Feather - Little Dragon
Toph awoke to the curtains in her room billowing in the breaths of rainy weather.
Shivering, she pulled her sheets around her tightly to provide respite from the unfamiliar cold. Toph smacked her dry lips together, sneaking an arm out to rub dry dust across her eyes. Sitting up and planting her feet into her usual spot, her toes met with the cold resistance of the earth. Her toes wriggled in surprise, skittering over the icy floor in trepidation, her body temperature adjusting to the chill as she heaved herself from slumber.
Padding softly over to the windows, Toph fought for a moment with the tangled cloth to wedge her swaddled form against the sills, her face turned upwards to receive the downcast skies. The wind guided raindrops to cling to the untamed hair over her eyes, twinkling diamonds on a grizzled terrain as droplets tiptoed lightly over her blankets, leaving pale footprints where they pattered. Toph exhaled an unconscious breath held at the change in environment; a cloud of vapor rose through the crisp air, pure white gradually diluting into the sky. Winter had come to the Earth Kingdom late this year, a whirlwind of tempered monsoons and melted snow.
Focusing on the stillness beneath her soles, she found that she was quite alone. The palace was quiet, lulled by the drop in temperature and the earliness of the hour. Maneuvering the bundles containing all her worldly possessions, she drifted across her bedchamber, running her fingers over the furniture, drinking in the different textures they presented. Her dresser was bare, the uniforms she wore daily stiffly solitary inside the wardrobe, the neatly lined papers across her desk now strewn askew with the wind. In between, her palms drifted over the intricate carvings of the brick walls, memorizing the results of a skilled earthebender's work. Each touch lingered, a fond memory held, renewed and then released, escaping from dovecotes on tired wings.
Strange, that the monsoon season began on the day of her departure from this wretched city. Toph recalled the summer of yesterday, the ground dry and hot in contrast to what met her today. The cobblestones on the streets home prickled with heat and ire as she and Sokka returned to the palace, as if the city itself was wrathful.
The plan had been welcomed by Aang, Katara and Zuko, and together, the five of them- six, if an inconsolable Meishi was included- had squeezed into her bedroom, a flurry of packing ensuing. They were to leave at dawn the next day on Appa, embarking on a two day flight to Republic City, where she'd be shown around and set to work. That left Toph little time for anything but packing her belongings, setting her affairs in order and consuming a hasty dinner prepared by a particularly weepy maidservant.
'Meishi,' she pleaded, awkward at the close proximity as Meishi bawled on her shoulder. She had no idea the latter was so attached to her; accordingly, she attempted rubbing her shoulder in concern. 'I'll write to you, I promise, just- Calm down, okay?'
In response, Meishi's sobs escalated. Toph stirred uneasily, aware of the steady dampening of her tunic. The boys were moving around the room, more than happy to leave them alone, packing enthusiastically but haphazardly. A chiding Katara flitted between them, tutting and sighing at the despairing state of Toph's clothes as she re-folded them. Once or twice, Toph felt Katara snatch an article from Sokka's hands, both their heartbeats increasing in embarrassment as the former retreated to the furthest bag. No doubt he had handled some of her undergarments- in turn, Toph felt the blush coloring her cheeks in mortification.
The knock on the door came just as Meishi pulled herself together; busy bestowing her maidservant an encouraging smile, Toph missed the presence of the person outside. Only did her head snap up in recognition as the rusted hinges creaked, revealing someone impatient enough to peek into her room.
Meishi gaped at the stranger, scandalized that a young man dared to enter her lady's chamber without her admission. The others whirled around from their frenzied folding, Katara surprised, Zuko confused, Aang dazed (he had just caught a whiff of Toph's undone laundry) and Sokka suspicious as their eyeballs swiveled to catch sight of the individual. The seven of them froze in tableaux, and Toph became aware of the tensing of muscles, the sudden acceleration in all hearts present, one in particular overriding the others with its ventricles and atria flexing and contracting to send tsunamis pounding through the earth, thunder stirring something in her own heart.
