A/N: so im moving upstate in a week. I'm sick again and things are crazy here so i apologize for the lack of writing and talent. I have a lot on my mind. R&R

The picture was left on the front porch, the back said
I love you, don't you ever think of me?
My body goes then to hell with my soul
We don't even know the difference
The dead folks in the clouds, for crying out loud
While they lied at night, they lied at night, while they lied
While they lied at night, they lied at night, while they lied
And why, did we live so long?

-band of horses, cigarettes and wedding bands

When I awoke it was morning and I looked over to see Tate fast asleep.

It had been a dream

I ruffled my hair and took a sharp intake of breath.

Had it been a dream?

I was careful as I stepped out of bed and made my way downstairs, the morning light fading in through the windows faintly. I stood at the foot of the steps for a moment and strained my ears to hear any sign of movement, but none came. The house was eerily silent and I guessed it was still early. My eyes averted to the front door suddenly. If I was dead there was only one way to find out.

I slowly made my way over and wrenched the door open, the sun flooding inside. There was a light breeze that graced my face. I shuffled down the steps and felt my feet halt every now and then. My body was covered in goosebumps and I felt my blood pumping profusely; There was the panic beginning to take over. I found myself face to face with the iron gate and I reached for it, my hands shaking and my breath hitching. I opened it and closed my eyes as I stepped onto the sidewalk, afraid at what was awaiting me. But when my eyes opened I found myself exactly in the same spot on the sidewalk. I exhaled thankfully, clutching my chest. I was nervous and I felt as if something still wasn't completely right. I turned back around and headed back toward the house, looking over to see Constance waving at me. I returned it reluctantly and closed the front door behind me.

"Lily, I don't know about this," an angry whisper filled my ears and I recognized Vivien's voice.

I tiptoed over to the kitchen door and tried to listen.

"And what other solution is there, Viv? If you have any suggestions, please feel free to example them," my mother snapped back.

I had never heard Vivien and my mother speak to each other that way and it bothered me. They had always been like sisters, just like me and Violet.

"There has to be another way," she responded hopefully and I could hear my mother sigh.

"Vivien I understand that you are having a difficult time with this. I understand he is still you're son, but he isn't human."

"It's not just that, "Vivien went on quickly,"Its also Azura. How can we trust Billie? She was close with Constance after all. I'm finding it really hard to accept all of this."

My mother's laugh came through the door,"Billie never cared much for Constance. That I'm sure of. I guess it's easy to accept because I know my daughter and I know what she can do. She won't be alone."

"This is madness regardless," Vivien said irritated.

Refusing to listen another second, I pushed open the kitchen door to see their faces falter.

"Azura…what are you doing up so early?" My mom asked. I could tell she knew I had overheard.

"Couldn't sleep anymore," I shrugged,"You?"

"We were just talking," Vivien said looking at me with a strained smile plastered on her face.

"I know," was all I said back as I took a seat across from them.

"You never could contain your curiosity," my mother grinned,"I assume you heard everything?"

I nodded,"Yea. Sorry I'm not sorry."

"Azura-" Vivien began but I cut her off.

"Listen Vivien, I love you and I want you to be happy, but that isn't going to happen if I don't do this. I need you to support me, whatever the case may be. I know it's hard, believe me. I know it better than anyone. I know you gave birth to Michael and he is your son and sometimes we look at the outside and forget who someone is on the inside and it blinds us. He could destroy everything we know. Kill one, save billions. I'm still trying to figure this out too."

I watch her eyes avert from me to my mother.

"I'll make some tea."

I watch her bustle around the kitchen before giving Vivien my full attention again.

She smiled sadly,"When I first saw Michael I thought he was so beautiful…so perfect and innocent. I never thought of the possibility of what he was. Looking back now I wonder if raising him myself would have made a difference. And then there was you and Violet. Always fierce. At least you two took after your mother and me. Never any bullshit. I guess I thought you two would have perfect lives ahead of you."

"We still could you know," I smile back.

"And what about Tate?"

I stare at her blankly,"What?

"It's alright. I won't say a word," she replied taking my hand into her's,"I just want you to be sure in whatever you do. I want you to be able to have your life."

