She closed her eyes.
She felt the weight of two dozen men pulsing in synchronicity through the earth. Their feet rising, lifting, then stomping back to the ground, the earth shifting in response, a ripple of tremors spreading through the dust, criss-crossing and bouncing off another, hurtling towards her feet. They were her guide, her metal rod, a magnet for all reverberations that struck her like lightning, sending a bolt like electricity through her skin. She felt the quivers crashing under her soles like waves, rising rapidly through her body. The outlines and physical exertions of her men and their surroundings were thrown into sharp relief- the bass of their thumping hearts, the quiver of a bead of sweat releasing its hold, the breath expelled from their lungs with each shift in position.
A slight awkward movement- her eyes flew open, ankles twisting to get a better look at the offender. Her feet zeroed in on Jin; he hadn't grasped the advanced stances as well as the others, his clumsy movements sticking out like a sore thumb in the harmonious motion that was the Dai Li. Even though he was a new recruit and had shown promise in his selection round, Toph couldn't help scowling. It was well-known amongst the agents that their Commander had little patience and tolerance for ineptitude. Hadn't she proved that by whittling their once swelling proportions down to a mere twenty-four, making the Earth Kingdom protection unit an increasingly elite force to join? She had kept and recruited only those who had listened and waited, their alert yet patient minds paying off.
She heard the sudden rush of Jin's blood as he felt her moving swiftly towards him, navigating the neat rows of men moving through the drill with ease. It unnerved yet surprised him that the renowned earthbender had selected him as part of her privileged squad; he had never been the best at bending, being naturally ungainly, and he was grateful for the opportunity she had presented him. The sun glinted off her forest green metal military helmet, shaped like an upside-down saucer, her mint eyes hidden from view by her bangs as she stood in front of him, sensing his every movement. A corner of her mouth lifted at his increasing heart speed and spiking temperature; the guy was really sweating. He seemed to be focusing entirely on the task at hand, trying to ignore her presence. This pleased her, knowing that Jin was not easily quailed. The man next to Jin chuckled as he, too, sensed what was going on beside him. In a split second, he was lying on his back on the ground, the Commander standing over him, a rock appearing in her hand.
'Something funny, Hong?' she asked acidly. By now, the others had stopped the drill and had turned to look around, removing their blindfolds. The agents stirred warily as she casually tossed the rock up and down into the air; a few days ago, she had sent it through the head of an Ozai supporter when they were down in one of the provinces, fighting against rebels who were making trouble. They had never seen anything like that stone before. Dull black, she normally wore it as an arm band, but utilized it in the most creative ways when improvisation was required. She never talked about her personal life with them- everyone treated her with deference, and despite the bouquet of flowers they had given to her last week for her birthday (not panda lilies, thank the Spirits- she had chosen them well), her relationship with everyone was mostly professional.
Hong shook his head, mumbling his apology. Mollified, Toph boosted him up with a slab of dirt, walking around the area outside the royal palace they used for practice. 'Remember,' she said, 'This particular drill requires absolute focus. I will not have people getting distracted by their surroundings, especially when the majority of you pussywillows have yet to complete the training without making a mistake, or stumbling over your feet. Do I make myself clear?' Here, everyone voiced their affirmation. 'Good.'
A pause. Then, 'Did I say you guys could stop?'
Everyone hurriedly resumed their positions, replacing their blindfolds, beginning the sequence again. As she passed Jin, she allowed him a deliberate nod of approval so he could feel it through the earth- the young man's heart leapt again, and she couldn't help smirking. It was flattering, the way he reacted; no matter if it was merely her praise that pleased him. In a way, his physical reactions were reminiscent of hers when… No, she decided, making a round around the agents; what was the use of indulging in what had been? Then, she had suffered terribly, her entire being flying into a million pieces because of childhood stupidity; now, she had managed to piece back what he had left of her, and she was content as long as the cracks didn't show. The past was past, and she was perfectly happy with leaving it behind.