'Jin!' she squeaked. In the rush to prepare for her departure from Ba Sing Se, she had completely forgotten about him.
When everyone's head snapped towards her, she realized how ridiculous she had sounded. Clearing her throat in what she hoped was a surreptitious manner, she continued in her normal pitch, 'Uhm- Agent Jin, everyone. Of the Dai Li.'
She gestured, her hands abruptly clumsy and feeble. Catching this, Sokka applied a critical eye to the newcomer. Agent Jin was Aang's height, jet black peeking out from below one of those absurd Dai Li hats. Green eyes, a small, unassuming nose, dry lips all smacked onto a clean-shaven face… Sokka passed over these dismissively, stroking his own facial hair smugly. He was lanky, a mass of uncoordinated tanned limbs belying his youth, his feet bare like Toph's; somehow, when Toph spoke of him in her letters, Sokka had imagined someone more… like her.
Feeling Sokka raise his eyebrows in disbelief, Toph snapped, somewhat annoyed, 'He's the one who helps to read and write all my letters. You know.'
Utterances of comprehension dawning from her friends, Katara stepped forward to give Jin a gentle hug that was met, to Toph's amusement, with a flush from the agent. Listening to the ongoing formalities as they greeted each other, she smirked at the obvious fumbling of her protégé, who seemed to be bowled over at the number of famous people in her room.
As Aang pumped Jin's hand enthusiastically, Katara asked, 'So what brings you here so late, Agent Jin?'
'I was, uh, actually hoping to speak with Commander Bei Fong,' he mumbled, ducking his head in deference to the Avatar's wife.
Toph twitched, spines needling their way over her body as the warmth of the room rapidly increased, despite the cool night air wafting in from her open windows. She could feel the splotches of color blossoming once again in her cheeks at his sheepish yet hopeful tone, alarmingly aware that Katara was watching them both closely, and obviously liked what she saw.
'Oh!' Katara immediately wrenched Aang's hand from the handshake, dragging him towards the door, the delight in her voice intensifying the blush across Toph's face. 'Of course, we were just going out to dinner, weren't we?'
After a beat, Zuko blurted out, 'Yes! Yes, we were!'
Guessing that his awkwardness was in response to a meaningful glance from Katara, Toph dropped her head into her hands.
'Meishi will show us the way, won't you?' Katara addressed the maid brightly, who promptly turned pink and bowed in compliance. 'And since Toph's already eaten, I'm sure you two will be able to have a nice chat in here.'
Toph's head shot up, shooting the waterbender a glare, her jaw locked. Did she have to make what she was insinuating so obvious? She could have smacked Katara, or better yet, buried herself deep underground to hide the spike in her body heat that was evident in her face. Restraining herself, Toph swallowed uneasily, attempting a reassuring smile towards Jin which became a grimace when Sokka declared, 'I've already eaten.'
'Sokka, you only had one piece of Toph's lizard chicken,' Aang pointed out, perplexed.
Folding his arms stubbornly, Sokka shrugged. 'I'm not hungry.'
Toph narrowed her eyes. She could plainly hear the faint objections of his stomach to his statement, his body language hostile as Jin shuffled uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze. A flash of irritation swept over her as she assessed the situation- who was he to intrude on what was obviously intended to be a private conversation? And behave so inconsiderately to the one person she considered a friend in this cramped city?
Abruptly, she stood up and stomped over to Jin. 'Then you can continue packing,' she replied acidly, her finger jabbing blindly in Sokka's direction. Pushing Aang aside and yanking the heavy door open, she finished with, 'While Agent Jin and I speak outside. Privately.'
Toph swept from the room, highly aggravated at the blatancy of her friends' behavior. Jin hurried behind her, keeping up with the purposeful pace she set as they left for their usual location. Her forehead creased in a frown as she contemplated Katara's eagerness and Sokka's antagonism; they had both failed to realize that it was her decision to make- not theirs. She had no choice but to haul Jin from the tiger sharks and see what he wanted to discuss; Toph bit her lip, hoping the nasty apprehension residing in her chest would turn out to be inaccurate.
