(A/N)-Chapter 17 already! Holy crap! After this, there are only seven chapters left before the end. I know that seems like a lot, but I really don't want this story to end! Anyway, you guys who read this story, have it under their favorites or a story alert: you all are AWESOME! And my reviewers-you already know how amazing you guys are, I tell you that all the time. So this chapter somewhat cannon-ingly follows "Frontierland" and I'm pretty excited about it. Especially since I'm still upset about "Death's Door", writing this chapter has helped a bunch. I own nothing except Lydia-and ONLY Lydia this time! No alternate versions of her! P.S…Misha's coming back for at least three episodes this season AS Castiel! I'm so happy I could cry!

"Welcome to the Campbell Family Library." Sam said as he, Dean, Bobby, and Lydia walked down a ladder down to a cold, steel-looking basement. The four of them had broken into the Campbell compound-not a hard thing to do, since all of the Campbell hunters were dead-in hopes of finding something they could use to defeat Eve, a.k.a. "the Mother of All". She was a Purgatory native that created all the monsters of the world, but so far, that's all they really knew about her.

"Wow," Dean looked around the library with the flashlight in his hand. "Can't believe Samuel collected all this stuff…So what exactly are we looking for?"

"Anything that'll put a run in the Octomom's stockings." Bobby sighed, resigned, and started walking towards some of the books. "Pick a row." He, Lydia, and the Winchesters immediately got to work and started flipping through the books. After a while, Bobby asked them all, "Any of you kids heard anything about a phoenix?"

Lydia craned her neck to see the book Bobby was reading. "You mean like the giant burning bird?"

"Yeah, that one," Bobby flipped a few more pages in the book he was reading. "It says here that the ashes of a phoenix can burn the mother." He looked at Lydia, Dean, and Sam, whose mouths were wide open with surprise. "What're y'all gawking at me for? Try to find somethin' about a phoenix!"

It was back to the books again for what seemed like forever. After an eternity of reading all the ancient books, Dean exclaimed, "Guys! Guys, guys, check this out!" He ran over to the table where the other three were sitting. He started to read, "March 5th, 1861. Sunrise, Wyoming. The gun killed a phoenix today. It left a pile of smoldering ash." With a smile lighting his face, Dean lifted the book for all to see and said, "It's Colts' Journal."

"Like, the Samuel Colt?" The corners of Sam's mouth were starting to spread into a smile as Dean nodded. "Dude, no!"

Lydia reached over and grabbed the book from Dean's hands. "Oh my God, it really is! He's not kidding!" Dean looked at her unpleasantly and took the book back, muttering something about getting her own.

"Can you two please behave yourselves?" Bobby snapped. "Dean, what else did it say about the phoenix? What does it look like? Has it got feathers?"

"It doesn't say." Dean shrugged. "It just says 'phoenix'." Dean put the book down and stretched. "So to get one, we have to go back to March 5th, 1861. We're gonna 'Star Trek IV' this bitch."

"Okay, so we go back in time, find Samuel Colt, hunt the phoenix, and bring the ashes back to our time." Sam nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

Lydia put her hand up before anybody else could jump in. "Whoa, whoa. Time travel? Do you guys have a TARDIS that I don't know about?"

"Even better." Dean pointed up towards the sky. "We have your boyfriend." Dean shut his eyes and stood up, trying to pray to the angel. "Castiel! The, uh, fate of the world is in the balance. So, come on down here." Dean opened his eyes to find that Cas still hadn't appeared. "Come on, Cas, 'I Dream of Jeanie' your ass down here pronto." He tried again. "Please?" Suddenly, everybody in the room heard the sound of an angel appearing, so they all looked hopefully to find Cas. Instead of Cas, however, a blonde woman was standing there. "Jeanie?" Dean asked lightly.

"Rachel." The woman greeted them strangely. "I'm here on Castiel's behalf. I understand you need some assistance? How can I help you?"

"Where's Cas?" Sam seemed just as suspicious of the female angel as she was of all the hunters.