Sometimes, in the privacy of her chambers, she allowed herself to wonder what he was up to. Ever since she had taken home the title of champion for the tenth time and burned all his letters and lilies, she had stopped correspondence with him- and the rest of the gang. Decidedly, she had cut off all ties to anything and everything related to him; it was paramount to her mental and emotional recovery, for how could she strengthen her sore heart if salt was constantly being poured onto her wounds? She heard stories of her war friends through Iroh, however; Toph was fond of the old man, and visited him frequently now that she resided in Ba Sing Se. The two had drunk pots and pots of tea together, appreciating jasmine, ginseng and camomile as they whiled away time, engaging in surprisingly meaningful conversations and Pai Sho games on the balcony of the Dragon, overlooking the circles of the city. He was always kind to her, more than she deserved, she thought, never badgering her to re-establish communication with them, regaling her with tales illustrated across rice papers delivered by messenger hawk. The last she heard, when Iroh had returned from the celebration of his great-nephew's first birthday just last month, her four friends were in discussion about the resurgence of pro-Ozai rebels, making plans to strategize with the other nations. She had quickly left the palace the day she felt the flying bison roam the grounds, faking an illness. She had felt a twinge of guilt as she took the long way around to avoid Appa, ashamed of her cowardice, but how could she face them? It was hard enough telling herself that he was nothing to her, and pushing herself to scale this enormous mountain- she knew if she felt his presence at all that disaster was imminent, her carefully constructed façade crumbling unto itself. It just hurt too damn much to not let it show. When the orders came to defend the provinces, she knew they had come and gone, and she sighed with relief. She was too embarrassed to ask Iroh after him specifically, instead gleaming what she could from Iroh's tales- Suki wasn't mentioned at that time, but she understood that she was recovering from a difficult pregnancy. He had probably urged her to stay home on Kyoshi Island and recuperate. She could not erase the memories of him fawning over Suki, herself being relegated to the background on more than one ocassion in the last few years of their friendship. She bit her lip to stem the flow of resentment welling up inside her- she had labored too long over this before, and no way should she be giving a damn now.
She was her own army now, waging an internal war against the demons that sprung up from her mental and emotional wounds. She refused to confide in anyone but Iroh, the old general sympathizing, but neglecting to give her any advice. She understood- it was her battle, her fight. She had launched countless deadly assaults, outsmarted the best of her opponents, her confrontational nature and brutality her weapons of choice. Her internal conflict, however, she was at a loss of how to handle it; she missed her friends dearly, but retreated with fright at the prospect of seeing them. The only plausible solution she had to successfully heal herself was to remove his company, and his company's company till it was just Iroh left. Yet she had chosen a life of comfort and position in the palace, where her friends would inadvertently visit for diplomacy meetings- sometimes, she had to wonder if she was a little masochistic. She was confused but braved the conflicting emotions in her, doing her best to contribute to her country, to make something out of herself. Though she suspected her feelings, her blasted feelings for him would never entirely fade without leaving a mark, she resisted the pangs of loneliness and longing, occupying her waking moments with combat training and meetings. Endless meetings- it was a miracle she had yet to bump into them, or worse, him. She wondered if they knew where she was now, what she had accomplished in these short few months- would they be surprised, happy? Would they even care?
She completed a circle around the Dai Li as they finished up their last stances. Despite the situation with Hong earlier, today had been a good session; Jin was coming along nicely, and the others were steadily improving, mastering her taught method of 'seeing' through her feet. She might even begin removing their blindfolds. With a final fluid motion the agents held their position, and then relaxed when their commander gave the signal, a clap, to remove their blindfolds.
'Good job, everyone.' She removed her helmet, brushing her bangs away from the sweat that began to pool around her brow as the agents gathered around their leader. 'You're all really getting the hang of it- tomorrow, we might even do some sparring. Blindfolds on, of course.' She let the gentle murmur of excitement that arose die down before continuing, 'Anyway, we're done for today, pussywillows; don't forget to check the new roster for your patrolling slots. Anyone caught skiving off again-' here she gave a significant look to an agent, who shuffled his feet in embarrassment- 'will be dealt with. Severely.'
The Dai Li bowed to her, and she back. They turned and began heading back to the castle as she simply stood in the rays of the setting sun, absentmindedly twirling her helmet in her small hands. She was wondering what she would be having for dinner- komodo chicken, maybe?- when she felt Jin move to her side.
She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to speak before she did. The guy was a bundle of nervous energy- he was squirming like a turtlesnake was caught in his trousers. Was he going to ask for a promotion, or something? No offence, but he did have a ways to go before he would ever reach her level of expertise…
Jin cleared his throat before launching into his speech: 'Commander, I'd just like to express my gratitude at the opportunity you've given me, and I apologize for making a mistake just now. Thank you for being patient with me; rest assured I will do my best to bring honor to the Dai Li, and to you.'
The way he said it indicated to her that he had been planning, possibly even rehearsing, these few words to her. She let her gaze drift over to him; even though it was pointless, she was accustomed to attempting eye contact with people who were so used to it. A small smile crossed her face. 'You do have much to learn,' she agreed, her eyes slightly left of his, 'But I stand by what I told the Council of Five before- you have potential, and it'd be a pity to see it go to waste.'
