"There was a wee cooper who lived in Fife, nickety nackety noo, noo, noo. And he has tae'n a gentle wife. Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity, nickety nackety noo, noo, noo. "
"And what ridiculous, piece of nonsense are you talking, or should I say trying to sing….."
"Badly out of tune Tony, I may add….Ziva." "This little ditty is a song that the Duckman taught me, quite catchy is it not, my little lotus flower."
"But what has this to do with a weeee cooper, who lived in Fifffeeeee. I have a mini cooper, and so why would a car want to live in five."
"Dr Mallard, as you may recall once had an uncle Carkin, who was a cooper in the little town of Clagolaky."
"My little desert oasis, a cooper is someone who makes barrels for the old amber nectar to mature in…and it is Fife, if you remember Sarah Knox, the lovely intern we had, who worked with Ducky, her family came from Kirkcaldy, which if you haven't cottoned on is in Fife."
"And so why has Dr Mallard suddenly gone all Scottish?"
"Could be, because he is, Ziva."
"I mean, is it some Scottish celebration soon, and where is this Fife?"
"Ziva, if you look at the map of Scotland you will see, on the East Coast, opposite the Capital, Edinburgh there is a jutting out piece of land, which if you have an imagination Ziva, looks like a Westie's head."
"Tim, how can a Westie be on the East? I thought English could be strange, but this Scottishness is even stranger."
"Ziva, a Westie is a West Highland terrier…."
"And why would there be a dog's head on a map, Tim?"
"It is, if may interrupt here Tim, a figure of speech…..like the Florida panhandle…you know if you look at a map, Florida the bit going down the way looks like a panhandle…yes?"
"Yes….I understand."
"But Tony, this song, you have in your head, you really have to read the words, it is, in today's 21st century society, very politically or domestically incorrect."
"I do not understand Tim, maybe you could explain to Ziva and me?
"To beat your wife, into submission."
"That was allowed? I would have probably killed him before….."
"Think she just did David, dead petty officer over at Quantico, and yes DiNozzo, I would say the wife this time, but we got to investigate, so grab your gear….Ziva you're with me, I can't stand Tony's singing either."
The End.
Beating your wife so that she does the housework may not be politically correct these days - but it was accepted when this song was written long ago!
The Wee Cooper O' Fife
There was a wee cooper lived in Fife
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
And he has tae'n a gentle wife
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
She wouldna card and she wouldna spin
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
For shamin' o'her gentle kin
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
She wouldna bake and she wouldna brew
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
For spoilin' of her gentle hue
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
She called him a dirty Hieland whelp
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
If you want yer dinner go get it yourself
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
The cooper's awa tae his wool-pack
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
And lain a sheepskin across her back
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
I'll no thrash you, for your gentle kin
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
But I will thrash my ain sheep-skin
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
He's laid the sheepskin across her back
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
And with a good stick he went whickety-whack
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
Oh I will card and I will spin
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
And think nae mair of my gentle kin!
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
She drew the table and spread the board
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
And "My dear husband" was every word
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
All you who have gotten a gentle wife
Nickety nackety noo, noo. noo
Just send ye for the cooper of Fife!
Risselty-rosselty, hey, pomposity
Nickety nackety noo, noo, noo.
Meaning of unusual words:
Nickety nackety and risselty-rosselty are just nonsense phrases.