"He's busy," Rachel explained (somewhat) patiently. "I'm sure your issue's very important. But Castiel's currently commanding an army, so…"

Dean sighed, obviously frustrated. "So we get stuck with Miss Moneypenny."

Rachel looked straight at Dean, her patience now growing thin. "I think you need to learn your place. I am Castiel's friend…"

Lydia was burning on the inside-she was immediately distrustful of Rachel- but Sam interrupted her before she could get a word in. "Look, I get that you're fighting a war, but we're Cas' friends too, so…"

"Clearly you don't," Rachel became immediately hostile with them. "If you did, you wouldn't call him every time you stub your toe, you petty, entitled little…"

"Rachel." Just a single word silenced the female angel. She and everybody else in the room looked at Cas in utter silence as he looked at Rachel and continued, "That's enough. You go. I'll come when I can." Rachel looked like she was going to argue with Cas, but just one glance from him sent her back up to Heaven.

After a short silence, Bobby coughed uncomfortably. "She a friend of yours?"

"Yes." Cas' eyes locked on Lydia, then moved back down to the floor. "She's very…dedicated to the cause. Now what do you need?"

XXX

Lydia stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fixing her hair a hundred different ways, becoming frustrated with it each time, then starting all over again. She had been doing this for almost ten minutes, trying to get her hair perfect. It was silly, she knew, to be worrying about her hair like a teenage girl, but since ever since she and Cas had started sleeping together again, she had been self-conscious every time the angel so much as glanced her way.

Lydia groaned as her hair fell flat once again. She flipped her hair over her head to try to get it teased, then whipped it back up and stood up straight. As soon as she saw the mirror, she was caught off guard to see another figure behind her. She backhanded him as an automatic reaction, then gasped when she realized who it was.

"Shit!" Lydia clamped her hands over her mouth in horror. "Oh God, Cas, I'm so sorry!"

Cas only stepped forward and kissed her neck seductively. "It doesn't matter. You're human, remember? You don't hurt me."

"Right." Lydia muttered as she turned away from the mirror and directly faced Castiel. "Sorry, Cas, I keep forgetting."

"There is no need to apologize." Castiel smirked lightly as he brought Lydia's hand up to his lips and kissed it.

"Wow." Lydia remarked lightly as she intertwined her fingers with the angel's. "I just saw you a few days ago. You must really miss me if you're back so soon."

Cas squeezed Lydia's hand once, gently, then let it go and dropped his arm back down to his side. "I wanted to ask you…were you planning on going back in time with Sam and Dean?"

"Was I planning on it?" Lydia thought for a second. "Well, kinda. I thought all five of us were going to go."

"No," Cas shook his head. "I already talked to Bobby, he's staying here. And I have business to attend to up in Heaven, so it'll just be Dean and Sam."

Lydia nodded, then stopped suddenly. "Wait, so I'm not going back to the West?" Lydia pointed to the dress she was currently wearing; she had went out and bought some old Western dress that was made entirely out of cotton and was a hideous red-pink color. "I bought this thing for nothing? Please tell me you're joking."

"I would…prefer you not go," Cas started to rub Lydia's shoulders soothingly before she jerked away from him. "Time travel is dangerous, not to mention difficult. If something goes wrong, you might be stuck there forever."

"Yeah, I get that, Cas," Lydia folded her arms across her chest. "But I'm not just going to sit here and do nothing while Dean and Sam risk their lives."

"Sam and Dean risk their lives nearly every day," Cas argued. "They're reckless. But that doesn't mean you have to be."

"Why are you being like this?" asked Lydia.

Cas shut his eyes and calmly told her, "I want you to be safe, that's all. I can't keep you safe if you're two hundred years in the past."

"It's only a hundred and fifty years," Lydia muttered. "And anyway, it's no different than you being up in Heaven all the time!"

"Yes it is." Cas rubbed his eyes in exasperation, a very human gesture that he had picked up from Dean. "I really don't think you understand what kind of stupid, unnecessary danger you're putting yourself into, Lydia. You are not going and that's final."

"Well, tough." Lydia snapped, furious that he was telling her what to do. "Maybe if you had actually asked me, I would've thought about it, but if you're going to order me around, I'm going to go whether you want me to or not."

