Don't Cry For Me

Five

Kurt smiled idly as he barely listened to Blaine's critique of their latest Warbler's rehearsal. Even though his full attention wasn't on the words coming out of his boyfriend's mouth, it didn't matter. Blaine always talked about the same things: the appropriateness of singing Katy Perry in the local nursing homes, the fact that Nick needed to improve his harmonization, and that Wes had an unhealthy obsession with his gavel.

They reached the end of the hall (and the conversation), but before Kurt could turn toward his room. Blaine tugged gently on their clasped hands. A small nod accompanied the gesture, and Kurt couldn't help the smile on his face as he let the other boy lead him in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going?"

"To my room," Blaine said. "For privacy. We need to talk."

"Sure, okay." Any warm feelings Kurt had vanished, and he held back a caustic remark about the amount of talks they've had lately. Sarcasm wasn't the answer to everything, and he had no doubt that it wouldn't help him in this situation. He wasn't sure what Blaine wanted to talk about but the possibility that he was ending their relationship was upmost in his mind. Maybe if they had been going out for a while it will be different. It hadn't even been a month since Blaine kissed him, and his world was turned around. He ignored the voice that said that had more to do with Karofsky than his boyfriend. So far Kurt had been successful, at least somewhat, at not thinking about the jock. He wasn't going to start obsessing again. He needed his sanity.

He also needed Blaine. Kurt cared about his boyfriend, and he wasn't going to ruin everything just because he was confused.

Kurt wouldn't blame Blaine in the least if he did break up with him. All he'd done for the last few weeks was cry. Well that wasn't all he'd done. Kurt had also begged another guy to kiss him. What kind of boyfriend did that? And even though he could rationalize that he did it for them… that kissing David Karofsky would somehow release him from this obsession with the jock. Then he could go back to being blissfully happy with Blaine. He knew Blaine would not see it that way, not when Kurt had trouble believing it himself. It had been a week since his confrontation with Karofsky … Dave… and the longing he had felt… not only from the other boy, but from his own body, had been seared into his very existence.

They reached Blaine's room, and Kurt tried to focus on his perfect boyfriend. Once they were inside, Blaine seemed a little unsure how to continue. Kurt couldn't help the feeling of dread that overcame him. This was it. The end of their relationship. He was sure…So Blaine's next words were a complete surprise.

"I know why you've been so sad."

Kurt stared at his boyfriend in shock. Did he really know? Had he found the note Karofsky wrote? Not likely, when Kurt kept it safe on his person. But somehow Blaine had found out … what? That Kurt was worried about Dave? That Kurt had wanted to kiss Dave? That he wanted to still?

"Blaine, I…"

"No, Kurt. Let me finish. I'm not upset. I think it's only natural that you feel this way."

Blaine sat down on the bed and motioned for him to follow. Kurt's head was spinning. There was no way Blaine was okay with everything that had happened… Kurt chasing Dave down… begging him … He shook his head, trying to understand. Did Blaine really know?

"You miss your friends," Blaine continued, and Kurt tried to focus on his words. In his head they still weren't making sense. "So I understand why you want to go back to McKinley."

As the words arranged themselves in some semblance of meaning in his head, Kurt inwardly sighed in relief. This had nothing to do with Dave. And Blaine was right. He did miss his friends. He wanted to go back. And he wanted to go with them to Nationals in New York.

"And if David Karofsky wasn't around I would let you." His sad, encouraging smile also seemed condescending, and Kurt felt his anger rise again.

Kurt wasn't worried about Dave at all, but that wasn't the part of the sentence that caught his attention. "Let me?" he said. "You're opinion is important to me Blaine, but you don't get to make decisions for me. And I don't appreciate your insinuation that I can't take care of myself."

"You do remember just a few short months ago being terrified of the guy, right? He's a big guy, Kurt. You actually can't take care of yourself if he wants to hurt you."

"And yet it was your idea for me to confront him in the first place…"

The quietness in the room seemed sudden and imposing, and Kurt immediately felt guilty.

"You blame me?" Blaine looked upset. Kurt wondered if he had already blamed himself. "I just didn't want you to go through what I did. Running away...Maybe it was bad advice. I don't know…"

"Blaine, stop." Kurt grabbed his hand off the bed and held it tightly. "I'm sorry. I don't blame you at all. And I know right now you're just worried about me. But you don't have to be because Dave won't hurt me."

He realized his mistake almost immediately.

"Dave?" Blaine's look was incredulous. "Since when are you guys on a first name basis? Last I knew your favorite name for him was Neanderthal. And we won't even talk about what he used to call you."

"I know you won't believe me, Blaine, but he's changed. He apologized and everything so it's fine." Kurt tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"I don't understand, Kurt." He said, a puzzled look on his face. "When did this happen?"

"Well, I…" Kurt stumbled over his words. He couldn't tell Blaine the whole story, or he probably would break up with him. "I saw him at Finn's basketball game."

"And he just came up to you and said, 'oh, by the way, Kurt… I'm sorry. No hard feelings.'"

"Of course not," he said choosing to ignore the tone in Blaine's voice. His boyfriend had a right to be mad, even if he didn't realize the extent of Kurt's betrayal. "We were both congratulating Finn after the game… and then Da … Karofsky left the gym and … I followed him." He kept his head down as he whispered the last part. He didn't want to see the disappointment in Blaine's eyes.

"You what? Are you crazy, Kurt? He could have hurt you. You do remember he threatened to kill you, right?"

"Of course I remember, Blaine but thanks for reminding me once again." Crap. He didn't mean to say that. Why was sarcasm his default mode when he felt trapped? "Maybe I shouldn't have followed him, but I'm glad I did. He apologized to me. Everything's fine."

Blaine looked skeptical. "Great, so now you guys are BFFs. Everything's magically better."

Okay so he wasn't the only one relying on sarcasm.

"I know it's not all fixed, Blaine, but I do know that Dave…" He barely even hesitated on the name this time, "Isn't going to hurt me. Please trust me, okay?"

Blaine sighed and pulled Kurt into a hug. "I do trust you, Kurt. I just don't trust him."

As he held his boyfriend tight, Kurt tried to ignore the guilt that made it difficult to breathe.

Kurt wasn't surprised by his dad's reaction. It took all of his natural persuasiveness, Finn's agreement that Dave had changed, and a meeting with Dave and his parents before his dad was satisfied. Dave avoided looking at him during the meeting, except when he was once again apologizing. Kurt tried hard to keep his hands from shaking. Just being near the jock brought back vivid memories. The smell of his skin as he moved in close… the feel of his breath on his cheek, the sound of his low voice as he whispered in his ear…but above all the aching need to kiss him. To catch just a glimpse of the passion he could feel building in the jock.

Kurt's dad wasn't happy but in the end he agreed. The cost of Kurt going to Dalton was taking a serious toll on their finances. Not that his dad would admit it. But every now and then Kurt accidently overheard his dad and Carole talking.

It was the right thing to do. Kurt was sure of that. The main reason he left was because of Karofsky bullying him, but now that he and Dave had worked things out… there was no reason for Kurt not to come back.

Once again he ignored the part of him that knew things weren't really worked out. Not when he still thought about that day and how much he wanted to kiss David Karofsky.