"You have got to be kidding me"
"Why, imagine finding you here, all alone… panicking… And so…is that a new cloak? It suits you. Brings out your eyes." Morgana's voice trailed off as she approached Merlin, Sardor with her. Merlin began backing up, only to trip over a fallen log. He sprawled backwards hitting the ground hard, Morgana and Sardor both reaching him at the same time.
"Are you alright?" asked Morgana as they both helped him to stand, and both clung to him as if their lives depended on it.
"I haven't been alright all day" Merlin said yanking his arms free. Beside him Sardor rubbed his back.
"I can help make it better, how about we ditch the witch?" he asked pleasantly.
"I can take care of this thank you Sardor" Morgana said grabbing Merlin's arm.
"Really? What are you going to do string him up again?"
"Now there's an idea" Morgana grinned, "you'd like that wouldn't you Merlin"
"Its not on my top ten lists of things to be doing no" Merlin replied.
"Pity, but maybe I can… change your mind?" she said leaning in and nibbling his ear. Merlin's eyes shot wide as he yelped.
"STOP IT!" he screamed. "Do you have any idea how wrong this is!" he demanded.
"See Morgana, Merlin wants a real man" Sardor said. She glared at him.
"Well when you find him one I'm sure they'll be very happy together" Morgana spat back.
"Will you two quit this! There should be arrows and magic and swords! Not nibbling ears, not fighting over who gets Merlin loving first, is none of this even remotely wrong? To either of you!" Merlin's voice had raise half an octave as he spoke. Morgana and Sardor looked at each other, then back at Merlin.
"Nope" they both said together. Suddenly Sardor blinked and looked at Morgana.
"Oh you stupid bint" he grumbled.
"How dare you address me like that!"
"You know what's happening here?" he demanded.
"Yes, I'm considering the ways I could make Merlin an ardent lover" she replied.
"So am I but that's not the point. It's your damned spell. I asked you if you got it right!"
"don't be stupid Sardor, the spell was meant to affect Gwen"
"You said when you chanted Rival. You at no point mentioned Gwen" Sardor shot back.
"I… Oh poo" Morgana grumbled.
"Great, so now we're both stuck with raging hormones for Merlin. Wait where is he?" Sardor asked. The pair of them looked around, Merlin was gone.
"Oh now you scared him" Sardor grumbled.
"Me? It was your talking too much. As usual!" she shot back. She turned to the bandits and looked at them.
"Find him, bring him back but do not touch him, his beauty is not for the likes of you" she said. The bandits all grumbled and turned away.
"bitch" one of them grumbled before he exploded.
"I heard that!"
Merlin ran for all he was worth leaving the bickering bad guys back at the clearing. Off in the distance he could hear the warning bell ringing out from the direction of Camelot. He paused briefly to get his bearings, then ducked as he heard hoof beats galloping in his direction. He moved into the shadows as far as possible, then used a spell to conceal himself, as a moment later Arthur rode into view, followed by Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Elyan. Who were in turn followed by Gwen and Sally, who were in turned followed by a mass of people, including the castle guards, the council members, some of the other servants of the castle, and then right at the end a gasping panting Gaius, all of them calling for Merlin.
"Merlin! Please come back! I forgive you, I only needed five stitches!" Arthur called out. Merlin winced at the statement, but remained motionless as they rode past. A few moments later Morgana, Sardor and her bandits moved past as well. Two things occurred to Merlin in that moment, the first was that Camelot was by the looks of it completely defenceless now, and the second was that with everyone looking for him no one actually gave a damn about the defence of or the conquering of the city.
He waited a few more minutes then when he felt it was safe to move he slowly headed after them. He didn't like to think what might happen when Morgana caught up with Arthur. He trailed them as best as he could, keeping a low profile before he heard Morgana talking. Slowly he crept forwards and watched.
"Arthur"
"Morgana"
"Gwen"
"Sardor"
The four of them looked at each other, then at their respective… large groups.
"What are you doing here?" Arthur demanded stepping forwards.
"I could ask you the same thing, or is the annual 'oh lets practice for Morgana taking the city again' rehearsal?" Morgana replied.