Cas raised his hand and pointed his index finger in her face. "You're not going. I'm going to take Dean and Sam. You're going to stay here with Bobby until I return." Before Lydia could argue, he disappeared, leaving her alone in the bathroom.

"Dammit!" Lydia stomped her foot, frustrated, then rushed into the hallway, looking around wildly. "Cas! What the hell!"

"I'll send you back to March 4th," Lydia heard Cas' voice coming from the living room. "That should give you enough time to find the Colt…"

Lydia, with a jolt, realized what he was doing, and flew down the stairs. She heard Dean say, "See ya at High Noon tomorrow!" By the time Lydia reached the living room, however, Dean and Sam were long gone.

"Cas!" Lydia yelled at the angel, who only stared back at her, emotionless. "Come on, don't be like this!"

Cas didn't even acknowledge Lydia's presence. He looked at Bobby and said, "I have to go now. Pray for me in twenty-four hours, and I'll go retrieve Sam and Dean."

"Cas!" Lydia made a movement towards him, but Cas, still angry with her, disappeared on the spot. "Shit, Cas!" Lydia screamed at the empty air. "Seriously! Why do you always have to be a dick!"

Bobby watched Lydia uncomfortably before mumbling, "Trouble in paradise?"

"Shut up, Bobby." Lydia growled.

"Hey, it ain't my fault y'all are having problems again," Bobby held up his hands. "Speaking of which…is there ever a time you two aren't having problems?"

"We were great about five minutes ago!" Lydia retorted. "I just don't get his problem. He's great one minute, then he's acting like an asshole the next." She groaned loudly as she plopped on the couch. "Maybe it's an angel thing."

Bobby snorted. "It ain't an angel thing. It's a man thing. Angel or not, all men are morons when it comes down to it."

"Yeah, no kidding." Lydia bitterly replied.

Bobby looked down at the books he was holding, then slowly asked her, "Have you ever watched the way he looks at you?"

"What?" Lydia felt some of her anger dissolve as she curled up into a tiny ball on the couch.

"The way Cas looks at you," Bobby said it slowly, like it was a confession. "I see it all the time, Lyd; he's crazy about you."

Lydia, feeling happiness bubble up inside her, tried to focus on Bobby. "But how can you tell?"

"I just can," Bobby explained as he shrugged. "It's the same way I used to look at Karen before she…"

Lydia nodded, remembering Bobby's history and what little he and told her about his wife. Bobby cleared his throat again. "He really does love you a lot."

"I'm sure he does."

"No, don't give me that." Bobby's voice had a hard and bitter edge to it. "When someone loves you like that, Lydia, you better feel damn grateful. You never know when you're gonna lose them."

Realizing he was right, Lydia nodded. "Right." She ran her fingers through her hair and started walking back upstairs to her bedroom. "Give me a call when Casanova gets back, will ya?"

"Will do."

XXX

Bobby did end up giving her that call; it took a while, but it happened. Bobby was sorting through some old papers, waiting for the twenty-four hours to be up. At around three in the morning, he heard that old familiar sound of angels appearing. As soon as he looked into his kitchen, he leapt out of his seat. "What the hell!" Castiel was lying facedown in his kitchen, clearly wounded. "Cas?" The angel struggled to look up at Bobby, his breathing ragged. Bobby called up the stairs, "Lydia! Get down here now!"

He heard the sound of her footsteps racing to get downstairs within seconds. Her hair was a mess and she looked like she had just woken up, but her eyes widened when she saw Cas on the floor.

"Oh shit! Cas!" Lydia made a move towards Castiel, but he held his arm out, silently telling her to stay back. He crawled towards the wall and slapped his hand against it, making a circle. As Lydia and Bobby looked on in horror, he drew an angel sigil in his own blood. Lydia had no idea where it was coming from, but there was a lot of it. After he finished, Cas slowly stood up and looked at the pair of hunters uneasily. He seemed to be swaying on his feet.

"Cas?" Bobby pressed gently. "We running or fighting?"

