"You're dead, Potter."
"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"
"Please don't go! He really wants to see you and he's scared! Please go see him!" Granger begged rushing forward to grab me but I turned around abruptly and glared. This is my shop, this is my property,and this is my life so she has no right to come in here and demand things that she has no understanding of in the first place. Honestly, I'd expect better from her. She's supposed to be the smart one.
"He has no right to come to me for help when he's the one who decided everything without really making sure I'm okay with it. Do you even have the slightest idea what is going on?" I demanded and once her eyes widened I found out that she really doesn't know. The bloody bastard didn't even tell his messenger what was going on and just sent her with the message hoping her trust and brilliance would let him obtain his desire. Well he's an idiot and frankly I do not wish to waste my time with cowards. I knew she could tell that she was losing the argument but that doesn't matter. I can see the resolve in her eyes.
"Harry isn't usually a complete coward, so that has to show you something! He really cares about whatever it is he wants to see you for and you won't even give him a chance!" She cried making me smirk idly at her ignorance. She seemed taken back by the smirk but was vigilant in defending her friend and what he means by what he's doing. Honestly, some Slytherin would have done well in her, if she even had an ounce of it then she would have questioned his reasoning by now.
"He was supposed to see me, you know. He was supposed to drop by and show me just how wonderful this world can be even with the past that I have. Harry was supposed to give me everything and yet he hasn't even dropped by. He gave me a letter a month after I got situated and in return I burned it. He wasn't here for me at all so why should I come running when he tries to come back into my life when it's convenient for him? I said no and then he changed my mind. Then I waited and he never came. You're really naïve you know that? Just because someone you love and trust says something doesn't mean it's true. People lie all the time." I informed her with such a blank voice that tears filled her eyes. I don't blame her; this is a new form of cruelty, even for me.
"You're heartless." She spat and left the store making me smile softly and run a hand through my hair. He won't come for me now, so I can relax and get over him while living my life. Looking around the empty shop my eyes began to dry. It doesn't matter if this isn't living; I like my life just fine, with or without an actual life in it. Checking my pulse I saw that I am in fact living. This is fine, for now, forever. It's all just fine.
Taking a deep breath I then headed into the other room and tried my best to keep calm, I need to get over all this pain and anger and rage and just live a little. Of course, since my life is full of little coincidences, Goyle and Blaise walked into my shop. They were smiling and chatting with each other but when they saw me their grins brightened. "Draco! How is the shop going?" Blaise asked and walked toward me looking excited. His eyes began to look around at the store itself, and soon he was letting out a low whistle. "This is incredible! You're family must really love you." He joked but I just nodded slowly. It's true. If they didn't love me and love the work I've done for the family as much as they do then I probably wouldn't even have a shop.
"It's adequate. I may increase the size if I get a decent amount of business." I said softly and examined the room with a slight frown, it could be bigger but the very thought of having to make even more potions than I already do is exhausting just in thought. It will be much worse if I actually attempt it.
"You're so serious." Goyle rolled his eyes at me making my own widen before I smirked and shook my head. Of course he'd think that! They'd always think that, but it's fine, I'm not really as serious as they make me out to be. I thought about it for a second longer then shook my head internally. Never mind, I may just be 'so serious.'
"He's always been that way." Blaise grinned but Goyle just shook his head. It was almost as though he knew… but isn't that impossible? He's an idiot and when we were kids… he's had to have forgotten that by now. He's had to have. But when I looked at Goyle his eyes shown with a bit of remorse and regret, that's when I knew he remembered.
"When we were kids he was always joking around and laughing, having a good time with us seemed like the best thing in the world." Goyle said softly and scratched his nose with pursed lips. Blaise just blinked in surprise.
"Us?" Blaise asked curiously making Goyle and I exchange glances before looking around the potions shop for something else to entertain ourselves with. That's when he let out a sigh, letting me know that he figured out. "Oh guys I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to bring him up." He cried making me smirk, he should have been a bloody Gryffindor.
"Its fine, Crabbe is gone." Goyle informed us blankly and picked at his ear a little before turning around and starting to leave. "I have to go. See you, Draco." I nodded to him and watched as he left. Blaise blinked hard then began to hurry after him. I forgot that he failed the Apparating test.
