Don't Cry For Me

Six

Kurt was on edge Monday morning. It was his first day back at McKinley, and he had no idea what to expect. On the one hand, returning to his old school felt like being wrapped in a thick blanket on a cold day. It was warm and familiar. Even memories of the bad times slipped away. That was until a rude comment brought him back to reality. Of course some things never changed. It didn't damper his mood though. He was glad to be back. Thankful to be around his Glee friends, and… he wouldn't ever say this to Blaine… but happy to be away from the confines of Dalton. He no longer had to rein himself in… in what he wore, what he said, or what songs he sang.

He missed Blaine, and the other Warblers. He wished he didn't have to choose between them all. And yet, nothing was better than this. No matter how dysfunctional, McKinley was his home.

Which didn't explain his nervousness. At first he thought it was because of the bullying. Even if he wasn't afraid of Dave hurting him, there were others out there who loved to torture him. But he already had some run-ins. Thankfully, no slushies were thrown his way. He had on his new Ralph Lauren sweater.

As his thoughts turned to bullies, he couldn't help thinking about his former bully. He realized at once that this was the cause of his nervousness. He didn't know what Dave would do now that he was there. Of course, Kurt had seen him at their parent meeting, but Dave had barely looked at him. Was he glad that Kurt was back? And why did Kurt even care?

He wasn't going to focus on it. This moment was about enjoying his homecoming.

Most people didn't realize that Kurt didn't like surprises. He loved romance and being swept of his feet but that didn't equate to bouts of spontaneity that he was unable to prepare for. So he was already a little put out at lunch. Mercedes practically drug him to the courtyard. He didn't have a chance to voice his annoyance because when they arrived Blaine was there, with the other Warblers. It was sweet and exciting being serenaded in front of the whole school… and just a little annoying.

Surely it was because he hated being caught off guard. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he could see Dave in the background scowling before slumping sadly away.

Leaving Blaine and the Warblers for a second time left him a little misty eyed. He would see Blaine on Friday and talk to him later that night. Still he hated goodbyes. He'd never been good at them. Maybe because saying goodbye to his mom had been so hard.

Thinking about that wasn't going to help with the waterworks any, so he tried to focus instead on his French class. Kurt was usually able to flow through French effortlessly. The language was so beautiful and musical and romantic. Everything Kurt loved. Maybe that was why he fell for Blaine. He was all three of those things. Well sometimes he wasn't so much romantic as self-centered… but still no one was perfect right? Those thoughts brought him back to Dave. He wasn't musical (at least Kurt didn't think he was). He wasn't really beautiful (although those eyes!), and he wasn't romantic… (although he wanted nothing more than for Kurt to be happy, even if it was with Blaine).

Kurt shook his head at his thoughts. No matter what he did he found his thoughts returning to David Karofsky. It made him jittery all day, and he wasn't going to just sit by and let it eat away at him. He had to do something, even if it turned out to be a mistake.

Kurt found his chance after his 5th hour history class. He had totally forgotten Dave was in this class with him. Probably because Dave always sat in the back, and he was closer to the front and the teacher. Best place in the classroom to avoid spitballs to the back of the head. As he sat down next to Mercedes, he let his eyes stray to the red jacket near the back. Dave wasn't looking at him, but he could tell by the rigidity of his spine that he knew Kurt was there. All through the class, Kurt felt Dave's eyes on him. And although he was probably imagining it, he still felt a tingle of excitement at the thought. After class he was determined to talk to the jock. Dave might yell at him, but he didn't care. Kurt wanted something. He was tired of just being ignored. Did that make him selfish? He didn't even consider the possibility for longer than a second. Dave obviously wasn't happy, and Kurt was determined to help him.

As everyone streamed out of the classroom, Kurt held back. He told Mercedes he wanted to talk to the teacher. He couldn't exactly tell her the truth. Luckily, none of the other jocks were around. It was fairly simple to catch Dave's eye and motion for him to stay behind. Besides the teacher they were the only ones left. Kurt walked out first knowing that Dave would follow. He led him to an empty classroom and shut the door.