"We're…" Cas looked straight into Lydia's eyes and took a step towards her. He didn't even take another step before she collapsed into her arms.

"Bobby!" Lydia gasped for breath. "Help me! He's heavy!" Bobby took Cas' shoulders and tried to stand the angel upright, but he was out cold. Bobby grabbed Cas' arms and nodded his head towards Lydia, signaling her to pick up his feet. Lydia did, and together, they carried Cas into the living room and laid him on the couch. They stood there and waited for the angel to wake, but he didn't. He was out completely.

Bobby, out of the corner of his eye, saw Lydia standing there rigidly. Her arms were folded across her chest and she was biting down on her lip. He realized what was happening; she was trying to resist the urge to go over to Castiel. Bobby groaned loudly. Dear God, he couldn't believe how stupid these kids could be sometimes.

"Would you just go over there already?" he snapped. "Don't try to act like you're still mad at him, because we both know that's crap."

"No it's not!" Lydia argued, dropping her tense demeanor. "I'm still furious at him!" But her eyes betrayed her; her wall was crumbling.

"Yeah, okay," Bobby grumbled. "Just get over your ego soon, would you?" Bobby walked out of the living room, leaving Lydia alone with the comatose angel. "It's pretty damn annoying, you know."

After Bobby went into the kitchen, Lydia started biting her nails and looking back and forth between the kitchen and the angel on the couch. She silently debated it for a moment, but after a few seconds, she pulled up a chair next to the couch.

"Hey, Cas," Lydia gently took Cas' hand in her own and held it limply. "I'm still pretty pissed, but…" Lydia stopped when she saw the blood on Cas' shirt. Shit. She completely forgot how hurt he was. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and opened it up wide to see a wide stab wound surrounded by blood. By the time she opened her mouth to yell at Bobby for help, the wound automatically healed itself. Lydia breathed a sigh of relief. "You and your friggin' angel mojo." She hesitated before leaning down and giving Cas a peck on the cheek. "But you're still on my shit list, buddy."

XXX

Castiel sat up suddenly, startled out of his sleep. He looked around wildly, trying to find out where he was. He remembered a fight with Rachel, collapsing in Bobby's kitchen…and then nothing.

"Cas?" Lydia asked groggily, snapping out of her sleep too. She blinked a few times. "What happened? You appeared in the kitchen looking like death."

"It was Rachel," Cas said, exhaling deeply as the details of the fight came rushing back to him. "Raphael corrupted her. She turned on me."

"Oh," Lydia nodded. Secretly, she was thrilled-she didn't like Rachel in the very least-but Cas seemed upset about it, so she kept a somber demeanor. "Well, since you're hero, you have about an hour before you have to go get Sam and Dean."

Cas shook his head slowly, looking down at the ground. "I can't. That fight with Rachel…it drained me."

"Well, get another angel to do it, then!" Lydia clutched Cas' arm. "Or a spell or something! You can't just leave them in 1861!"

"I wasn't intending on leaving them there, Lydia," Cas hissed nastily. "But I nearly got myself killed and I'm trying to recover." The bad feelings between them were resurfacing; they were both snapping at each other like crazy. Cas inhaled with an air of frustration and told her, "There's one thing I can try, but it's dangerous. And I would need a human soul."

"Great." Lydia shrugged. "I'm human, and I have a soul. Last time I checked."

"Lydia, no…" Castiel braved himself for the argument that was bound to come. "I want to use Bobby's soul. It's just too dangerous…"

"Please don't start this crap up again," Lydia threw her hands in the air. "If it'll save Sam and Dean, what does it matter?"

"Clearly you don't!" Cas raised his voice, becoming increasingly frustrated with her. "A human soul is pure energy. If I can reach in and touch it, I might be able to bring Sam and Dean back." He kept talking, not letting Lydia say a word. "But it's highly dangerous. Not would it be painful for you, but if I go too fast or do something wrong, you could explode."

"Well, better keep both hands on the wheel, then." Lydia and Cas looked to see Bobby leaning against the doorway. "I'm ready whenever you are, Cas."

"No!" Lydia protested. "Bobby, I got this one!"