Maybe she had laid down the compliment a little too much, she thought, for the guy's heart began leaping so furiously it was as if a drum was playing somewhere. 'Thank you, Commander. I also-' he stuttered, and then inhaled to calm himself. 'I also would like to invite you to dinner tonight- the agents and I would be most honored. They are bringing their families to the catacombs, and I'm sure they'd be delighted to meet you.'
Her smile widened- how interesting; did the boy like her? He was hardly older than her, and they had barely spent three months together, most of it consisting of her yelling at him and venting her frustrations on several pieces of flying rock. Her mind wandered to her parents; they would definitely disapprove of her marrying down the social ladder, but at this point, they probably wouldn't care as long as her choice was ostensibly male. Poppy was worried that she'd be 'left on the shelf', and Toph had retorted that she'd rather stay there than hang off the arm of some wimpy man. Twenty-one wasn't that old, she reassured hersellf- she'd have plenty of time before turning into some old maid like her mother made her out to be.
'What about you, Jin? Is your family coming as well?'
She felt him stop fidgeting; he turned away from her, his gaze fixated upon the wall that divided their practice area from the gardens. 'I have no family, Commander. My brothers and father were killed in the war, and my mother passed away shortly before Avatar Aang restored balance to the world.'
An uncomfortable silence settled between them; having lived a sheltered life, she knew little of what had occurred beyond her mansion's walls, including the war. Her first experience with it, however, had been terrifying. She vividly recalled the airships and their fiery descent upon Wulong Forest, remembered the screams of soldiers as she bended them to their deaths. How many had survived her wrath that day- and how many more had not? A lump rose in her throat; she had never thought about the implications of her actions, so young she was then. Did those Fire Nation people have children? Were they like Jin now?
She pushed away the thought, bowing her head in regret. Tears began to well up in the corners of her eyes; it took so little to set her off now. 'All part of the healing process,' Iroh had sympathized, handing her a cup of ocha to soothe her nerves. She reached out for Jin's shoulder, attempting to convey her sorrow and understanding through a simple touch. When he turned to look at her, she fixed him with a look so piercing that for a moment he forgot that she was blind, her eyes a mist of unspoken grief and sympathy. Her eyes conveyed all that words could not; he appreciated how she simply stood, letting him understand how she, too, had felt the despair of losing a loved one.
They remained like this for a while, before Toph punched him in the arm playfully, eliciting a flinch from the young man. Jin, abashed, turned back to the situation at hand, urging her to attend their dinner.
Although she was older, wiser, more sociable and had even adopted some of her long ignored manners now, she couldn't help gently declining the invitation, deeming it slightly inappropriate for the newly minted Dai Li Commander to fraternize with her subordinates so early in her career. She was well aware the Council of Five disapproved of her in such a high-ranking position, and if she was going to keep her life on track, she needed to refrain from antagonizing the bosses. It was Iroh who had personally vouched for her to King Kuei, after all; he was a trusted advisor to the King, despite his status as Fire Nation, annoying the Council. She hoped she could prove her and Iroh's worth, and pissing the Council off would ultimately just lead to even more politics in the office.
Though disheartened, Jin brightened when Toph didn't rule out future parties. He offered to accompany her back to her chambers, which she gracefully accepted; they were just going over the finer points of their training when a servant accosted them in the entrance hall, parchment in hand. Jin helped unroll the note, his eyes flitting over the hurried words dashed across the page as she tapped her foot impatiently.
He looked up. She cocked her head expectantly.
'The Dragon of the West requests your presence at his teashop immediately, Commander.'
Jin hesitated, his eyes scanning downwards. 'He says an old friend is looking for you.'
Her eyes widened.
A/N: Hello everyone, first off, thank you for giving me such wonderful reviews! I've changed my writing style a little since the last chapter- more plot, to actually keep you guys interested. I wrote like 1,000 words more than usual! Yay. I also tried my hand at writing an OC. I quite like the idea of Jin, as someone who looks up to Toph as an idol, almost, and she doesn't really know how to react to it. Idk if I should keep him around, though- we'll have to see!
Anyway, I've tried to include some backstory here to clear the air. As mentioned, Sokka and Suki have a child, as do Zuko and Mai, presumably. The Gaang minus Toph is also still together. I tried to inject a little Iroh/Toph friendship in here, because I think they're adorable, and they're both alone in the city with no family nearby, so they kinda rely on each other. Here, I intended for Toph to be authoritative as a leader, but still struggling internally with her feelings for Sokka and the loneliness she feels. I hope to develop this further in future chapters.
Thank you to all who have been with me since chapter 1- please R&R, I love seeing review alerts in my inbox, heh heh. ^_^ As always, critiques, comments and fresh ideas are welcome!
x Laura