They were fortunate to bypass any guards or Dai Li on patrol. Toph knew it was inappropriate of her to be wandering the corridors, now that she was no longer in the palace's employment. Yet she wanted absolute privacy for the impending conversation with the young man; as a result, their muffled feet led them to the North Wing, where the interior of a metal lock submitted to her will. They squeezed their souls into the gap produced, remembering to lock themselves inside as they adjourned to an aisle dedicated to bending scrolls.
She pressed her back to the pigeonholes, feeling the strength of the wood as she slid down its length to rest at the foot of the bookshelf, the hem of her pants brushing the flagstones. He remained standing, leaning back into the facing structure, his feet planted firmly into the ground as a beam of moonlight separated them.
'Sorry about that,' she huffed, still vexed with the embarrassment her friends had caused, covering it up by nonchalantly picking at a corn on her index finger. Biting her lip when Jin's only rejoinder was to continue gazing stonily at her, she went on, defensive, 'They're not usually so bad. It's just been… a long day, I guess.'
Toph tapped her foot impatiently, shifting in the quiet, her bangs parted in the centre to give Jin ample time to consider the shadows slanted across her face. At last, he spoke.
'You're leaving.' It wasn't a question.
She flicked away the piece of skin she had successfully disengaged, not attempting to fake any excuses as she bluntly acknowledged the fact. 'I am.'
Her voice was emotionless, neutral; she was a rock, her planes immobile and sharp, the particles steady in their kinetic energy as she strained, listening hard for any change in either of them.
'So the rumors were true.' Jin's voice was barely audible, as if he had been speaking to himself, not the to the woman with finely tuned ears sitting a few paces away. He was unsure, but not surprised, the tone of his voice reminding her of fragile, skittering petals atop the crest of a hill, their movement encumbered by taller blades of grass.
'They were,' she affirmed. Twisting her hands together, she decided to offer an explanation. 'I quit my job. I can't stay here, Jin. This city- it suffocates me. It's exactly what I was running from back home.' Toph's insides squirmed at the thought; though her she had reconciled with her parents, she had never returned to live with them. 'I want to roam; I want to do something with my life... So I'm going to build Republic City.'
The longing and tentativeness in her voice lingered in the silence- it seemed all the serious conversations she had experienced contained at least one of them. Both parties would feel their way through the darkness of their minds, fingers grappling blindly for stray thoughts to be vocalized.
Her mind wandered back to when she had earthbended him into a nearby aisle three months ago- the changes in their relationship had been set in motion way before that, recent weeks blurring into each other to form a long stretch of time spent together. She had noticed how his brush moved before the words fell from her lips, how he always beat her to the teapot at The Jasmine Dragon, the improvement of his reflexes when they sparred as part of Dai Li training. They moved together like lodestones, their actions complementary but repelling, maintaining a respectable distance via an invisible force.
She opened her mouth slightly, her throat empty of words, eyes glassy. She didn't know what to say, had never known the correct way to respond to Jin. Where her brashness sufficed with her other friends, it seemed to contrast starkly against the sea of calm that he floated upon, unexpected answers catching her predatory words off-guard. While she pushed other people, he made her lose her own balance, that instance of falling, almost flying, thrilling and breathtaking, all so alien to her. Jin made Toph stumble and hesitate where she usually charged forward; she teetered upon the precipice of a cliff, when her habit was to plunge headlong into the darkness waiting below.
Noticing her expression, Jin's wet his lips, embarrassed, the smallest of muscle exertions. She felt it the way one notices a wavering candle flame at an altar, the twinge of their heart rousing reminiscence of days past and ancestry. It made her heart hammer terribly, her tongue pressed against the roof of her mouth.
'Commander-'
Her tongue became unstuck. 'Toph,' she whispered back.
'I'm sorry?'
She paused, glad it was night and the scones of the library extinguished. 'I am no longer your Commander,' she proceeded slowly, her voice husky but clear. 'So it's Toph. Not Lady Bei Fong, or anything fancy like that.'