Bobby ignored her completely. He walked into the room and sat in a chair. "Let's get this show on the road."

"Guys, please!" Lydia's pleas fell on deaf ears as Cas got some rope and started tying Bobby to the chair. She glared at Bobby angrily. "You're not the only one around here allowed to risk your life, y'know!"

Bobby shrugged. "Hey, I know it. I'm just not looking to argue with your boyfriend right now. You got a problem with it, talk to him."

Lydia rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything more, because Castiel was ready to go. He stood in front of Bobby, and after a word of warning of how painful this would be, Cas reached inside Bobby slowly and got some energy from the old hunter's soul. Bobby was screaming painfully, and Lydia watched as he writhed around in pain. Finally, after what seemed like years, Cas pulled his hand out of Bobby, both to the obvious physical relief of both men.

"Did you get the energy?" Lydia asked.

Cas shook his head, still breathing heavily. "No." A cold icy feeling went through Lydia as Bobby hung his head in defeat. It was almost painful to watch. Lydia knew damn well how much the Winchesters meant to Bobby. And even after all she'd been through with them, she still considered them friends, and she wouldn't let them be trapped in the past. She pulled Bobby out of the chair and sat down in it. "Come on, let's go. We have two minutes left."

Castiel and Bobby stared at her in shock. "Lydia, what are you doing?" Cas asked her, very surprised.

"Trying to save Sam and Dean!" Lydia explained. "And unless you want them to disappear completely, you should probably help me!" She nodded at Bobby. "I never thought I'd say this…but would you tie me up?"

Bobby looked at her incredulously, then nodded and grabbed the rope. "Soul touching, tying up girls in chairs. Hell, if this ain't the kinkiest day of my life, I don't know what is."

"Lydia…" Cas began. Once he saw the look on her face, however, he changed his mind. "This is going to hurt. A lot."

She shrugged, unconcerned. "I don't care. Just get it over with." Bobby finished tying her wrists to the arm of the chair and clapped her on the shoulder before stepping to side. Cas stood directly in front of her now. He only nodded once, waited for Lydia to nod back, then slid his arm inside of her.

It was the worst agony Lydia had ever felt. Physically, anyways. It was a white-hot, burning, searing pain. Lydia was determined to keep her mouth shut, but all thoughts of remaining silent were gone the second Cas touched her soul. She was screaming, the pain so intense it was threatening to consume her completely. The only thing that was keeping her anchored was Cas' other hand gripping her shoulder tightly. He was talking to her, but she could only recognize his voice; his words were lost over the sound of her screaming. She felt rough, fumbling fingers untie her right arm and put her fingers around Cas' wrist. Lydia held onto his wrist for dear life, tears now streaming down her face from the blinding pain.

And then, just like that, it was over. Lydia took a few shuttering breaths in, her eyes still squeezed shut and her fingers still wrapped around Cas' wrist. There was a ringing in her ears so intense that she couldn't hear anything else. After a few seconds, Cas' hand left her and started untying the ropes that had her pinned to the chair. Lydia finally opened her eyes and saw Cas kneeling down in front of her, his forehead pressed to hers. "Lydia, are you okay?" She nodded, wiping the tear tracks from her cheeks.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Cas, you gotta send us back!" Lydia and Cas looked to see Dean and Sam back from the past. Their faces were solemn, and Dean was looking at Cas, pleading. "I know all three of you look like crap, but…"

"Dean," Castiel said that one word with such finality, everybody in the room stopped and looked at him. Lydia was shocked to see him looking just as downtrodden as she felt; she wasn't used to seeing someone as powerful as Castiel looking tired and defeated. "I am exhausted. Lydia is exhausted. Bobby is exhausted. All of us just risked our lives for you. We're not going through that again."

