A/N: Finals finished! End of uni year break started! *dances in glee* I will be going overseas for a month and a half though, so I probably won't be able to update till start of February 2012. Please don't hate me. *Hides in my safe corner*

If at all possible (but I can't promise anything), I will try to finish this story before then. But I'll be leaving in less than two weeks' time and it'll probably be almost impossible for me to write up few chapters in that amount of time. Am not gonna be home for most of those time too. D:

But I'll try my best! c:

THE STAR AND HIS MOON

Chapter 9

"I-I'm sure it's nothing. He loves to randomly take a walk in the middle of the night, remember?" Remus asked, trying to console his two friends while desperately telling himself to calm down.

"Yeah. But that's his usual self. He hasn't even step a foot out of the dorm room since two days ago! This makes no –"Just realising who exactly he was talking to, James cut himself short. He wanted to find Sirius and scold the boy, but not making his other best friend depressed while he was at it.

"Don't worry about it, Moony! I'm sure you're right. He's probably taking a stroll to the quidditch pitch like usual," James cursed himself in making the frown on Remus' face deepened at his habit of just talking without thinking twice.

"Well, we can always use the map, right?" Remus asked hopefully. The fact that it took him a minute to realise this option proved the fact that his mind was obviously somewhere else.

"That's just it! The git took it! Too smart for his own good, if you ask me," James replied crossly.

"Okay. We'll search for him. How about we'll split up and then meet up again in the dorm. Hopefully by then we'll have found him," Remus suggested.

"Okay, I'll take the quidditch pitch and the kitchen," James suggested.

"I'll check the astronomy tower then," Peter piped in, already starting his move.

"Okay, I'll check out the lake. You know how he likes to go there when he's feeling sulky," Remus said.

The three agreed to meet up in Gryffindor tower in 2 hours or earlier if they haven't found Sirius.

With a quick "Good luck," they were on their way.

Sirius let out a loud sigh into the empty air surrounding him. It was peaceful here; he knew that he'll hardly ever get disturbed in this place as students don't usually visit this part of the school often. The only reason that he was able to feel comfortable being around the area was due to the fact that the Marauders spend their time often here in their other forms on full moon nights. It wasn't deep enough into the forest to be completely unsafe; he'd simply sat on his favourite spot where he would still be able to be spotted if people are looking at him in the right place.

He had felt constrained earlier in the day; his light phobia of small space was finally rearing its ugly head after he spent the past few days staying within the dorm room. His stupid mother with her lock-in method of punishment that he'd had to go through when he was small had made staying in a small room for prolonged amount of time impossible.

He didn't blame Remus for being angry at him. After all, it was completely his fault that such a thing happened. He shouldn't have tried anything; Remus was clearly in love with his boyfriend, it was completely understandable that he would go on his boyfriend's side. Wouldn't it?

But despite anything, he'd felt betrayed because he knew that whatever happens in their life, Sirius knew that he'd always be on Remus –and Marauders' side– for anything. So why did Remus deemed Jennings important enough to be defended? More important than Sirius, who would be ready to lay his life for Remus'?

Why wasn't he enough?

His mother's words came back to haunt him. She'd always been somewhat sickly happy whenever she got to insult and hurl painful words in his direction. He still remembered the last words he'd heard upon stepping out of his family home for the last time at the end of last school year.

"You're a disappointment, Sirius! You'll never be enough for anybody! No one would be able to love someone as weak and filled with failure like you!"

He'd pretended to himself that he didn't care. But he knew that he'd cared. Of course he cared. Despite how much he hated her, she was his mother. If his own mother didn't want him – deemed him as a failure – who would?

No one, apparently, he thought with a dry, humourless chuckle. At least no one that I wanted to actually want me.

A movement in the bush nearby startled him out of his depressing stupor. Knowing that it'll be his friends trying to find him, he felt compelled to call out. There was no point in hiding. It was probably James, and his pseudo-brother always knew when he tried to hide.

"I'm here, Prongs. No need to skulk around hiding all the way over there," he called out playfully.

