The 23rd of July. It was his birthday and the day he lost everything he had. Again. His parents got murdered when he was a small child. His brother died in a car accident when he was twelve. Now he was 22 and nothing changed. It was a short and sad story. So sad that someone could wonder if one human being could be able to stand so much loneliness. So much sadness and solitude.

He was 22 and everything, even one year after it happened, moved in slow motion. He was breathing slowly, moving slowly, not trying to even think about moving faster than he actually could. To him it was like this.

He was 22 and no one was there to ask how he felt. If someone asked how he was doing then he probably had no answer so it was good having no one there to ask.

Was he 22 or twelve? Was he this small child again who lost his parents? Who was he? He didn't know.

"Time of death, 10.18 am."

The raven ran. Ran as fast as he could to be there in time. Sai was waiting for him. Impatiently the whole morning to be the first one to embrace him. Embrace him on the day of his 21st year of age. He was the one to bring him back to life. Sai saved him from drowning. Saved Sasuke from being an empty shell only waiting for the time to join his dead family. He filled him with life again. Sai resembled him in almost every way. He had no family as well but he seemed to handle it way better than Sasuke did. Perhaps because he grew up without family. Without anything to hold onto. Only his brother he got to know in the orphanage was still there and visited him from time to time. He was Sai's life until he met Sasuke. Then both of him were everything he had. Two men loving him unconditionally in two completely different ways. He loved them as well. Loved.

The young Uchiha arrived at the Konoha Hospital. 10.15 am. He was looking forward to his birthday every year for the last 5 years now because he spent every single one with his boyfriend. He ran down the corridor of the hospital, risking that some nurses scream after him not to run in a hospital but screaming wasn't allowed either, right?

He chuckled, almost laughed in anticipation of seeing him in some minutes. Still thinking about how he would hug him. If he walked to Sai slowly, smiling like he always did or simply jumping at him and squeezing him until he almost suffocated. He couldn't decide.

If the curtains were not closed Sasuke was able to look into every hospital room. Seeing people reading books, being visited by their family or just sleeping.

His curtains were not closed as well. Two minutes passed and Sasuke arrived at the room. Looked through the thin and small window. He wondered if it was the right room. His eyes open wide to catch every detail of the things happening. Of the things that were actually going on.

10.17 am.

One minute. One minute seemed like an eternity to him in this moment. Awareness became panic became desperation became the need to help. But how? There were nurses everywhere. Several doctors surrounding him. The only noise to be heard was a shrill peep.

10.18 am.

"I'm sorry, Uchiha-san. I really wish we could have done more. But this day was to be expected. Sai-kun was here for more than seven years now and..."

The young man looked at the Doctor in front of him. Not even hearing a word he said. This day was to be expected. He cared for him for more than five years now. A heart disease. Beyond recovery. A lifespan of 10 years after getting to know about it. 10 years, not seven. Sasuke thought he had another three years left with him. He hoped Sai might even recover but this was reality. Sai died and he was with him the last minute he still breathed on his own.

Sasuke turned around, walked down the corridor of the hospital in slow motion. At least to him it seemed like it. Nothing left to lose and nothing more to gain. What went wrong with him to deserve this? Wasn't he supposed to be born? Was God so angry at him that he decided to make him suffer all his life? What did he do wrong?

He left the hospital with no place he could or would want to go to. He felt good again. Nine years after losing his brother he finally felt good again and now? Right. How would it go on for him?

Walking down the streets full of people, full of life the pale man who turned into this small child, this twelve year old boy again thought about how he got to know the love of his life. This life, this love he lost again. He didn't discern any of the noises and voices around him. Small children that were crying, laughing, talking to their mothers. Adolescents walking in groups, coming from school and being on their way home. Everyone seemed to breathe so fast, loudly and well, they breathed. Sai didn't. He took his last breath. Sasuke took a deep breath, as deep as he could and when he did he couldn't help but smiling. Not to wide. Just a smile, a barely noticeable smile.

It was 4 years after his brother's sudden death, Sai spent 2 years in the hospital already and Sasuke was tired. He was so tired and couldn't sleep. All these nightmares and imaginable ways his brother might have died, his parents were murdered stole him his sleep. The only precious thing he had left because in his dreams he usually was able to escape reality. Everything that was hurting him had been cut out in his dreams. He dreamt of the happy days when he came home from primary school, greeting his mother by hugging her tightly and telling her how great his day was. His mother would only smile like she always did and cook Sasuke's favourite food. It smelled of rice, some meat and the most important, it smelled of tomatoes. His absolute favourite food.

After eating he would spent his day with his big brother. Play with him hide and seek or practice for school. It was dark outside already and his father came back from work. Sasuke would spent the rest of the evening with his family watching TV or just having fun with them.

But suddenly his dream, his happy dream turned into this nightmare. Sasuke came back from school again. He wanted to hug his mother as he always did but she hadn't been in the kitchen. The small boy with big innocent eyes walked down the corridor that seemed so big and dark. He entered the livingroom and couldn't believe what he actually saw.

His parents were lying on the ground. Shot. Two shots. One in his mother's head and the other one in his father's head and everytime he dreamt they died in a different way. The last was for example being cut into pieces, their faces barely to be recognized.

Evertime he dreamt this kind of dreams he woke up screaming and sweating. Until he was twelve his big brother was there to comfort him but after his accident not even Itachi was there anymore. Now when he woke up from his nightmares Sasuke would only scream "Nii-san".

This was the reason he took all these pills. He just wanted to sleep and escape reality. He was 16 and finally took the decision to sleep. But God seriously seemed to hate him. Usually no one came to visit him. No one even showed one tiny bit of interest. But on this day a woman from the youth welfare office came to see how Sasuke was living, how he was doing because he was still underage. She rang the doorbell and no one opened the door. She got help and they found him, lying on the bed, barely breathing.

The raven was brought to the Konoha Hospital. The Doctors had to pump his stomach and he survived. He woke up again one or two days later and noticed that he wasn't sleeping. This time they stole his sleep and not his dreams. Sasuke looked around the white and cold room, thinking he was alone but he wasn't. He heard a voice. A deep voice and it sounded so good. It almost resembled his brother's voice.

"Hey there. You sure look like shit. What did you do to end up here?"

A pale boy even paler than Sasuke looked at him with a smile he lost so long ago but even this smile showed some loneliness.