birds once. It was because of that too. I wanted to fly away even after I died. I would run for hours and hours trying to leave the house, but I would end up right back where I started. Like I was in a never-ending spiral. Violet never told you about us yet, did she? She never told you what I did?"

I shake my head slowly feeling intoxicated by his energy. It was as if I could feel my heart breaking as well. The tears in his eyes weren't vacant.

"I was never one to press on. I always wait till she is ready. Although, I already figured out that you two were in love. I also know that you've done horrible things, one I'm already aware of, the others I don't know. It's not my place to ask yet."

He edges closer to the bed,"I don't remember much before I died. I don't remember going to the school and killing those kids. Sometimes I sit alone and I pound my head against the wall until I bleed, trying to remember it, but I can't. I need you to believe that."

I look at him puzzled. Why all of a sudden was he talking this way to me? Why did he need me to believe him? Was he so far gone from losing Violet that he just needed someone to listen? What would Violet make of this, of me being so close to Tate?

"I believe you."

"What?" He looks up shocked.

"I believe you," I respond flatly.

Several seconds pass before he opens his mouth again.

"Do you think Violet will ever talk to me again?"

I look down at my hands and back up at him,"I can't be the judge of that. At least not yet."

He nods in agreement before he vanishes from my view. I breath in deeply before removing myself from my bed and making my way downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Hello, Moira." I smile at the red-headed maid who smiles back.

"Feeling any better, Azura?"

I sit down and fill my mug up with hot water,"A little. Stomachs still acting funny, but I'm sure I'll survive."

Moria stops cleaning and takes a seat next to me,"It could be worse. At least you aren't dead."

I turn to face her as I fill another mug up,"What's it like?"

She cocks her head at me,"Being dead? Well, it doesn't hurt physically, but emotionally, it destroys you. Especially since we aren't normal spirits that can come and go when they please. We'e stuck, as you know, but hopefully your mother can deliver like she said. I pray that much is possible. Especially for your Violet."

I look into the dark liquid in my mug,"I hope so too."

"I hear that you have taken an interest in Tate."

My head snaps up to look at her,"No, not like that. I don't know what mom said, but its not what you think."

She eyes me carefully,"Oh, no I understand. I just think you should know your limitations."

"Meaning?"

"You can't save everyone, Azura. Especially Tate and if you could, he doesn't deserve to move on anywhere special. He deserves to be the way he is now. Alone."

I frown at her,"No one deserves to be alone if they are able to love. Tate loved Violet."

Moira stands up,"And look where that got her."

I stare after her as she exits the kitchen, my face growing hot. Was I a fool? I knew who I was and I damned well wasn't going to let Moira influence me otherwise. Disgusted, I left the kitchen and was about to make my way to my room when I heard muffled crying coming from the basement. I had never been down there yet, Violet told me to avoid it, but curiosity always caught me and I opened the door, quietly walking down each step as the crying grew louder. The air became 20 degrees colder all of a sudden and I tried warming my arms up as I hit the solid ground below, and hitting the light switch, which only casted a slight glow.

"Hello?"

But the crying simply continued as I made my way forward into the unknown.

"Hello?" I tried again,"Um, are you okay?"

As I drifted ahead more, I saw a lady sitting huddled in the corner, her head hung low. I could tell she wasn't from this time period, her elegant curls, accenting her radiant facial features. Her dress looked old-fashioned, maybe from the early 1900's, it was hard to tell in this light. She looked up, suddenly aware that I was standing there watching.

"I wanted a baby," she whispered,"I thought it would make the pain go away. But when he gave me one, it just ruined me further. Am I stuck this way? Am I to feel this pain forever?"

She grabbed onto me tightly, her blue eyes penetrating mine and I felt sicker than I had before.

"Please tell me what to do? Would you stay with me? I'm so alone. I could take care of you."

I tried to shake her off, but her grip did not loosen.

"I already have a mother. I'm sorry."

She sobbed harder, reality hitting her in the face once more,"Yes, how silly of me. Of course you do. Please forgive me. I thought I wanted my baby back. He gave me one."

I felt her nails digging into my skin,"Yes, I know. You said that. Please, let me go now."

"Why do you want to leave me!" She cried loudly and she began to shake me. The blood began to rush to my head,"Why!"

"Nora! Let her go! Now!" A firm voice yelled and she vanished at once. I could feel where her nails cut my flesh and felt the warmness of someones hand skim over them.

"Did she hurt you?"

I looked up to see Tate surveying me for my response.

"No, I'm fine. She just, took me by surprise."

He stopped touching me and looked at me seriously.

"You shouldn't come down here. At least not alone. There's things down here that won't welcome you."

"I'm sorry," I whisper,"Is she going to be alright?"

He tries to smile,"Nora's always like that. She'll be fine."

"What happened to her baby?" I question as he begins to walk away.

He turns his head slightly to look at me,"Long story short, it was murdered. Sent to her in pieces in a jar. Her husband was a doctor and he tried to bring it back to life using other parts, but what he created wasn't human, and it still hides in this basement."

I looked at him horrified,"That's sick."

"The world's a sick place, Azura. It always will be."

Before I could say anything else he was gone and I felt myself running up the stairs, locking the basement door behind me, just as the doorbell rang. I looked in the mirror to make sure I didn't look like death before opening the door, only to find the boy from school the other day standing there.

"Hey, uh, I brought you your homework from English. Sorry I didn't mean to just show up, but I didn't have your number."

I look at him awkwardly,"Uh, its fine. How did you know where I live?"

"Its been all over the school that you moved in here. I'm Oliver by the way."

"Thanks for bringing me my homework,"I state as he hands it to me,"Its really nice of you."

"No problem. So, they say this place is haunted, you know?"

I smile at him,"You don't know the half of it."

"Yea, I can see. You look like you've seen ghost today. You look terrible. No offense."

"None taken. I guess I'll head back to bed. Thanks again."

I start to close the door before he speaks again.

"Hey, so I was just wondering, there's a halloween thing in town in a few weeks and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?"

I stare at him blankly,"Oh uh, I think my best friend is coming into town then. You see, she can only hang out around that time and I promised her that we would do something."

I watch his expression become unhopeful,"Oh cool. Yea. Well, I'll see you at school tomorrow. Later."

"Later."

I lock the door behind me and stare at the floor in front of me. I hadn't lied to him, technically. It was the only time Violet could leave the house and I was planning on taking her out to do whatever she wanted. But I still had the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in starting something with someone, I was afraid of the rejection that came with it. What would he think if he found out about me? LIke so many others before him, they had dropped me and looked the other way. In truth, I preferred the dead over the living. They were the only ones that truly understood me. It was a dangerous game laying the heart on the table for someone to pick up. Look at Tate and Violet. I had alway been one for hopeless romance like Romeo and Juliet. I loved the idea of love. But look at them. Feeling the energy from Tate was simply painful. And I had been there before and I didn't want that ever again. I didn't want it for anyone. I didn't want it for Tate.

Why?