"Bye Draco! We'll see you soon!" He called just before leaving. I watched them go then turned around to finally finish the potion I left sitting in my kitchen, a fire hazard of course but since I know every spell to fix almost anything that can go wrong with potion making; I just smiled softly and hurried upstairs to my flat. It's a little too quiet now. They were only here for a couple minutes but in all that time I felt alive for once, that's something that just thinking about Harry does for me, but this time I had to have my friends visit for it to happen.
There is one good thing about Harry not visiting me or trying to start the relationship he so obviously wanted at Hogwarts… it means that I still have my friends and that I still have people who like me and want me to continue running my amazing shop. Because, of course, anything by a Malfoy is amazing, although a lot of people would disagree with that now. I should probably just remember what I almost had and smile at all the possibilities. It could have been wonderful and I could have been happy… oh well no use thinking about what could have been.
I smiled to myself and practically skipped over to the potion that was waiting for me at my table. In a matter of seconds I was working once more with everything that happened today behind my shoulder.
My mood didn't change for the rest of the week even with Granger coming in daily to convince me to see him. She always gave news about his daily attitude of despair that just kept increasing by the hour it seemed. I ignored her for the most part and soon she didn't just come by to annoy me but to look at my selection. "I'm surprised you don't have at least one poison in here." She murmured softly. "Not even weed killer or gnome repellant." She continued but I just frowned.
"The Daily Prophet would have a field day saying I'm selling poisons of the highest caliber, which would only make more people hate me. They don't have anything on me at the moment though, and I'm enjoying that." I informed her blandly causing her to nod. It seems as though she understands to some extent. It's good that Potter has someone smart with him to help his brain work, without Granger he'd probably be a gnome and unable to be the hero that everyone thinks he is.
"I don't know why he won't come here himself…" Granger murmured honestly making me stop organizing dragon blood and gnome noses. I turned to see her eyes downcast as she bit her lip lightly. "It's rather ridiculous, really, at this point. You're not bad, Draco, a little worn around the edges that are a bit too rough for someone to understand but… you're not bad at all." She smiled kindly making me turn away, not wanting to discuss this any further.
"Are you ever going to buy anything or is your talent, along with those nose of yours, in loitering in places it has no business being?" I asked making sure the insult was clear. Her eyes widened and she glared. Calling her an 'it' and associating her nose being in places it doesn't belong… those are things that would never insult me but of course that's different for Granger. She's just so terrified of rejection that I find it kind of… funny. It isn't even that harsh of a tease in all honesty, but this is Granger and she's Potter's messenger so it would seem all the more cruel to her.
"Why do you always push others away?" She asked making me smile slyly before placing a finger to my lips in quiet musing. I didn't think she wouldn't figure it out. But I was hoping it'd be Potter before her. Then again, she's spent more time with me than Potter has at this point. Perhaps I could be with Granger, although being with someone with such filthy blood is a disturbing thought to say the least. Potter doesn't have disturbing blood though… but he is a disgusting coward.
"I push others away because others die." I said honestly and turned around to leave. She stopped me with a flick of her wand and made me turn around, her eyes filling with tears.
"I am so sorry Crabbe died!" She said through her tears making me smile softly at her ignorance and stupidity.
"Severus meant something to me too… they both died that night fighting for different sides. I lost a lot that night and your pity does nothing for me." I informed her and felt the spell she placed on my body beginning to wear off as I was able to make myself comfortable.
"That must have been terrible!" She said through her tears but I just frowned at her mock pity. This is ridiculous, is she trying to have a 'who has the saddest life' contest?
"Stop fooling around, I know you made your parents forget your existence so that they would be safe." I hissed causing her to stop and stare at me with a watery smile on her face. Of course Granger wants pity… that's what any sane person would want in this situation but feeling nothing like I am at the moment, I didn't bother to even smile at her in return. Instead I just shook my head in disbelief and walked away from the pathetic creature but wound up having to stay as a witch entered the shop to have a look around. "Can I help you with anything?" I asked her politely causing the witch to turn and glare at me with tears in her eyes.
"Go kill yourself, that'd be a nice thing to help me with." She replied kindly with a bright smile before returning to looking for a decent potion. Granger's eyes became wide as I just nodded towards her before sitting behind the counter waiting for her to find what she's looking for.
"Cho, how could you say something like that to him?" Granger cried looking shocked. She must have thought my hard shell was just for looks, not because I have to deal with this crap daily. What a cold heartless person Granger must be for not realizing how much torture I probably have to go through on a daily basis. Everyone hates my family, everyone wants my family dead, and I'm just the lucky son of a gun who happens to work in an open place they can easily insult me in without getting too injured. It makes them happy at least and it gives me business from those who pity me.