I pondered for a minute before speaking, a sudden realization dawning on me. I was still feeling as if I was contradicting myself a little.

"I think I'm going to be okay. And as for Tate, I have to save him. I have to get his soul back intact. I keep going over it in my mind; the life he could have had."

My mother finally returns with three cups of boiling tea. She always made it too hot. I set it aside, waiting for it to cool down.

"We'll have to plan this all out though. I can use what I learned in Italy but it can only get us so far," my mother said calmly as if we were just going to bake cookies and I would demand to lick the spoon like when I was five.

I looked into her eyes.

"Mom, you don't always have to be so brave. I know you don't want this life for me. It's okay to not be okay."

I see my mother's will slightly break in front of me and I grasp her hand as Vivien had grasped mine. Moment like these were what I missed most with her. They had been so forgotten lately.

"I just wish I had done something. Maybe everything would have turned out different. I feel like in a way I forced you into this life."

I chuckled softly,"We can wish and what if our whole lives and never get the answer. Life will do that to you. You two know that better than anyone. We've been doing this a long time. I don't think I would trade my life in. I think I'm where I want to be now."

I thought of Tate as I said this.

"Besides, I think Billie has a plan already."

They both stared at me uncertainly but I didn't give anything away as I finally took a sip of my tea.

"Trust me."

There was a loud crash when I left the kitchen ten minutes later and I rolled my eyes in frustration. One of our vases was lying in pieces on the floor.

"Troy! Bryan! Get over here now!"

The two boys peered around the corner and I beckoned them with my finger. They strolled over unwillingly, bats in hand and I folded my arms.

"What did I tell you two?"

They didn't respond.

"Well?"

"If we're going to break stuff at least let you know ahead of time," they said at the same time in droning voices. I couldn't help but smile at them.

"Alright then. Off you go," I ruffled both their hair before giving them a push towards the basement.

"My, my. Aren't you just the whole package?" An airy sarcastic voice caught my attention and I looked over to see Chad, wine glass in hand, leaning against the wall,"They never listen to anyone."

"Is that a complement?" I asked raising an eyebrow,"And you do know it's like ten in the morning."

He snorted,"I lost track of time long ago. This is just the first of many today."

I watched as he peered at me over the rim of his wine glass. I didn't not like Chad, in fact I found him kind of refreshing and funny like me and Violet's friend Eli back in Boston.

"So," he said rather firmly,"How are things with Norman Bates Jr? Any wedding bells? Or maybe perhaps funerals?"

I couldn't help but laugh at this.

"Shut up Chad. You should know well by now what's been going on."

He strolled closer to me,"Oh, indeed I do. The walls are bigger on gossip than me. It's actually insulting. I do love a good love triangle though."

I stared at him wonderingly.

"Can I ask you a question?"

He looked at me strangely like I had two heads.

"You aren't coming out are you?"

I shook my head at him and smiled sarcastically.

"No. I was just wondering about something."

"What?" he asked rather impatiently.

"If you could leave this house for good, I mean like come and go whenever you wanted, what's the first thing you would do?"

It was his turn to raise an eyebrow. He swirled the pinot around in his glass before answering.

"The first thing I would do?"

I nodded. I watched as his expression changed quickly, his eyes watering somewhat. It took me off guard and I couldn't help but watch him as he stared from the liquid in his glass, to me and then back at it.

"I'd go see my mother."

"Really?" I questioned. I had assumed he would do something much more extravagant. Or at least try to fix things with Patrick.

He looked at me with that hint of sarcasm.

"Yes, really. Believe it or not. She was and continues to be one of the most fabulous people I know. Although, she thinks I'm dead so me showing up would probably just kill her."

He sighed heavily and drained his glass.

"I must say I applaud you though. The weight on your shoulders must be excruciating. I can't wait to see how this turns out. What about you? What's the first thing you would do?"

I looked at him oddly.

"What? I can leave the house whenever already."

He covered his mouth as if he was excusing himself.

"Oh right. Silly me. I just assumed that these walls make us prisoners alive or dead."

"You know you don't always have to be a bitch," I replied,"You're actually fun to be around in moderation."