A small guffaw accompanied her self-mocking tone. Toph pressed the back of her head to the shelves, arching her neck as she directed her face in Jin's direction, speaking empathetically to convey where words were lacking. The breath left her. 'Just Toph.'
Jin sunk down to his knees, his head level with hers as his heels hit the bookcase behind him. 'Toph,' his mouth wrapped around the unfamiliar word hesitantly, foreign vowels escaping his lungs in a controlled tenor. 'You don't owe me an explaination.'
She felt a glob of saliva travel down the length of his throat. 'But I understand.'
He was trying, and Toph was grateful for it. He was selfless, giving, and she was selfish, taking all and leaving none. Jin understood her, sometimes even better than herself; Toph came, conquered and abandoned, her roots grounded into dust as she donned the nomadic lifestyle. He just happened to be the opportune rock she had latched onto for a moment, providing the shelter she needed before the wind beckoned her to thrive in the sun once again.
When she thought back to that moment in years to come, all the vital signs- the drumming of his sincere heart, the intake of her breath at that exact moment- escaped her. Instead, she thought of the transient warmth of his soft look pooling around her, which was all the relief she really needed.
Toph heard three knocks rapped upon her door, the swift entering of her maidservant startling her from reminiscence. She blinked, half-turning; she had strayed to the window once again, the cold icicles on her toes. Meishi was somber as she shut the windows in haste, bundling her mistress to the dresser, where a plate of fruit had been set down, to complete her morning toilette.
'It's late, mistress; the others are nearly ready.'
'Meishi,' Toph protested as Meishi began pulling her pajama top off, 'You don't have to do this anymore. It's not like I can't do it myself.'
Meishi glanced at Toph's half-hidden form ruefully, her voice evoking the sadness of winters past. 'But I want to, my lady.'
Toph stopped struggling with her clothes. Meishi's parting wish was so simple, earnest in her elocution. She felt a pang in her gut, sorrow and guilt churning in an acidic concoction. Toph regretfully thought of the exasperations she had caused her- dirty laundry, delivered lies and temper tantrums, to say the least. With grace, she accepted. 'Thank you, then.'
Throughout the rest of the session, she remained unusually still, cooperative when a thickly woven tunic itched her shoulders and as Meishi took pains to ensure her customary bun was both secure and stylish. Her stomach full and her heart heavy, Toph gathered her bundles, bidding Meishi goodbye with a swift hug as she vacated her room forever.
They were waiting for her in the courtyard beyond the palace gates. She walked out into the drizzle, her thick wear protecting her from the bitter wind, her toes nearly slipping in the moist gathering in between the laid stones. In a second, Toph sought out the mass of people gathered there; her friends were securing packages to Appa, who was gnawing on some hay. Katara and Aang glided through waterbending stances, keeping their group dry beneath a conjured veil. She grunted with displeasure as she noted the Council and King Kuei standing a little to the side, their guards forming a protective ring around them. The ground there was dry, shielded by parasols toted against the rain.
Passing the guard, she managed a curt nod in their general direction. Aang and Sokka hurried over, relieving Toph of her belongings as she felt King Kuei step forward, a puppet straining against its bonds, peering past the cage of guards.
'Toph, I'm so sorry-'
'I'm sorry, too, Your Majesty,' she cut him off, aware of the spasm of annoyance in the muscles of General Yeo's face. Her features softened, regretting the sharp tone she had taken with the King. 'But that's just the way it is.'
Toph bowed, more out of formality than any respect for the government officials before her. She didn't bother checking if they returned it, coolly turning on her heel in a puddle and striding away from them. Sweeping her wet bangs across her face, she moved on to the dryness where Sokka stood, tightening a knot at Appa's flank.
'Ready to go?' he asked, looking down at her.