He was expecting a sheepish grin from a raven-haired boy. Thus, he was completely unprepared when the last person he'd expected to be here came out from the hidden shadow of the trees.

"Re – Remus?" He whispered.

Remus stood silently at his spot for a few moments before starting his trek in Sirius' direction. He couldn't believe it. It really was Remus. His Moony who was angry at him – probably on the way to hating him – is actually here. It showed that he might've been worried about Sirius. It would mean that he cared, right?

"How –"

"You suddenly disappeared from the room and everyone's worried."

"Oh." It was probably James, then. James probably made Remus searched for him even though he didn't want to. The other boy was just too kind that way.

"I'm okay. You can go and tell him that, Moo– Remus," Sirius replied with a forced light tone. Inside his head, a chanting of act normal, act normal had gone off since the other boy made his appearance.

Remus cocked his head sideways in a posture of contemplation, and then he replied, "Nah, I think I'll stay here with you for awhile."

Sirius couldn't believe his ears. "What?" He asked disbelievingly while turning widened eyes towards Remus' direction.

"Well, the lake is a beautiful spot, especially in this weather, even if it is almost too cold," the brunet replied; his words and voice managing to remain calm and controlled like usual. It was as if the fact that he hadn't talked to Sirius for these last few days didn't affect him the slightest, as if Sirius didn't even matter–

But of course. He wasn't the one in love with their best friend. He wasn't the one who betrayed the said friend's trust for the second time. He was on his way to forgetting Sirius for real. He has a loving boyfriend now; soon there will be no need for Sirius to be in his life anymore. Remus didn't need him like he needed Remus; like he needed the very air that he breathed. Sirius wasn't needed, he wasn't wanted.

God, that hit harder than I thought, he thought absent-mindedly at the pain that seemed to have punched through his gut at his depressing thought.

Not knowing as to whether he could speak to his friends in his usual manner or not, Sirius chose to stay quiet this time around. He really didn't want to make another mistake by saying something stupid once again; something that he seemed to do once too often. Even if he'd never done it on purpose.

"So…any particular reason as to why you suddenly decided to worry James and Peter?" Remus asked.

Sirius felt as if slapped at the blatant statement that shows the fact that Remus did not, in fact, cared for, and worry for him anymore. He kept his feature still and prayed to Merlin that the initial flinch that he'd done instinctively went unnoticed by the other boy.

But it seemed as if luck wasn't on his side for Remus had been looking sideways and watching him when it happened. If he was any other person, he might've missed the slight flinch, but unluckily, he wasn't just anyone. He was Remus Lupin, one of Sirius Black's best friend and his number one confidant before this whole mess started.

"Sirius? I'm sorry if I said –"

"No! You've – you've got nothing to apologise for. You've never done anything wrong, Moo – Remus." This time the not-so-swift change of his name registered in Remus' mind. He found himself face to face with Sirius when the other boy turned his face in his way fully for the first time that night.

"It's fine. You didn't do anything wrong," Sirius replied with a trying smile. He seemed tired and withdrawn.

Sirius' cheekbones seemed somewhat sharper than usual; and there were definite eye-bags under his eyes that shone with exhaustion and pain. And the main thing that worried Remus the most was the somewhat puffy look to those grey eyes he loved so much. Had Sirius been crying? How had he failed to notice it before? Remus felt somewhat foolish upon thinking negative thoughts on his friend when he was faced with the clear show of pain that his friend must've gone through. Clearly Sirius wouldn't be a selfish git that Remus accused him of if he felt the loss of Remus so strongly. Maybe Lily was right in her assumption. Maybe what he'd always wanted was right there in front of him. He just needs to have the courage to finally grasp it.

"Sirius –"

"How've you been? And Jennings?" Sirius cut him off for the second time that night. It seemed as if he was afraid of what Remus might say.

Remus humoured him with a reply, "Good. We've been good. A bit busy with all the assignments that are due for the past few days, but we managed to finish it quite early."

