Momento Mori
Chapter 2: Echoes from the Past
"Of joys departed, not to return, how painful the remembrance"
I get up from my seat, smooth my hands over my suit, and start down the hallway opposite the main room. A familiar feeling creeps into me. Soon, it is as though pins and needles are coursing through my veins. My mind becomes a veritable hornet's nest of anxious thought. Minutes seem to protract; they feel interminable and it takes all I can muster to hold myself together. I know I don't have much longer until I have to address the crowd and say something uplifting about one of the worst things I have experienced. Worse yet, feeling the way I do—wanting it over with for my own sake—makes me feel even worse, like I am dishonoring Beast Boy by harboring such selfish thoughts.
I thrust my hands in my pockets and continue down the hall until I come to a bay window. There are fresh-cut flowers in a vase on the sill and a window-seat in front of it. The view outside, of the parlor's neatly tailored gardens, brings me a sense of calm. A granite fountain babbles gently, surrounded by semicircles of pansies, impatients, and lily-of-the-valley. A few meticulously trimmed Japanese maples and a corkscrew willow around the border of the garden serve as natural barriers. For the briefest of moments, the morose haze clouding my mind melts away. As my eyes rest on the beauty spread out before me, my mind wanders unencumbered, guided by grief. It isn't long before I'm lost in recollection once more.
Fifteen years ago, after Slade was defeated and Jump was enjoying its lowest rate of crime on record, Robin's hard stance against romantic pursuits eroded. He zealously pursued a relationship with Starfire and, eventually, Beast Boy and Raven began seeing each other. The chemistry between both couples was undeniable. After a few months, Beast Boy and Raven were married in a small, private ceremony. Though it wasn't the grand, lavish affair people envision when they think of matrimony, it remains one of my fondest memories and one of the most satisfying nights of my life. We simply enjoyed each other's company, celebrated the love Beast Boy and Raven shared, and reminisced, laughing all the while when we considered how far we'd come.
After the honeymoon, things were pretty much the same, the only noticeable change being Beast Boy and Raven sharing a room. Things went on that way for a while. Crime was virtually non-existent and any threat that arose was quickly quashed. We were older, stronger, and knew each other's strengths and weaknesses through and through. We operated as one finely tuned mechanism and were arguably the most cohesive team outside of the Justice League and the Avengers. Once Mark was born, however, priorities understandably changed. Training sessions were scaled back, and when they were held, only four members were able to attend at a time; the fifth was left to babysit. Sleep also became a luxury, particularly during the first six months or so. Often, we trudged through the day on only a few hours of sleep. Still, we were doing well enough to get the job done, and the joy of having Mark around outweighed our individual sacrifices. That is, until the night that everything changed altogether.
We received a call about a bank heist. Few other details were provided. All we knew was that an alarm had been tripped at the Jump City National Bank. Without pause, we went into action, except for Starfire, whose turn it was to stay behind. Beast Boy and Raven took to the sky while Robin and I sped downtown in the T-Car. When we arrived at the bank, we caught Dr. Light red-handed, piling bags of cash in a heap in the street. As soon as he caught sight of us, his face, already pale and gaunt, grew ashen. He dropped the last two bags and unholstered a weapon. He held it with both hands, but still he trembled. Breathlessly he spoke, tripping on every word.
"D-don't c-come an-any c-closer!"
"Relax, Dr. Light." Robin said calmly, "Just give yourself up and come quietly. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."
The unstable villain shook his head to and fro, weighing the options. It looked like he was wrestling with himself, unsure of what course of action to take.
"How do I know you won't trick me and set that witch on me? You Titans have always tried to get rid of me." He raised his long, crooked finger and pointed skyward at Raven, who was standing on a disc of dark energy, "Especially her…loathsome creature…"
I could see Beast Boy's body tense up, every muscle primed and burning for action, poised to strike. It took all he had to hold back.
"We wouldn't do that." Robin replied reassuringly, "We don't want this to get violent if it can be avoided."
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" Dr. Light's voice cracked sharply, sounding remarkably like Morse Code. He wambled from side to side like a crazed animal, "YOU'RE A LIAR! A FUCKING LIAR! As SOON as I turn my back, you'll let THAT WITCH tear me to ribbons. I WON'T HAVE IT!"
Before I could stop him, Beast Boy was off. He'd changed into a cheetah and charged at the mad doctor, who instinctively swung to the ready and fired. Beast Boy dodged the first two shots, but the third hit him in the shoulder and sent him reeling. In a flash, Dr. Light turned the gun on Robin and I, who narrowly escaped the blasts of light energy intended for us. Raven raised a shield in front of Beast Boy to buy us some time as she used her free hand to seize a mailbox, and extirpate it from the curbside. Before she had a chance to do anything more, Dr. Light caught sight of her, raised his weapon, and fired. He hit Raven in the side and she dropped to the ground.
In a flurry, Robin drew two bird-a-rangs from his belt and chucked them at Dr. Light. The first caught him in the wrist and the second tore through the barrel of his gun. Unarmed, he stood clutching his hand, a look of distant dejection spreading across his face.
"Cyborg, check Beast Boy. I'm going to go see if Raven is alright."
I turned in the direction Beast Boy had fallen, but he was not there. It wasn't until I heard an inhuman, guttural roar that my heart sank. I whirled around in time to see the Beast lift Dr. Light off of the ground and pummel him repeatedly into the asphalt. It pinned him down and hovered above him, snapping and snarling, beads of drool dripping from its jowls and onto the petrified face of its quarry.