Casting one last sweep across the courtyard with her feet, Toph nodded mutely. There was no one left to say goodbye to, no more purpose left for her here. Despite relishing the idea of escaping to new lands earlier, she felt hollow now, setting fire to a bridge that could never be built again. Ba Sing Se would always linger in her memories, the locale of several turning points in her life; it was a strange relationship they had, she mused, but not necessarily one she regretted leaving behind.
Fumbling for a grip on Appa's fur to hoist herself up, Toph's ears pricked at the sound of pounding feet. The weight of two dozen men racing across the courtyard assaulted her, a cacophony of wheezing lungs and deprived hearts. She lowered herself back down, some semblance of excitement growing within her as she heard the exclamations of the surrounding people.
Planting her arms on her waist, a Cheshire grin grew across Toph's face as the approaching crowd slowed. The redolence of freshly picked frangipanis mingled with the smell of falling rain smattering against earth, a burst of relieved laughter echoing from her pupils.
'Thought we weren't gonna say goodbye, huh, Commander?' Hong yelled gleefully, thrusting a damp bouquet into Toph's arms as the Dai Li crowded around their disgraced leader, sharing an embrace or handshake with each agent.
She blushed, the drooping leaves clinging to her damp skin. 'Thanks, guys,' she grinned, touched, fingering the twine holding the stalks together.
'Don't thank us,' Hong cried heartily, slapping a bashful figure forward. 'Thank Jin! Crazy guy- he picked these in the pouring rain this morning.'
Toph turned to face him, her smirk fading. 'He did, huh?'
The snorts and sniggers of the flanking agents grew fainter as they drifted a little a ways, leaving her with Jin, conspicuously alone in a crowded courtyard. She felt like a girl who'd been stripped of her post and the darkness she wore around her like a cloak, her protective layers peeled back to expose the vulnerability beneath. Toph ran her fingers through her drenched bangs, her head tilted sideways as she contemplated Jin with her feet. Though her vision was slightly fuzzy, she had little difficulty discerning his erect posture, radiating discomfort as the water dripped from the rim of his helmet in regular beats.
Toph cleared her throat, swiping his side with a light punch. Airily, she thanked him, her downcast gaze betraying the sudden shyness assailing her. 'Thanks for the flowers.'
Jin shrugged, shuffling his feet, his hands clasped behind his back.
Anxious, she continued, 'Take care of yourself.'
Jin nodded, the barest of motions in his upright stance. Her eyebrows knitted together in vexation as the gap in their one-sided conversation dragged on; of all times to be quiet, and he had chosen now?
'Toph!' She jerked her head towards the sound of Sokka's voice. 'Come on, time's a-wasting!'
'Sokka!' Katara's hiss was muted, the smack of her hand on the back of Sokka's head much more audible in the downpour.
Toph winced at their interaction; talk about embarrassing. 'Well, if that's all,' she muttered, dipping her head and sidestepping the silent combatant.
His hand shot out to meet Toph's shoulder, halting her movement. She shivered at the contact, warmth dissipating through the woolen layer of her sweater, fragments of her soul sliding through what he gripped in his hands.
'You'll write?'
In his voice, she heard the bottled emotions a subordinate never revealed. She interpreted the quiet note of desperation evident, dodging falling rain from the throb of his Adam's apple. Pummeled by raindrops into the mud below was the quavering note of his affection, diffident but secure in the knowledge that it was strong and true. It made Toph's chest tighten, air expelled from her lungs spinning out of control into his own, joined together by threads of breath in an instance where hushed yearning rung as clear as bells.
Her head raised, Toph's bangs swung back into place to shield Jin from her unreadable eyes, only a thin smirk peeking out. 'Of course.'
She felt him turn to look over his shoulder. 'Master Sokka looks a trifle upset,' Jin chucked nervously, reaching up to scratch the back of his head. 'I guess you should go.'
Toph lifted her lips half-heartedly, a weak laugh escaping her lips. 'Yeah, I, uh…'
She trailed off, her lips parted as she examined Jin's current body language. He and Sokka were so similar in their mannerisms, yet she harbored the curious feeling that he was more like her than she cared to admit. His body was warm, born from the earth rather than ice, tendrils of heat snaking out to her with every punch, hit and brush they had ever experienced. Jin was rock, an anchor in treacherous waters- she could stay, hold on, be saved or dragged down to inhale water.