When the witch walked over to me she was holding a Euphoria potion making my eyes widen slightly while her own narrowed. "I need this because of what you and your family did. Hermione, please stay out of this, it has nothing to do with you." The old Ravenclaw hissed as I rang her up. She handed me the galleons and began to walk away but when she got to the door she stopped and sighed softly. "If I had the ability to kill you now I would." She whispered before leaving. It wasn't the saddest sight I'd seen and far from the worst so I paid her no mind and pulled out my list of items bought.
"You don't seem affected but… does this happen often? You didn't even respond to anything she said." Granger murmured but I just ignored her as well and counted up the money in the cash register. I have more than enough to pay the bills but I don't have quite enough to afford the luxury items I'm used to but if I buy some- 'cheap' items then I can put the rest of my money in Gringotts until I've saved up enough to be able to buy all the things I used to own in my days of aristocracy. Those days can't be too far away if I keep making this much money.
"It doesn't matter if this happens or if it doesn't. She still bought something didn't she? She was just trying to make me guilty. It's not really my fault that she's in so much pain. I didn't do many things while serving the freak, my parents did but as soon as he began to threaten our family we didn't… want to be with him anymore, but we didn't have a choice. Well we did but it wasn't a good one. Either the family dies or we do some work for the creep. We chose to work. My family is now safe because of it and that's good. It's great actually." I said with a light smile on my face. Our family loyalty was that great.
"Draco…" She started but then her watch began buzzing making her eyes widen. "I've been here two hours! Oh no! Ronald is going to kill me!" Granger cried and quickly left leaving me to my thoughts once more. The day became dull after that with only two more customers. The days are getting darker earlier which shows that summer is ending. He really isn't coming is he? But thoughts like that depress me and I'd prefer not to show how much he still fucking affects me. When I went to bed that night I got another letter from Potter and froze it completely so that it would take longer to be destroyed but I knew it would die eventually. That's what letters do after all. They wither with age and then die when they become dull and fade away to where they barely resemble pieces of parchment. That's the way humans are as well, both magic and not. Thoughts like these may make people stop hating me so much.
I frowned softly and did my best not to grimace as tears started to fall down my cheeks, fat annoying drops of water were falling of their own accord with no true business for doing so. I'm not sad and I live a fairly decent life. There is nothing I feel like complaining about that hurts too much for me to want immediate change, and I'm having a steady time bringing the business up, even with the ridicule and rumors. I handle them all just fine and yet… I'm crying. I wanted to reach out and read the letter but it was already getting freeze burns all over it. It's dead now, I killed it.
I kill a lot of things. I killed Crabbe. I should have known better than to go after Potter without my wand and with Crabbe and Goyle wanting to prove their worth to the Dark Lord. There was so much I could have done and yet I didn't because I was a scared and helpless child, not like Potter. He had to grow up when he was just a little kid and he never once complained as far as I saw. He went through complete and total shit and yet he came out just fine. What am I compared to that? I'm nothing, nothing at all.
I started to change my clothes in order to go to bed when I heard the sound of glass breaking and some mild cursing. Abandoning my attempt at changing I raced downstairs to see Harry James Potter in my store looking thoroughly confused and little bloody from the glass of the door. He cursed once again making me cross my arms and glare at him, only just then realizing my lack of a shirt. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I don't need one to tell him to go. I also don't need one to convince him to stay.
"Hey Draco," The Golden Boy grinned cheesily making me frown at him before turning around and heading back upstairs. He did a quick repair spell and raced after me making faster progress then I'd hoped. When he got to my room he whistled long and low. "This is amazing, Dragon!" He said in an awe filled voice but I just ignored him and walked over to my dresser to continue getting ready for bed. "You know I'm going to follow you until you talk to me right?" Potter smirked making me roll my eyes. Nervous my ass, if he has the courage to do all this then Granger lied. She lied to me all this time to make me think that he was such a bloody mess but he seems completely fine to me! What the bloody hell?
"Go away and don't ever come back." I hissed angrily and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. He followed me in there as well and sat on the counter, looking down at me with a cheeky smile. Obviously the Chosen One doesn't know when he isn't welcome. It must be hard for him, getting free stuff thrown at him with his every turn and having admirers constantly fawning over him. I think I would kill myself, that is, if sarcasm doesn't do it first.
