Hello again! This is my last update before I "cross the pond" to live in Oxford for 2 1/2 months! I'll actually have more time to write (when I'm not traveling) so hopefully I'll get quite a few hefty chapters out for you guys! Enjoy!

The look on Castle's face when they saw the animals was something Kate would never forget. His eyes were wide, his smile wider, and his hand squeezed hers. The model was huge and looked like it could fall with the smallest shake of the building. Children ran and screamed around them, brushing their legs and blocking the glass cases filled with stuffed bodies. But the pair was at peace.

They did not stay long in the main room, there were dinosaurs a few floors up to be seen and Castle was nervous with excitement. Something about seeing the bones of great beasts made his heart beat fast and a small form permanently on his face. Kate leaned against one of the cool metal railings and watched with amusement as he walked through the exhibit looking like the small children around him.

"Kate?"

She drew her eyes up from the little girl she was watching by the stegosaurus skeleton. Castle was leaning against the railing with her, head cocked to one side.

"Mmmm?"

"You doing okay?"

She gave a small smile. "Yeah. I really am Castle. Best I've been in a while actually. Thanks."

He brushed his fingers along her cheekbone, pulling her hair behind her ears. His hand found hers and he leaned to rest his head on the shoulder of the woman who had stolen his heart. Kate's eyes found the girl again who had made her way to tiny skeletons of baby reptiles on the other wall. A small sigh escaped her lips and Kate rested her head on his.

"For being so okay, you sure are sighing a lot."

She gave a small laugh and could feel Castle's lips curl against her neck. "Do you ever want more?"

This was out of the most out of nowhere questions Kate had ever asked him. "I guess. It would just have to be different then Alexis. That wasn't fair to her, but I she turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. I'm getting old though. I'm not at grandfather age, but as the days pass the harder it would be. I just don't know Kate. There's so much to factor in before I would even consider it." He paused for a moment before continuing. "For being a man of words, I sure feel like I'm rambling now." He blew air out of his nose and pressed a kiss to her neck before pulling her off the bar.

They walked back through the museum to the entrance. It was quieter in the room than it was earlier and the path to the doors was much less child ridden. The light outside was brighter than it had been when they walked in and the wind had died down. Castle paused on the top step and turned to face Kate, who was a step below him. She looked questioningly up at him before he placed a kiss on her lips.

"I think we need to talk, don't we?" Kate nodded without looking at him, dreading the conversation to come.

Kate crossed the street with Castle, only she was a foot in front of him. He kept his distance from her and patiently followed as she followed a path into Central Park. The silence was overwhelming for the few minutes it took for Kate to find an acceptable bench. They stopped in front of the Shakespeare theatre, the statues of Romeo and Juliet to their right. The bench was hard and cold beneath their bodies and Castle unconsciously shifted towards Kate.

"I don't really know where to start." Her voice was small and very un-Beckett.

"I know how hard you are trying here Kate. God do I appreciate it, but there's just some serious ground rules that need to be laid out before we continue this."

She nodded, her black hair falling down in front of her face.

"I was so lost Kate. So lost. I was so angry at everything. No one or anything could make me feel better. Then my daughter got fed up and forced me out of my cave and she helped me find you again. I know I was cold when I found you. I should have stayed. I regret it now, so very much. I regret not being there when you woke up. I regret not falling asleep in your arms. I regret not taking it slow. I wish I could redo that night. I want to make it up to you for the rest of our lives. You're all I want Kate. I want to treat you right but I can't. The way things are right now aren't good and I know you are thinking the same thing."

"I can't have the relationship you want right now. I know. Everything is fucked up and it's my fault. We've been through this before, no need to rehash it." Her voice was filled with sadness.

"Kate, yeah this is partially your fault. But you know whose fault it really is? Your shooters. That's who I blame more than you. It's just…horrible that we can't tell anyone about this. I can't risk losing you again because someone let it leak that you didn't die. There's been no news from the FBI and I don't know how long we have to hide this. Hell, I worry about us even getting seen here!

You didn't see me without you. I can't be that person again. You make me whole, Kate. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, your persistence with me was what I needed. I love you Kate. I really, really do. And that's all I really need."

Kate was silent on her side of the bench, face still hidden. There was a moment of silence before a ragged breath could be heard by Castle. Kate was crying and it was his fault. Again. He leaned over and pulled her hair back. The wet spots on her cheeks were black with mascara and the red around her eyes pulled out the green in her eyes. His arms were suddenly around her and Kate was pulled into Castle's lap.

"I'm so sorry Kate. So, so sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry Rick. This is all on me and my damn life. And I dragged you into a fight that was not yours. I've put you and all of my friends in danger and for what? I'm selfish and stupid. And I am so fucking sorry. I don't deserve you Castle. I know I fought for you but I don't deserve you at all. In any lifetime."

"Kate, excuse me but that is just bullshit. I put myself in danger by going to the precinct every day. Your friends are all cops, they know the danger. You out of all of us deserve happiness. Jeez Kate I can't even believe you would even think that. You know what I think?

I think we saved each other."

Okay, quick question. Would you rather have fewer chapters that are longer or keep them between 1,000-1,500 words?