Dave seemed on edge as he eyed him warily. "What do you want, Kurt," he said testily. "I have to get to Calculus."

"Sorry, I… this will only take a moment…"

The jock stuffed his hands in his pockets as he waited for Kurt to continue. Even in his Letterman jacket, Kurt thought he looked vulnerable.

"I thought we could talk about what happened the other day…" Kurt said softly, his voice a little shaky. Why was he so nervous?

"No need. It's cool. Are we done?"

Dave's eyes gave nothing away, and Kurt wondered what he was thinking. After a moment of silence Dave took that as his answer and turned to leave.

"Wait, Dave," Kurt said grabbing a handful of his jacket. "Please?" The jock pulled his arm away, as he turned to face him. His mask had slipped away, and Kurt could see the anger burning near the surface. Kurt stepped back in surprise, but he refused to back down completely.

"I thought we could be friends." His words were stronger. He couldn't hesitate. Dave needed to know he was being honest.

Suddenly Dave grabbed Kurt and pushed him up against the wall. It didn't hurt, but he was startled by the sudden intensity. Dave's hands were holding him in place as the anger radiated off of him. Kurt wasn't sure in that minute if he was going to hit him or kiss him. He flushed at the thought. Was that what he wanted?

"I don't want to be your friend, Kurt," Dave growled, his voice impossibly low. "In fact, I don't want anything from you, except for you to go away." He clenched his jaw as he glared him. "You're nothing but trouble, and I think you enjoy ruining people's lives."

Kurt had difficulty concentrating as Dave's hands burned on his shoulders. The sudden proximity was causing havoc with his senses. The closer Dave got the more Kurt could smell him. Thoughts of being pressed against the wall with Dave's mouth on his… The harsh words finally cut through the haze of want building inside of him. As his mind registered that Dave was still angry and was actually insulting him, he found the strength he needed to fight his feelings.

"I do not," he said finally. "Now, you're just being cruel."

"Cruel? You think this is cruel?"

Kurt lifted his chin, ready for the worst. He wasn't going to be intimidated by a bully who obviously hadn't changed much.

"You know how I feel about you, Kurt," Dave continued his hands tightening a bit on Kurt's shoulders. "And yet you chase me down… twice. You want to be my friend… while begging me to kiss you? Even when you don't say the words, Kurt, I can see it in your eyes." Dave released him, taking a deep breath as he ran his hand over his face. "That's cruel, Kurt." His words sounded defeated… resigned. "And selfish."

The pain in his voice was obvious, and seeing it from Dave's perspective, maybe he was being cruel but…

"Selfish?" he squeaked, his voice going higher with his indignation. "You think I'm selfish? I'm just trying to help you."

"But it's not helping! The only thing that helps is being away from you. God, why did you have to come back? And before you ask, I'm not coming out. Our lives aren't the same, Kurt. Our friends aren't the same… so don't even start with that shit."

"But Dave, you need…"

"You know what I need, Kurt?" Dave interrupted angrily. "I need you to leave me the fuck alone."

Kurt could feel the pain of his words seeping through his pathetic defenses. He was not going to cry… again. He glared at the jock. "Fine. Suit yourself. You can just rot in your precious closet for all I care." With that he pushed Dave away from him, before heading for the door. He didn't need David Karofsky. In fact, he had everything he wanted. He was happy.

Kurt turned one last time, just to make sure he'd made his point. He was prepared to give the jock one last scathing look. But instead he was caught…

Dave was watching him. His expressive eyes so full of pain, sadness, and longing that Kurt's breath caught in his throat. It was gone in an instant, replaced by his usual mask.

Any animosity, anger, or frustration that he felt towards the jock melted away in that moment. Kurt realized then… that Dave's words… his intent on pushing Kurt away was for his own survival.

But no matter what Dave said, nothing was settled between them.