"But Draco I'm in love with you!" He cried making me look at his red face and scared eyes before putting down my toothbrush and slamming my fist into his face before rinsing out my mouth and washing my brush. Placing it on the stand delicately I then turned around and went back into the bedroom getting ready to sleep.
"Why won't you listen to me? Why do you destroy my letters? Why are you so mean to Hermione? Why won't you even look at me… just once?" Potter growled but then his voice broke and he started to cry. He doesn't understand and I'm not going to tell him exactly what's going on in my head. That'd be too cruel. I turned around and looked at him for a couple seconds before glancing away.
"You don't care about me at all. That's what pisses me off and makes me run from you all the bloody time, Potter. You don't care. If you cared then you would have come here before now! If you cared you wouldn't have sent Granger! If you cared you would have either killed me or kissed me but instead when we were at school you barely even looked at me until the obsession started and you created this sick little fantasy that we'd work out and that we'd be happy. The world isn't that kind, Potter! It really isn't!" I shouted causing his eyes to widen as the tears finally stopped. There… he gets it now.
"I-I do care." He whispered softly but I just shook my head with narrowed eyes, willing him to understand.
"When you finally do care then come by to see me… but the one thing that hurts more than anything in this world is when someone just doesn't give a damn about you. Hating is something anyone should be able to handle because that means the person cares… they actually give a damn, even if it's the wrong damn. But this… you don't care. So stop deluding yourself." This speech was probably hurting me a lot more than it hurt him, but my body is turning to ice once again and my eyes are slits while his are simply large round balls of innocence and naivety.
"I-I'm sorry to have disturbed you. I'll do my best to refrain from doing so again." He said softly in a voice full of resignation before turning around and leaving my home, my shop, and my life. I smiled at the door but it was forced, like I was holding onto the pretenses around me. My fists were clenched like a defiant child and my eyes were… I could tell what they were but I don't like it. Forcing my fingers apart I then smiled bitterly feeling something… something hurts really badly but I don't know what and I can't fix it and it hurts…
"What are you?" I asked softly clutching at the piece of something deep inside me. Whatever it is it's hurting and breaking and killing. I took a deep breath and forced myself to think of something anything else. Harry will probably understand now just why I can't be with him or waste my time with all this. The pain inside me is burning of course as it should be but I was just so used to it. I'm always so used to it. Why should this feel so much different?
I was tempted to grab a Euphoria Potion right then and there but I can't do that. I am unable to do that. It'd be cheating after all. My fists clenched tightly as bile rose in my throat. I had to do it, there is no point regretting it because he will never learn. There is rejection in this world and I do not want him. Not when he doesn't really care. I won't fall over myself because of him either, so I must live my life and love the idea of what could have been while freezing myself in what is.
White sweat covered my body but I ignored it and slid into my bed, my expression void of all emotion as I did my best to rest. How is it that whatever humans don't need is what they truly want? I don't need him, I really don't and I'll be much better off without him. Everything will always be better. He's mediocre after all… even with all his luck. Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time though.
I wonder if I should get revenge on the world for everything I've gone through. My eyes drooped slightly as I forced out a half hearted laugh. What could I do? I've already rejected Harry Bloody Potter. That should count. If life is fair then it should count, but life isn't fair. I've known this since I was a child when my father got rid of the puppy my mother had gotten me. Crabbe is all I should think about now, if I want to think of Potter then I must think of Crabbe in return. I walked over to my bed and curled up under the covers, but it didn't warm me in the slightest.
My eyes closed… making me feel so soft and weak in this cold bed of mine. Even with the large comforters covering my freezing body I still felt on the point of getting frost burn. That's when I realized what it was making tears fall down slowly, like I'm a wimp or a child. So much for everything I've been taught and so much for these feelings that show up in random intervals to torture me. I should pay though, I should be punished. I need to be for hurting everyone in this bloody country by picking the wrong side.
But it's not fair.
Any side could have been the victor in this case and yet we chose the winning side and lost. That is my sin and I did nothing worse than that. I'm a puppet whose strings are still there although invisible. But without the strings… I will just collapse onto the stage, making a fool of myself as I am unable to do anything on my own. There is a chance that without these strings I will finally be free… but my entire life won't go away in a matter of seconds. The strings have been there since birth, and muscle memory will never allow me to forget it.