"BB, just chill man… Just calm down…"
My words didn't reach him. The Beast raised its paw, its claws yearning for a taste of the man who incurred its ire.
"Don't make me do it, man! C'mon!"
I grabbed hold of the nearest thing I could—a light pole—tore it from the ground, and in a salient movement, hit the Beast in the temple as hard as I could. It howled, froze, staggered a few steps, and dropped. Within moments, the massive creature disappeared, leaving an unconscious Beast Boy in its stead.
Dr. Light rocked back and forth in a fetal position, tears and blood trickling down his face. He offered no resistance. Raven, though singed by the attack, was otherwise okay. Beast Boy, however, sustained burns to his shoulder and a concussion. Raven minimized his wounds by healing him, but the greatest damage was already done… I just didn't realize it at the time…
Once he could remember who the President was, Beast Boy asked me if I wanted to join him for a walk around the island. He said he needed some fresh air and normalcy; he'd been cooped up for days and everyone—particularly Raven and Starfire—had been treating him with kid gloves. I, of course, accepted.
I met up with him in the front foyer of the Tower. He looked fine…if one ignored the deep purple bruise that ran from his temple to just below his eye. Encircled by a greenish-brown border and accented by splotches of dark blue and crimson red, it was one of the most god-awful looking injuries I had seen in a while. Still, he smiled wide and together we walked out the front door.
He was quiet at first. He took long, deep breaths, filling his lungs with the salty ocean air. Gulls soared above us, their vocalizations coarse and grating, yet familiar and comforting all the same. We walked side by side as waves lapped at the ragged, rocky coast and receded from whence they came.
"Thank you…" He spoke softly. His characteristic enthusiasm overtaken by what I perceived to be sarcasm.
"For what? The souvenir I left on your face? Anytime, man. I'd say it's an improvement."
He laughed and so did I.
"That is my new secret weapon, you know." He continued, barely able to catch his breath, "I'll just force the bad guys to look at it. I bet they'll lose their lunch."
After a minute or so, our laughter died down and faded. It was quiet again. Beast Boy's smile washed away and he looked at me earnestly, his eyes filled with solemnity.
"Seriously though, Cy… Thanks. I mean it. I lost it in the battle with Dr. Light and I put all of you in danger..."
"All's well that ends well, right? Don't worry about it. It happens to the best of us…"
"I can't though, that's what I'm saying. I couldn't help myself when he said those things about Raven. I snapped. That can't happen."
I shrugged it off.
"BB, it was a one time thing. It's not a big deal…"
He stopped in his tracks.
"DAMMIT, LISTEN TO ME!" His fists were clenched. A vein jutted from his neck. His eyes welled up, shimmering with unshed tears. I held my tongue. "Cy, don't make excuses for me. I risked everything and everybody. I was reckless. I could have killed Dr. Light. If you weren't so quick, I probably would have… Worse yet, he could have killed me, or Raven, or you, or Robin…"
He shook his head and averted his eyes to the ground.
"B, you can't control everything all of the time. You're one of the strongest people I know, but nobody is perfect. What happened that night was bad, yeah, I'll give you that, but it comes with the territory. We all made it home and Dr. Light is enjoying his extended stay at the Padded Room Motel. That counts for something."
He looked at me in a way that suggested I had just made his point for him. He shook his head incredulously.
"That's fine… But what about next time? Or the time after that? Or the time after that?" He fell silent for a moment, his sentiments getting the better of him, "The world needs heroes, there is no doubt about that. The only problem is that all heroes have a number—a number of missions they run, or people they save, or times they cheat death… But the problem is that you don't know your number, so any mission could be your last. When you're fifteen or sixteen that is exciting. When you're twenty-three and a parent, it is terrifying."
Suddenly it all made sense. Everything had come together and I saw this moment for what it was: The End.
"Man, you know that we got your back. We'd never let anything happen to you or Raven. You're just a little shook up right now. After what happened, anyone would be. It'll pass. Everything'll be fine, you'll see…"
He sighed and looked to the Tower, his face devoid of all expression.
"I've been thinking about it for a while, Cy. The last battle just swayed me. I don't want Mark growing up without both of us, and I definitely don't want him to think that he comes second to anything. I've enjoyed being a Titan more than almost anything… but I have to do what it best and what is right. I have had my fun. Saving lives and celebrity status are both great … but nothing is more important than my son."
I nodded silently, his words washing over me like a zephyr.
"I… I understand, man. Does Robin know?"
"I'm telling him tomorrow. I wanted you to know first."
With that, he walked on, taking in the sights and sounds. It wasn't until years later that I realized that he was saying goodbye… to his home, heroism, and a chapter of his life.
As I stand, staring out at the gardens, I wonder what it will be like to say goodbye. For Beast Boy, it seemed easy, like a natural progression, the next step forward. He didn't seem upset or ambivalent… he simply did it his own way, in a manner filled with personal meaning and thoughtful observance.
I plop down in the window-seat and begin to cry. In life, there are endings and beginnings and often they are intertwined. Beast Boy said goodbye to his life as a Titan to become a different kind of hero—a doting father. Now, I must say goodbye to him and reluctantly welcome life without him.
Curiously, though, I find myself wanting to hold on just a little bit longer…
A/N: Thanks for all of the positive feedback thus far, everyone. I hope you found this second installation equally enjoyable!