Sirius mentally sighed. Of course they'll be good. Jennings is a good influence on Moony. Moony had always been distracted by them and somehow was always forced to do most of his assignments at the last moments. Now that the bad influence of the other three Marauders wasn't there, he was able to do what he'd always wanted. Finishing his schoolwork in peace; with someone who understands him. Jennings was a suitable choice for his Moony.

I really should give up.

The thought had crossed his mind hundreds of time before; and a few hundred more during his contemplation time in the past few days.

It wasn't as if he wasn't trying, he really did. But somehow; in every single time he resolved himself to do it, there would always be something – be it small or big – that Remus did that'll make him change his mind. Gave him false hope. And made him realise in the process that it was getting more and more impossible for him to escape from the feelings that he felt towards his fellow Marauder.

"That's good," Sirius didn't know what to do and say anymore and the pair fell into an unusual silence.

"Sirius, I was trying to find you earlier because there's something I want to talk to you about," Remus started carefully. This was an unknown territory for him and to mess it up would be the last thing he wanted.

Sirius felt his worry grew tenfold in the span of seven words. He had a bad feeling that Remus might've decided to completely cut off any ties the two of them might've had. What if he didn't want Sirius to be anywhere nears him anymore?

Sirius had hoped that somehow Remus might be able to forgive him, given time. And maybe if he was extra careful and considerate in every step of the way, they might be able to go back the way they were. He certainly never even hoped that there might be the remotest of possibility of the pair of them to become anything more.

But he knew that if Remus decided to give up on them, he wouldn't try to stop him. He'd hurt Remus enough. The other boy had always been persuaded and dragged into his mess and ideas. Just for this one last time, he would give Remus the comfort of choice. He had no right to make him change his mind anyway.

But instead of starting his speech filled with words of disappointment and good-bye, Remus paused, looking unsure, before starting to talk,

"Well, you see, I talked to someone earlier today and it opened my mind to a new possibility that might be present between us...or rather, something that's always been there...that is...what I'm trying to say is..." The brown haired boy fumbled, paused mid-sentence and unexpectedly blushed.

Sirius felt his heart beat increased inexplicably.

"Remus...?" He whispered, inwardly wincing at the amount of bleeding hope that went unfiltered in his voice.

Remus closed his eyes, seemingly stilling himself for whatever word that was going to come out of his mouth.

Inhale. Exhale.

Amber eyes opened to find tentative pair of silver watching.

Sirius prayed to all the holy beings that what he'd always dreamed of would actually happen.

If Remus got to say whatever he needed, that means I wasn't to give up on us.

"Sirius, I have to tell you something important. I -"

But whatever Remus wanted to say stayed unvoiced because of a newly familiar voice calling him.

"Remus! There you are. I've been searching everywhere for you - Black? What-?"

Sirius sagged in disappointment.

Jennings. Of course.

"No. It's nothing. Sirius disappeared suddenly and I was just trying to help Prongs and Wormtail in finding him. I happened to be lucky," Remus quickly explained with half-truths.

Remus wanted to keep whatever happened then buried hidden.

"Oh. Well, never mind then. You found him, right? Black looked fine. He was probably just bored. Just tell James and Peter that you've found him and come with me? I've got something I need to ask you."

"Well, I was talking to Sirius -"

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you were to go with me, right, Black?"

Sirius looked towards those loved brown orbs for guidance; only to find them trained on the Ravenclaw student and away from him.

I see. That mustn't have meant what I thought it meant then.

"Sure. If Remus doesn't mind."

Jennings turned towards his boyfriend's direction,

"Remus? You don't mind, do you?"

Remus paused for a second, unsure with his answer, before finally shaking his head softly.

"Great! Let's go then. We'll see you around, Black."

Sirius nodded once, eyes trained away from the walking couple.

I guess this means good-bye. Now's the time to finally give up.

TBC

Probably, if my planning goes in order, two more chapters! Last chapter will be smut. *grins* (After this chapter, it'll be about two months till the next update due to mentioned^ reason.)

Please review?