"Darling are you dreaming, are you dreaming of me now?

Screaming, are you screaming 'cause it's such a nightmare now?"

- Keeping on Without You by This Providence

Chapter 2: Keeping On Without You

Sasuke watched the clock as he sat in school. Seconds ticked by, turning into minutes, turning into hours – what was the difference? They all seemed to blend in together, never passing quick enough. He would give anything to just get out of this hell he called school and yet, he wished he never had to leave; the only thing worse than being at school was being at home. He sighed as another minute passed him by in silence.

A week, Sasuke reminded himself. Get a grip. It's only been a week. No matter how much the boy chastised and ridiculed himself, he couldn't bare the pain of the real world crashing down on him. It was horribly painful. He'd forgotten all about it. The pain he used to suffer every day. Kakashi – a brilliant, shining star in the never ending darkness – had come out of nowhere and eased those pains, but all too suddenly, it was back again. Tugging at his heart, he couldn't just ignore it like he wanted to so very badly. The pain from his past sprang up, holding onto the surface for dear life.

The past no longer seemed distant. The scars were in plain view. Wounds that had scabbed over with time and soft words spoken by Kakashi were suddenly ripped open and bleeding. Not so long ago, the raven haired boy was all alone with absolutely no hope to hold onto. His mother hated him. His brother despised him. Even Naruto – someone he'd come to call his friend – once turned his nose up at the poor boy. Girls drooled over him without having said a single word to him before. They liked him only for what there eyes seen. They would never like Sasuke for who he really was – a monster. In those days, his only true friend was his razor blade….

Yes, that was how he dealt with the pain he was plagued with. He was disgusted at the thought of self harm, yet he couldn't control himself. He needed to feel. To know that he was alive and that he could feel something other than the pain. More pain seemed to make it clear to him that he actually was still living. Something about the blood dripping down his arm and staining the pure white sheets and leaking though to the mattress made him smile. Not only was he alive, but he was paying for everything he'd done wrong in life. All the mistakes he'd made, all the people he'd hurt. That made him happy in some way. If he cared more, he might've wondered why he thought in such an unhealthy way.

Those days, he was always a runner. He ran from his fears and everything that could possibly hurt him.

It was a cold night, the air nipped at Sasuke's bare arms. He took no notice as he ran, cars honking at him as they swerved so they wouldn't hit him. Tears streamed down his face and his hands were clenched into fists so tight that his skin was pale. His legs burned and his heart raced. All he could think about was getting as far away from home as possible. He wasn't sure were he was going, but he didn't care. All he could do was run until his legs gave way – which was exactly what he did.

He stopped once he reached the very top of a hill. His legs buckled under him, unwilling to move an inch more. Through wide, tear-filled eyes, he took in his surroundings. This place was completely foreign to him, but he didn't really care. The sight, though, was remarkable. Past the railing – seemingly close enough to touch – was the city he called home. He never thought of it as a good place. In fact, he thought it was one of the more run down places to live, but seeing it from way up high – each building sparkling and towering over the next, the bridge in the distance, brightened by decorative lights – it all seemed oddly magical. He wished this sight could be real, that maybe there was a little goodness in life, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it.

Slowly, he rolled up his left sleeve and eyed his wounds wearily. These were the truth of life. The twinkling city below him was just a façade. It may have looked pretty, but it held immeasurable pain. He was proof of the sick, disgusting creatures that dwelled in the pretty cover. His wrist was proof of all the pain…

"What's your name?" an unfamiliar voice asked. The hairs on the back of Sasuke's neck stood up straight and he jumped at the sudden sound. He looked up, his eyes meeting those of a tall man, maybe eighteen or nineteen, with unruly silver hair and a scarf that covered the bottom half of his face.

"Oh, sorry," Sasuke mumbled, yanking the sleeve of his shirt back down.

He got up the leave, but the man continued, "I asked what your name was, not for you to leave."

After eying the man suspiciously, he sat back down on the cold grass. "Sasuke Uchiha," he said. The man didn't look at the boy as he replied, "Sasuke, huh?" He swirled the name around on his tongue, trying to get a good feel of it. Finally, deciding he quite liked the name, he spoke again, "Kakashi Hatake." There was a silence between the two as there gazed were set on something ahead of them. "You know… I cut too."

Sasuke's fists clenched. So he had seen…. He cursed himself for being so careless. No one knew of his cuts, not even his own mother. Slowly, his mind wrapped around what the other had told him. Telling him just like that… Who was he anyways? The man obviously knew nothing of pain, so he wasn't sure whether to believe him or not. He probably cut for the attention, like some of the want to be 'emo' people at his school. Why would you harm yourself just to be labeled a freak by people who didn't even know you? They showed there cuts off like it was a joke or some kind of art. No, this man could never know pain like he did. No one would ever – could ever – understand the pain he felt. He tried his best not to make eye contact with the man.

"Some one as promising as you should'nt be doing something so dangerous," Kakashi told him as he pushed up from his spot on the floor. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he began to walk away.