She was seized by a sudden desire to embrace him, to envelope his warmth in her arms- no, she had never done that before. She recoiled from the thought just as quickly; she couldn't, not in front of these people… For all their time spent together, contact was merely fists pummeling into armor, or the accidental brushing of patches of skin together. Jin was putting on a brave face, she knew, resignation and heartache written all over…
Unbeknownst to even herself, Toph's eyes blazed into Jin's as she found herself grasping his hand, two glorious seconds' worth of veins pumping in the flush of each other's skin, clamminess and rainwater as opaque targeted green.
'I'll miss you,' she heard herself say, and then she was running, the stones slippery beneath her clapping feet, Sokka and Zuko helping her up, Appa taking off right on cue into the weak rain, petrichor and frangipanis scenting the drumming of her heart.
'You okay?' Katara asked gently, handing Toph a clean cloth.
She laid the flowers down onto the soft material, closing her eyes, breaths shuddering her compact body in the thinning atmosphere. 'Yeah.'
'Republic City, here we come!' Sokka whooped, shooting his best friend a triumphant grin.
He grabbed her in a one-armed hug. The winter clothes he had donned chafed against her, providing heat in the frosty environment pervaded by the sun's fatigued rays. Later, as the temperature dipped, he would make fun of the color of her lips, and the frangipanis would freeze and die with the harshness of sleet, their petals dripping absentmindedly from her fingers, scattering across the kingdom in downward haste. Sokka and Katara would quarrel over food rations, and Zuko would snore. But she would smile, weightless with her strings cut, the air crisp when inhaled and buffeting her hair into black whips, buoying her higher into the clouds and sun as Aang wove a timeless hymn.
After all, she reasoned, happiness was hard to think about when you left it on the ground below.
A/N: Going to start off by thanking recent readers of this story: FallenStarx3, guyw1tn0nam3,Invaderk, AvatarIsMyLife, Itachi'spein, Justice333, Blanc Expression, limegreenwordmachine, tomboy_26, CrazyDyslexicNerd, The Joker's Eyes and Ears,Sokka's Fan-Lawyer, D3stiny-Smasher and Spry! I can't believe how many people have read this; thank you all so much :)
This was one of the hardest chapters for me to write- Jin, an OC, plays a huge role here, with Toph coming to terms with the dynamics between them, only to leave him behind. I had to think really hard about how to portray him such that his strong feelings for Toph are evident, as well as his patient, understanding nature.
It's also an examination into Toph's entrenched habit to abandon and move on, be it relationships, jobs or places. Like the chosen song (please give it a listen- I think it's spot-on with Toph's character and her future in this fic), I wanted to portray a lyrical, almost abstract relationship between Toph and Jin. (It's kind of the opposite of her and Sokka's, although there is a better chance of her reciprocating Jin's feelings than Sokka reciprocating her's.) Jin's feelings for Toph are very real and quietly open, while Toph is unsure of whether she should be even considering him as a romantic interest. I liken the dynamics between them to magnets: complementary and repelling at the same time, due to their positions in that society and their respective shyness.
A choice was subtly given here: she could stay and build her happiness with Jin, or leave to pursue new adventures. Toph eventually chose the latter because of her inability to stay in Ba Sing Se, to preserve her streak of independence and because she simply doesn't know how to deal with her feelings for Jin, especially with Sokka somewhat in the picture. The final 'scene' was tailored to parallel what I wrote in Chapter 3: Meteor, if you haven't guessed XD If you're wondering why Toph has so many things to pack, I was thinking that Katara would have given her a lot of formal clothing over the years, with Meishi adding to that collection, especially since the seasons have just changed.
I hope all of these were effectively conveyed, and that I did a good job. Please R&R, with criticisms, ideas and comments all very welcome.
Once again, thank you for following this fic, and have a happy new year! :D