Dean, for once, didn't argue with Cas; he nodded in difficult understanding. Lydia noted with a tiny smile that they must've looked pretty damn bad if Dean wasn't arguing with them. The tense silence was broken by a knock at the door. Sam went to go answer it, and came back a few seconds later, holding a giant package. Everybody was silent and had their eyes locked on Sam as he opened the package to find an old-fashion looking box inside. The four hunters-plus one angel-all held their breath as Sam slid the box open and pulled out a broken, smashed cell phone. Then, he pulled out a letter and began to read, "Dear Sam, I got this address and date off your thingamajig, and I thought the enclosed might come in handy. Regards, Samuel Colt." Sam looked at his brother in amazement as he took out a jar from the package-a jar filled with what appeared to be phoenix ashes.

"Well, looks like I didn't soulonoscopy for nothing." Bobby said from the corner of the room.

"You know what else this means?" Dean looked at the jar before slowly putting on his old Western hat in a true, dramatic, cowboy fashion. "It means that we take the fight to her."

XXX

Castiel , for the next few hours, had conversed with Sam and Dean on what would be the best approach to kill Eve, the Mother of All. Dean and Sam were enthusiastic as could be about the whole ordeal, but Cas' mind was on other things. Namely, Lydia. He hadn't had a chance to talk to her since the Winchesters returned from the past, and he wanted to talk to her desperately. After a while, he finally had his chance. He slipped away from Dean and Sam, who were arguing about which tactics to use to attack Eve. Bobby had been in his bedroom recovering, and Lydia was doing the same in her room. Cas appeared next to her bed, and touched her shoulder lightly to wake her up. "Lydia." She looked up at him, and Cas gave her a tiny smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Kinda annoyed at being woken up…" Lydia grumbled before she stretched and sat up. "I'm doing better. You?"

"I'm still…exhausted." Cas confessed. He sat on the bed next to her and decided just to go right into it; Dean had told him on multiple occasions that "tact was never really his forte". The angel took a deep breath in, and said, "Can I talk to you about something?"

Lydia looked at him suspiciously, but nodded. "Yeah, of course. What's up?"

"See, the war in Heaven…" Cas had no idea what to say, so he just trailed off into uncomfortable silence. He had lost his nerve.

"What about it?"

"I'm losing." Cas looked down at his lap, hoping to avoid her gaze. "Badly. Even with the weapons, it's doubtful that I will beat Raphael."

Lydia was silent; she, unlike the others, seemed to grasp the importance of what this meant not just for Cas, but for all of them. Then, she slowly asked, "Are you sure there's nothing we can do? I mean, Cas, if you lose…"

"I know." Cas silenced her. "But there's nothing I can really do. It would take a miracle to win at this point." He started running a hand through his fingers, a very human habit he had picked up. "But there's something else I should tell you…Are you okay?"

"What?" Lydia looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain. She was currently curled up into a ball and rubbing her head. "Yeah, yeah. I'm just getting a massive migraine right now. Can we talk about this later, please? It really hurts."

Cas didn't know what to say. He needed to tell her the truth; he was fairly sure he'd burst if he didn't tell her soon. "Lydia, I know that. But this is very important…"

"I'm sure it is." Lydia now clutched her head in pain. "Cas, can you do your angel-sedation thing?"

"Now?" Cas was becoming increasingly anxious.

"Yes now!" Lydia snapped as she raised her head Castiel saw tears of pain welling up in her eyes. "Cas, my head fucking kills and feels like it's going to explode in about five seconds!"

Cas sighed, then unwillingly put his hand on her head. The effect was almost immediate; Lydia's body relaxed as if she'd been shot with a sedative. She nodded and gasped out a, "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Cas brushed some hair out of her face, then stood up. "You're no doubt still exhausted, so I'll let you sleep some more."

"Well, didn't you want to tell me something?" Lydia grabbed Cas' hand as he turned away from her.

Cas yanked his hand out of her grasp, a little bit harsher than he meant to. "It's not important, Lydia."

"But you said…"

"Never mind what I said," Cas snapped irritably. Then, more gently, he reminded her, "You need to rest. I'll talk to you about it later."

"You sure?"

Castiel would've liked nothing more than to tell her the truth, that no, he wasn't okay. He wanted to confide in her what the past year had done to him, what he had done, how scared he really was. But any courage he had to tell her was now gone; the fear that she would reject him like Dean and Sam would was overwhelming.

Instead, the angel nodded. "I'm positive."