As the small, raven haired boy stared in amazement, the man stopped, turned ever so slightly, and said," Maybe I'll see you around again sometime, Sasuke Uchiha." And with that, he disappeared into the night.

The boy had never been so dumbfounded in his life. Whoever this 'Kakashi' guy was, he secretly hoped he would see him again. He walked home pondering the man's words. Promising, huh? Is that what I am?

BRIIIING

Sasuke's head snapped up as the last bell of the day blared throughout the halls of his school. Shit! I was asleep? he thought as his heart sank. I hope I didn't miss anything important.… I swear, if my grades drop any lower, mom'll kill me for sure. After quickly shoving all of his school supplies into his plaid backpack, he rushed out of class with everyone else. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if she found out.

The boy with jet black hair slowed as he came upon his small apartment complex. He could hear the screaming and yelling before he even reached the door. Fear welled in the pit of his stomach, and he swallowed to try to make it go away. Not again, he thought, his hand frozen on the door knob. He couldn't count how many times his mother and Itachi had fought in the week he'd been home. A pang of loneliness and longing hit him. He missed Kakashi so much… Just living with him made his life a million times more peaceful. For a moment, he just stood there, too frightened to move. He didn't know what would happen if he entered the house at this point, and he wasn't too eager to find out. However, he couldn't just stand on the porch all night.

With a deep breath, he shut his eyes and uttered a few words of encouragement, "For Ka-san…"

And with that, he turned the knob, pushed the door open slowly, carefully, and took a cautious step inside.

Eyes glued to the floor, he shuffled quickly to his room, pretending, or rather trying, to block out his mothers yelling.

"Itachi, you good for nothing low life!" she hissed, her voice filled with pure hate. "Why can't you – uh, excuse me, Sasuke. Where do you think you're going?"

His heart stopped and his blood ran cold. Shakily, he turned to her. "I-I just…"

"Yeah, right. Your school phoned. They said you fell asleep in class. Are you stupid, Sasuke? What the fuck is wrong with you? You crazy or something? You can't AFFORD to fall asleep in class. You're at a C average. That's NOT GOOD ENOUGH."

Sasuke lowered his head in shame and stared at the dirty tiles beneath his converse as he whispered, "I'm sorry mom… I-I really am t-trying…"

"MY ASS YOU'RE TRYING. IF YOU WERE TRYING, YOUR GRADES WOULD BE UP BY NOW. Fuck, why can't I have at least one successful child? All I'm left with are two stupid brats that can't do shit right. I should've gotten a damn abortion," she sobbed, sitting down with her face in her hands. After a moment, she took a swing of her almost empty beer.

Itachi – who had been staring at his brother in disgust at the display of weakness – let his eyes drop and they both dispersed into their separate rooms, shutting the doors behind them in shame.

It's just like old times, Sasuke thought to himself. No, it's worse. Before, the boy had been able the deal with the pain – bare with it – the only way he could manage: cutting and running. But now…. Those thing were out of his grasp…

A single memory flooded his vision.

It was the first night Kakashi had let the boy into his house. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, but a he stepped inside, his pain seemed to lessen – id only just a tiny bit. With a sniffle, he took in the sight of his surroundings. The place was no bigger than his own cramped, little apartment, yet it seemed warmer. The dim lighting soothed his raw nerves and helped him relax.

The tall man led the boy to sit on the couch it the living room. "Would you like anything to eat? Or drink? Anything at all?" he asked.

Sasuke just shook his head, at a loss for words at the moment.

With a sigh, the older man approached him, knelt by his side and silently, without asking, but with quite some force, pulled the boy's left sleeve up.

His breath hitched as if it was the first time he'd truly seen the result of his own work. In front of Kakashi, in the dim, soothing light of his apartment, the wounds seemed different. They looked unnatural, ugly, disgusting. Sasuke had to avert his gaze to avoid the sickening feeling he was beginning to sense come one. How could he have done that to himself? And why? What could be so horrible about his life that he could do such a thing? He gulped, unwilling to search his mind for an answer.

"Sasuke," Kakashi called, capturing and returning his attention once again. The man's eyes fluttered closed and suddenly, soft lips were placed upon his cuts. "Please stop this. What would I do if I ever lost you?"

Tear once again returned to the boy's eyes as his heart froze. He knew at that moment he had a simple, undying love for the grey haired man.

That memory was something that Sasuke kept locked away in his heart. He didn't know what, but there was something about it that made tears form at the corners of his eyes. There was nothing more he wanted than for the man he loved whole-heartedly to come back to him; to soothe his fears and his pain once again and completely envelope him in sweet warmth.

To be continued…

So bittersweet, I even feel bad for making Sasuke feel this way. (Blame my fingers, not me) Don't be sad, Sasuke, it'll be ok…. Thank you to all of you who reviewed, I'm glad you liked it. It's quite sad, but hey, I warned you didn't I? Please review and tell me what you think, but even if you don't, please keep reading. This is one story I'm going to finish regardless of if people hate it or love it. Hope to see you in the next chapter.