Dear Diary,

I have a fabulouso plan.

Wanna hear it?

Heh heh heh…

It's…oh; it's…heh hehe hehe…

Okay. Sorry. I just can't stop laughing evilly at the evilness of my plan.

You know how Scabior smells like an evil turnip?

And remember how Snape's had nose flowers?

This is a good plan. Heh heh heh…this is really great. Okay, so what I'm going to do is make Scabior POTPOURRI for his evil smells!

HEHEHEEEEE!

I cut off one petal from Snape's nose and yelled, "POTPOURRIUS!"

The petal turned into several jars of potpourri. I will sneakily place them in Scabior's room tonight.

We'll see how this turns out.

So anyways, at Hogwarts, when Harry Potty came to me, he had his orange friend with him. I said hi to him and took his wand away. That was Scabior's idea. He had texted me:

hi bff. U shud take hp's wand 4 protecshun.

-scabbie

So I followed his advice, even though he smelled bad. I could even smell his turnips through the phone.

So anyways, Potty got all mad at me and stuff, so I sent my evil lemony-eyed basilisk after him. He got all screamy. I got kind of bored of watching him run around with the snake behind him so I went on my iPhone and watched some videos on YouTube. They were really funny and made me laugh.

When I looked up from "The Banana Phone Song," I saw that Harry Potty had punctured the snake's lemon eyes! YAYYYY! I was very happy. Now, instead of yellow, they were a yellowy-red!

Then Harry Potty got bitten by the snake and fell on the ground. I texted Snape:

Yay! Hp dying. Mcdonalds when i get bak hom?

Snape sent me a text that told me to Face Time with him, so I closed the You Tube video. He told me to repeat everything he said, so I did. He mostly said stuff like, "I'm going to watch you die!" and stuff like that. Then a big red bird and an ugly hat came in and Snape made me say stuff like, "So this is what Dumbledore is giving to you? A bird and a hat?"

Well, it didn't turn out so well after that. The bird got sad about something and started crying all over Harry Potty's boo-boo. It got better. Then Harry Potty grabbed a fang from the evil lemon-eyed basilisk's mouth and stabbed me with it!

It hurted a lot!

OMG!

Oops. Got to go. I ended up killing Bella's hamster, though not entirely by accident, and now she's in hysterics.

Evilly,

LORD VOLDEMORT

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Want a sneak peak at what happens next? Two words: ALFALFA-SCENTED.