Dear Diary,
Hi. I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time. You see, I was celebrating the growth of a new flower from Snape's right ear.
It is very pretty and pink but it makes me sneeze. I water it every day, but one time I sneezed so much, Snape got really mad. He said he didn't want his flowers to be watered. He wanted them to die. I started getting kind of sniffly and my eyes got moisture in them, because I thought Snape was not going to be my bestie anymore. Me and Snape got in a huge fight. I wanted to kill him but I was afraid that I would accidentally say "Alfalfa Kedalfa" again and make his nose and ear flowers disappear or something. So I just tortured him a little. That wasn't a good idea, because after that he started breathing his gross smelly flower nose breath all over me again. So I Stupefied him and walked away. I definitely needed a new bestie.
I ran into Scabior in the hallway. I said hi to him. He said hi back! INSTANT BFF-HOOD!
I told him that if he would wake up Snape and take care of his flowers, since I wasn't Snape's bestie anymore, he could be my new BFF. So he did. After a lot of screams, struggles, and flashes of light, Scabior came out slightly miffed and with tentacles growing all over his head carrying pruning shears, fertilizer, and water.
At my anger management classes, stuff is going kind of bad. I can't control myself, or so my counselor, Rookwood, said. I don't like it when he says that! I almost made him dead, but then my chair fell over and I killed a random hamster running around.
I should continue with my story. Okay, so I saw this cat at Hogwarts. She was very annoying and a bit creepy. She kept staring at me with her yellow eyes. I don't like yellow. Yellow reminds me of lemons. Lemons are yucky. So I thought about how I could kill her. I remembered that in Hogwarts, there is a Chamber of Secrets! It has a big scary monster inside that can make people dead! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
I made Ginny release the monster and kill the kitty with it. It didn't work so good, though. The big scary basilisk monster slithered up to the kitty, but then the bathroom next to the kitty started flooding, so the kitty only saw a reflection of the monster's big lemony eyes.
AGGGH! BIG LEMONY EYES! LEMONS! AHHHHH! I was very scared and stressed out. I told Ginny to quick write a scary-sounding message on the wall in blood (she had just strangled more roosters.) so we could get out of there quick. I finally put the big scary monster back in the Chamber and looked some more for Harry Potty.
Will get back to you soon! But I have to use the bathroom.
Evilly,
LORD VOLDEMORT