A/N: As promised

Don't Cry For Me

Four

"You're insane."

Kurt wasn't sure what he expected from the jock, but the cold statement was definitely not it.

"Quite possibly," Kurt replied. "But still. That is what I want."

"No… Hell no," Karofsky said.

"You've kissed me before." They could have been talking about anything at that point. The conversation certainly lacked the passion of the actual kiss they were discussing.

Karofsky threw up his hands. "And look how well that turned out for me."

"This time would be different. I'd be willing."

"First of all, Kurt," he said moving closer. "I'm not as stupid as I was five months ago. There's a difference between being willing and wanting to kiss someone. Your eyes give you away. You don't want to kiss me. In fact you look terrified at the thought. So what's going on?"

"Nothing… "

"Then go get your little preppy boyfriend to kiss you. Obviously he's willing." Karofsky turned, walking away from Kurt.

"Dave, please…" He wasn't sure if it was the pain in his voice or just morbid curiosity, but the jock stopped without turning around.

Kurt took this as his chance. He knew he didn't have many left. He walked up to the bigger boy and lightly touched his arm. "I'm so confused. I don't know what to do."

Karofsky turned to face him, his expression still dark. "I don't think I can help you Kurt." He laughed without any humor. "I can barely figure out my own shit."

"One kiss, then I'll leave you alone."

"I can't…"

Kurt dropped his gaze and stared at the floor, trying not to cry. "You don't understand…" he said.

"Then explain it to me, Kurt, because I really want to know. Last time I saw you.. not including two weeks ago… you were terrified of me. So much so that you changed schools. Now you're not only in my face yelling but you're begging me to kiss you. What happened, Kurt? Is this some sort of revenge on me? Or do you just like the attention of everyone wanting you?"

Kurt crossed his arms protectively as he stared at the ground. His voice was soft… a whisper as if he was afraid admitting the words out loud would make them even more true. "I think… I think I'm unlovable."

The growl coming from Karofsky made his head snap up.

"You are insane."

"I know things have been difficult for you, Dave. I must seem horribly self-centered …"

Karofsky rubbed the back of his neck, while shaking his head. "Kurt… please just… go back to your boyfriend. From what I saw the other day, he wants you…"

Kurt snorted disdainfully. "Blaine … Did you know, Dave, that less than two months ago, Blaine was professing his love for the assistant manager of the Gap…. By serenading him." Kurt paused for a moment reliving the horrible moment. "And then last month he kissed Rachel. They even went out on a date." Kurt looked up, staring into those hazel eyes. They were so expressive… whatever the jock was feeling, though, he was trying to repress it. "Two weeks later," Kurt continued, "Blaine kissed me. I know that he cares about me. I really do. I just can't help but wonder if in a few weeks time, the newness will wear off, and he'll get distracted by some shiny new toy."

"No one can out shine you, Kurt," Karofsky said softly.

Kurt continued as if the jock had not spoken. "And then there's you. I read the letter, Dave. I read it every night. It was beautiful and heartfelt, and I could tell how much you loved me. It touched me… deeply. And then I see you, two weeks later and…"

His voice choked up, and he had to look away to finish. "And you're fine… happy even. It's not that I don't want you to be happy, Dave… honestly. But it was just so easy for you to get over me… I just can't help feeling…"

He couldn't go on. He just couldn't. He knew he sounded like some attention-whore. He couldn't even look at the jock. He didn't want to see the condemnation in his eyes.

"Kurt…" Suddenly Dave was holding his face, and he was reminded of the day in the locker room so many months ago. Looking in his eyes he saw various emotions swirling around. As Dave leaned in Kurt closed his eyes. Dave was wrong. He did want this. He desperately needed the other boy to kiss him. Dave's hot breath was on his face. "You win, Fancy… is this what you want?"

"Yes," Kurt whispered, his hands moving to Dave's chest. He could feel the pounding of the other boy's heart. It matched his own rapid beat.

As Dave leaned closer, Kurt tilted his head up. But instead of a kiss, he felt Dave's cheek against his own, his breath in his ear.

"I love you, Kurt," he whispered fiercely. "I want you so much, it's hard being near you. I cried myself to sleep every night after you left. I thought with you gone, it would be easier, but it wasn't. Everything reminded me of you. Your Glee friends, every single love song I heard, hell- all music… and I couldn't look at glitter without my eyes tearing up. Is this what you want to hear, Kurt? That I missed you desperately?"

"I… kiss me, Dave. Please? I want you to," Kurt whispered.

"I want to, so much, Kurt." He traced the bottom of Kurt's lip with his thumb. "So much…"

The touch was gentle and needy at the same time, and it left Kurt wanting more… so much more. For a second Kurt thought he would kiss him. But the kiss he wanted wasn't what he got. Dave kissed his cheek softly. Kurt was so frustrated he almost gave caution to the wind and kissed him himself. He knew it wasn't what Dave wanted though. Well he obviously wanted it but Kurt couldn't decide that for him.

Kurt opened his eyes as Dave pulled away, pushing back the painful feelings of need and loss.

"I can't kiss you, Kurt."

"But I want you to, Dave. I really want you to." His lip trembled as he watched the jock move further away.

Dave smiled sadly. "I can see that, Fancy. But it's not enough. Even if we kissed, you would still be going back to pretty boy. And having that reminder of what it could be like between us? It would just destroy me. I don't think I can come back from that, Kurt."

"Okay," Kurt said. Dave gave him a cheeky smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and turned to leave.

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to get his emotions as well as his body under control. He knew Dave was right. He was going to back to Blaine… but maybe if they kissed…

"Oh, yeah… Kurt."

He looked up quickly. The jock was again facing him.

"You wanted to know why I was so happy? I know we'll never work, Kurt. I can't be the man you need me to be. I want to but I just can't. Even though I hate Blaine with a passion, he's what you need. Knowing you were happy, helped me start to move on. Because I do love you Kurt, and I want you to be happy. The funny thing is now… knowing you aren't ... That you might have some feelings that aren't just repulsion for me… that you want me just a little bit… it's tearing me up inside. I'm miserable at the thought of you going back to Blaine, because I know you're going to try and make that work. So in the long run, you got your wish. I'm definitely no longer happy. Congratulations."

Dave turned and walked away. As Kurt watched him go, the tears started to fall.

There was nothing he could do but cry.