"If you must know, we're looking for someone" Gaius said as he finally caught up to them.
"Merlin by any chance?" asked Sardor.
"No, why would I be looking for that irresistible little… I mean servant" said Arthur.
"It just so happens we are as well" Morgana said.
"Really? Have you seen him?" asked Gwen. Beside her Sally bristled.
"Oh yes. He's actually quite muscular when you hold his arm" Sardor said dreamily.
"You touched his arm?" demanded Gwaine.
"What are you going to do about it boozer boy?" Sardor countered. "Besides, she nibbled his ear" he added thumbing to Morgana over his shoulder.
"I wanted to do that!" shouted Percival. Arthur held up his hand for silence, then looked at Morgana.
"I guess this means we're working towards the same goal for once" he said.
"Until we find that little bundle of joy yes" she agreed.
"How do you want to work this?" Arthur asked.
"well, I'll take him first, you can have him second, Sardor third-" she began.
"I meant how do you want to go about finding him?" Arthur interrupted. "And I'm first, he is my Manservant after all"
"Yes, but I could just put you to sleep, I think second is generous on my part" Morgana replied. "but all of us going in one direction will do no good, perhaps we should all split up"
"And then whoever finds him first can declare their undying love!" called Leon.
"it's a plan" Sardor said.
"Oh gods" Muttered Merlin. They'd gone from being infatuated to sex and undying love in less time then it took to make Arthur's bed in the morning. And he knew with this many people looking for him, at least two of them magic users as well, he wouldn't be able to stay hidden for long. Quietly he crept away, before breaking into a run. Gaius had always said Magic would get him into bad trouble one day. Shame it wasn't his own magic and he was probably going to be loved to death. But at the moment he was bone tired, and just wanted to sleep peacefully. So when he found the entrance to a large dark cavern he slowly crept into it, finding the darkest corner he could before laying down and casting a spell of illusion. He would sleep, and hopefully the spell would hold if anyone came into the cavern looking for him. If it did hold they would just see an empty cavern. If it didn't… Well he was in for a hell of a lot of Merlin loving, and he wasn't ready to go down that road yet.
He awoke with a start, looking around, confused at first. Then the memories of the previous night came flooding back to him. Slowly he sat up wincing and looking around. The ground near the entrance was disturbed so someone had been in the cavern looking for him. Thankfully it seemed they hadn't found him. Slowly he yawned and stood up, working out the kinks in his muscles before he crept forwards and peered out into the daylight. Slowly he stepped forwards, and looked out left and right. Slowly he let out a sigh, there was no one there.
"Morning Merlin"
Merlin jumped and spun around to see Arthur looking at him with a smile, and a bandage around his head.
"S… Sire… how'd you find me?" Merlin asked him.
"Oh you know me Merlin. I'm very persistent" Arthur said. Merlin stepped back, only to be grabbed from behind by one of Morgana's bandits. Merlin struggled then yelped as the Bandit exploded.
"I told you not to touch him!" Morgana yelled from outside.
"Will you please stop blowing up our army?" Sardor said. "We're running low as it is"
"Oh my love, are you alright?" Gwen's concerned voice.
"Back off queenie" Sally's voice.
"Sorry ladies, but he's mine…" Gwaine said.
"You and what army?" countered Elyan.
"Sorry boys but Merlin want's someone with experience" Gaius said. Merlin listened to everything then suddenly roared.
"STOP IT NOW!"
"Of course my love!" they all chorused back, then looked at each other. "Shut up, he's mine!"
"You know something? I am my own person!" Merlin tried again. "And if any of you had an ounce of sense left you'd know you're all under a spell!" he added.
"Oh Merlin, my brave little Merlin, always trying to defend us" Arthur said tenderly.
"Arthur"
"Yes Merlin"
"Shut up!"
"Ut.. ya.." Arthur stammered, as outside Morgana snickered.
"You as well" he snapped.
"Right. I've been told that to break this enchantment I need to kiss my one true love" Merlin said, everyone ran forwards. Arthur jumping up and down.
