The bad news had come in the form of panda lilies.
They bore her name and his signature. The Boulder helped to dictate what was written, even though she knew what it meant when she caught their scent- the lilies left a crisp, smoky fragrance, having been cultivated on the ashes of volcanoes. Her head began to spin in the heady incense, and she felt the hope she had built around her shiver and crumble, the words sliding over each other in a monotonous blur- 'Suki', 'ill', 'diplomacy talks', 'bad weather'. The excuses continued, vague and impersonal; they left her slipping through the cracks, her hands outstretched, desperate to find a hidden message in his apathetic tone that could possibly offer her leverage to heave herself out of this grave. The Boulder finished reading and left with a sympathetic pat to the young girl's shoulder, setting the bouquet down on her dressing room table gently.
She heard the door shut behind him and promptly grabbed the lilies, grounding them into a pulp beneath her blistered heel. She felt the heat rise in her body, the pressure building up behind her opaque eyes. They threatened to overflow and spill down her cheeks, simply burning all she had left- what weakness, she thought miserably, and clenched her hands into fists. The earth groaned and splintered, weaving a dragonspider's web of lies and loss beneath the chair she sat upon.
No. She would not be weak- she refused to. She rubbed the backs of her hand over her eyelids childishly, furious at herself for daring to cling to his empty words once again, for displaying such vulnerability at such a critical time, for even trusting him to make it this time. His final words to her at the South Pole were a lie; she hadn't seen him for nearly a year, and the countless letters she sent were replied sporadically, as if he were writing in a long-forgotten journal rather than to his closest friend. She had consumed the letters that he had sent greedily; she had traced her fingers across the pages, admiring the indentations his graceful slant had left behind. She thought she could feel his fingers pressing firmly as he held his brush carefully, his emotions and thoughts coloring the paper black with patient, controlled characters. Sometimes she held the thin paper to her face and inhaled, identifying the ingredients within the ink and the redolence of the countries he had sent them from. The paper smelled of ice if he was visiting the Poles, of meat when he dined at Zuko's, of flowers and home if he passed through the Earth Kingdom. Rarely would she catch that familiar smell of him- beef jerky and humble roots and Suki's perfume. When she was lucky, though, her heart swelled and took off, and she could almost hear the lump in his throat as he held her that chilly night when she swallowed her feelings, letting him slip through the gaps in her small hands.
But she had lost him, the way water couldn't help trickling through her callused hands no matter how much she willed the molecules to stay. It was inevitable, the only natural progression; nothing but the war had brought them together, and now everything was going to tear them apart. She had given him chances. He had returned them with bouquets and bouquets of panda lilies, their intoxicating smell wafting through the aftermath of her birthday party along with so many other events missed or forgotten. No matter how sincere his apologies sounded as they rolled of the tongues of everyone who read his accompanying notes to her, she couldn't forgive him anymore. She was done, and damn it, it hurt to realize that she was just another childhood friend deserted when to her, he was the moon and the stars and the sun, twisted together and imploding upon each other to create the purest, most dazzling spectacle of light that even the blind could see.
She loved him. She loved him with every beat of her tired, worn out heart, with the whisper of wind in the trees, with the heat of the sun beating down overhead. And she had let him go. She was strong, but not enough to fight for what was rightfully hers. She was brave, but failed to risk her heart and her pride, scared of what might happen instead of welcoming it. She was reckless, but shuddered away from the dark mouth of the cavern that stood between her and her future. But where had that gotten her? Alone, living in the present, mourning for a love long gone.
She was done. The tears came fast now, sobs wracking her chest; she curled into herself, her arms entwined around her slender frame. She finally succumbed to the bitterness and hurt within, but she promised herself that this would be the first and last time- enough was enough. She needed to get out of this rut and bloody live her Spirits-given life. No more sorrow. No more regrets.
No more Sokka. She was going to fight, risk everything, and take the leap- for all or for nothing. No one, not even herself, was going to prevent her from achieving happiness, her dreams, and building a future that was actually going to get her somewhere. The war was over, and she was twelve going on twenty. It had taken her eight long, agonizing years, but she had finally, finally acknowledged that she had let a little girl crush develop into something too terrible, too powerful, too overwhelming for even the greatest earthbender in the world to control. No matter how hard she had tried, she could not bend love. Her destiny and his were simply not intertwined, and only now was she able to see the futility in her wishful thinking, wasting away several of her precious years. Her love for him had destroyed her, left her broken, crying out for him to act as balm to her wounds.
No one could fix her but herself. She knew that now. No more waiting for someone to rescue her from her throes of despair. Slowly, but surely, she would climb out of this dark, dark hole; she'd scale the earth, grapple at roots, do everything and anything, but on her own. The time had passed for someone to catch her as she fell, as the sky and earth had turned to fire, fingers and sweat and spit intertwining in that split second before letting go.
Back then, she had hung on stubbornly. Now, letting go was the only way to save herself.
She could feel the sunshine on her face. The fresh air whirled around her lungs, as carefree as Aang, and she gulped it down earnestly. Her aching heart seemed to stop, restart, then whir away contentedly. It had been a long time, and it would be a long way to go before she could plant her feet firmly on the ground, strong and solitary, but for now, this was enough.
'Miss Blind Bandit?'
Two assistants appeared, one holding a green cape, the other, the champion's belt. Toph turned in their direction as they bowed deliberately. 'It is time for your turn in the ring.'
She stood, allowing them to drape the fine satin over her shoulders, feeling the light material settle across her delicate frame, the fraying ends brushing against her ankles. She held the jade and gold belt tight in her hands when it was passed to her, measuring its weight, appreciating the intricate details engraved onto the metal. To Toph, it served as a reminder of a continuing legacy to uphold, and she couldn't help smiling at the thought of what was to come.
The assitants bowed again, simultaneously gesturing towards the door.
She took a step forward, relishing the sticky juice against the blisters on her heel as the panda lily underneath squelched unpleasantly. She firmly twisted her foot amongst the torn petals once again, as if cementing her resolve. Then, with her head held high, she exited the dressing room, following the vibrations of pounding hearts and roaring cheers of fans anticipating the next fight.
She stepped into the ring, her toes curling in the dirt, her feet at home at last. Her hands raised above her head, the belt glinting, dazzling in the light.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I present… The Bliiiiiiiiiind Bandit!'
Toph Bei Fong was gone. The Blind Bandit had returned to claim the title of Champion at Earth Rumble XIV.
A/N: Okay, I realise I totally just ended any chance of having a Tokka relationship in this Fanfic, but I honestly think Toph would have attempted to move on from Sokka. It's just not in her character to mope around (which, incidentally, has been happening for the past 3 chapters, in case you haven't noticed) and rely on someone to create her happiness for her. Sooner or later, she would have snapped out of it, and I have to say I prefer badass/strong-Toph to broken-hearted-Toph. I also wanted to reflect her new determination to take control of her life against what is actually happening- that is, her returning to fight at Earth Rumble. Sokka is portrayed as more than a little callous here (mainly because of his supposed duties as ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe that keep him busy)- totally unintentional, but I suspect he will become much nicer in future chapters.
Also, I realise panda lilies are flowers symbolising love in the Earth Kingdom. I'm assuming Sokka and Toph are both too uninterested to explore the meaning behind flowers, though. I might expand on this in future chapters.
Anyway, these thoughts just form the basis of how this chapter was written and structured. Please R&R, and I welcome any feedback or criticism, whether positive or negative!
P/S Thank you for all the reviews, favourites and story alerts x