"This doesn't mean we have to be friends right?" he asked rather bored.

I smiled.

"Of course not."

He rolled his eyes in defeat and began to walk away from me. I began walking up the stairs.

"I guess you're okay too," he said catching my attention,"In moderation."

I felt a smile play at my lips and watched him vanish before finally finding my way back to my room.

"There you are," Tate said looking up at me. He had his hands folded behind his head.

"Sorry. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to wake you."

I layed myself down next to him feeling suddenly exhausted.

"It's alright. You look tired though."

I nodded.

"A little. Mom knows I've been missing school this week. She let it slide today but she says I have to go back Monday. Everything has to appear normal. After Violet's mishaps with school last time they will start to think something's up."

He just kept staring at me with those blue eyes and I felt myself unable to breathe. Why did he have this effect on me?

"What are you going to do about Chloe and the others?"

I sighed heavily. I had totally forgot.

"Good question. I have nothing else to give to them. They can't move on unless they face you and learn the truth."

"I thought you told them the truth?" he asks.

"I did but it still has to come from you." I replied rubbing my temples,"I also need to find Chloe's parents."

Tate smiles,"I think I can help with that."

I look at him curiously,"What do you mean?"

"I found them."

"What? I asked , shocked,"How? Chloe said she could never find them."

"I used your computer," he said shrugging,"Let's just leave it at that."

I felt my heart race and didn't bother to question him about it further,"So where are they?"

He bit his lip and I found it undeniably sexy.

"Azura, her dad is dead but her mom is still alive. She lives in the next town over."

I frowned at this. Chloe's dad was dead and it hit me full on in the face. How would I tell her? Would she be expecting it? A ray of hope shown through the heartbreak, however. Her mom was still alive and that was something.

"Well I guess I know what I'm doing this weekend," I said casually and then I remembered, "How did your talk with Vi go?"

He shifted his weight slightly,"It wasn't bad. I guess we got everything out there."

I watched him closely.

"Its okay to still have feelings for her. I wouldn't want you to stop caring for her. Now we have to work on you talking to Ben and Vivien."

He smirked,"I finally feel a little bit at peace with myself. I'm glad I listened to you."

I return the smirk back and pull the covers over me. As I did so, I could feel Tate press against me. I didn't realize how much time we spent in this bed and never even did anything. Was it normal for someone my age to hardly think about sex? Then again I wasn't a normal teenager. I felt the unavoidable void I had been feeling melt away, the darkness containing itself for a brief moment. I really did think things were going to be alright in the end. In whatever direction I was headed. But one burning question was still tugging at me . And that was something I didn't want to think about at that moment in time. I still felt as if everyone was keeping something from me. Every time I walked into a room I felt as if the conversation stopped abruptly due to my entrance. Whatever it was it obviously would just cause me more stress, but at this point it probably didn't even matter. What was a little more weight?

I had forgotten for a slight moment that Tate was still next to me, the coldness I had once felt around him was evaporated. In fact, the coldness I felt from everyone in the house was diminished. I could still feel their emotions though and I was curious to know why. I couldn't be dead. I had been able to leave the house. Maybe it was just because I had been here so long. There was the sad truth. I loved this house still. My eyes averted to the floor. Pages and pages of my writing littering it. I had been inspired lately. It had been a while since I had found the will to write. I never let Tate or Violet read any of it, but I was sure they still had taken glimpses behind my back.

"Azura?"

Tate's voice filled my ears. I loved the way my name rolled off his tongue.

"Yes?"

I felt his breath on the back of my neck as he spoke.

"Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art-. Not in lone splendor hung aloft the night. And watching, with eternal lids apart. Like nature's patient, sleepless eremite. The moving water at their preistlike task. Of pure ablution round earth's human shores. Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask. Of snow upon the mountains and the moors-. No—yet still steadfast, still unchangeable. Pillowed upon my fair love's ripening breast. To feel for ever its soft fall and swell. Awake for ever in a sweet unrest. Still, still to hear her tender taken breath. And so live ever—or else swoon to death."

I held him tighter.

"That's Keats."

There's gotta be someplace better