"Pick me! Pick me!" he called. Merlin rolled his eyes, then planted a kiss on Arthur's lips, grimacing as he did so. A moment later he pushed the king away and looked at the group.
"Right not you" he sneered. A moment later Gwen was in front of him. Merlin kissed her, then gently moved her to the side, before looking out of the cavern entrance at the long row of people that had formed. Next came Sally, then Leon. Merlin was gentle in moving the women away, but the men he practically shoved aside. He looked over at the growing group who all looked mopey and hurt, then at his next would be suitor. Percival smiled as he looked down at him.
"I hate this" Merlin grumbled. Percival was gone, and now came Gaius. The old man smiling.
"You'll see Merlin, we'll prove them wrong yet" Gaius said.
"I hope not" Merlin muttered, closing his eyes. Gaius joined the ranks of the rejected, and Merlin looked up to see Sardor waiting. Without even thinking about it, he kissed him. Sardor looked at him then held his head as if in pain.
"Oh my god no" Merlin said eyes wide in horror. Sardor suddenly chuckled.
"fooled ya" he said as Merlin shoved him away to look at Gwaine. It continued like this for the next hour, and by the end of it Merlin was beginning to feel distressed. He'd been though his friends, and the icky bandits, and was now at the council, he sighed as the least member of the council moved away to join the others. Now when he looked up he was faced with Morgana.
"Lets get this over with" he grumbled. Morgana smiled and then grabbed him kissing him with a passion before she pulled away. Around him everyone gasped as did Morgana.
"You kissed me!" she screeched.
"You kissed me!" he countered. Then the reality came crashing down. Everyone was looking at him, and at Morgana.
"Oh no… no no no" Merlin said. "I was told my one true love!" he yelled.
"You? And Me?" Morgana spat. "I'd rather kiss a toad!" she yelled.
"I'd rather kiss a dragon!" he shot back "oh wait I just did!" he yelled.
"Would someone mind telling me why the hell I let Merlin kiss me?" asked Arthur.
"blame her" Merlin said pointing. Everyone stared at Morgana. Morgana grinned as Sardor grabbed her arm.
"Bandits. Kill them!" she said as Morgana and Sardor both vanished. The Bandits looked at the knights of Camelot, the guards of Camelot and the extremely angry looking Merlin. The leader grinned, dropped his weapon and ran with the rest following. Slowly everyone looked at Merlin, who held up his hands.
"Not one word" he said dangerously, then stormed out.
"one true love. The…. Nerve of that man!" Morgana fumed as she paced her hovel. At the table, Sardor was laughing at her.
"Admit it Morgana, Merlin's rubbing off on you" he said.
"There never has been and never will be any rubbing.. ever!" she yelled.
"I don't make the rules" he said. "But next time you try a spell like that, I advise your more specific" he said.
"Oh I will be" she said. "Do you like ants Sardor?" she asked.
"Ants?" he asked. She smiled then her eyes glowed gold. Sardor frowned, then began to scratch his legs.
"Stop it Morgana, this isn't funny!" he said as he leapt to his feet, scratching in appropriate places now. Morgana turned away. She would remove the spell, maybe in an hour or two.
Merlin sat alone in his room, staring blankly at the wall, not even looking up as Gaius entered.
"How do you feel?" he asked gently.
"What? Know I kissed over half the kingdom? Or that apparently my one true love is Morgana?" he asked.
"Arthur was very understanding" Gaius said.
"Yeah, which makes a change. Gaius, I don't understand. I hate Morgana. I despise her, she stands against everything I represent. So why would she be my one true love?" Merlin asked.
"It is often said Merlin that the presence of one emotion is often because there is another emotion present. You hate Morgana so much, not because of what she is or what she does, but because somewhere you did love her once"
"Never. She was a friend once…"
"And maybe in the years to come she will become one again. Or maybe even more" Gaius said. Merlin looked at him.
"I don't understand" he admitted.
"That's the problem Merlin, the course of true love never runs smoothly. Just take each day as it comes and let fate sort itself out. When the time is right you'll be ready" Gaius told him. Merlin sighed and nodded. Gaius patted him on the shoulder then stood and walked out.